Could You Be a Surrogate?

Updated on June 21, 2010
S.T. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
23 answers

Just wondering if you have ever considered being a surrogate? I know so many women that have not been able to have babies but would make fabulous mothers and for me it seems to be pretty easy, so I was curious if anyone else had done this, or thought about it? Of course the hardest part would be giving the baby to someone else at the end...
Something to think about, Thanks!

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A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Its probably best if someone is just doing it for the sake of the money so there is no attachment to the child...kind of like a job!

3 moms found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

I have offered to do so for my husband's best friend and his wife, both of whom I am very close to also, if they can't conceive with IVF.

1 mom found this helpful

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B.C.

answers from Dallas on

I think that surrogate mothers are angels on Earth, but I don't think I could ever do it. I hate being pregnant and the thought of growing a child for 9 months and then giving him/her away is overwhelming. There's so much that goes into it, but if you are wishing to do this and feel a calling, then AMEN! The world needs more selfless people like you!

4 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Dallas on

I would never be able to do it, I would be too emotionally attached and always fear that the parents wouldn't treat the child as good as I would hope. But having a sibling who was adopted, that would be my natural choice, so maybe I'm just biased.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I really wanted to for two of my son's uncles (by love, not by blood). One of their sisters was/is willing to donate an egg so the baby would really have been genetically "theirs" half from one and half from another. I even went on birth control for awhile to see if pregnancy hormones would trigger my stupid cancer gene, and it did... so I couldn't. :( :( :(

I have a friend who does it for a living. She's bipolar, and pregnancy hormones even her out (and she's one of those people who gains nada, and is glorious & lovely & happy while pregnant). It's all IVF... so she's always carrying someone ELSE's child, never her own. She calls it "carrying their baby under my heart". She has a baby every other year. She's really not looking forward to menopause.

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

My brother and sister-in-law had a wonderful friend who was a surrogate for them, giving them a beautiful baby girl. According to the friend, she always knew that the baby was not "hers," but rather was my brother/sister-in-law's daughter. She did a wonderful thing, for which my family is eternally grateful.
PS - I would have been volunteered to be the surrogate, but live too far away to have made that practical.

2 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from Seattle on

I have thought about it numerous times. My best friend (also my husbands cousin) has PCOS and has been trying for Years to get pregnant with no luck. I have thought about it alot in the last couple months. Her and her husband would be Amazing parents and I feel kind of bad since I have 3 kids and have never had an issue. I do think that having a connection with that baby and feeling it move and grow would make it hard to give the baby to the parents. But you would have to just remember that they are the parents. It is not your baby. If I were to do it, I would only be able to do it for Very Very close friends or family.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Topeka on

.For a woman not being able to conceive at all or takes many yrs of treatment with little to no success my heart goes out to them being pregant 3 times and having 3 natural births was beautiful.If I were asked it would be something to think about I would probably say YES i'd love to carry your child.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Huntsville on

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have been trying most of that time to conceive and have been unable. A friend of mine offered a few years ago but she is not in a good situation to do so. I don't think her husband would be supportive and it would probably put them in a strained situation. I never really pursued it enough to find out if she was completely serious about it because I didn't want to put stress on her already stressed marriage and family. I have been blessed enough to be able to keep my two nephews, both since they were just newborns and I love them to pieces but I know it's not the same as having your own. I think for anyone to be able to do surrogacy and offer someone the gift of being a mommy and daddy has to be one of the most unselfish wonderful things you could ever do.

1 mom found this helpful

J.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have done 2 surrogacies and would do another in heart beat. I loved being pregnant and I didn't have any trouble with letting the baby go. I knew from the beginning the baby wasn't mine and was doing something to help a couple who couldn't have a baby. I think a lot of it has to do with the mind set you go in with. I have thought about doing it again but between my work and school schedule I just don't have the time. Good luck and I hope you can figure out if it is something you would like to do.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If it was for the right person I could, but I would have to really know them and know what I was placing the child into, even though it would not technically be my baby, it would feel like mine after carrying it for so long and giving birth.

1 mom found this helpful

M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I wouldnt, i mean not to someone that i dont know, maybe to my sisters yes, bkuz ill see "my child" even though he or she wouldnt be mine,biologically yes, but by law no!!!!!!!!!!!! I would give the oppoetunity to one of them just like i know they would give me one!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a really tough situation u gonna have to think about it more than twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amen to u if u do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luck

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Texarkana on

I was a surrogate for my twin sister, although I don't think I could do it for anyone else. With my experience, you have to have it in your mind from the beginning that it is NOT your baby. I get to see my niece all the time, but if you did it for a friend or stranger, would you have contact with the child? That is something to think about. You have to have a strong mind and will to be able to give the ultimate gift; the gift of life. I knew since I was 14 that I would one day do this for my sister. It isn't something to jump into without really thinking it through. Although I commend you and think what you are thinking about is wonderful, there are so many issues involved. If you aren't totally strong about it in your heart and mind, you could suffer from sadness, depression, and pain in the loss of the baby. It could forever change who you are. So don't rush into anything like this, give it lots of thought, and if you're married, the marriage needs to be nearly perfect and you must have his unwavering support. Private message me if you have questions for me, I don't mind answering them!

1 mom found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I was WAAAAY to sick during both of mine to EVER consider something like that.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Des Moines on

After watching a Dr. Phil episode about this exact issue...there's no way I'd get involved in this...it would be really hard to mentally, emotionally detach yourself from the baby you see on ultrasound and feel inside of you...then to go through the birthing and hand the baby over...Then again I have 4 kids, I hate being pregnant because I'm always sick...if the "parents" were 100% involved in the appointments etc, maybe I could do it. But definitely NOT for total strangers. Seriously, look into that episode on Dr. Phil and see the ugly side to surrogacy...It was a messed up situation....

1 mom found this helpful

C.C.

answers from Little Rock on

I don't know if I would be able to do this bc I would get so attached and I would always wonder all the what IF's. But I totalIy comment the surrogate moms that do it for all the right reasons. Like wanting to help those people that are wanting a baby in their life and are unable to have their own child. I truely feel that being a momma and a wife is the most wonderful gift the lord could give me. But on the other hand there are people just be a surrogate for the sake of money. And I don't approve of that.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.V.

answers from Lansing on

My best friend of almost 30 years can not get pregnant...they've been through invetro 3 times! When I was younger I offered to carry their child but she only had until I was 32. She wanted to do it on her own so bad...but just not in the cards. My husband was horrified I wanted to do this and not happy I said I would. I don't think men understand the bond between women and their children.
She and her husband decided instead to do foster care...they now have four awesome boys that they adore. I used to tell her before they adopted, that she would love adopted children as much as her own.
I'm kind of glad she didn't take me up on my offer...if she would have there might be four boys in foster care and she would have missed out on the opportunity (and them) of having a big loving family!! There are soo many children in this country (let alone the world) that need loving homes!

1 mom found this helpful
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3.B.

answers from Cleveland on

I wish had the strength and the selflessness to do such an amazing thing, but I don't. Being pregnant is hard work, and a huge committment when its your child, I can't imagine for someone else. I know two people who have done it, and they dont regret it at all! But say there was nothing easy about it. You have to undergo testing, hormone injections, medication etc. Then after all that realize it's not your baby, and give him/her up after they are born. But I think anyone who can consider doing that for someone is AWESOME, there is alot to think about. But you are giving someone the most priceless gift there is!

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J.S.

answers from Tulsa on

I have thought about this quite often recently since I am 7 months pregnant and I can conceive so quickly. I think it would be a great gift to give someone that I was SURE that could provide and nurture the baby. It would be really hard giving birth and handing it over though. Even knowing it's not your baby, you still have that bond having it grow inside you.

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I don't think I could do it. I'd get too attached to the baby to be able to give it up.

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B.S.

answers from Houston on

Since I was in my teens I wanted to do this--I'm now 32. I think I could give the baby up in the end. You just have to keep reminding yourself from the get go that this isn't your baby. I so wish I could do this but while pregnant with my son I developed fibromyalgia. My son also had to be delivered c-section so that kind of puts a limit on how many kids I can have. Funny you ask though because I was just thinking about it last night. I so wish I could do this :c(

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C.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

After my son was born and I had an easy pregnancy I wished I had thought about doing it when I was younger. I think it would be too hard for my kids and husband to go through it.

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C.M.

answers from New Orleans on

I think I could do it mentally and physically (without a doubt for immediate family members), but even though I haven't talked about it with my husband, I don't think he would be on board for me doing it for strangers. There was a scare I had while trying to get pregnant that I worried for a while whether I ever would be able to get pregnant, and it is the most helpless awful fear in the world, so I really connect with the idea of helping someone else out with a solution for that. Being able to bring your children in the world is the most amazing gift.

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