Confused About My Relationship and Newly Pregnant

You and the father can both love this child even if you do not love each other. Be honest with him. You'll both have this wonderful child to love and share and you can be the best of friends to each other. It will take time and you may need counciling but this CAN be a wonderful thing. Think outside the traditional box.

There is not need to feel ashamed , guilty or embarassed by how you feel. How you feel is how you feel and you can't change that and it doesn't make you wrong or into a bad person. You said that you felt this way near the time of conception. So, this to me, says that you doubted your feelings for him before you got pregnant. If this is the case then it is definately not the hormones you are experiencing it is serious doubts you have about having a relationship with him. I was not supposed to be able to have children so when I found out I was pregnant I was extremly happy however, I was in a relationship with a man whom I shouldn't have been. Being a repsonsible parent does not mean that you have to be in a relationship with the child's father. Staying in the relationship just because the two of you share a child is not the best thing. I came to the conclusion that it was better for my daughter to have parents who were happy and were seperate than to have a mother who felt stuck in a relationship and wasn't happy but was with dad. Children are very perceptive and can feel when things are not as they should be. All children want to have parents who love each other and want to be together but this isn't always possible. I grew up with a mother who resented being stuck in her position and I wish that she had done something about it. I would have been happier if she had been happy even if that meant that my parents divorced sooner than they did. If you do decide that you do not want to be with this man you both need to work together to best meet the needs of your child. You have to remember that you are both goin g to be a part of the child's life so therefore you are both going to be part of each other's lives as well. The best thing oyu can do for your child if you decide to end things with him is to try to keep a friendly relationship going with him so the two of you can work together to raise your child seperately.
I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you!

Your inner self doesn't lie and hormones if anything should make you more attached not the oppasite you should sit down with him and explain how you still have feelings for him as a person and just not romantically and how for your friendship and you child you would like to continue to be friends,
if he is really a good friend he will respect this he may be upset but hopefully this will get better as well as if he doesn't want children this way ( not to give him an out) but he can be a part-time dad it may be easier for him to deal with it won't be easy hopefully you have family that is supportive if not you have us to support you. good luck and god bless.you can e-mail if thiongs get troublesome ____@____.com
A.

I felt doubts about the man I love when I was early in my pregnancy also. And, it actually lasted most of the pregnancy. I believe it is hormones. It's a tough time for you and him. It's a huge change and there's all sorts of chemical reactions for both of you.

I stuck by my man. And, today, our son is 2.5 years old and we are all madly in love with each other. It's sick how much we all love each other. And, I swear it, I wanted to leave my man.

If your guy is the type of guy that likes to listen...keep talking. Let him know waht you're feeling if you don't even understand your self. LOL. You won't be making much sense for the rest of pregnancy anyways. I'm telling you...its so hormonal. It's an emotional roller coaster ride but, if you have people that support you, USE THEM! Talk til your face turns blue, its the only way!

I promise these feelings of despair go away. It will take awhile. Take care of yourself during the pregnancy. Exercise and eat WELL. That will help your hormone levels.

M....

That’s a toughie …but if you’re having doubts about the father of the child it might be best to go your separate ways. In the long run it is not going to be good for any of you if you stay with him and don’t feel the same way he feels about you. When your child gets older he/she will feel that things aren’t right between the 2 of you. The most important thing in all of this is that you and your baby’s father figure out a way that the two of you can raise this child the healthiest way you can. Just because you and the father might not be together doesn’t mean that your child can’t have a great loving family.

I have a 7 year-old daughter, a 12 year-old stepson, and am 8 months pregnant with my second son. My daughter is from a previous relationship. It was really tough when I broke it off with her father, but it was the best thing I could have done. Even though my daughter has 2 homes, and splits the week between us it is much better for her then if her father and I had stayed together. We fought all the time and even though my daughter at the time was only about a year old she knew that something just wasn’t right with her father and I.

Since her father and I have been not together we get along SO much better. This might sound funny but my daughter’s father is still very much involved in my life. I have a husband and step-son now, but we all get along. We even go on family vacations together. Take all the kids to the movies, outings, and dinner .Sometimes it is just myself, daughter and her father. We are all very much evolved in what is going on in our daughter’s life. Our daughter loves the fact that she has such an extended family. I am still extremely close to my daughter’s father’s family and spend some of the holidays with them, my husband and step-son.

The funniest thing about this whole thing is that as I mentioned I am 8 months pregnant and my husband is in Virginia working right now and won’t be back until the end of the month which is cutting it really close to my due date. I am going to be staying with my daughter’s father and his family during the last week of the month just in case I go into labor a week early. Now things can’t get any stranger than that.

I hope this helps you a little,or at least gives you an odd option of how families can blend into one large healthy family.

Best of Luck…Staci

Hi M.,

First of all you have nothing to be ashamed about. You say you want this baby so congratulations. Remember that you have 8 more months until the baby is born. Take this time to evaluate your relationship with the father. Don't stay with him just because you are pregnant stay with him because you love him. Remember that you can both be great parents even if you are not together. You might benefit from talking to a counselor or if you go to church your minister. Counseling is a great way to get impartial opinions and will help you to look at the situation from all angles. You are right that you are very hormonal now and that affects your emotions, but you also said that you were feeling apprehensive about this relationship before you found out you were pregant. What would you have done if you weren't pregnant?

Hope this helps
M.

maybe if you spoke to you local priest or get some counseling it could help, but if not then tell him how you feel and raise the baby togethor but live seperate lives, there are many families like yours ,and the child , as long as you two get along and come to some kind of an agreement, can be happy. dont feel guilty about the way you feel, your heart knows what it wants and you need to listen to it. also do you have any family members who can support you with your decision, a sister or brother makes a great shoulder to lean on at a time like this, stay strong and be happy, write me back and let me know how you are C.

Don't feel embarrassed or that you need to not have your baby now. Life moves on no matter what situation we place ourselves in, and you will be prepared and happy to have him/her if you are alone or in a relationship... Don't feel :stuck" with anyone. Of course life is easier at the beginning with two parents around, but it isn't necessary and you can make it work no matter what your level of relationship is with the father. I understand not being able to decide yes or no, my baby is 1 1/2 now, and I still don't know if I am in the right relationship, but right now it works for my little man and it's ok for me. Just do what your heart is pulling you to do, everything else will work out somehow....

M.,

I know that each relationship is different but my situation was very similar to yours. I felt that something was misssing when I got pregnant with my first baby. Well, now we have a second child and my relationship is going great. I do not regret staying with him even tough I was hesitating when I got pregnant the first time. I had decided to stay positive and to try. He is wonderful with me and the kids. My advice is to try and not to think of negative things like: is he the right man for me? or am I happy? Just let it happen and you will see, anyway I do think that the best right now is to concentrate on your pregnancy. You will decide and KNOW waht to do after the baby is born. You need someone next to you right now, because being alone when your pregnant is very difficult.
I hope this will help. If you need to talk do not hesitate.
A. (I am 30 with 3 and 1 year old kids and.... married!)

Well there really is nothing saying you have to stay with this man. However, he is part of your life for the rest of your life. Take your time with him. It could be the hormones, but it could be more. Why did you start with him in the first place? Maybe you should review those feelings. However, if it's not there don't force it. You don't have to stay if you find that you really don't want to. You can raise this child separately. But if for some reason you don't continue, always keep it friendly for the sake of the child.

First, congratulations on your pregnancy.

It sounds as thought there area lot of variables in your situation and that you're just going to have to wait and see how things unfold. Spend as much time as you need thinking about what you want for your baby as far as parenting goes...whether you all live together as a family or not. Regardless of whether you stay with this man, you'll be co-parenting with him, so it's worth thinking about the best ways to do it.

Meanwhile, pregnancy is a proving time for the character of a man. On the one hand, you have to cut them some slack because it's inevitably a little abstract for them because it's not happening in their body. On the other hand, some men really do the right thing...and they can be very easy to fall in love with.

But if you don't, it's good that you're facing the reality of the situation now. The earlier in the child's life that the decision to live separately is made the better. But be sure to make time and space for the baby and daddy to spend time together bonding properly from birth, so that their relationship is healthy from the start.

Either way, it sounds like you're going into this with your eyes open. Which is a great quality in a mom. I'm sure your baby will be very lucky to have you.

M.

well hunny I know exactly the way you feel!! The same thing happened to me. This all happened 6 years ago. I was dating a guy for about two months and felt the same way and found out I was pregnant. This was also a blessing, I to have endometriosis and was told i may never have children. I broke it off because I couldn't handle it. I had the worst morning sickness and my hormones took over my body. We stayed seperated for 5 months. Christmas eve i went to take him a sonogram picture and some cookies because i was feeling bad for leaving him out. That night we got seven feet of snow and I was stuck there for a whole week!! We had nothing better to do and we talked our problems out and got back together we stayed together until my daughter was about a year old. I am no longer with him. But I have a beautiful daughter and I am so grateful for it. If you need advice dont hesitate to ask. I have been through it i know it is NOT EASY!! This is my e-mail ____@____.com

A.

If you are unsure about the way you feel, you should go with it. Don't let the fact of a baby make you stay with him. This will only make you unhappy. This child will be your responsibility for the next 18 years. Is this the man you want to spend 18 years with? Don't throw away your life because of a baby. You and your baby will be fine. I was 17 when I had my son and I did it all by myself. He is 6 now and he sees his father on the weekends. We were too young to make things work out. If you are unsure of your feelings, you should take a break from him to see how you feel with him not around. Its plenty early to do this. Your hormones shouldn't be too crazy yet so its the perfect time to give yourself the time to figure out how you feel. If you miss him and think about him when you are away for a few weeks, than maybe things will work out. If not, than you shouldn't waist your time. I know this is much easier said than done, but you have to do what is best for you. Your baby can still know his/her father even if you are not together.

I also got pregnant with my ex who i no longer wanted to be with and I decided not to have the baby. It was a very hard decision to make and I even regret it a lot, but deep down I know it was for the best. He had a lot of mental problems and I had a very hard time getting him out of my life. He was very mentally abusive and had many problems. In your situation, probably not being able to have this happen again, you should defenately keep it and do what you need to, for the 2 of you.

Now I am married and we just had our first one together. Things have worked out very well, it just takes time.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need to chat you are welcome to write me at ____@____.com and from there i can give you my phone # if you need to vent.

L. S

From my own experience, I think hormones could be playing a role. I am somewhat stuck there also, but my daughter is 14 months old now. I have a hard time feeling for anyone but her. I recognize the feeling as I used to have it monthly, around my period, but then mushy feelings would rush back in.
Since I breastfeed, I still haven't had a period, and those mushy feelings, unless directed at my daughter, are not there. Hope this helps, you may just want to hang in there. Plus there aren't always men who are excited about a pregnancy, so that is nice that you have that....