Completely Confused About Potty Training

Simple, short read: The No Cry Potty Training Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

In my opinion, if it is stressful than you or he aren't ready. You have to pack a lot of patience and he has to show several readiness signs before you even consider it. Don't go by age. Some kids train by 2 some by 4. Every child is different. How well they do or how long it takes often depends on how we handle the process.

I highly recommend you read the above mentioned book. Saved me lots of frustration.
Best wishes,
M.

When my son seemed ready to potty train, we put him in underwear (not Pull-Ups). After two accidents in one day, we realized he wasn't ready. A few months later, we tried again and it was a breeze.

Hello A....
I potty trained both kids day and night in about 4 weeks. First, just do a simple routine.
Once you are in a routine... your son will see that what he is doing is normal. The first step is to place him on his potty before the bath at night... just do this for a week.
Then, if he has results, try placing him on the potty in the morning before getting dressed then before the bath at night. Once you have two routines going great, I would then try for two weeks solid (gotta be consistent), of placing him on the potty 1/2 hour after he eats or drinks. We kept the plastic eggs from easter and filled them with little cars, tattoos from the party store or Fruit loops my sons loved them for prizes.

Since you have a boy, this can be more fun... aiming targets!!! Have your son stand on your feet to "pee" into the big potty. This is a way to get Dad involved. Put a cheerio or piece of tissue paper into the toilet and aim! Dad can aim too!! When my boys finally got the hang of it, my boys would ask...."can I stand on your feet?" it was much better than "gotta go pee in the potty" much better when in public. Standing on your feet will make him just tall enough to reach. Both of my boys were potty trained both day and night two months before their 3rd birthday. Somehow, that was the best time for them.

Also... go out and buy the thick training underwear. Have your son wear 2-3 pairs at a time. They are absorbent enough to handle little puddle accidents and enough so he can feel that he is wet. It's so much cheaper than pull-ups.

Pull-ups take longer to potty train... I would only use them when traveling long distances then put on the underwear once you reach your destination... Pull-ups all day will allow the child to make mistakes when potty training. And it's hard to get your child out of them...

Good luck!

Hi A.!

First I will start off by saying "relax!" You are right when you say you don't want to make it a stressful situation. It's almost a guarantee that it will backfire if there is any stress involved. So after having potty training three I suggest taking it slowly, put him on the potty every so often - maybe every hour or so. Don't make him stay on if he wants off, but be consistant with putting him on. Say things like "I wonder if you can go pee-pee like mommy & daddy?" and "wowo, you are such a big boy sitting on th epotty like that!" Be encouraging and don't let on that this is a big deal to you. My middle son wasn't ready until he was 2 1/2 & needed a little incentive, so I offered to take him out for a treat if he went on the potty. If he is really against doing this, just wait a week without mentioning th epotty and then try again. The trick is to get him on when he's ready, which can be a challenge trying to figure out! Usually about 30-40 minute after drinking is a good time. Be relaxed and it will all work out before you know it!

Hi, A.! Always so much info on this topic! First, take your time - you & your son will feel so much better about the experience. I found success by adding visits to the toilet part of our routine. First, we sat on the toilet when we woke up in the morning, before getting dressed for the day, or before putting on our jammies at night. That way, it was part of the routine, not me telling my child what to do (must respect their quest for independence at the stage as well). Then add in sitting on the toilet when you go to wash your hands before lunch - again, a natural part of an already established routine/activity. That helps your son become comfy on the toilet and going potty in the toilet. This helps him learn the process and how he feels when he needs to use the restroom, without feeling any pressure of having to tell you he needs to go. This worked great with my daughters. I also have a home-based preschool and have helped many families through this experience. During the day, we just added "trying to go potty" each time we washed our hands - before/after snack, before/after lunch, nap, etc. Do not set a timeline, no need to pressure either of you, and remember that accidents are a part of the learning process. Have a great time with this adventure! Peace to you, B.

This may be a little too late but I just want to share my experience with my almost 3 yr. old son. I went through the same thing you did. I was always taking him to the bathroom every two hours. It felt so useless at first because he wouldnt do anything while on the potty seat. I tried this for maybe 3 weeks, I even told his older brother who's 5 to demonstrate while sitting down. After those few weeks he would run to the bathroom himself but of course it would be too late. Sometimes he wouldn't even try to make it to the potty and just do it in his pants. But he got better at it after numerous tries. At exactly 2 months before his 3rd birthday he was going to the potty by himself and even washing his hands right after. Washing hands should also be part of the training.
I hope this helps.

I have two grown sons and a grandson on the way. I also did child care in my home when my children were young. My daughter was potty trained at one year old. She had a bunch of older cousins who "hung out" at our house and they all had "big girl" panties. Same thing with the boys. They had "big boy" briefs. Back then, it was Ninja Turtles, Superman, etc. That was incentive to go potty like the "big guys." The biggest guy is dad. When dad went the boys would follow. All the "big boys" put the pee into the toilet bowl. We had a potty for the little ones but they all wanted to pee in the "big" pot. We also had the Ghost Buster's quote: "do not cross the streams...it will be bad!"
We also had a solid step stool so the little ones could be taller. The littler ones still wanted to pee in the toilet bowl like the "big" boys. So what if there was dribble. There were wipees around. "If you dribbled when you tinkled; be a sweety and wipe the seaty." and don't forget to wash your hands...

Hi A.,
Boys generally take longer to train than girls. At 2 1/2 they are usually not ready even if they show interest. My son was showing interest then but still wouldn't do it. At 2 years 11 months (just before preschool started) we went away for a weekend and told him "no more diapers". He knew what to do but he was "scared". We put him in pants with no diaper or underwear. He had a couple of accidents then finally went pee in the potty. We put on a pull up for sleeping until he learned how to wake himself up to go. After 2 days getting the pee down we convinced him to try pooping in the potty. He did it and said, "That wasn't scary!". He had some accidents that first year (mostly because he was too busy playing to go pee) but after that everything was great. I think your son just needs a little more time then you can sort of force the issue once he's really ready. You can also use a positive reinforcement chart where he gets a sticker every time he goes in the potty. After a certain number of stickers he gets a treat or present.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

A. there are so many theroys and ways to do it. Keep in mind that being able to hold it and tell you they have to go is developmental. My theory is they have to be able to tell you before that they have to go. It makes things less stressful for both. My suggestion is have a little potty out some place where he can get to it. If you wait and not rush it, it will come. it will come fast and easy. This is just my way of doing it and people do it in many ways. Good luck. Last thought he maybe too young. I hate to say it but a boy at just 2.5 probably is not ready. I do have a son and just waited until he could feel it, around 3. The funny thing is it was 4 months after I had a baby. Go figure.

Read Potty Training in Less Than a Day, it works. The book explains a lot, especially about readiness.

A.,
Hi there! Yes, you are right, you don't want to make it into a stressful situation. I started out putting a toddler potty in the room where my daughter was watching TV or playing. That way there is no rush and it is always there for visual reminders. Also, keeping an eye on the dry diaper and asking him if he has to go every few minutes also drills it into their brain. You also have to remember that at 2 1/2 years old is actually fairly early for a boy to show interest so be thankful for that.
Has he gone to the bathroom on the potty at all? If you just miss it, then say "that's ok, we'll go in the toilet the next time." It's a really long process, but they ALL end up going to the bathroom on their own.
I have this wonderful book about potty training, I can forward it to you if you'd like. Email me at ____@____.com (and anyone else who might need it). I have read a little of the book, but thankfully my 2 1/2 year old daughter vertually potty trained herself. She even wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee (not always though)Right now, believe me I would rather her pee in her diaper so I could get a full night sleep. It's bad enough I'm up a few times a night myself to go to the bathroom! LOL
Anyway, I hope I hear from you soon!
take care.

There have been lots of great posts and ideas already, but I'll share a few that I have from potty training my 3 year old.
I agree with no diapers or pull-ups while he's awake, I started that way too & felt like we didn't make any progress.
I would take him into the potty every 15-30 minutes which evolved into reminding him to go every 15-30 minutes (since he started to resist when I insisted on taking him in to the bathroom). This was mostly hard because we are out and about most of the time. It took 2-3 days staying at home most of the day to get used to it (I needed to take the time to get used to it too...diapers are so much more convenient for an on-the-go lifestyle!)
For #2...I would put him on the potty backwards (facing the seat) and tape a coloring or activity sheet to the lid so he wouldn't get bored sitting there.

It takes time to figure out the timing thing. The secret is to just be persistent and to not get frustrated! The more stressed you become, the harder it will be on your son. I'd recommend spending 2-3 days at home to see about the timing. If you can't do the 2-3 days at home (I found it way too stressful to have my daughter go pee all over my house!), I'd recommend trying to time ONE pee a day, and then gradually add the others. Make the potty session great fun: have your son pick out a favorite book to read and just head off to the bathroom for some fun, alone time with mommy. My daughter did a pee before bed every night for a week, and then we added before nap, and then a week later, we instituted a full-on schedule (first thing in the morning, 30-45 minutes after breakfast, before we left house for activity, 1.5 hours into activity, before lunch, after lunch/before nap, etc). We are about two months into consistent toileting and still having accidents, but she is young yet (20 months yesterday), so I'm hoping soon she will get it soon.

Hi A.:
You've received some excellent responses,You notice,everyone has their own thoughts,and special techniques for getting their toddler potty trained.Now,all you have to do is sort of pick and choose which of those ideas make the most sense and try them out. From the time your baby was born,he had done what comes natural.He was put in a diaper,changed when uncomfortable and this is what has become natural,and acceptable for him.At two,he realizes he has movements,but is not quite able to distinguish what that urge is just before he urinates or has a bowel movement.As your son matures,he learns to recognize that feeling,and he also is more observant,in that others in the household are using the toilet.Like any toddler,he wants to be like his parents,and loves praise for reaching goals.I never, ever have believed it beneficial to A childs growth or character to discipline them for lapses during his strife to reach those goals.It's unnecessary to intimidate or threaten A child to get them to learn. Your absolutely correct,in not wanting him to feel panic each time you grab him and run for the toilet. The idea is for him to WANT to succeed,not make him feel he has to hold it,in order to save you and him A stressful moment, several times a day.This could create problems for him physically and mentally. I agree,that the pullups could hold his process up. They feel to much like a diaper. Yes you will have leaks and accidents but he needs to be able to feel the wet,and be more aware when hes ready to have a movement. He needs to feel the discomfort,to WANT to change his old routine.This is where your patients will be A plus.Don't get angry or show your disgust,rather give him room to make mistakes and not feel he has failed or disapointed you."Oh darn" " we didn't make it this time" "We will make it next time" "Watch him during the day and pay close attention to when he has a movement or urinates.Is it right when he wakes? Is it right after meal time? Is it just before dad gets home? Usually their little bodies have A regular clock.Then suggest the potty just before those times.Don't make him sit for long periods,as this will become A task for him,he will realize it takes him from his play and fun,and he will begin resisting your attempts.Yes,there will be times that he sits,gets off and goes 2 minutes later,but this is normal,because once he gets off he doesn't feel the pressure to please.You must think logically. Put yourself in this situation. If someone stopped you in your tracks,and said "okay,"stop everything your doing" "And go have a bowel movement" Chances are,you couldn't! lol Best advice I can give you,is don't make this A 'BIG DEAL" Don't throw a party every time he goes on the pot,but tell him your proud of him. exercise lots of patience,and remember that your son wants to please you more than any one in this world,so don't think for A second that he intentionally has accidents.I wish you and your darlin son the best.J. M

Hi A.,

I had typed a rather lengthy reply with info on what had worked for us and our 2y 9mo old son. Apparently I wasn't logged in and when I tried to send it to you it disappeared. If you would like more encouragement or tips that worked for us please feel free to send me a separate private message.

There was some basic footwork we did beforehand to lay the ground for success, and I'm happy to share that info with you if you're interested. We are in our 4th week and he's already going pp and poopie without accidents.

To answer your posted question, to get the timing thing down we dedicated 3 or 4 days where we stayed close to home. We let him run around without anything on or just in underwear so if he did go he and we would recognize it. If your son has a diaper or pull-up on, he won't get to know the sensations of being wet and "needing to go" and you won't get to see him go. I gave my son a drink whenever he wanted something and then timed how long it took for him to have an accident. After that I could gauge how long it took his body to process liquids and began to ask him before that if he needed to go potty. You have to be vigilant after that so that he begins to see the pattern of you asking him if he needs to go, him making that decision of whether he needs to, and the what happens if he does or doesn't go to the potty.

On the subject of pull-ups I believe they are good for nighttime until they are old enough to get up and go by themselves. I mean the ultimate goal is to get them to in the potty right? Not in their pull-up. Put them in underwear and they'll truly feel what being wet is all about. They won't get that in a pull-up.

I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck and try not to stress about it. It will happen when he's ready.

Good Morning A., sorry you are stressing yourself and your son out with potty training, it's not as difficult as you are making it, First off it's not about him showing signs of readiness or interest, it's about you and your husband deciding at what age do you want your child potty trained, for example, when my husband approached me 26 years ago about starting a family, I told him okay but I had a few insists, and one of those was, no 2 year old in diapers, see we had already decided that our children would be potty trained before two, so we had half the battle won already. at 19 months day one of training we put the potty chair in the living room, put some M&M'S in a see through jar, put them up on the wall unit in plain sight told them every time you use the potty you can have some M&M'S, we also told them if they didn't use the potty they would be disciplined, we also told them when they start using the potty they could go pick out big boy/girl underwear so now were all set up they had an understanding of what we expected and the idea of reward and discipline. So the very first time we put them on the potty, we sat them in front of something they liked to watch, out first son loved the price is right, thats an hour show but we had them stay on the potty until something happened, after a few minutes they are so into what they are watching they forgot they were on the potty, so when they did go, we sounded the trumphets, we did hi fives, we showed to no end how proud of them we were and we praised them, and then gave them 2 or 3 m&m's, children love praise and they love seeing mommy and daddy happy. Once you start potty training NO DIAPERS, it confusses them and a 2 year old is to old to be in diapers. You mentioned he doesn't have control, he does have control, he doesn't exercise it, the average child has day time control at around 17 1/2 months, my 3 startted staying dry at night at 17 months old. Another thing we did, was no liquids after dinner, you want to set him up for success. You are starting late with potty training, so he has had a longer time to make peeing on himself a habit, you have to break that habit. I'm old school, my youngest is 20, and a lot of the moms out there in mamasource land do not agree with my method,but they are the ones who have untrained children at 2 years old. my children were completely potty trained at 20 months, 19 months, and 22 months, and the only reason my daughter was a little older was because we got orders to move overseas in the begining of training her, and there was so much stress and so much to do with such a move we decided to put it on hold until we got moved. I am A Home Day Care provider and I have potty trained many many children 0ver the past 12 years all before age 2, the ones I got before the age of 2. Between 2 1/2 to 3 my husband taught our boys how to stand up to pee. I can say I had little to no stress potty training my kids, but I started early. I'm sure you will get a lot of different advice, I pray you find one that works for you, with our boys my husband was very involved in training them, so make sure hubby is involved. J. L.

You got it! Your son is showing initial signs of readiness. He knows what it is and knows everyone else does it in the toilet thing. It is stressful on both of you. If you stress him, it will be a negative experience. He does not have the bladder control, at this point. All of that is correct.

Right now, he sees everyone going potty on the toilet, so let him experience sitting, that's all. Don't expect anything. Talk potty talk. Praise him for sitting on the potty. Tell Dad he sat on the potty and let Dad praise him. Make a routine about every hour, starting with morning time. No rush, just potty time. You can sing, skip, and dance to the toilet, however, I personally don't suggest toys, others might. Let him sit as long as he will put up with.

My daughter first went every morning and that was it for about 2 months, before she learned to go at other times in the day. Eventually, he will go.

All he is doing right now is practicing the routine and enjoying it.

Best of luck.

If the potty chair is right in an area where you are most of the day and on some easy surface to clean up (lineoleum, hard wood floor, etc) then if you spend most of the day near that room and offer alot of juices, popsicles, and other liquids, then he should have to go more often and you can try sitting him on the chair every 2 hours...? See if that works...and when he does 'make it to the potty', then rewards like stickers on a chart on th wall in that area might make him feel GREAT...or maybe some special cereal like fruit loops might be a good incentive. Good luck.....if he is ready, it might only take you a few days.....hang in there.

My pediatrician recommended this as a schedule: Have the child "try" go potty; first thing when he wakes up, after meals, after nap, and before bed. I didn't actually do this with my daughter, but it's one idea!

My advice really is just do what feels right and what seems to work. The reason there is TONS of info out there is because every child is different. I'm sure if you asked 10 moms/dads how they potty trained their children, you would get 10 different answers! LOL Just make it fun, exciting, but not stressful. Good luck!! :)

message me your email and ill send you the 3 day potty trainin method :)

Hi A., I'll tell you what worked for us. My daughter was about 2 3/4 by the time I got to really doing it. I didn't know what to do either and knew I needed time to just be at home but I was working full time so it was hard to figure out.... anyways I was a teacher and so when spring break came around I knew it was my chance:

So what really got it started was buying a fun animal cup from the zoo and then she wanted to drink all the time. Then I had her have no bottoms on. I set a timer and every 30 minutes she went and sat on the potty. When she went we had lots of praise and she got a sticker. We had a couple books I'd read while sitting there.

There were lots of accidents but the whole process happened quickly. By the time we got back to school she was potty trained during the day. For night I kept track of whether she was dry or wet in the morning and when she went 3 days in a row I took the pull up off. She had a ton of night time accidents for a couple of weeks but I stuck to it and she stopped.

Good luck!