Close Family?

Hey all you can do is ask them, worst they could say is no.

2 moms found this helpful

Invite them (after you ok it with mom & dad) :) Heck, your mom can even extend the invitation to them as family.

Be thankful you are blessed to have family like this.

If they decline just be happy that it is only 2 places to go - we have 3+ and spread it out over the week

1 mom found this helpful

Invite them to come, but also expect that you may have to do something separate with them too. Each family likely has traditions as far as what they do for the holidays, so it wouldn't be fair to expect your husband's family to give up their traditions so they can adopt yours. I'm sure they would love to come and get to know your family better, and it could very well become the new tradition for them to join your family for one big party. But there are so few of them and your family is huge, so they may feel lost in the jumble of people and still crave some one on one time with you guys. Happy Holidays to you! Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

Let your mom invite them, but don't hold out to much expectation that they'll come. Face it. They are accustomed to a SMALL group. They may feel totally out of place and overwhelmed just THINKING About being in the setting that you grew up with and love.

It might be great. It might not be. But if they opt to decline, at least it is only 2 places. Many people have much more scheduling and other issues with divided families. Offer, but be prepared to just count the blessings you already enjoy. :)
Merry Christmas!

1 mom found this helpful

Is your husband an only child? It is unusual for the parents to go to each child's in-laws for holidays. You're actually lucky these days because your parents and your in-laws are still married. Today, many couples have 4 sets of parents to honor at the holidays! My husband had 5 siblings and I had 4. How could one set of parents divide themselves like that?

I agree with the response that suggested consideration for your in-law's traditions and comfort zones. It very well could be that hosting a family Christmas gathering is something his family cares about deeply. It may be an important part of how they express love to each other. It might be quite easy for them to feel lost in a crowd of people, most of whom they do not know very well. Big parties have their benefits, but so do intimate gatherings.

On the other hand, it is entirely possible that they might actually enjoy the ease of combining and relieve them of the responsibility, if your husband does not have siblings with similar situations. Especially if his mother works outside the home, it could be a relief for her to not take on the fuss of hosting. But, again, it really is about genuine consideration for honoring their needs and desires.

Trying to get other people to alter their cherished habits for your convenience may not be something you want to act on anyway. However right that may feel in the beginning, those types of efforts most often come back to bite you in the rear end.

In my case, my mother did make it convenient by going to her children's in-laws for holidays, but only because my father was gone and she did not feel up to hosting. However, she always felt deprived and a bit like a 5th wheel. We also made it a bit easier because I married the brother of my brother's wife, so my in-laws were double in-laws to my mother. She really did begin to feel like she was part of the family. Still, their family culture was quite different from hers and I think she always felt like she had to settle for less in some ways. When we were young, she was quite the hostess at Christmas. She always had extra little gifts wrapped just in case someone joined us unexpectedly. At Christmas, our doors were wide open for anyone who wanted to join us. She suffered emotionally and this was the one time of the year she got to be the hostess, even though she largely depended upon the rest of the family to do much of the work.

I just wanted to share this with you so that you might consider the possibility that running to two different celebrations once a year might be the best gift you are giving.

Okay, all that said, here's what you might want to do for next year. Graciously offer the idea as an experiment. Have your parents write out a gracious and welcoming invitation. Then, you take it to them and make sure to tell them that you want to make sure they know they are being invited because everyone would love to have them there (please do not let it come across that your motive is your own convenience). Then, add that IF they would like to try blending the family celebration this way, they are free to try it as an experiment. If they prefer to go back to hosting their own intimate gathering after that, no one will be offended. If they chose to maintain their own tradition and do not even want to try changing it, again, everyone completely understands and will support that decision.

After all, we are celebrating the birth of the One Who told us to 'Honor thy father and thy mother". It might be good to keep in mind that the manner in which you honor your parents is the example you are setting for your children to know how to honor you. My husband and I went to great lengths to try to honor our parents. We are now enjoying a 24 year old son who shows great consideration and respect for his parents. It was our joy to serve our parents, but we are awed by the additional reward of how that affected our child.

Much, much love, joy, and blessings to you and your precious family! May you enjoy a truly merry Christmas!

I have a somewhat similar situation but I wouldn't obligate your husband's side to join in unless it is just this one year/holiday. Your husband's side though small may have their own history, jokes, tradition etc, that they like to entertain and keep and even though he may not say it, I would think he wouldn't mind connecting with his side only as well. It can get uncomfortable when all the time all he sees is your side of the family. So I think it is wishful thinking.

They may want to spend it with just their small family. Some people don't like huge parties. Me being one of them. Large crowds and noise have been bothering me lately. My FIL wears a hearing aid and has a hard time hearing as it is but when we're in a crowded room it's worse for him. It may not feel as special to his family if 100 other people are around and how do they do gifts at a party so big? I would invite them to your parents party and still go to their house to open presents. His mom may have dreamed of having a family Christmas at her house and to expect her to not do it anymore is kind of selfish. I don't mean that mean but for her to stop doing that all of a sudden isn't fair. What if she expected you to stop going to your family's party and go to hers on that day instead?

First, I want to say how lucky you are! Isn't it wonderful to have such a close family! My family is the same way except not quite so big. (Maybe if we invited ALL the cousins and their families.)
My parents' families have been very close since before my parents were in the picture. They were all part of the same church family with my paternal grandfather being the minister in training (then minister) at the church. He actually performed the wedding ceremony for my maternal grandparents. They have been close ever since.
As a family we don't usually do a big Christmas family gathering, we usually try to do that in the summer when everyone has more time and can do a little more traveling. Everyone is spread out all over the country. Sometimes we will do a small gathering at Thanksgiving.
I am sure that our family would welcome my husbands family if they were to ever come to a gathering, that is just the way they are. However, my husband has five brothers and sisters and none of them get a long. This means that they rarely do their own gatherings, let alone even think about going to someone elses. If they do their own gatherings, we are not invited (or not early enough to actually get there). As far as the way I feel, I would love to have them come to one of our gatherings but I just DON'T want the stress that they bring with them.
I hope that your husbands family will accept an invitation to join your family, at least once. It can be lots of fun to have everyone you love in the same place. If not, think about the fact that you will only have two places to go and that they are not far apart.
Happy Holidays!

My moms side has an event, it's not nearly as big and my cousin has her side of the family and friends there plus in laws and I think it's nice. What we now do is we rent a room from Jewish community group. It's not a community center and I m not sure what to call it. It's nice we just bring our own food and drink. My family has had several baby showers this year alone so I think they at a nice deal.

My family is just like yours...except we include some of the ex's...lol. I would have your parents extend the invitation to your inlaws...just so your inlaws don't feel like they are imposing and were just invited by you and not the rest of the family. Happy Holidays!

I think its great that you have such a big family! you should feel blessed =) have your mom extend out the invite to your in laws like most have mentioned the more the merrier!!! Merry christmas!

Just ask them. Let them know that you would like to have the family together for the holidays and either see if they would be okay to join a already happening holiday, or maybe pick one and see if you can have your parents join his family. My sister has been able to get everyone together for holidays.

My best friend wanted to do this too, one thing they did in the summer was to get both immediate families together for a trip to the beach (so they were all staying together) and it helped make his family feel more comfortable and they had great Christmas' together. This year they have the first grandchild on both sides and everyone is staying at her parents house so they can all wake up on the baby's first Christmas together (too bad he's only 9 wks old, but fun still; heck my parents are here and my son is only 2wks today).

Invite them, 25 min drive they can leave if they decide they don't have fun (it's not like they're flying in). Hope it goes wonderfully for them and for you and your family. It's wonderful you want to include them and have everyone together and they'll probably appreciate being included!!

all you can do is ask.

We usually have Christmas with my family most years because they live close and I also have a huge close nit family. My husband's family is small but don't seem to enjoy being in large crowds of people but we have invited them, they just choose not to come here for holidays and have only come once during Thanksgiving which we had a special dinner at our house with his family and they decided to go home after dinner so we joined my family later in the evening as my family events go all day long--not just a few hours.

We have had a few events that they have attended along with my family and seemed to enjoy it even though it was very crowded. The first event was our 10th anniversary and we decided to have a ceremony and renew our vows.

The 2nd event was our son's high school graduation party. We had about 85 people come and both sides of our family were there. It was really crowded and could barely move around in the house but everyone seemed to have a great time catching up and visiting. My husbands family made many comments on how friendly all my family are plus they enjoyed themselves and were impressed by how well attended his party was as well as the graduation ceremony. We had many friends and family attend the ceremony as well.

I have taken many trips to my hubby's family and brought my mom with me and they get along well. She enjoys going with me sometimes to get away from the city life and enjoys resting and relaxing at my in-laws houses. They live in small, quiet neighborhoods and don't get out much so with our busy city lives, we enjoy taking a break away from everything here and going to visit hubby's family for a week.

Most years we stay here and go to my brother's house for Christmas. He lives about 20 min away, has a nice big house and they invite all our family and his wife's family. It is a lot easier for her to have one big event at their house than to go to 4 or 5 houses. Her family and step family all get along well together and they come every year. We all get along well and are good friends with her family too. We also have friends that come too. All of the family knows they are welcome to invite friends especially if someone is going to be alone on Christmas.

Have your mom invite them!