Cleaning!

Well let me assure you that you aren't alone. I OWN a cleaning service, have OCD and still can't keep my house going LOL

I feel like the shoemaker who has no shoes. I keep everyone else's house clean but mine falls apart daily.

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Hi J.,

My stepmother of 8 between her 2 and us 6 always kept the house up while we were growing up (half of us hitting puberty around the same time). Very sadly, my real mother had died when I was a young teenager--she was a sweet, loving person and also a hard work like our stepmother. We are still close today.

A few years back around a Mother's day call, I asked her how she did it plus helping our father with his side business, her own stain glass business, beautify the house (consistantly staining or painting something). She said she always kept up any chore that would build up, caught up like the dishes and laundry. That way you will have time for other things/projects. Because it is hard once you are behind in those constant building up chores. That principle has helped me (we have 7 + 1 in heaven; 2 girls, 5 boys; 20 yrs to 5 yrs old). People used to ask her if she worked. She said that you bet I do with 8 kids fulltime (she was stayed home full time till most of us were out of the home).

Another challenge that our twelve year old boy appreciated working one night with me in the kitchen is how repetative and boring housework is (& tired he was). I will listen and the kids will listen to fascinating, true stories that build character, sometimes novels on CD or music while hands are working to sweeten the deal so to speak. Besides I like the reward of clean and picked up which helps motivate me along with survival. Kids like clean themselves and they can be trained to help. I have learned not to expect much if I am away with kids--the mice play when the cat is away. So I work on my outings to be effecient as much as possible. I still have a while before they are going to be self motivated and trained to do much while I am out. Kids do need to feel their work contributes to the family's well being and mission. Something else I learned from another mother that helped a bunch was delegate to the youngest that is capable to do the task. This way the olders (& the one that is the good worker) do not grow resenting the youngers. It took extra effort to do this at first and to train them but it is paying off.

Another tip from learned from a mother of eight is do not expect them to see dirt till twelve and that is with a lot of consistent training. I learned in basic army training years ago, attention to detail may save one's life one day. The drill sargeants used attention to detail in common things like housekeeping, grooming, cleaning (everything incl. rifle) to train to attention to detail on the battlefield. All one may see is a small glistening that may a nearly invisible trip wire.

Lots of contact time accounts for much success in mothering and homemaking. Remember your children are more likely going to be with you in old age (if things follow the natural course) when you need it than former coworkers and supervisors. Although some may stay in touch and want to help (& do help some) but busy with their lives as I have seen over the years.

Another bit of advice that helped me from a mother of 16 (she must be in her seventies and looked great but was very tired during her pregnancies). God showed her to assign each child a floor area in their house they were responsible for. She trained them in each area till they had it down and still inspected the areas. Second advice she gave was she would not give any command that she could not follow through. If she was laying down (from exhaustion she did not command) or could not deal with the pouty face at the moment, she ignored it. But once she gave a command, they obeyed because she did follow through with the belt.

So I have learned to inspect what I expect (I distract easily but had to learn to follow through). And not issue a command that I am not going to follow through, only ask once and make sure they heard me. I do not ask O.K? but do you understand me? Most kids do not like to work alone. They like to be with Mom. So I work on something in same area while they are working in kitchen or living room (my two main areas of massive pile up if I do not stay on it).

A good friend of mine is a stepmother of four plus their two. Now she works as a nurse but did not when they were young--the two oldest are grown and on their own. The husband is home with the youngers ones currently. Their small-medium home was always picked up when I happened to stop by. One thing she did was written out chore chart. If a child did a sloppy job, they inherited that chore for the rest of the week along regular duties (whereas someone else would have it). She followed through. So they did not do sloppy work or forget too often. Also something she shared with me another tip that I use to this day. While they were in school, she would consolidate the mess/job so it would not look/be so overwhelming and they know she did her part. Even though I have most of our children with me most of the time (willingly & gladly), that tip has proven helpful to me with ours.

Additionally, I really work on our space organization during my discretionary time. I have a decluttering box as to pass on blessings that we do not use anymore. I also have a book list of resources I would be happy to send if want it. I am not saying you do not know what you are doing but the more informed we are the more armed we are as wives, mothers and homekeepers. We are the artists of the home's atmosphere.

I remember when a former good office manager and mother (all kids grown) giving me advice about how some of her kids reflecting back on their Saturdays where she was hyper about cleaning and getting it all done at that time. As adults, Sat. morn. was depressing to them. I only had one then, four years old. She also shared how a friend of hers had a grown son that lived life fully which including skydiving. He died from a skydiving accident. She grieved but was comforted (no regrets) as she knew she did not hold him back. Perhaps my former office manager saw some things in my mothering or wanted to pass on the lessons learned which did help me.

A couple of resources I found helpful and hopefully you too are: Managers of Their Homes by Teri Maxwell (written for homeschoolers but the scheduling you may find some useful ideas). Michael and Debi Pearl's books and C.D.'s at www.nogreaterjoy.org and their past newsletters (free upon request) are archived on their website. Our twenty year old likes their material now. Plus they have five grown godly adult children with growing number of happy (impt. to me), well behaved grandchildren. Another book on communication is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk by two mothers. The book is in our bedroom where my husband is presently sleeping worked last night otherwise I would put down the authors. It has comics to illustrate each of the communication points. So that helps with quickly grasping then go back for a deeper reading. In case needed is book The Mind of Boys by Michael Gurian & Kathy Stevens (fm memory that is a bit shot) which explains why education is a painful experience for some boys and gives insightful, practical advice for both the parents and teachers. I would suggest initially using the library for checking out these books.

Hope this helps a bunch. Back to happy homemaking.
Regards, N.

1 mom found this helpful

Check out the free website Flylady.com. She is very inspirational and helps people take baby steps to get there houses in order. Mine is a mess usually too, but I am working my way to a less cluttered home, which makes it easier to keep clean.

1 mom found this helpful

Welcome to a life with children. Most days I can tolerate the mess as long as I know underneath is clean. So I do my dusting and mopping and the I know the mess just comes with the kids. This is their time to have fun and even though we hope the toys will stay in their room, they still make it to the living area. I heard a mom with grown children say before that she misses the mess. So even though it seems never ending, one day it will and we will want these days back. Enjoy your kids and don't worry about what your house looks like to others, what does it look like to your kids. Take care, L. Z
p.s. not sure on how old your kids are, but for older kids chore/reward charts help keep kids responsible on their share without us having to nag at them all the time. I place mine near the childs door, and as they do their chore they check it off and at the end of the week get a reward. I read 1-2-3 magic, and then if they choose not to do the chore, I'll do it for them, but they will have to pay me out of their allowance, and that usually does the trick.

Hello J.,
I agree with Tammy F. I also make my bed first thing in the morning. At least that makes my bedroom look clean too.
Sandi D

Is your daughter your only child? If not, take away priveledges from your kids if they are the culprits to the mess. On top of that, asign age appropriate chores. I'm a single mom and have explained to my boys that we are a family. Families work together and families play together. Because they are apart of this small family, they have to do their part in the work and do their part in the playing. It makes them feel important and it keeps me in check that I'm not always dictating. Moms can be fun too! If it's just you infant daughter, unfortunatly you'll be cleaning up after until her toddler years. Start in the toddler years or it won't sink in! Good Luck.

I can TOTALLY relate! My son is 12 months and rips the house apart. The best advice I got was that you take it one room at a time. If you can get your kitchen and living room looking pretty decent, what's a couple of toys lying around? I was very anal about cleaning my house...literally like 5 times a day. Now, most of my friends have kids and understand. I mean if you have toys laying around that you can pick up in 5 minutes then that's not bad cleaning! We also have a little area that we designate for toys and things so that way they aren't spread out all over. I don't know if this helps at all but I REALLY can relate!

I was a clean freak until my daughter started walking. Then I realized there is a difference between "clean" and "messy". As long as the floor doesn't have dirt and the bathrooms are clean and the kitchen is clean I am okay. You don't want to sound like a drill sargeant always barking about the house being clean, because in perspective, it's not that big of a deal. I know for some this is hard (it was for me!) but you have to let them leave toys out and about, now I think that it gives my house charm! Another suggestion, if you have a spare bedroom in your house, make it a playroom. My daughter knows she can make whatever kind of mess she wants to in her playroom and mommy doesn't care because all I have to do is shut the door.

Your not alone. I clean the house during the day and go to work at night. When I get home the house is werse then before I cleaned that morning. I feel alls I do is clean and when I say clean it's just the top layer of everything. I never really get to do that deep cleaning anymore. I have a 2 and 4 year old and I never thought they would make such messes, but it only seems that it gets that bad when I'm gone and daddy is watching the kids. I don't have any advice really except try to get the person that watches the kids to help clean up. I'm in the same boat, except that my husband won't clean up and says he'll do it the next day. Of course that never happens. Lately I've just resorted to one room at a time or little things that I can get done in an hour to clean really good that way I feel that I've accomplished something and don't feel that my house is so dirty. It took me a week to clean the bathroom really, really good. So it will take time, but things get down eventually. Good luck!!!!

Hun,
I have 2 children and it is the same thing. Looking back now I think of how clean my home was when it was just one! I have a routine now on the fridge. What days I really clean what rooms and the light pick up of all rooms everyday. I also have my 2 year old pick up toys with me to put them away. It's a great way to get them involved early in cleaning after themselves. She also takes trash to the kitchen can for me! It's still frustrating, but not quite as hard as it could be.
Good luck,
J.

"They" say that if you clean a tiny bit every day, it won't be so bad to deep clean later. I don't like "they". I think we all get in the cleaning rut where we feel like "if I have to clean that dang counter one more friggin time I'm going to scream". ;o) When I get like that, I go on strike for a couple days. I let things pile up around me. Toys strewn about. Vacuum quietly resting in the corner. It's not a solution by any means, but it makes me feel better to take a day without doing it.
As long as the really dirty stuff gets cleaned, I don't care. It helps when you have things organized. Bins for toys, shelves for books, etc. When things have a "home", it's easier to put them back instead of trying to find somewhere for it to fit at the moment.
Get the other people that live in the house to help. You shouldn't have to do it all yourself.
And, it may be time to purge some clutter. The less stuff you have, the easier it is to keep it nice. Have a yard sale or post some things that are no longer needed on craigslist or freecycle.
Hang in there!

Yes!! I have the same problem at home!! I clean and then my daughter destroys it, so I feel like it is just an ugly cycle!! So if you get any good advice about please let me know. I have to start cleaning again, i just do not want it to be destroyed!! Noone in my family can understand why I do not clean all the time like I should. But I think that it gets to be depressing after a while.

K.

I hear you loud and clear sister. My daughter is a little over two and the tornado goes through my house on a constant basis. The only time it was clean was the three days i put everything in the garage! I was so frustrated with it all. But now it isn't even the toys that get strung through the house it is even her clothes. I have been working with her to help put things back once she finishes playing with them and that has helped a little. It just will take one baby step at a time.

Cleaning seems like a never ending task, doesnt it? I also highly recommend http://www.flylady.com/ They give great advise and will even send you daily reminders via email if you need them.

Good luck to you!

how many family members???? give evey one thier own basket (make them decorative so theyll match your) any time anything is out of its spot just put it in the appropriate basket. it is each ones responsibility to empty their own basket by a given day. if by sat am (if that is your day) whatever basket is not empty throw it out...yes mom, that includes you tooooo...

It is a matter of perspective and don't beat yourself up over keeping everything clean and tidy every day or you will be too busy cleaning all of the time and not enjoy your life/family.

Getting organized is always good. I have my morning and evening routines. In the morning--i get all of the breakfast dishes done and kitchen cleaned. I vacuum the areas we are in all of the time (with 2 dogs and a cat--I have to do this every day). And now my toddler "helps" with his toy vacuum--if only that thing actually picked up stuff! I also tidy up anything my husband or I may have left out the night before. At night before my son goes to bed we "clean up his toys together" and then we he's in bed, I finish. Whoever is not putting him to bed between my husband and I the other does the dishes and kitchen. I hate having a messy kitchen so the dishes always get done after each meal.
Once a week, the bathrooms and rest of the floors get done along with the sheets getting changed, and the laundry is a constant thing--I try to get a load or two done a day.That pretty much does it.
Again, don't beat yourself over it! Make a couple of priorities and letting other things slide is OK. You are a real mom and wife and not one that is portrayed on TV!

Hi J., I agree that there is no end to cleaning. My husband helps me by handling chores he likes best but it's never consistent. I used to have a method of cleaning one room per day (all bedrooms and bathrooms count as one). This ensured that the details like dusting were done. It was easy when my daughter was a baby but now that she's older I find that I also need to keep her busy so that she's not watching TV all day. This became overwhelming. Now between fatigue and pregnancy and a preschooler I've let it go and play catch up. I've learned to tell myself that I am not perfect and there is no problem asking for help. My expectations have lowered and I have learned to value time with my daughter over being busy all the time with cleaning. Finally, if by Saturday things needs to be done we'll usually stay home as a family and make it a fun thing by dancing to music, singing, and having a cookout. Hope my situation helps in some way. It was nice to vent :o) It's true what another response asked....what are your expectations of keeping a home?

wHO IS AT HOME WHILE YOU'RE GONE?. lET THEM CLEAN. oR ARE YOU ONE OF THE COMPULSIVE CLEANERS" MRS. MONK"? DON'T CLEAN-- BE HAPPY.GET A MAID

It's like a never-ending cycle! I never appreciated my mom so much as when I realized what it must have taken for her to keep our home with four kids looking spotless every day. I think my husband actually creates more mess than my son. I hope you get some good advice. I'll be checking back to see what everone says. Because I have to clean every day too...just to keep it maintained. And my place isn't that big! Good luck...to both of us. *sigh*

-T. Q

I am going through this...I have triplets...and I clean a room...move on to the next room and when I come back the first room is destroyed again...then my husband comes home and says...I guess you had another unproductive day....I now lock their doors after I have cleaned their rooms..It has gotten to the point where I do not want to invite anyone over..