Christmas and Step-child Every Other Weekend

We have had that problem for around 6 years now. We told my youngest son that with today's society, Santa understands that Christmas is not only celebrated on the 25th anymore. Parents with children who have to spend Christmases other places can "call" Santa and tell them what day they will have thier "Christmas Morning" and an elf will deliver the presents. That has worked for several years.

Hi S.,

My parents were divorced when we were small. My father remarried and I have a younder brother. We went to my father's house Dec 22 to Dec 24th. Then he took us home as well. We would always get up on Christmas Eve and my father would tell us that Santa left a few gifts for us under his tree. We would open them including my brother who also got a few early gifts from santa. We also openned presents from my Dad's side of the family, aunts uncles grandparents, etc.

We loved it!!! It worked out great and it was like two christmas mornings. I hope this helps!!!

On the years that your stepson comes on Xmas day, you can have your daughter open her stockings Xmas morning and then wait until the afternoon to open the rest of her presents. I did this with my children and step children. Now that my step daughters are older, they make the effort to come and be at our house on Xmas morning because they want to be there when their brother and sister get their stockings. I have always had a stocking for them which they opened when they arrive on Xmas. Good luck!

My suggestion would be to have Santa come to both homes for Christmas. Let your daughter open the presents from family on Christmas morning and save the Santa gifts to open with her step brother.

I would let him open his presents when he gets there on Christmas day, but the night or eve before let them open one present: a new set of pajamas-this is our family tradition!

wow tough spot. kinda odd that you cant have your step son in the morning as well. maybe you should talk to his mom about your concerns for your daughter. but for now i think you are doing the right thing by letting her open a few with her brother but keeping santas for christmas morning. good luck!

At 18 months old I'm not sure she's aware of 'fair' or 'unfair' BUT what we have always done is open presents from one another & family on Christmas Eve & then Christmas morning is just for Santa & stockings. Now that my kids are past the Santa stage, they know it's not FROM the jolly ole' elf, but still like waking up to something unexpected.

I also have a tradition that every year they get new P.J's that they wear on Christmas morning or a robe if they need a new one.

The best solution I see for you and this is what I would do.
Personally I like opening presents xmas eve night. Why? Because the kids are always anxious and wanting to get into their presents anyway and if Santa comes on Xmas morning ...they are more interested in what Santa has than their presents anyway. So why not make a tradition and open the presents from everyone on Xmas eve night and then your daughter can have her santa xmas morning to play with. Don't you see, it kind of gives some seperation between what is from you and what is from Santa, otherwise if it was all xmas morning then it all kind of runs together anyway. And since they are so anxious the night before knowing that tomorrow is xmas.... go ahead and let nature take its course and open xmas eve night, then you can have the pleasure of watching your child (alone) with Santa gifts the next morning. Besides, xmas is all about the kids anyway. If you and your husband wanted to saver something for each other on xmas morning that would be fine. You can customize it anyway you want. But that sure seems like a fit to me and would end up being your tradition that would include your step son and without having to tell your daughter No she can't open even though he is. Problem solved!
Good luck.

hi, i am a step mom too. we were lucky when our older kids were little because we got them about 8 am or earlier on christmas. my boys at home opened santa when they got up and then we all opened prestents form eachother and us to them all when we were all together. that way they still had the fun of open stuff first thing in the morning. now that they are all grown and still have an 8 and 10 year old at home we still do it the same way. we have always had a big breakfast on christmas morning. hubby does all the cooking. country ham and all the works. it is "his thing" then open presents. then every one have to reast of the day to go to other relatives and in laws. it has worked for us for 21 years mom of 28,27,26,24,21,10 and 8 year olds. 2 girls(the book ends) and 5 boys. good luck, it canwork!!!!!!they are ALL my childen . i always say four by birth 3 by blessing. R. uhls

Hi S.,

I also have a step-son and the same issue. My little girl is 28 months and her brother is 11 years old. We do not get my son until about noon on Christmas, so I understand. I personally tink that you have establish traditions in your home. We sat my son down and explained to him why my dauthers presents were already opened. As my daugther grows up, we want her to just keep a few for when her brother comes but most of them she will open up that morning. I know in the beginning years it will be hard for her to understand but I know she will get and it will go smoother. Also, you have to remember that your step-son is opening up gifts that morning so, so should your dauther even though they might not be together. My step-son actually has to advantage because he will visit and receive gifts from his mother side, who ever she is dating at the time side of the family, his fathers side and my side, whereas my dauther just gets my husbands and I's side.

Good Luck!
R.

Hi S.
I can see that very special love for your daughter.
Do what you feel is right.
Show her sharring time with her very special brothet in her life.
Then have that special moment with her by herself.
The reason I say this.
I am the first born of my Dad's second marriage.
I did not know that I had a older sister and brother untill
I was 16.
I felt over whelm to know I had other sister and brother.
I always wanted that and then it came true.
i loved them dearly.
But we missed time as children being together.
So now that we are older that time was lost.
The closness of growing up together was not there.
We missed playing together.
Having secrets together.
Learning together.
Oh we have had special times together when we could.
But we all have a differnt life.
And we must follow it.
Now my Older brother is gone.
And I really did not get close Like I wanted to.
I only have my older sister.
But I really try to find way to keep in touch with her.
I love her so much.
She is now in her 60.
I am in my late 50s.
But I really don't know her.
Like I said I am the oldest one in my family of seven.
And I am very close to each one of them.
We try to do things together as much as we can in this life that we have.
And my older sister is just starting to feel comfortable with all of us.
She always has loved us, but she never grew up with us.
Show that special time with that young child and let them both grow up together if it is possible.
There is alway room for more special love.

Have a good day
TODAY
Vicki W.

As much as it may stink for you, it sounds as if your family already has a tradition. It may not be what YOU want, but there are many areas in your life that you are going to have to alter to fit other's needs because you willingly married a man with a child froma previous relationship. AS long as you make the best of it the rest of your family will follow suit.

You are making a big deal out of a handlable situation. Don't sweat the small stuff in life. As I have aged, if no one is ill, then everything else is OK. Give him his gifts after Christmas morning, if he comes in the afternoon. Keep a few things for her, and be sure he gets her a gift and vice versa.
If that won't happen, give brother his prior, and give her a few. I don't know why I have this feeling that he will get way too much because 2 families are in competition. I hope this isn't so. It is not about the gifts, it is about the love, just keep telling yourself that. Things will change as they both get older, be flexible.

Wow - blended families are a challenge! I have several friends in the same situation, except that every other year, they always have the kids the whole day - Christmas Eve to Christmas night - the dad has them one year, the mom gets them the next and they work out the rest of the kids' Christmas break however fits their schedules... sounds like your hubby may have an unfair custody situation going on...

Anyway, I agree with what most people have said - open the "family gifts" when the whole family is there - especially gifts from her to him and vice versa. Santa can be done whenever - but I would never expect a child to WAIT until 3 pm Christmas day for all her Santa presents. Maybe you could stick a few aside that she doesn't see at all until he is there, and then tell her there are a few more surprises Santa left to open with her brother. This will be especially important as they might start sharing things when she is older. For example, my neighbors have a 2 year old son together, 2 kids that are hers, and the oldest that is his. They got his daughter (lives with them every other week) AND her two kids (with THEIR dad every other week too) an Xbox last year that was for all of them to use, so they all had to be together to open it, which didn't happen until noon. So the two younger ones were at home that morning, but couldn't open any of the games that went with the system, so they got all their other Santa stuff first thing, then knew they had a HUGE surprise for when big sis came over - it was covered in a huge Christmas blanket - as were all the games - individually labeled unless they were "shared" games. It seemed to work well and the kids got just more and more excited b/c they all 3 knew there was something HUGE and it really helped them to bond, since the "other" houses didn't have a game system at the time. Now of course, the older girl has a Wii at her mom's that is ONLY hers, and the other two have a PS3 at their dad's, so I guess they get the best of all worlds...

Most importantly, just remember to teach the REAL reasons we have Christmas and not the superficial, material ones. Kids will remember fun and important TIME more than they will remember certain toys/gifts when they are grown...

God Bless you and your families! :)

Hi S.,

You already have some great ideas that I'm sure will work for you. Just thought I'd add to the pot - sometimes, I sent "excess" gifts (before opening) (either before or after xmas) to the other parent's house with my step-children. I know some people don't like their children to have new items at "their other house", but it never really bothered me.

Sometimes in our quest for making the "perfect" holiday for our children, we forget that we can always change traditions without making them "imperfect". Juggling too many conflicting family holiday schedules becomes difficult. Seems to me in blended families, change *is* the tradition. lol. Your daughter and step-son will learn to be adaptable (and you'll thank yourself for that), especially since you're looking out for their best interests. Your love for them is, imho, the only "tradition" that really matters.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

I think as she gets older you should just explain that Santa comes to his mommy's house with his presents and your house with her presents. I agree with you on having a tradition that sticks. I think your plan to let her open the gifts from the grandparents while he is opening his is fine. If she gets upset because he has more then you just explain that he won't be with you on Christmas morning because he'll be at his mommy's house.

S.,

I wouldn't worry about this to much. Let her open the 'Santa' gifts on Christmas monring. The other gifts from everyone else, set aside and let her open them with her brother when he arrives. She is 18 months old and really won't notice anything for a few years.

I also have step children, they are all grown now but they all have kids my daughters age. There was a year when I lived with my one step daughter, her husband and her 3 children. Actually they lived with us. Luckily I had a living room and a family room. The family room was thiers and the living room was ours. We all had our separate 'Santa' presents and then when the other 2 arrived with thier kids, we all opened gifts from each other. It worked out well.

Don't worry about her or your step son for that matter figuring things out. You have a long time until that happens. Set up your Christmas morning with your little girl. When there is extended family there are always plenty of gifts to go around. If you are really worried about it and can afford it, you can buy some littler gifts for her to open with her brother and Grandparents to make sure she doesn't feel left out. Enjoy your Christmas morning, there are so many more to come!!!

Have a great Christmas!!!

E.