Child Support - Los Angeles,CA

So he's paying half when asked. He didn't want to waste money on extra tutoring until her realized how much she needed it. Now he's paying a full half.

He wants to spend more time with his child and this is interfering with the tutoring. So he wants the tutor to come to his home for the sessions and is asking you if you'll pay of this charge.....seems like he can see the relevance but it's bit skewed from a normal point of view.

So here's what I would do. I would rearrange the schedule so that tutoring is not on dad's nights. If the tutor is working with her 4 nights per week then he gets her the other 3 if he wants. That seems fair and in the 60/40 sort of ratio. You get to keep her on the nights she has tutoring, that's 4 out of 7. Then he gets her on the non tutoring nights, 3 out of 7. Everyone's happy.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I think you should let it go.

I am the lower earner and I suck up as many costs as you seem to. At least to me it comes down to do I want to fight about money all the time or do I want my children to have something resembling a normal childhood.

I choose to make sacrifices, that doesn't mean I get to drag my ex into it just because it is the right thing to do.

Ya know after typing this I have to wonder if this isn't a mom issue, that what you earn has little to do with it.

I would let it go, I know it is frustrating because you want them to get you are being nice and looking out for your child. I just don't think going to court will get that point to them anyway, just makes a couple lawyers rich.

Your question was long, but I'll give you a short answer to one of your questions.

It doesn't matter if your ex has 50 more kids, he is still obligated to support his first child.

I know plenty of men who tried to get their support amounts lowered due to subsequent children. In the eyes of the court, that's not a valid reason. If you can't afford the kid(s) you already had, you have no business having more.

It sounds like you could benefit from going back to mediation to have these issues more clearly spelled out as to how they will be handled since you haven't been able to agree.

Best wishes.

couple questions for you.... First of all, when was the child support decided on? Was the ex married at the time and did he have his other children? I know in my state, if an ex is married they will actually count their income as well because it's the HOUSEHOLD income, not just the income of the one parent. He is supposed to provide for his last 2 children as well, yes, but their Mother is currently living with them too, and she is responsible for them as much as he is. Also, a lot of judges would say to him that he should not have had more children if he could not afford the one that he already had. I may not agree with going to court over a simple piddly amount for gas for the tutor, however, it doesn't seem like this is your only gripe over money with your ex. It just may be the only one that you have expressed here. I know myself, I am in a battle to get any child support for my 2 youngest kids from BOTH of their parents (they are not my bio kids) and we are not getting any at this point. It gets very frustrating at times. Especially when I see their bio Dad posting pics of himself on a cruise, and I am trying to buy groceries and school clothes. UGH! I feel for you, but if I could afford it I would pay and keep a log of what expenses I covered that he should have. Some day you will end up back in court for one thing or another, and when you do, you can bring reciepts and your list then. That is, unless you have other expenses that he really should be paying that he isn't now. Good luck. It sounds like you ended up with the short end of the stick on this one. Sorry!

Is it really worth going to court over $10 or $20 if that is indeed the primary monetary issue. In my opinion court NEVER makes it better and winds up costing what you were arguing about anyway. Since he wants to pay the tutor directly, can you just pay your share when the tutor is at your house and he do the same at his.

Has money been an issue because you desire one standard of living for your daughter than he feels obliged to support. Unfortunately a court may agree.

Do you really feel your daughter deserves more or should be given preferential consideration since she was legitimate and first. Don't the other two children have just as much right to be provided for by their father. They didn't ask to be here anymore than she did.

Granted you are probably shouldering more than your "fair share" of the financial load and raising to boot. But at 12 there are only a few years left before she is off to college or on her own. Do you really want that time spent in court battles and tension or worse between mom and dad. Especially at a time when she is becoming more aware.

If you can do it and not struggle save the courtroom for the deadbeats.

I personally think, that if he is not holding up his end of the bargain by paying half - then you need to give him a warning like "hey if we don't agree on this together then we will need to set up time with a mediator to get the money worked out" .... Maybe that will give him a reality check. You are not being unreasonable at all.

I don't really get why the location of the tutoring as to change just because he wants to pay the tutor separately. Anyway, guess that doesn't matter.

As for the "difference in support for the first child vs. later children in relationship, this has been my experience. My daughter has two sons by A. They are soon to be 16 and 13. Then A has another son who is 12 and then 2 or 3 more boys, the oldest of which is 6.

A is working; my daughter does not. Her only income in welfare. A does not have to pay ANY child support because he has too many other children. So while the youngest children benefit from the support of their father, the oldest two do not.

I wholeheartedly believe that they should have to support them in the order they had them. Like you, it's not my daughter's fault that this guy can't keep it in his pants and is trying to populate a small village all by himself. And it certainly is not the two boys' fault and yet they are the ones suffering the consequences of their father's actions.

I would put my foot down and NOT pay the $5.00. He wanted the changes so he should pay for them. BTW, what does "credit time" mean?

What Shane B says is the way it SHOULD be and maybe that's the way it is where she lives, but I KNOW that's not the case in California.

You have think outside the box..... he wants and does spend time with his daughter. He is paying half. Is $5 really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? There are a lot of parents out there, that do not even come close to that! No phone call, no visits. And I'm not talking just dads. When raising your daughter, show her the love and attentions she needs and deserves. Never talk bad about her dad, She needs to make up her own mind about her dad and their relationship.
Also, this will be coming from a second wife's stand point.... I knew my husband had 2 daughters when I met and married him. However, why should I be punished and have to pay for his EX and her greedy habits? The reason we decided to have children was because she didn't involve /him/us with a lot of personal things. School activities and such. He was never late on child support and we paid ALOT monthly! Why should my child go without? Which he did for the first 5 years of his life because of the older ones. Now that they are 19 and 22 she still wants us to pay her....
I know you wanted to get other peoples opinions, just think about how bad things could actually get. Try and keep the peace for the sake of your daughter, you and his family. Be thankful is part of her life and try to work things out. Sometimes we have to be the bigger person.
Good luck, its not easy!!!

Ok, I understand that you are frustrated BUT....
The court DOES in fact consider all of his children equally in terms of how he can much support he can afford to give them.
It sounds to me like he loves his daughter and is supportive of her needs.
It also sounds to me like his financial situation is probably pretty tight.
I cannot for the life of me fathom wanting to go to court over $5! Seriously, I don't care if you think he is holding you "hostage" and "blackmailing" you over $5! I just think it's pathetic.
You would rather let a judge control you than your child's father...
Allowing a judge to make decisions about your child is NEVER the best way to go about life!
And really? over $5?
My thought is, take a deep breath, let it go, and be glad he is not giving you grief about paying 1/2 of the actual expense. A lot of people have to fight tooth and nail just to get the basics that are owed by the other parent.
I speak from experience. My ex husband, the biological donor for my 4 oldest children, owes me $30,654.44 in back support. That's not even considering the 1/2 of expenses and extra curricular that he should owe me which I never even kept track of because I KNEW I would never get it! He also has only seen the kids 28 hours in the last 36 months. I would take a squabble over $5 over that mess ANY day of the week.
I think a little practicality is in order. Hope you can work it out without the court!

Why not get the tutor to see her as normal but just let him pay? If that requires him to drive to the typical spot rather than the tutor to drive to him then so be it.