Child Acting up at School

Talk to him and love him. It is the end of the year. He may be tired, frustrated. In my opinion, reading should not be a punishment. Try spending more time with him. Concentrate on the positive instead of the negative. He is six years old. He may be experiencing new feelings and new experiences at school that he may not understand. Such as being picked on. Maybe he is frustrated with the school work. Good luck.

You make him sit down and read! Harsh! Anyway, I think something changed somewhere in his life, maybe the boyfriend is around more and you are spending less time with him and he is acting out, or maybe he is being bullied at school and is acting out. Find out what it is!

Try spending some good positive fun time with your child. One on one walks, car drives, building legos together etc. Then maybe when you least expect it he will blurt out that he is sad about something, being bullied, worried about something or whatever. If he doesn't -you have 'filled his tank' with positive time-which is all good-and also you will have rebuilt a bond between you two. If he has suddenly started this-something is out of whack. LOve your son enough to find out by loving him what it is.

Hi B.. It sounds to me like you are trying many goods
ways to help remedy the situation already with strong discipline. I think you might also just take him aside in a
safe & nonthreatening way & tell him you want to have a heart-
to-heart talk with him(explain to him what this means.) Be sure he knows you love him very much and because you do, you
are extremely concerned that his bad choices are going to
cause unhappy things to happen to him(such as other kids not
wanting to play with him, fun things taken away from him, etc.)
ASK HIM if he is feeling angry or upset in any way about anything that is going on with him. I know he's just 6, but
still is old enough to express himself. Remind him that because you love him, you need him to know that he can always
come to you & let you know when things are bothering him. Remind him it's your job as his mother to take care of him &
protect him in EVERY way. Let him know he is always free to
tell you what's wrong, as long as he says it with a good attitude.(You might have to explain what this means also.)
In addition, find ANYTHING at all that is worthy of kudos
and PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!! Set up a reward system...stickers and charts work well for children his age
because they are so visual...and when he reaches a certain
goal reward him with something really great that HE has already decided will be the prize, such as a trip to McDonald's playland, extra time with mom/dad at the park, etc.
(The prize does not always have to cost a lot of $.)
God bless you & your child & family!!
C.

Hi B.,

It is so frustrating when you do everything you know to do and it still doesn't work!! You didn't say if you did this or not but did you try to talk to him to find out WHY he's acting out? Sitting down and CALMLY talking with him in a non-confrontational place and manner sometimes will work.

You also didn't say what your belief system is. I believe in God and the Lord Jesus Christ. His Word says that if you ask for wisdom and believe that you will get it from God, he will give you the wisdom you seek. Ask God what to do. The key is that you believe and trust that God WILL give you the answers you are seeking. This should be your first course of action always! Other options include:
*Meeting with his teacher, all 3 of you. That would be a good step to take. You mentioned that nothing has changed at home, but something has set him off somehow. Many times we are blind to small changes.
*Another suggestion, sit down with just you and a trusted friend or family member who will tell you the truth, and ask questions like,
"Have you noticed any changes in my son's life?"
"Is there something I'm doing or not doing that is affecting my son's behavior and attitudes?"
If you do this step, be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear and DO NOT BE DEFENSIVE.
*Have you tried just spending time with him doing something he enjoys? That may sound like a reward for bad behavior, but sometimes kids act out because they aren't getting enough 1 on 1 time with their parents. During this time, they MUST have your undivided attention, and it must show that you WANT to be there with him and enjoying his company. Anything else will backfire on you.

I hope and pray that you will be able to get answers.

T.

B.,
I have 2 girls and we had to deal with the same situation with them acting out at school. This is what we did... (and it really works)...
Their teachers stamp their folders when they've behaved and "sign" them when they've misbehaved at school that day.
If they get a sign, we encourage that they get a stamp the next day...
If they get a stamp, we encourage more stamps and at the end of the week, if they've gotten 5 stamps, they know they will get a special prize. They never know what the prize will be but we do remind them every day that they're one day closer to their prize.
Sometimes their prize is a new book or a small toy I know they want... usually nothing that's more than just a few dollars.
Hope this is helpful!
Good luck!
S.

How about writing an apology letter to the teacher? And then reading the note to the teacher the next day. This way it is more directly related to the school behavior.
If the behavior is for just one day, then it would be a short note. If there is another day of bad behavior, the length of the note would be doubled.

please try not to use literacy activities as punishment (ie. reading/writing) or he'll always see these activities as punishment even in school. He might just be looking for a little more attention. I think a little more one on one would be good.

I bet this has to be his reaction to you and your much in love with boyfriend. Other men in our lives are not their fathers and they recent it especially a boy not wanting to share his mom. I had the same thing with my son. I would spend as much time alone with him you can possibly spend. Keep the boyfriend around him less. See what happens. Best to you and Good Luck G. W

Hang in there! You know, Dr. Dobson says that all kids rise up on occassion - they are trying to find out if you are a worthy ally. I don't know if this is just a phase or not, but be consistent. The other thing I would say is to not use reading as a punishment. I know someone whose dad did that to them and now they hate reading, because they see it as punishment - not enjoyment or a treat.
If you don't see a change I would also recommend checking for food allergies - it can cause behavioral issues.
You are the perfect mom for your son - God picked you to be his mom - hang in there!

Without doubt, something has changed in your son's life. Spend some quality one on one time with him, watch his interactions with his father, teacher, friends, and talk to him about school, after school caregivers, etc. Try to approach it as an "investigator" looking into your son's life rather than a parent apt to punish bad behavior. Good Luck.

B., I heard from another mother that discipling boys and girls is different. Girls react most to having items taken away. Boys react more to having additional work assigned. I tried this with my son (9 years old)...for fighting at school. Every night after homework he had to write me a short essay about two items that upset him during the day, how he dealt with them, and what else he could have done. This helped him focus on how to control his reactions.
I know your son is six and so may not be writing well, but perhaps you could assign extra "homework" of some type that addresses his "acting up" -- drawing a picture of what he did and how it negatively effected the teacher or class. Of course, you have to review it with him and discuss it -- be sure and tell him he did a great job and let him know the exercise is to help him identify ways he can make himself feel better...

B.,
Before you punish him into not liking school go talk to the teacher and find out what the circumstances are that surround his misbehavior. It could be a social issue that is bugging him. Also, I find my boys are more likely to talk to me when I am not punishing them but talking to them. Boys are just as complicated as girls when it comes to their feelings but they act out differently. Be patient he will come around.

Hi my son use to act out at school and one reason was because his father was not in his life and the other was because he was hanging around a bad crowd. You might want to have a talk with him about people touching in places he would not want to be touched or some one could be making him feel uncomfortable in some way. To be on the safe side cover all the basic. Listen to him when he respond. Ensure him he can talk to you about anything and you will always love him no matter what.You and your family will be in my prayers.

Oh, please don't use Reading as a punishment! Reading time should be used as a reward!!

Each child is different, so you'll have to find out what works for your son. He may like the attention he receives from the punishments. Try making a reward system instead. If he is good, he gets to do special things. When he is bad he doesn't get anything extra. This works like a charm with my child.

You need to put your son before that man you have,because at the end of the day when that man decides that he wants out,guess who will still be there loving you unconditionally??? Your precious son

Think about it, this man is not guaranteed to you...
But the love between a mother and child will be everlasting...
Pray about it sister...

B.,

I have two sons 12yrs and 10 yrs. When my youngest acted up at school it was either from boredom or being picked on. {left out} As he has gotten older it has gotten easier to get him to explain whats going on. Kids can be so mean. The smallest things can affect how they feel, or how they react to a situation. I'm not saying anyone has picked on your son.

Also you said he is very intelligent, it is easy for them to get bored, when they are done with their work and have to wait while the others are finishing up.
I don't know if I have helped at all, I hope I have given you something to think about.
Ask for extra work if he is finishing faster than the rest of the class, this will challenge him. Ask him about the kids in his class and about recess.
It's funny pretty soon their day at school starts to sound like soap operas. :)

He could just need extra snuggle time with mom. :)

My prayers are with you, and your son.

How long has your boyfriend been in the picture? He may be acting out of jealousy. Does he see his father? Sometimes in school when kids talk about activities involving a parent they do not have, they get mad. Focus right now only on your son. Something is bothering him or something has happened that has made him change. You need to find out what that situation is.

Not that this is the answer but, I have a 14 yrd old and I had the same situation. He has ADD and now hides his meds and doesn't take them, he is in so much trouble that he has to live with his Grandmother until I can get some real help for him. My suggestion is to watch everything you say to him and how you say it. When you punish him really talk to him and use things that have an impact on him. Enrolling my son in sports whether he likes it or not has helped. Regularly going to church and getting him involved with their youth activities, and bribing (yes bribing) has slowly made everything better. I take him to a counselor every chance I get, and I bribe with things he comes up with like going to a special place or activity, or an all night "sleep over" things like that if he get for example 30 stars. Everyday with out trouble is a star and extra star for a function we all have to go to. All I really know is that every time I lessen a punishment or don't carry it out to the very end I get more headaches. I wish you all the best.

If nothing at home has changed, I would be asking the the teacher what has changed at school? Maybe sit down with the teacher - what happens right before he starts acting up?

Things may have changed in his life, he may be bored, or he may need to talk about some things, but in the end, it's about making the right choices. We have to learn in this life how to handle what life throws at us, and that lesson starts young! Stress the positive, and focus less on the negetive. For our 6 yr. old, we have an incentive chart on the wall. We add a sticker for each thing (behavior) that we want to enforce. Talking to you about what is bothering him at school could be one positive behavior that you reward. When the chart is full, he can choose a prize. The prizes don't have to be material. A date out alone with Mom is an excellent prize for a little boy!

One other thing to consider however silly it may seem is a food allergy or sensitivity. Some of these can alter behavior, but if the behavior change is only at school analyze what he has for breakfast or lunch. Check to see is the behavior random as to the time of day? or does it happen around the same time every day. Keep a food log for him if you suspect this might be it... and write down with that log when he acts up underneath whatever his last meal was. Sometimes it's not one food but the combination of two foods that will do it.

BTW... really intelligent children sometimes just get bored out of their minds in school... and often will get into trouble. Ask him is he is bored. Perhaps he has finished his schoolwork, while he is acting up. Ask his teacher a million questions. Investigate EVERY offense. Make sure that he is challenged in class.

Many Blessings!!

Could there be something going on at school he is upset about, or frustrated. Sometimes when they are having trouble with subjects even they get frustrated and act out. I'm not saying this is permissible, I'm just suggesting you check this avenue. In a non treatening way, talk to him, and ask him if something is upsetting him, and don't give him suggestions, & see if he tells you anything. He may just be over tired. Sometimes in the spring they can get tired and cranky, maybe resting more or earlier bed time (not as a punishment) would help.