Breastfeeding Dilemma

It doesn't matter why you feel this way - it just matters that this is how you feel. Don't let this get in the way of enjoying the experience of getting to know your baby. No matter what people say, food does not equal love.

With that said - the nutritional issue is most important. There is no doubt that your milk is better for them than formula. If you can pump it sounds like that would be an ideal solution. However, do know that it's not an easy road either. It is doable, just not easy.

I personally feel that you can bond just as well with your baby feeding from a bottle. If the bottle contains milk, all the better!

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

C., this is a woman's choice, and her choice only! Breastfeeding can be difficult and if you aren't comfortable with it to begin with it will just make it harder. Your body will respond and won't let down your milk. I breastfed all three of my children, but trully believe that this is your choice and either way you will bond and love your child! You don't want any bad feelings mixed in with the joy of having a child, you don't want to resent your husband or the child later for doing something you don't want to do! Follow you heart!

2 moms found this helpful

Breastfeeding was the most natural feeling I have ever experienced and I loved every second of it. I never knew what to expect before I tried it, nor what a wonderful bonding time with my son. Although we have long stopped nursing, it is one of my warmest memories of my baby and my first weeks together. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. The baby had issues latching on, and I had severe sleep deprivation and PPD. Here is the thing, you never know what your baby will do, nor how you will feel after giving birth so try not to worry about it now. The negative feelings are not helping you or the child. Just relax and know that whatever comes naturally to you as a mom is the right thing to do and once you see your baby everything will fall into place. The baby will be amazing in every way, breast or bottle will not be the be all and end all, the baby will grow up either way. Enjoy this time and your last few days of couplehood. You are about to enter a new world of decisions and forget all about yourself for a long time. Feeding is not a huge deal - just love the baby and become the best mommy you can imagine being.

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I didn't breastfeed either of my (perfecttly healthy, now teen aged daughters). The breasts are yours. Therefore the decision of what to do with them is yours. Hubby will have to deal with your decision and get his butt out of bed to feed the baby in the middle of the night sometimes too.

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C.,

I hear you, and I hope you try anyway.

I know you don't want to but this is what I did: I had not thought about breastfeeding at all. I was bottle fed with all my siblings. I was asked repeatedly until I finally just said (and decided) to TRY it. It put an end to the uncomfortable questions, and shorted the inquisitive ones.

I tried it, and I knew the VAST benefits (so much more than those people who let their children cry it out, but that is another book!) and I just made it from day to day. After about 2 months, things ironed out. Most babies don't take that long. :)

http://breastfeedingonline.com/newman.shtml

This is just one site - read as much as you can (tolerate) and I hope you feel easier about breastfeeding soon.

Congratulations, and good luck!
M.

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First of all, yes, you can pump without ever having physically nursed.

Secondly, take the pressure off yourself. :-) YOU are the one that has to be pregnant, go thru labor, and deliver that child. YOU make the choice if you want to breastfeed or not.

I have nursed all 3 of my children. I am still nursing the last one (he is 15 months old). That does not mean *everyone* should nurse. If it's really not for you, then don't do it.

If you want to make a compromise with your husband, try nursing the first few weeks. You may change your mind and want to continue, or you may realize this is definitely something you don't want to do. Don't put so much pressure on yourself before the baby is even here. Just play it by ear. There is so much adjusting when you go from childless to mother, there is no reason to freak out about one more thing. Relax. When baby gets here, you will know what you want to do.

Just one note, keep in mind the first month is the most difficult with breastfeeding. Combine that with the sleep deprivation almost everyone experiences with a newborn, and you've got the potential for a very uncomfortable situation. Just remember, that baby needs love above all else. If you want to use bottles and you still give that baby love, you'll do just fine. It doesn't make sense to continue forcing yourself to nurse if you are resenting it, though. That's not good for you or the baby.

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and delivery. Please feel free to message me if you need breastfeeding support when the baby is here, I have worked with many moms. (I am not a professional lactation consultant, just an experienced nursing mom.)

p.s. Oh, one last thought... don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide not to.

1 mom found this helpful

I will second attending La Leche League meetings...before the baby comes if possible. It is totally possible to pump all of the baby's milk but you are going to need a lot of information and support. The La Leche League Leaders are fantastic and will give you support without judging your choices.

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Hi C.,
Although my situation was a little different, I think I can understand. There is so much pressure to breastfeed that it can be intimidating to admit that its just not for you. I tried to breastfeed (the old-fashioned way) my son but wasnt able to and can honestly tell you that some people (including my husband) made me feel like a failure about it. I felt myself going into a bit of a depression. When my son was about 10 days old and a confirmed bottle baby it finally occured to me. Im the mother of this child...I love my child and no one can tell me that the way I nourish my son makes me less of a mother or a woman. So I did it my way...The way that was easiest for me. I pumped and supplemented with formula until a few weeks before I had to go back to work then I made the complete switch to formula. My son just turned 1. He's very healthy, happy and loved. He hasnt had an ear infection or allergies or all the other hundreds of thing they tell you will happen if you dont breastfeed. Its your choice...tell your hubby what I told mine. Dont like how I do it? Go get some t*ts and do it yourself. He got the pioint :) Good luck and take care of yourself!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C.! First congrats on baby #1!!! how exciting! in regards to breastfeeding, you need to do what YOU feel comfortable with, not your husband! It's your body and I'm afraid that if you breastfeed and really dont' want to, you may come to resent the baby and your husband alot! Breastfeeding is extremely demanding both physically and mentally. I tried with my first, didn't work for me and I didn't even try with my second. They were both bottle fed and are fine, healthy and smart! As my midwife told me, "we were all bottlefed and we're fine!!" Feeding your baby is supposed to be a happy, bonding time. go with your heart and do what YOU want! IF your husband wants to breasfeed, I"m sure medicine can find a way for HIM to do it!!! LOL good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi -- this is an interesting topic because many people have strong feelings about it. Having breast fed my daughter I can tell you, it's a very personal decision. You either want to do it or you don't. If you don't, being forced to do it by your husband, society or anyone else will only make you resentful. Ignore people who suggest you should examine the reasons why you don't want to. The feeling is either there or it's not. And if it's not, being forced to do it by your husband is just wrong. You want to enjoy your time with your new baby and if you're forced to breast feed you are not going to look forward to feeding time and you baby will know it.

You can absolutely pump rather than breast feed. It is time consuming, but you get into a rhythm. You can even pump just a few times a day if that's all you want to do. It doesn't have to be after every feeding.

I had to pump exclusively for the first few weeks as my daughter had problems latching on. I would feed her a bottle, then pump immediately after she was done. In fact, my fridge and freezer over flowed with breast milk, which turned out to be great when I went back to work as I couldn't pump more than once during the day, so it gave me a nice supply. My daughter had breast milk exclusively for the first 8 weeks, then we introduced one bottle of formula a day and by the time she was four months, both she and I were done breast feeding and she was exclusively on formula. The doctor always tells me how healthy my child is and how well she is developing.

Good luck!!

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Hey C.,

I completely understand where you are coming from. Breastfeeding did not to appeal to me either. I think you need to realize that as parents this is only the beginning of disagreements between you and hubby. The secret is communication and really expressing your feelings without diminishing each others opinions or feelings. Just like he doesn't understand why you don't want to you can't understand why it is such a big deal. So I think you need to really explain why you do not want to and try to make him understand how him insisting is making you feel. Many babies are raised on formula and have grown to be healthy productive adults. I own a childcare center and if you asked me just by looking at or spending time with the babies which is bottle fed and which is breastfed I couldn't tell you any difference. They both cry, poop, have gas, get sick, get ear infections, have the same needs, are reaching milestones that are age appropriate in my opinion no difference. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding this is your personal choice. You may end up giving in to please everyone else and end up resenting your baby. Your baby deserves a happy environment with two loving parents I don't think breastfeeding is the only way to achieve this goal. Good luck and try to remain calm when talking to your husband. Why don't you go out for a nice dinner where you can really talk without distractions. Congratulations on the baby I am sure you will work it out.

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Pumping exclusively is more difficult than breastfeeding because you don't make enough milk. The baby's sucking is much more efficient than a pump could ever be. You will probably have to supplement with formula. Plus, you will waste so much valuable time pumping, when you could be sleeping or taking care of your baby.
Why are you so against breastfeeding? Are you concerned about it hurting or about the changes your breasts will go through? (Your breasts are already changed by the pregnancy- the damage is already done. Breastfeeding can only help them- it helps prevent breast cancer)
I think you may need to talk to a lactation consultant (get a recommendation from your OB) to discuss these issues. I had a lactation consultant come to my house and help me out the first few days I was home and it made a huge difference. I won't lie to you, it can be difficult for the first few weeks, but if you have support, it is much easier. Once you and the baby figure out the technique, it feels like the most natural, normal thing in the world.
Why make a decision about it before even giving it a chance? Your baby deserves the best- it makes a huge difference in the baby's health. Motherhood is all about being selfless and doing the very best for your child. Give your child the gift of good health. Don't let anyone tell you that formula is just as good. Do you ever wonder why there are so many overweight people and people with allergies who get sick so often? It's because most people were not breastfed. Just as an example, my husband was breastfed, but his older brother was not. His brother is overweight, with high cholesterol and has even been diagnosed with fatty liver at age 34, despite trying to work out regularly and trying to eat healthier. My husband, by contrast, has always been thin and healthy, even though he does not have time to work out and eats a TON! My mother also breastfed me and I have always been extremely healthy- I rarely get sick, have no allergies and have never had a problem with my weight. I lost my pregnancy weight pretty easily and I think this has to do with the fact that I breastfed my son.
It sounds like you husband is trying to give his child the best. You are lucky to have such an involved husband who will make a great dad. Why don't you make a deal with him that if he gets up with you and changes the baby's diaper at night then you will try breastfeeding.
At the very least, you need to talk to you OB about these feelings and make sure you are completely educated about the techniques and at least give it a try. You don't want to have that regret in your heart years from now.
Its normal to be nervous about it but I can honestly tell you that I enjoyed my time with my son, knowing that my body nourished him and that he received all these health benefits from me. It's an amazing feeling that you should at least try.
For some really good advice, get The Breastfeeding Book by Dr. Sears and check out the La Leche League website and http://www.kellymom.com

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I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my son (now 20 mos) that I would be a bottle-feeder. It was a very personal decision that my husband respected 100%. Brendan was bottle fed and is perfectly healthy in every way. It did not affect our immediate bonding in any way, and if anything, the decision to bottle feed helped my husband bond with him quickly because he was able to participate in many of the feedings!
I can't speak for people who have breastfed since I have no experience in that area. I will say that it's YOUR choice and you must do what you are comfortable with. Those first few months are hard enough without doing something you're not happy about!
Good luck in your decision and congratulations!
L.
PS- in regards to a few of the responses I just read...I dropped my baby weight just as quickly without breastfeeding, and I'm not the least bit worried that my son won't be as smart as b/f babies. I wouldn't let comments like that aid in your decision. Every woman, every pregnancy, every baby is different. I wish you the best of luck!!

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My husband felt the same way. I was completly against breastfeeding while I was pregnant- i wanted my body back to myself, want to disconnect with the baby a little, needed a break from being the only care giver. He (and my doctors) put pressure on me, so I agreed to do it in the hospital, and if it worked and I liked it, I would continue. I told them as soon I as I felt that breastfeeding was causing me negative feeling in any way, I was stopping.
Long story short, i loved it and look forwad to doing it again. I did not love pumping, however. I never thought in a million years that i would love breastfeeding!
Do what you feel comfortable with. What a previous post said, Happy Mom=Happy Baby. That's all you want out of the experience of your first baby!

1 mom found this helpful

C.,

You need to do what's right for both your baby and yourself. If you are anxious and unhappy, the baby will sense that and feeding could be difficult. Even though the studies say breastfeeding is best, bottlefed babies, overall, are just as healthy. I didn't breastfeed my daughter. She is 2 years old, has only had one ear infection, is rarely ever sick and has no allergies. She is just as healthy and intelligent as her breastfed peers. In the end, only you can make the right decision for yourself and your child. Now I know I may get flamed for saying this, but your husband, while having the right to his opinion, should not pressure or force you into doing anything you don't want to do. He is not the one who will be directly affected.

I hope this helps a little.

1 mom found this helpful

Basically, i hate this topic. It's so personal and people always try to push their feelings and beliefs on to you. And I HATE when husbands weigh in and have such strong feelings on it when it really doesn't involve them at all.
I had no interest in breast feeding and wasn't even sure if I could because I have very dense, fibrous breasts. So when my son was born, we put him on, he didn't latch well, I wasn't producing much,even with pumping for an hour five times a day... Long story short, my son is turning three next month, has had no more colds and illness (thank goodness) than his exclusively-breastfed friends, and we bonded just as much as (maybe more than) my friends who breastfed and their kids. i find that my friends who breastfed were devastated once their kids turned away from the breast.
Bottom line: you have to do what's best and most comfortable for you and the baby. You can't bond if you're miserable, and you shouldn't turn feeding your baby into a horrible experience for either of you. Have no expectations! Just go with it- if the baby latches well when he or she is born, you try it. If you like it, you continue. There's nothing wrong with pumping AND giving formula, so that he gets the antibodies and good stuff from formula but you're not a slave to your breasts and a human milk-factory. There's a happy medium - you just have to find the one that works for your family. And don't let your husband bully you. It's your body and you have to be comfortable, too. The surest way to post-partum depression is pre-birth anxiety.
Be well!

1 mom found this helpful

C., Congratulations!!!!!! You must be so thrilled. I did not read all of your responses (so many) but I can tell you that I didn't want to breastfeed either. I tried it because I knew it was good for my baby. He would NOT latch on. We ended up bottle feeding and when my milk came in, I pumped. It works for some women and not for others. I'd say give it a try, but DON'T let anyone pressure you into doing it if you're really uncomfortable. I'm expecting my second son in late April/early May. I will bottle feed and pump for as long as I can, but I won't let the lactation consultant/nurses make me feel guilty for my choice this time. The good thing about bottle feeding (even with breast milk) is that your husband gets the joy of feeding your baby too. This is a happy time. Don't let this issue bring you down. Enjoy your new baby. Good luck and let us know how it all goes.

Every hospital has a lactation counselor which you are entitled to see and return to see when and after you have your baby. Be sure to take advantage of this, and insist on seeing her before you leave the hospital.

Mother's can breastfeed by pumping only if that is what works for you. Everyone needs to figure out the right set up for themselves. If you can pump and feed, even for a short while it will be beneficial to the baby (but you already know all this). Many women pump and feed as a result of trauma, etc. because they are just not comfortable nursing.

I wish you luck. And congrats on your new baby!

You can pump without ever having the baby/breast contact. You will just need to begin pumping right after the baby comes to stimulate your milk to come in.

I tried breastfeeding with my son - so there was some contact - but after several days and much frustration - I began pumping and continued to pump for 11 months and fed him via bottle which was good in that my husband could help with feedings.

Though pumping has its own disadvantages - it made me feel tied down. Whereas if I had been feeding from the breast I could have went out whenever I wanted and if baby was hungry I could have just fed him but I had to plan my whole day/life around when I would have to pump.

After about 4 months I had it down to pumping 3 times a day - once in the morning - mid day - and right before bed.

Hi C.,

Maybe your mind may change once the baby is in your arms, or maybe not. However, I did both and I do not believe you have to put the baby on your breast. Just the milk itself will be healthier for the baby. I was told the first three months are the most important for developing the brain cells. I did it for a 1 year. But, its all up to you. Good Luck! :)

just curious....why are you so against it? pumping is a lot worse than breastfeeding.

Hi C.,

In answer to your question, yes you can pump without having contact with the baby. Mothers of preemies & sick babies do it all the time. A baby is much more effective but if you get a good pump and relax you can be successful. Most hospitals have breast pump rentals if you don't want to spend alot.
In your "husband respecting your decision" it is his baby too so I can see his point. If you have your mind made up, "trying" may not really work because you are already wanting it not to work out. Part of nursing is emotional. I would suggest going to a La Leche League meeting and talk with some breastfeeding moms. Obviously, they are pro-breastfeeding but you would be surprized by the various opinions & stories. Not all of them started out on the pro side. Even at the least you may find out some tips on pumping. (Usually the evening meetings have working moms who can tell you alot about pumping)
Best of luck with the new baby.

I am really happy that you are having a baby and I am excited for you so please don't be offended. I am somewhat concerned by your desire to avoid "baby/breast contact". Breastfeeding is not for everyone, certainly. But it seems like you are not really open to trying, you are just trying to appease your husband and not sound bad. Its none of my business, but for your own sake as well as your baby's, explore why it is that you are so against such a beautiful and natural gift. I hope you have a baby that likes bottlefeeding because mine refused to take the bottle at all and just cried all day long if he wasn't nursing. Please explore this issue now, not when he or she is born.

Hi C.,

First of all congrats on your pregnancy. Are you a first time mother? I have a 22 month old baby boy that is the most important person in my life!

I nursed my son for 17 months and I only stopped because he was so big already that my back hurt. I am obviously for breast breastfeeding and I encourage you to give it a try. It was difficult at first but I would never regret this once in a lifetime experience. If you want to know more about my experience feel free to ask me.

As far as your pumping question, the best person you can ask is a professional lactation consultant. These people (mostly women) are like the doctors of breastfeeding. Most hospitals have them on staff in the hospital. You can probably get a referral from a gynocologist. I think it is probably fine to get opinions from other people but no one will be as knowledgeable as a lactation consultant!

Please let me know if this was helpful and if I can answer any more questions for you. I know that when I was pregnant I was a ball of emotions with a million questions.

Y.

I tried to breast feed my first born for a couple of weeks then I gave up, didn't even bother trying with my second child and tried again with my third (breast feed for 6 months). My niece just had a baby in Oct and tried to put the baby to her breast and opted to pump instead of actually breast feeding naturally (she is very happy with pumping). It really is a wonderful bonding experience so if you can just give it a try, you can always pump (breast milk is excellent for newborns). Good Luck!
B. M

Firstly, try the breast feeding, if it's painful then go right to the bottle. No one has the right to tell you, that you must breastfeed. I tried it myself and found it way too painful. I have 2 beautiful healthy smart children, that were bottle fed. Your husband has no right to tell you what to do with your body, especially your breasts. If he can't respect your decision, than he is not respecting you. Your carrying a baby for 9 months, and caring for it thereafter should be enough for anyone. Your human, not wonderwoman. It sounds like you'll make a great mom. Your very caring and you have obviously looked into it.

Hi C.,
I totally agree with Diane S. Breastfeeding is your personal choice. You can pump with out breast/baby contact. I had to with my first daughter for 3 weeks, who was 6-weeks premature. She never had any breast contact until I brought her home and got sick of pumping.
I breastfed both of my daughters and enjoyed the exprience for the most part, very much. I am going to tell you you are going to miss out on the most intense closeness you could possible get with your baby if you don't.
I can certtainly understand why you wouldn't want to breastfeed and it doesn't mean that you love your baby any less. Lots of babies thrive off of formula, but please explore the option of breastfeeding.

C.:

Let me start by saying that this should be your decision. I am 100% pro breast feeding however let me tell you that it is huge commitment and it is also a not so wonderful experience for the first 2-3 weeks, from engorged painful breasts to cracked bleeding nipples. Also let me confess that I nursed my first daughter and while I went into breast feeding for all the wrong reasons, I really wanted to loose all the prego weight quickly, nursing helps a lot with that as you burn 500 cal a day by just producing milk. However once I got through the hard part I absolutely loved it and it was very convenient no bottles to clean or sterilize nothing to carry when I went out with baby other than diapers, it was so convenient and free. My hubby would pick her up and diaper her and then I would just put her to my breast and keep on sleeping trust me it was bliss to the point that when my daughter winned herself out at 7-8 mo I was so heartbroken. Now here is the other side I just had another girl just 1 week ago and nursing is not going well she doesn't want to take the breast she just wants the bottle I guess b/c the flow of milk is quicker and more abundant from the bottle than from the breast and she doesn't want to deal with it. I will only breast feed that was my decision so I have been pumping exclusively and bottle feeding expressed milk so I guess this answers you question about expressing milk and bottle feeding, however this won't prevent any of the other sympthoms that come with lactation, engorgement, sore nipples, and sometimes the cracking. This is just to let you know that whatever you decide it won't be a walk in the park, if your husband is supportive it is great help. Then you will have all the cleaning to do bottles, pump and you will need a good one, electric one.

This is not to scare you or turn you away but I feel people always highlight only the good and there is some frustration that comes with it as well, which will require you to be commited, as you can see my experience with my two daughters has been completely different one was fabulous and the other not going so well requiring me to be more committed to the whole thing, trust me I feel like giving up every minute of every day just b/c of the amount of work with the whole pumping thing which is new to me based on my first experience. Hopefully this will help you to make and informed decision that works for you. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

it's up to you, it's you who will be on baby duty at all times if you nurse. i nursed, i know. however, if you pump the baby will not need to be on your breast at all, but you will now be on pumping duty and bottle duty all the time. it can get stressful. i was on meds after my daughter was born, so i pumped and threw out the milk and then fed her with formula until the meds were out of my stytem. it's a lot of work, however, for me, it was worth it.

Hi C., and congratulations!
I agree with Beata P. who said that she is somewhat concerned by your desire to avoid baby/breast contact, and I think you need to ask yourself WHY you want to AVOID it and speak about THAT with somebody. I also agree with everybody who said that you should wait with the decision, because it is hard to understand your emotions toward the baby before the baby is really there.
Being mom-to-be for the first time is very confusing, but once the baby is there it will be different. I know this from my experience, and believe me, I was the same as you! But exploring the feelings behind the opinion you have now will definitely help you later.
Wish you the best, and happy parenting, with or without breastfeeding!
S.

I think if you aren't comfortable breast feeding it won't be a enjoyable or beneficial experience for you or your baby.

I have a friend who exclusively pumped and bottle fed her baby because she wouldn't latch on. She tried the pump-in-style and found that it wasn't strong enough for her to get good milk production. The pump she recommended to me was the symphony by medela, which you can rent at babies r us (and probably other places too). She said getting her supply up in the first month was difficult, but well worth the effort for her (just stick with it). After that she pumped 2-3 times a day to get enough milk for her daughter and was able to give her breast milk exclusively for 6 months. Although renting a pump is a little pricey (~$60/month), it is still cheaper than formula and is better for your baby's health. It also means that anyone can feed the baby and although you have to pump regularly you can get your husband to help with night feedings and other people can feed the baby if you want to go out for a day or something.

Good luck!

While I know breast feeding is recommended ( and I even did it) perhaps you can talk to your doctor about it. By no means should your husband dictate your choice. Yes, it's his baby, too, ...but it is your body. What you eat, the things you do- will all effect breast feeding. Breast feeding is a HUGE, HUGE! commitment. The first 3 months or so were extremely trying--baby is eating constantly so you are either nursing, pumping or both ALL the time. You get no time for you. My son never took a bottle at all so for months, I couldn't leave the house for more than an hour at a time. While I ended up sticking with it for 15 months --and enjoying it--, you need to make your own decision. Maybe if you explain the situation to the doctor, he/she will better be able to talk it out w/hubby. Seriously, don't be forced into a choice you aren't 100% comfortable with.

my advice is try it, you might like or you might not. i formula fed all 3 of my children although i would have liked to breastfeed for a bit but i has issues with milk production. for me, it got to a point where pumping was adding to my stress as a new mom, so i stopped. don't let any one pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, including your husband. you'll only resent him for making you do it.

Try not to stress over it. I found that so much of being a mom is theoretical until that baby's in your arms. You might think you'll do things one way, and then change your mind when faced with the situation. I was sure I wanted to breastfeed for the health benefits, but I didn't think I would like it--I thought the sensation of it would drive me crazy. It didn't. Anyway, just try to relax and enjoy these last days--you will figure things out for yourself and what's right for your family. To answer your question about pumping, I've heard of people doing it exclusively, but I myself hated pumping (double work), and wasn't able to get nearly as much pumping as the baby could. The baby is more efficient, and they change their suck as their needs grow and change--the pump is static. So many women have trouble keeping their supply up solely by pumping. Plus, pumping just never made sense to me--I felt like it tied me down, so I only did it when I had to.

Again, you'll figure it all out. Good luck, and just be open to the possibility that you might change your mind about lots of things.

Absolutely you can pump without ever actually nursing. My daughters were premie and never got the hang of latching on. Both were exclusively breast milk fed by my pumping until they were 6 months old.

One more thing to keep in mind is that you lose weight very quickly post pregnancy if you are breast feeding. I'm sure you would enjoy some of the benefits of that if you are pumping but I think that it comes off faster if nursing.

This is totally up to you. Once the baby arrives, you will be exhausted & might find that BFing works better for you. Either way, I think it is really important to have maximum flexibility by introducing the bottle early and trying nursing too. I suspect that if you try both you will fall into a routine that is right for you. It's nice that your husband is concerned but YOU are the one who will be doing the work in this area. Good luck!

I tried breastfeeding for a couple of weeks when my son was born and found that it didnt work for me or the baby. Both of us were much happier with a bottle and we formed a very loving close relationship anyway. From what I've read, the most important benefit of breastfeeding is the closeness formed between mother and child, but if you're going to lovingly give the baby a bottle, you can achieve the same closeness. Generations of us were bottle fed and many have healthy loving relationships with our parents. Good luck!

Hi C.. Do what you feel is right. It's ok for your husband to be for it, but you have to be the one comfortable with it. Give it a try though, it is the best for your child and you may surprisingly be ok with it. Keep in mind that you will have to feed the baby every 2 hrs or so when it's born, often it's easier to just sit in a chair and put the baby to your breast, rather than pump (which takes longer to get the same amount of milk) and then have to take the baby and feed it anyway. It's like double the work when you're pumping and feeding the baby. I don't know how much your husband is willing to help you, especially at night, but if you're going to wake up at night to pump then you may as well do the feeding, otherwise both of you don't get any sleep. So really it is double work. I know from experience because, although I tried to breastfeed and did it for a while, my baby never really lached on properly, I had to use one of those nipple protector shields and that still would make my nipples hurt so finally I switched to pumping. I did what I had to, but it was taking a lot of time, and I had to get up at night at regular hours anyway, so I ended up taking care of the baby so my husband could get some sleep. Then in the morning, I would get some sleep while he would take the baby and bottle feed her, then I'd get up and pump again and so on.

So try it out and if you hate it, don't do it, pump instead. You have to love it to do it. Good luck!!!

I'd look at why you are so set against it. Its a great thing to give to your child, and if you can breastfeed, even for a little while, there are SO many benefits. I have an 8 1/2 month old daughter and another one due in July and I have breastfed her and will breastfeed the next. I never wanted to be one of those "people" who bared my breast in public....to me it is a private thing that benefits my child. I will hide it as much as I can and only do it in public if I need to....but that's just me. Breastfeeding can be a challenge, but so rewarding....financially, emotionally and the nutritional benefits to your child. Plus, feeding during the night is SO Much easier than going to get a bottle and getting it ready.

My sister did not breastfeed. We were not brought up breastfeeding, and I think it was too "weird" for her to do. I think that's how we grew up -- that it was weird....but I thought I'd try it when I was pregnant and I'm glad I did.

I'm curious why your husband wants it so bad. I think many men think its erotic and I can see why that would turn someone off of it (I don't know if this is the case or not). Its not erotic. Its you providing for your baby.

My suggestion would be to at least try it....try it for a few weeks, and if it is really not something you want to do, then by all means, bottlefeed. Its not something to get upset about, its just something to try.

I was also apprehensive about breastfeeding. I wanted to try, but had a large impatient infant after a c-section and he never really latched on.

I decided to pump and supplement. I would do about 5 bottles of pumped milk a day and then use 2-3 bottles of formula for the late night/ early morning feedings. This was great because dad could do the night and/or early morning feedings some times so i could sleep and i didn't worry as much about pumping at night.

It was really hard in the beginning when they eat every 3 hours. I felt like i was either feeding him or pumping. But as the number of bottles per day went down, so did the amount of time pumping.

When i stopped pumping at about 3.5-4 months, i was getting enough milk for the day and a little to save pumping 3 times a day. I would have kept doing it but I got sick for several months and wasn't able to anymore.

It is not a problem to pump only. A few of my girlfriends did that. The only issue that they had was that it is very time consuming and they felt isolated. I did both. It is very convienient to breastfeed without the pump but if you have an issue with it, use your pump. Hey, it also gives you a break because others can help out with the feedings :) Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I breastfed for 11 weeks and some people thought that was too short. Until they are in your shoes...Good Luck!

I was the same way. The thought of breast feeding was never appealing to me. I pumped with my 1st one from the beginning, without a problem. I got a lot of grief from people for not actually breast feeding, but it's whatever you feel comfortable with. You can bond with your baby just as much during bottle feeding. Go with what's right for you, a newborn is stressful enough as it is. Good luck!!

Hi C.,

I have a 10 month old baby girl. I was never opposed to breastfeeding when I was pregnant, but once my baby arrived, she preferred the bottle as opposed to the breat so I ended up pumping and bottle feeding. I had great success with this and would pump every 4 hours or so. I did this for about 8 weeks and then stopped. By doing this, my husband could also share in the feedings

I think you need to do what you feel comfortable with. They will also pressure you in the hospital to breastfeed as well. You may also change your mind once the baby is here. But again, do what you feel is right.

i agree with the woman who suggested that you should talk it out with your husband, especcially if you are crying at the thought of breastfeeding, let him know how you feel and explain to him why you don't want to breastfeed while also listening to him why he wants you to.

Yes, it is ultimately your decision, but it is both your baby and i think he has a right to an opinion as well.

Perhaps try going to a breastfeeding class to learn a little more about it

I would advocate you at least trying it out...you might like it. It has so many advantages...yea..you are the one who has to get up in the middle of the night for all the feedings, but once the baby is latched on...i would put my head back and fall asleep...nearly everynight. it is so relaxing.

you could try pumping and bottle feeding, but i think you might find it more of a hassel than its worth and formula feedings will win that battle. and formula fed babies turn out just fine...

Good luck and congratulations!!

C.,

Breastfeeding is a completely personal decision and really should be the decision of the mother. I have breastfed both my children and really enjoyed it, so you should definitely consider it since it's both cheap, convenient and an amazing bonding experience; however, if you are stressed, disinterested or reluctant, it will not be a positive experience.

My advice would be to try it at birth since you may feel very differently at that time - plus your husband may be a great resource to help support you since having that support is critical in the very beginning. Then if you are still not interested in it just tell your husband to respect your decision as it is your body and you will be affected more than him or anyone else.

Don't spend your last few weeks of pregnancy crying over it though - its a precious moment in your life that doesn't last forever, so enjoy the baby growing inside of you and don't think about it until the day you meet your precious little one!

Good luck!

i wanted to 100% bf both my boys for as long as i could. i did with my first for 8 weeks and only 1 month with my 2nd who is 4months old right now. i stopped because i felt like it was a job aside from the fact that i had issues with engorgement. i felt that i would be a better parent if i stopped-if that makes sense at all-when i was bfing i was just feeding them and then laying them down-i wasnt interacting with them in any other way. with my 2nd son i bf for 2 wks then pumped and bottle fed and then out of my own guilt i went back to bfing and then went to formula. you have to do what feels right to you because if your uncomfortable the baby will be also. good luck and congradulations!

Hi, C.,

Good luck with the birth of your baby -- coming soon! I breastfed my twins and it was really great for my family for several reasons, not the least of which was my being able to comfort them essentially instantly by nursing them -- without having to take the extra step of mixing formula or getting bottles ready. So I hope you will try it. But of course you need to do what works for *you* and your family.

Anyway, the reason I'm responding is to let you know about something that could help you out a lot with pumping, if you go that route. (I pumped as well as nursed, so my husband could help with feedings, and then more after I went back to work.) It's a bustier-type thing where you can pump both breasts hands-free, so you can do other things like read or eat or whatever while you're pumping. I found it helped me keep up the pumping for longer each session, which of course means more milk. Check it out. It looks weird but it's comfortable and I really recommend it strongly:

http://www.easyexpressionproducts.com/

-A.

C., I just have a minute to give you my 2 cents worth. Breastfeading is a personal decision. I decided to try with my daughter. It lasted about 6 weeks and we supplemented with formula along the way. My husband was supportive, but ultimately he told me it was my decision. My daughter is now 9 years old and happy, healthy & pretty smart. I wouldn't change anything I did. Don't stress about it. You're going to have a beautiful baby regardless.

PS - tell you husband that if he wants to breastfeed the baby himself, he's welcome to it. Sorry, but that's why it's your decision. Good luck!

sure you can pump only, but I assure you it will be a pain in the *ss. Sometimes it can take forever and you'll never get out as much as the baby can get out. Why don't you want to breastfeed? Do you want to get up 5 times a night to warm up a bottle or just take out your breast and give it to the baby? I would try it for a little while. You can always stop, and I guarantee you'll miss it when you do. You don't realize how much you love something until it's gone.

C.,
I was able to breastfeed my son for just a few days. After that I pumped all his milk for a little over 3 months. I was lucky in that I produced a lot of milk so I didn't have to pump during the night. I think there are a lot of pro's to pumping. Mainly you feel good that your baby is getting the best nutrients possible. Research shows TREMENDOUS health benefits for mother's milk vs. formula. I felt that I wasn't as tied down as breastfeeding mom's b/c I could pop out the bottle when we were on the go. I also had a good system going. I had 6 borne free bottles and I would have them filled to whatever oz he was drinking at the time (always do a little more than they are drinking so they decide how much they want) and ready to go in the refrigerator. Then I would have milk in the breastpump bottles and some in the freezer. Once he drank I bottle I would pull the next one out so it was room temperature by the next feeding. At night, I would have the bottle on my nightstand warming up for the next feed and I would feed him in my bed and then put him back in his crib. Another pro is that it takes less time for them to eat.
The con's!!! Missing out on the intimacy/bonding. Being able to do the side position as the baby feeds in the night and be able to close your eyes again (somewhat). Pumping gets tougher and tougher as the baby gets older. My son was a very high maintenance baby and I found I wasn't able to pump as often b/c I was taking care of him and eventually my milk supply was going down and I had to start supplementing w/ formula. I had the pump band which made it a little more bearable but it's still very difficult to pump and take care of your baby especially when they are being fussy.
I was pretty freaked out about breastfeeding. I don't know what your reason for not wanting to do it is. Hopefully it's something you can overcome once the baby gets here. They change a lot of things about you once you finally meet! Maybe it would help if you saw someone breastfeed? It really is such a natural thing. Pumping everything is really tough!!! I originally thought I would pump everything for at least 6 months. I quickly learned that was not going to happen as it's too tough (unless you have a nanny!).
It's your decision but please at least try. You might like it!

I never enjoyed breastfeeding like everyone around me seemed to, but I did it anyway, one year with each child. It was a great day when my breasts retired and I celebrated enthusiastically.
You don't say why you are so dead set against it, but the advantages are more than just to the child: Some studies show a reduction of breast cancer in women who have breast fed, it is truly cost effective, very important these days, and when you are sleep deprived with your baby, which you will be, simply pulling out a breast at 2 am instead of warming a bottle while the baby cries in hunger will seem much more appealing. I pumped as well, and that does not make it any better, trust me. Added to that was the fact that my second child absolutely refused to take a bottle, or pacifier for that matter.
This is perhaps not what you want to hear, but I think you might want to revisit your aversion to it and see if it something you can overcome. That does not mean you have to enjoy it. But just like giving up wine or beer during pregnancy was sometimes diffcult: it is an investment in the future.

It can feel overwhelming, I breastfeed all 3 of my boys but my hubby really isnt a big fan. He knows that its good blah blah but he wants his "ladies" back. The one thing I have learned about being a mom is that YOU have to do what works for YOU.

Hi there,

It's hard to tell someone what to do. I breastfed, my sister did not. all babies are perfectly healthy. From my experience, pumping is way harder and much more uncomfortable then feeding directly from the breast. Could you try to breastfeed for the first day or so(so baby gets culustrum- giving it antibodies that help build the immune system) and if you hate it then switch to bottles? Yes there are tons of benefits to breasfeeding as i'm sure you know, however a miserable mom is tha absolutely worst thing for a baby so you need to do what is best for you. It can be easy and it can be very hard and it's quite a commitment.

On a side note- one big old positive for mom is that i dropped baby weight way faster then bottle feeding moms casu eyou burn 500-800 calories a day breastfeeding.

Don't do it exclusively if you don't want to. Try it.. you may love the feeling of closeness you get with the baby.. or you may hate it.. but try it.. You'll wonder later on.. if you would have liked it or not.. but buy bottles too.. and don't let anyone tell you that you have to do only breast feeding.. a lot of people go back and forth. Especially the first two weeks are really healthy for the baby. I adopted my 2 children.. and would have loved to been able to at least try to breast feed.. you are lucky.. you can try it.. so try it.. and also get formula to bottle feed.. so you aren't tied down to doing breast feeding only. good luck... have fun with the new baby..

Hi C., I am really sorry you are going through this at the end of your pregnancy. Everything you feel goes through to you baby and your husband should know that. Even though I breastfed all 5 of my children and found it wonderful, your feelings are your own and cannot be changed. I would say try but if you really do not want to the baby will feel that too and will be unhappy. About the pumping, I believe you can without baby contact. Some moms pump because of issues with their nipples that don't make it easy for baby to suck. In any event, I will pray that you can resolve this issue with your husband and try to enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy. A safe delivery and a healthy baby. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

C., I am so sorry you are feeling this anxiety. Have you looked at why your husband is pushing so hard for this. Yes, it is a good start for the baby but if the new mom is anxious you could have problems with you milk coming in,

Do you know why you don't want to do it? Although it is a very natural thing - in the beginning I was a little nervous and shy about it myself. So, are you shy about your breasts being touched? Is that a problem between you and your husband?

Have you talked with a lactation specialist? Most hospitals have them and you can ask to speak with one once your baby is born - I have a good friend who is a maternity nurse and she does lactation counseling with new moms.

You have alot of emotions going on right now and it is hard to figure out where they are coming from - but in the end you have to do what is best for YOU. Your new baby does not need any unhappy, stressed out MOM. Good luck and keep us posted, B.