Breaking the Sleeping in Our Bed Routine

Co-sleeping isn't necessarily a bad thing. My son is nearly 5 and still sleeps with me and hubby. Yeah, some nights are rough because he's a really agressive sleeper (kicks A LOT) but I still wouldn't trade it for anything else. I'm pregnant with number two so my sleep habits suck anyway, but I LOVE snuggling up to him and hubby at night.

As for some of the comments you'll hear from family and friends, I was honestly surprised that when I mention to friends that my son sleeps with us that so many of our friends have their kids sleeping with them too. Its like some big secret and its funny to see the relief on others faces when they realize they aren't the only ones. So don't worry if other people think its wrong. Your house, your kid, your decision.

To be honest, I have often struggled with the thought that maybe its time for my son to stay in his room, in his bed, all night. However, the fact that I'm not really enforcing it or even making any big attempt to do it just confirms that I'm happy with the situation the way it is. I think sometimes its more about the peer pressure that makes us try to rethink it.

Good luck to you, whatever your choice is....

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If you ever watch "Super Nanny" she tells parents to walk them back to their bed, say something ONLY THE FIRST TIME and then put them back to bed. They will most likely keep coming back to you for a while but after the first time just walk them back to their bed not saying anything and walk away. You may lose some sleep for a bit but they will eventually catch on that you are just down the hall and they will be fine. You may want to try that right away at bedtime, don't sit in their room.

Good Luck!!

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ok it sounds cruel ut yes get some ear plugs if you or your husband cant take it. But just let him fuse till he falls asleep i have does this three times and it worked with three ut not my fourth. He will fuse and scream and cry and even make him self sick but you will notice within a week time his crying and thoughing a fit will start to shorten. As soon as he realizes mommy is not going to put up with his stuff he will stop doing it this can take up to 2 weeks or more depending on how stubborn you child is. If you can't deal with it the crying and stuff go to a neighbors or to your car and sit or to the store leaving one home. if you both can't andle it one needs to tag team to give the other a break. You will notice after the first 48 hrs the crying and fit starts to shorten. It does work and it is not cruel to do. It is actually benefitial to you and your husband along with your child. Highl recommended by my pediatrician.

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Never, never let a child cry it out - it is just mean and very frightening to them. 2 year olds are so sensitive and he may even be slower to mature, given his prematurity. Is there a reason he can't come in your room for the next year or so? a lot of little kids sleep in their parents' rooms or beds so everyone can get more sleep. Sometimes one parent has to lie with the child in the child's room until they fall asleep, then bring them into the parents' room when they wake up later. If he knows he'll be comforted, he'll eventually learn to comfort himself, but he's too young now. congratulations on this little guy! You're blessed! Enjoy him! He'll be grown all too soon.

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It's called tough love.

And since you allowed it to start, consider it part of your 'punishment'. You will have to be firm and get up out of a sound sleep and take your son back to his room. Walk away. So he has a fit. Eventually he will conk out, and eventually he will get the understanding that he stays put. Hubby should be on the same page as you on this and he can help in the process. You are under no obligation to go running every time he screams. He'll have your number real quick if you give in all the time. Talk about speed dial! Nip it in the bud now.

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First of all do not apoligize for a parenting decion that you made! It was the right thing for your family at the time! The US is one of the only countries were cosleeping is not the norm!
Here is how a friend of mine transitions her children out of thier bed at about two. They start with a crib mattress on the floor by thier bed and slowly move the child to there. After the child has been sleeping on the mattress for several months they then move them to thier own bed.
This is not an easy transition but it will happen!
Many Blessings, K.

I am in the same, exact, position right now with my son. He is 21 months. Same thing, he starts out in his bed - I am in the room when he falls asleep - and, a few hours later, wants to come into ours. We have some good nights where he will be in his bed most of the night and some not. We have started trying to go into his room, when he wakes up, and sit with him for a little while and let him fall back to sleep in his own bed. We were doing really well with that, and thinking that maybe we were on the right track, then, he went back to daycare after 2 weeks off for the holidays and, now, has a nasty cold. This past week and a half, he has been in our room more than his, again. Like you said, I know, I probably should not have started this pattern, but, here I am. I am also expecting our daughter on or before February 12th.

I had both my boys sleep with us when they were babies and then we had to wean them off of it. My 3 year old still wants to come to bed with us sometimes in the middle of the night. All perfectly normal and it WAS wonderful at the beginning when they were small. But as you know when they get bigger and kick and keep you awake it is time to move them to their own bed.

Here is what we did, just a suggestion (like all the rest) but it has worked for both my boys (5.5 & 3).
1.Put them in a big boy bed (twin) with guard rail(s) and help them get to sleep.
2. Tell them that they are a big boy and they have a big boy bed that is theirs. It is time to start to learn how to use it.
3. Some comfort from you, a teddy bear or whatever works to get them asleep. Some crying with you talking to them (not crying it out until they puke!) and get them to sleep.
4. WHEN they wake up, see if you can rub their back or whatever to get them back to sleep, if that doesn't work you can lay down with them for a bit until they are asleep. Remind them that this is their bed and you will help them get back to sleep but they can't come to your bed.
5. Keep at it, it takes a while (weaning of any kind does) but you will be more comfortable in a big boy bed with them part of the time then keeping them in your bed.

My 3 year old still wakes up in the night but he asks for water and is fine to go right back to sleep. Every once in a while he will want me to sleep with him and I lay down for a minute or 2 and then get up. My 5 year old sometimes asks if I will stay in his room (they share a room) I sometimes lay down and give him a big hug and then tell him it is time for me to get back to whatever. It is nice to know my boys love me and want me around but don't need me to have a good night sleep. All of life is a weaning of some kind with our kids... just think about when they go to school! :)

GOD bless.

H.; its so hard for little ones to feel secure, even every now and then we enjoy company at night when we might of had a bad dream, or just need to be held , even as adults we need comfort, why not let a young child have comfort too? but then how do you get to sleep with little ones in your bed, well once they are asleep you can carry them back to their rooms, and if that dont work you can do what i did , i put a little mattress under my bed, and had it all made, and then i would put the child there, they got comfort and slept in same room with me, not just same bed, eventually they go in their room, little ones too can be scared and run to the adult for comfort, if you cant provide comfort for them they will find it elsewhere and thats not always a good idea, its ok to provide their comfort without disturbing too much, if he is crying for you and you come, its ok to comfort them and go back to sleep , you can try the cry it out method but its really hard, and it can work in time, and in some kids you h ave to do this, otherwise there is no sleeping if you want, to try the sleep it out method, when they cry wait a bit, then go, next time wait a bit longer, then even longer next time, eventually they will get it, time yourself, go in in one minute one time, then two the next , just have fun and be loving and give your child what it needs when it needs it, i know every night can be really rough, so hang in there, and enjoy life D. s

My advise is to do an intensive training. Meaning you consistently keep putting him back into his bed, even if you're up all night the first few nights. If he knows that by persisting in crying you'll give in, then he'll NEVER want to go back to bed.

It isn't cruel to teach him this independence. Your bed is for you and your husband. If he's scared, go to his room, and comfort him (and I'm talking about an actual nightmare, not manipulating to get into your bed). Don't get pulled into sleeping in his bed with him either.

You might want to decide before this starts what you are going to say to comfort him. Have a few lines rehearsed, something about knowing he's a big boy and grown up enough to have his own bed. Let him know that you're close by and can hear him if there is something wrong, that you love him, and that you're going to your bed so you can sleep too. Then LEAVE the room. Let him cry. Its a tantrum, NOT that he's really scared. Make sure you stay consistent in whatever you choose to do when he wakes up. Also, be sure to give BIG rewards for any progress made. Give lots of love and attention during the day time and remind him how excited you are that he's growing up into a big boy.

This is about training him to obey you. If he learns that his crys can manipulate you into getting his way, then it will continue in different areas the REST of his life.

Best wishes, I know this might make for a few sleepless nights, but he will get it and he'll be more happy and confident!

H.,
I completely understand your frustration, as our daughter, who is almost 4, has been coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night for the past couple years. We have a small couch in our room, and we've let her sleep there. Just a couple days ago, we moved her to a big girl bed, and we're trying to make a big deal out of this to get her to stay there. She was in a toddler bed for the past couple of years before this. If you haven't moved your son to a toddler bed yet, maybe this would be incentive for him to stay put.

It's probably too soon for your son for this, but just last night, I offered my daughter a penny for her piggy bank for every night that she stays in her own bed all night. It finally worked last night! Not sure if it will continue to work, but I will continue to make the offer. I don't normally like to bribe, but if it works, for a penny a day, I think it's well worth it!

It does seem cruel, doesn't it?

What's the harm?

Just wondering...

My youngest is attending college, she is now 18 and sleeps at home at least once every 3 weeks or so, came into our bed in the middle of the night, off an on with less and less frequency until she was nearly 8. She sat on my lap, pretty much all the time, until she was nearly 13. This 'clingy' baby is the one who went to England and Scotland on her own this summer, a few months before she turned 18. She worked for all the money, planned it and had a grand time for nearly 3 weeks.

If you meet your baby's needs, they'll dissipate. If you have a war, the needs will stay where they were, and you'll have a lot of stress, frustration and your baby will spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to lever what he needs out of you.

I always found it simpler to just give them what they needed, let it dissipate and get more sleep.

Hi H....I was/am a co-sleeper and I broke my 5 yo DS by putting his toddler bed in our room and slowly moving it closer and closer to the door. Finally we made it into his room, and now he is a bunkbed(on the top bunk)in his sisters room. I never have a problem with him now, but the "transitioning" phase took ALOT of patience and consistency. I hope this advice helps! Good luck with everything!

-E.

mom of 3...

It isn't cruel to let him get to sleep by himself. It is hard though. Try a dream catcher, or there are small sound machines, that have soothing sounds which can ease him into sleep. Sleeping in a big boys bed can be overwhelming at first and he needs to get used to it.

Hope this helps.

You might try his crib mattress on the floor next to your bed. He is still a baby. There is NOTHING wrong with co-sleeping. If it's an intimacy issue...try a differrent location. He is only little for such a short time. He won 't be in there forever. We had all three of ours in bed with us. They eventually went to their own beds. They are now perfectly normal 20 and 30 somethings! After reading some of the other responses, I feel bad for some of those little ones! Adults don't sleep alone, why would you send your little one away and alone? ESPECIALLY given that he was a preemie. Follow your gut, you know him better than anyone. If it's an opinion of friends and family...don't tell them what you are doing. If you ALL get more sleep that way...who cares? He won't be there when he is 5 or 6!

You'll hear all sorts of different advice I'm sure. I say it's totally normal. I'd relax and let him outgrow it on his own time table. Just continue starting him off in his bed. When he wakes and cries, bring him in bed, so everyone gets some sleep. Soon he'll sleep through the night. I think it's wonderful that you're meeting his needs both during the day and at night.

We coslept with both my children, I think they needed the xtra time with Mom and Dad. You could use the matress next to your bed if you really want to break it or for heavens sake he is only 2 he might need you. If you don't like the scream it out it out mentioned don't use it. I know I could not. My kids were more like 4 and 5 when I broke them of the habit completely we redecorated thier rooms got them big beds and then it took many nights of practice a very strick and organized bedtime routine which included 10 minutes of snuggling in our bed before taking you to yours. You know what at 13 and 10 they are good confident kids and truth be told in the mornings they are welcome in my bed any day of the week! Good luck do what feels good for you too!