40 answers

Boys Doing "Girl" Things

I just finished watching What Would You Do and it got me thinking....

If your son wanted to wear "princess" dresses or get a barbie would it bother you? would you get it for him?

My son is a typical rough and tumble little guy (he's four) but since his little sister has come (she's seventeen wks)
he says things like he can't wait to be a mom and breastfeed his kids and that his favorite color is now pink not blue and
does most of his homework (preschool-done in marker) in pink (which used to be only done in blue) I think it's adorable and
find nothing wrong with it. He has also become more interested in "girl" toy advertisements (like the movie tangled or zhu-zhu pets)
I know it's just a phase (and would be a-okay if it wasn't) but am amazed at how upset it makes some people.

Just wanted to hear other peoples thoughts.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Well, sadly - the reason it's ok for girls to do "boy" things but people freak if boys do "girl" things is that that "girl" things are considered to be inferior. It may not be totally conscious for all people, but it's real. I am so glad that Mom's are taking a stand on this - because it's a message that doesn't do girls OR boys any favors.

5 moms found this helpful

My 8 year old daughter, in 3rd grade... has a classmate... a Boy... who's favorite color is PINK.
No one teases him nor thinks he's odd.
He is a TOTAL rough and tumble boy.... totally.
But he likes pink.
And he is not afraid to say so.
Very confident kid.
His wallet... is pink.

4 moms found this helpful

I watched this tonight to km and think it is crazy to act this way towards a little child ........ the more I see children playing the more I see that they just enjoy playing with whatever gets their attention at that time....they are not thinking like adults(atleast not at that age)that oh I am going more towards the girly stuff because I secretly wish to be a girl and so therefore want girl stuff.....or am gay...etc. people need to back off. my 5 year old son plays mostly with boy stuff but am not against him at all playing with girls stuff and do not actually think that way when I seeing him do it either....actually I don't think anything....doesn't even enter my mind these things people worry so much about and would love him anyways even if that was the case. anyways,people just need to get over it and let kids be kids.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

It wouldn't bother me one bit! We would always play wedding when we were growing up and continually tried to get our little neighbor boy to be the groom. Well, he wanted to be the BRIDE!!!!! Haha! So my mom got him a dress and tied a dish cloth to his head just like my sister and I and we all were the bride! The pics are soooooo cute.

I wish people would get over the gender line. And I have to say that I LOVE your son's comment on being a mom and breastfeeding. He is going to be a daddy that nurtures! Just like my husband.
So many people want to knock that out of boys and it's a tragedy! You are fostering a wonderful heart in your son.
Great job!

6 moms found this helpful

There are such a jumble of gender hangups out there!

It sounds like your little guy is identifying with you in his desire to be a mama and nurse. My son (nearly 4) tells me he wants to be a mommy too, 'when I grow up and be a girl'. We have to remember that kids don't have that same sense of gender permanence so many adults experience. They are just interested at the possibilities of what each person does.

This summer my son wanted pink slippers like his preschool buddy. I bought them for him gladly. Passing phase... just wanted what his buddy had. Loves his blue slippers and wears them instead. I could care less either way. If he wanted a Barbie, I'd try to get him a more realistic/less freakily-idealistic doll which was similar. I nannied for little boys who sometimes wanted to dress like their sisters-- I just let them. It's not like they are going to think they *always* will wear dresses. And if so, so what?

I, too, am a bit perplexed at how upset others get by it. I figure it's some insecurity triggered within themselves. How does one get to feeling threatened by something like this? I think there are people who have some pretty strong homophobic feelings (or perhaps latent homosexuality?) which become triggered. Others, I think, have their own beliefs which conflict with non-stereotypical gender play, and so there's another group of anxious people. Their judgmental actions/upset is based on fear, once again.

Not that we don't have enough legitimate things in the world to worry about, huh?

5 moms found this helpful

Well, sadly - the reason it's ok for girls to do "boy" things but people freak if boys do "girl" things is that that "girl" things are considered to be inferior. It may not be totally conscious for all people, but it's real. I am so glad that Mom's are taking a stand on this - because it's a message that doesn't do girls OR boys any favors.

5 moms found this helpful

My son is 5 and still will occasionally dress up in princess dresses or ballet clothes and pretend to be a fairy. Since he has a big sister and we have lots of play clothes from daycare he LOVES to dress up. Or maybe it's just who he is... in preschool he dressed up almost every day. Some days he would wear all red and be a red panda, other days when he wore all red, he was "redman" a super hero. He still goes out in public wearing ears a tail and a one piece cheetah suit. Most people who see him smile or say something nice... occasionally people will say, why is he dressed like that? I don't worry about it. If he's comfortable then that's all that matters to me. I love his creativity.

When he was 2 and dressing up in a pink shiny tulle tutu and pink rainboots almost every day, my husband commented that he needed to grow out of this so he wouldn't get teased at school... about a week later my son was looking longingly at my daughter's Little Mermaid toothbrush and told me he liked Ariel's ninnies... I think dressing up is a very normal developmental phase and boys playing with "girl" toys isn't a big deal for me. My son will make a gun out of anything (we don't have play guns or real guns in the house) and then he'll turn around and play barbies with one of the little girls at daycare.

I will say that I have had a Mom tell me that she would rather her 2 year old son not dress up in dresses at my daycare. I think it was mainly a cultural thing, but I can't be sure. I didn't really push it with her, I just respected her wishes.

5 moms found this helpful

This is one department where IMO girls *do* have things a bit easier than boys - when one of my daughters went through her "Construction worker" phase in preschool and wondered why there were no "Bob the Builder" underwear for girls, no one seemed worried that there was something 'wrong' with her. Personally I think it's sweet that your son has allowed his baby sister to bring out his 'softer' side and that ought to serve him well in the long run (my hubby recalls learning to crochet from his grandma, and he's one of the most sensitive and thoughtful guys I know :-))

4 moms found this helpful

My 8 year old daughter, in 3rd grade... has a classmate... a Boy... who's favorite color is PINK.
No one teases him nor thinks he's odd.
He is a TOTAL rough and tumble boy.... totally.
But he likes pink.
And he is not afraid to say so.
Very confident kid.
His wallet... is pink.

4 moms found this helpful

I LOVE YOUR POST!!! I am not entirely sure why some parents get so upset over such things. Maybe homophobia or fears about what others will think and are fearful of bullying? I'm a strong believer in fostering a home environment that not only makes a child feel safe in developing their own identity but also encourages such development as you described doing for your son.

I guess a agree with your post so much I don't really have much more to say other than ROCK ON MAMA!!!

4 moms found this helpful

Hi KM!
I'd be ok with it too. I think the more we fight our kids to fit into a box, the more they will want to be outside the box.

It might be a phase, it might not. You are doing a wonderful thing by allowing him to be who he wants to be. Good for you!

And for the people who are bothered by this...so what! You don't sound like you care too much either. I have 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and they all have completely different personalities. It would be so difficult to tell them to act one way or that they can't play with certain toys because they are girl/boy toys. That's just silly!!

B.

4 moms found this helpful

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