Behavior Issue with 6 Year Old

Hi. Former teacher, current stay at home mom of a 5 yr old boy, and 1 yo girl. K.I.S.S(a teacher acronym for keep it simple, silly!)

You are doing the best you can. That being said. . .I would keep the home environment VERY positive, and separate from the school. I would not punish school behavior at home!!!!(The teacher will not punish home behavior at school!!!!!) Meaning give back toys, let him watch a moderate amount of tv, and DEFINITELY replace the writing with some positive role play. . .SHOW Him, Not tell him how it looks when he acts a certain way, and then show how you DO want him to behave. Also, ask the teacher to provide other things to do. . .or YOU send him some things that he CAN do, like read a book, or write a story, or draw and illustrate a picture. simple word searches(puzzlemaker.com) IF the teacher is not amicable to this. .go to the principal. In addition, have him tested for gifted,(still presents challenges) he sounds like he needs a challenge.. . .And remember, that is YOUR Baby, and you are his best advocate. . .look at the things you love about him, and capitalize on the positive things. Good report one day=5 extra minutes @ night, or stickers. Let him know how much you love him in spite of the behavior.
Lastly, and most simply ask your son why he thinks he is getting in trouble, and how does he think he can fix it. That way it puts some responsibility on him, and gives him awareness.

I am speaking from experience, and wish you the best of luck!!!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Your not a failure, your a good mom. I just want to mention that I have 2 kids with ADHD. Prior to diagnosis, when I would run this past the teachers they would always say that they didn't think it was ADHD. Teachers are great, but they are not doctors and ADHD is a medical diagnosis that needs to be diagnosed by a specialist, yes the teachers input is considered in the diagnosis but is not the only factor. Not staying on task or focused 90% of the time is a symptom of ADHD. Just a side note, kids with ADHD are usually very bright and creative and think outside the box these are some of the qualities that make them so special. Also would like to say that ADHD is not necessarily a behavior problem, but untreated the disorder can cause behavior issues just like untreated allergies and other medical conditions can cause behavior issues in children. Your son may or may not have ADHD or he may just be immature, going through a phase any number of things could be causing the problems. Your son sounds very bright, maby he is not being challenged in the classroom and is acting out because he is bored. This is not uncommon in very intelligent kids. Keep a close eye on what is going on at school at some point you may want to request that the school provide an educational evaluation. Does he misbehave at home or just school? Have you made sure that he is not having any social issues?
What I want to say most to you is you are not doing anything wrong and again I will say you are not a failure. Every kid is different and has different needs people are so quick to judge the parents when their children are having issues this is unfair not all kids respond to typical parenting techniques. But these are the kids that are the CEO's, Inventors and artist of our world. These kids are challenging and it takes time to figure out what works with them and what works one day sometime does not work the next. You are obviously concerned about your son and addressing the problem that is a good parent. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

First off, the teacher isn't qualified to diagnose ADHD. So, don't read much into that. My big question is how long this has been going on and does he have the same problems staying focused at home? If this is ongoing and persists in both locations, I would talk to your son's pediatrician for a referral to a neuropsychologist or psychiatrist, who can diagnose a condition like ADHD. Kids with ADHD are very smart and tend to do well academically, but struggle with focus and some have issues with impulse control and hyperactivity (it can be ADHD-inattentive type, which simply involves the focus or combined type, which adds in the impulse and hyperactivity components).

If the problem is just at school, consider the school environment. He may have issues with the teacher's teaching style or just be bored, among other factors.

To encourage good behavior, try rewarding him for the positive days. Spell out exactly what he needs to do at school and then reward him if you get a good report each day. The reward can be whatever would motivate him, whether it's video game time, TV time, a trip to the park, a toy from the dollar store, whatever. It's more motivating to know there's a reward in the end than to be focused on the negative consequences.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Ok I KNOW this is going to sound crazy BUT try giving him coffee YES coffee. If he truly has ADHD , which is what it soundsliek to me because my son was the same way at that age, the coffee works differently on an ADHD child than on someone without it. It will help him concetrate. Trust me on this when I was a kid the doc told my mom if I missed a pill to give me coffee. Now I advise you to do this on a day that IF it makes him hyper like caffeine normally would do you can get out of the house to the park or somethin until it wears off. It will not harm him but it is a cheap way to find out so that you can go to the doc with a better understanding. I also have ADHD & the best way I can explain how it feels is imagine ants all over your body & you have to move to get them off but they just keepcoming back so you have to move again thats what it feels like to have ADHD. Now imagine if you couldnt move to get them off you would go crazy right? This is why they are fisgety & have a hard time sitting still. Im an adult now so I have coping skills for the fidgeting & distractability & I goto college which before I was on my meds was impossible. I agree also though that it could be food allergies. Watch out for anything with red food dye #40 it would send my son up the walls so be dilligent on reading labels. Goodluck with your son & try to remember he doesnt WANT to misbehave.

1 mom found this helpful

hi,

is your child congested? Can he breathe through his nose at all times? It may sound crazy, however, mouth breathers have a difficult time concentrating and staying on task. Is he able to sit quietly with his lips together comfortalbly?

Let me know.

1 mom found this helpful

Don't feel like a failure.
Its probably just a maturity thing.
Lots of kids that age, are like that. Not only your son.
Kids will not be perfect.
The punishments are not working. So stop.
Talk with him.

Does his Teacher complain about him?
If not, the don't worry.

Kids, are not robots.. .and they cannot just sit still all the time.

What grade is he in? Kinder or 1st?

Self-control, in a child this young... is not something fully attainable for some. Its a maturity thing, as well as them having full impulse control.
And they will not be a 100% student with work... having some normal mistakes is normal. Why can't a child make mistakes and not get 100% correct all the time? I think that is too high expectations... no child is perfect.

It is not developmentally normal for a 6 year old to maintain "control" and sit all the time. School want a 6 year old to act like a 9 or 10 year old. At this age, especially boys, children move around a lot, need to have an outlet for a release of energy , and be allowed to "just be a kid". I can bet there is nothing wrong with your child, just too high of expectations for a 6 year old child, and normal development.

It really does sound like your child may be bored in class and needs more advanced work. This is something you will not find in the school system, for they teach to pass the test so they gain more money for that school...and concentrate on the children that struggle ion order to maintain the "grade" to attain more money. Smart children tend to fall into the cracks, and if they see your child is excelling academically, they tend to not pay as much attention to them, so he may be seeking attention as well--all normal for this age.

To teach self control, he needs to see it, and imitate what he sees. If all he gets is negative reactions, he will start to crave that since that is better than no attention at all. Again, this may be why the misbehavior is happening in class--attention!

The punishments are not working--time to do something else...Do more positive things with him...get down on his level and just play with him...whatever he is interested in--let him make his own mistakes and learn from them, as well..This IS the age to do this.

home schooling is another option that works very well for many families, and works so well. Florida is a very home school friendly state, and there are so many great things for them to do in order to learn, as well as some great groups for social activities, academic, and support. 6 years old is not the time to have a child sitting for so long...

You may want to also have the teacher give him breaks to perhaps run once or twice around the room, do some jumping jacks, run in pace, or other activity that may help him focus on behavior a bit more. But in all honesty, it sounds like he is either bored, or is craving attention, and he will get it any way he can...even if that means in a negative manner.

Plus, you mentioned that all he is getting at home is negative attention, and nothing positive--this may be teaching him that this is all right, and that negative attention is just a good a positive attention. Change your attitude and perspective, and i bet his will change as well...:)

And you are not a failure!! You are a parent, and we all make mistakes, learn from them and go on...:) It's part of being not only a parent, but being human. Just chalk it up to a learning opportunity for you.

L- maybe your son is just bored. You did not mention if the behavior is before, during or after assignments that he is receiving the e's and smiles for.

Maybe the teacher could give him some positive reinforcement of the e's and smiles by giving him a role of leader or teacher's aid for the day before he gets to the point all of us do..." i did a good job, now it is time to play" good luck, sounds like you have a very bright son.

You Are Not A failure!
I agree that the material may be too easy for him. My best friend had a similuar situation w her son the work was too easy and he was bored.. See about may be introducting more difficult work. it worth a shot and good luck, it will be ok...

It sounds like maybe he is bored because the material is too easy for him. Maybe something more challenging would help. I don't know if this is an option for you but maybe homeschooling him would help, you could give him work that is at his level without the distractions of all the other kids.

He sounds bored and he is probably not a textbook sit down learner.

It sounds like an issue the teacher at school needs to find a way to address - to motivate him to attend to assignments. He's apparently able to do things when he's interested, so the teacher would have to find ways to shape his interest and make it clear to him that he will lose "play time" at school if he neglects doing his work, while finishing assignments can earn him free time. Restricting him at home due to his playing around at school isn't that effective since it's not an immediate consequence.

Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one out there. My daughter is 7 and this story sounds all too familiar. I do tell her that I know she is smart, and knows the difference between behaving and misbehaving. I must say the constant reminders do seem to help......hang in there, it's the age and stage :0)

i don't have an answer but I want to see the answers and haven't figured out how to do that without posting an answer - so disregard this posting ...

i have the same problem with my 6 yr old. he is in kindergarten and has problems in all his classes, (pe, art, music, ymca, even LUNCH!!) he has been put in IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION several times. i mean, come on---KINDERGARTEN???? his grades are amazing, though! 100's in everything! he's brilliant. it's not as if he doesn't know how to get along with other children because he has a 9 yr old brother and 3 yr old twin sisters. he just cant stay focused, doesn't listen, can't sit still. i was at my wits end. i took him to the dr after filling out the adhd paperwork. (me, dad, and all his teachers). dr put him on a low dose of something called concerta. yesterday was his first day on it. notice of recognition for great behavior from his teacher and ymca said what a wonderful improvement!! i'm impressed. dr also referred him to a psychiatrist for behavior problems. going thursday. hope this finally helps me. i dont know if this helped, but u may want to speak to ur pediatrician. by the way, what school does he go to? if u don't mind me asking??

First off you are not a failure. Second of all you should not be punishing him extra after the school has. You can instead talk to him and ask him how you can help him to settle into his classroom. Teacher is probably already taking his playground time away for the way he is acting. Third, if he is getting all A's I totally agree the work is just too easy for him. He definitely has to be bored. Yes cut out all of the sugar just to make sure. No soda, because regardless of what they say corn syrup is very bad for them and can turn a switch on in them. Certain breakfast foods are better than others too. Sugarly cereals bad. Oatmeal or cherios (sp) good. Could also be the teacher. Sometimes children and kids don't click. And yes there are even bad teachers. Finally its normal for a 6 year old to have a little issue getting use to having to sit in their spot and know their bounderies and their space. Its a learning time for him. You might want to request to watch him un noticed in the playground or the classroom. That way you can see what sets him off. We had an issue where my child started getting in trouble every day by the teacher and started not to like school we made them switch teachers and she hasnt got into trouble since. Maybe an advanced class teacher might be better.

I seriously believe all moms are setup to be made to feel like failures. If we don't do things this way or if we don't think that way we are doing it wrong, wrong, wrong. And it doesn't seem to matter what "it" is either. That said, my daughter was--sometimes is--the same way. She will also yell at us or fight like crazy with her sister. I have adopted ways to deal with that and at this point I am getting her some counseling. I did have her evaluated for ADD/ADHD when she was 4 1/2 and when she was almost 7, or maybe just after. She has trouble focusing on what is being said, staying focused instead of talking, etc. She sits near the teacher, is sometimes moved away from another student because they are easy to talk to while being shown how to do something. This has helped tremendously. At first the teacher had to constantly call her attention but it has greatly improved. She is a very good student with exceppent grades. I do agree that you should have him evaluated, just to rule out problems. An evaluation is not a quick appointment. Some doctors are too quick to say "here's a prescription". I have one nephew that is totally ADHD and medication has totally helped. His brother is slightly autistic (very much related according to counselors and doctors). He gets behavior modification and has done well. So not everything fits everybody but is worth looking into. Talk to the teacher and see what suggestions she may have. See if there is something you can do for the rest of the school year. We started the focus issue when my d was in third grade as she had just transferred to public school. For 4th grade, I wrote the teacher a note indicating the problems we had and how we were able to work through them. The teachers were very willing to accomodate so that my d could learn, which is the whole point of school. If you find the teacher is not willing to work with you, talk to the principal and school social worker if necessary.

Look into a Waldorf education. He might really blossom in that environment. It sounds like he is very bright, bored, and active. Waldorf is great for kids like this - actually all kids! Good luck.

Please take him to a neurologist and have them do a adhd test on him to rule this out, this sounds exactly like my son acted at this age, now 12. The test is very simple, you take him in sleep deprieved, they will connect wires to his head when he falls asleep and observe the brain waves while he is asleep, test will only take about an hour and you will have your results when you leave. My son takes concerta 36 mg. and when he does not take it you will notice the biggest difference in him. This medicine has made a tremendous difference in the world in his behavior. he too was getting in trouble at school, church, home, out in public, ect. he stays on task alot better now, he can concentrate alot better, he still will get distracted alittle bit every now and then but nothing like it used to be. It's worth a try. good luck, T. D..

I don't want to blame the teacher because I don't know your son or her... but it does sound like the teacher has expectations that may be too high for 6 year olds. How long as she been teaching? Have you spoken with other parents whose children attend the school?? For example, my daughter is struggling with a few things this year (5th grade at a school that is new to her) and the more people I speak with, the more stories I hear about what a "mean" person her teacher is! If you speak with some other moms whose kids are either in the class now or have had her in the past, you may discover that she is just not very patient with kids who "can't sit still" or isn't very good at realizing that developmentally 6 year olds need a lot of movement. I'm wondering what his "bad" behaviors are at school. Is he being mean to other kids, or just getting out of his seat? Have you tried observing him at school to see a typical day? It sounds like you are doing everything right on your end of it. I'd like to know what his teacher's rewards/consequences are, and even more importantly what she is doing to be proactive to keep him busy so there is little or no opportunity to act out

Look up "sensory deprivation syndrome" or "sensory integration syndrome". I have no experience with this, but a friend at my child's school does. It sounds very similar to what your child is exhibiting. There is therapy for it and professionals will teach you tools to help deal with it. (How to reprimand, what words and tactics will work). The school will have to be involved. My friends child has a special workspace that he decorated himself that helps block out the rest of the room at times so he doesn't have sensory overload and therefore can concentrate.
Get him evaluated and keep going to doctors until you get an answer.
Good Luck!

I have a 6 year old son in kindergarten and he too has trouble staying focused on some of the tasks. We always say that if the assignment does not pertain to trucks, trains or cars he just isn't interested or care about completeing his assignment. He also tends to find other things to do like sharpen his pencil over and over again so it gives him the excuse of not completing his assignment.

I just had a conference with the teacher and we spoke a little bit about things I could try at home to get him to complete his work on time. We are going to try to set a timer at home to let him know that he has a certain amount of time to complete the work. If he does not then there will be consequences just as there are in school where he gets an incomplete.

We are also going to try a reward system with the teacher at school. For every assignment that he completes, we will get a report at the end of the week and if all the work has been done then we will reward him with a treat, small toy or something we know he may like.

Hopefully this helps and your son is a typical 6 year old boy who would rather play all day because I know my son would rather do that too.

You don't teach self control, it is something that comes autonatically with maturity of the brain and central nervous system. Since you live in Hlwd, I would highly recommend the Brain Child Institute on Sheridan St. They will tell you exactly what part of the brain the problem lies and wether he has auditory processing disorder or primitive reflexes or a number of things.

Please check his diet- no sugar, no white anything- check WestonPrice, com. and Fiengold for help.
We use YokaReeder for behavior- she has the sane and workable way-
Have you talked to him? What does HE want? Maybe it is boring?
Maybe a conversation- rather than forcing him- that is my suggestion.
best, k

how about he's a smart kid and bored in school? he needs more challenges.