Bedtime Help

Updated on February 26, 2009
E.B. asks from Estero, FL
10 answers

I have a newborn that just came home from the hospital after being there for 2 months. He was 13 weeks early. I want to be able to start him early by putting him in his bed and going to sleep. Is this age to early right now? For the last couple of nights my son is waking up around 1am and not going back to sleep until around 4 or 4:30am. (Wide awake after his feeding) Last night I tried putting him in his bed and he started crying, I felt so guilty so I got up and got him right away. I feel guilty because he was away from me for so long, that I feel I need to make that time up to him. Someone help please!!

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S.H.

answers from Tampa on

I agree with Britney. You need to bond with your boy. He probably bonded with the nurses who took care of him a little. By bonding, I mean he needs to get used to you, his new home, sleeping arrangements..etc. The swaddling is great comfort too. Just hold him as much as you both enjoy. Too soon, he will be pushing away and wanting to explore his new world. Enjoy every sniff of his little tiny baby-smell head, and enjoy every little cuddle. What a precious gift you have!
The wide awake thing...keep all lights and sound off during the night. If you need to block light from coming into the windows, do it. If he doesn't have something to catch his attention, he will settle down quick. White noise is the only other thing I would try, if the dark, quiet doesn't work by itself. We have a good fan that makes a great humming sound:)
God Bless, S.
Oh, and I want to add, It's a great idea to have him sleep in his own bed. Start with naps first. If you have a bassinet, though...he should be in your room at night for a couple months. You'll be able to respond to him quicker when he's hungry or needs a diaper, Before he has a chance to get all worked up:) The calmer you both are at night, the easier it will be to go back to sleep. You'll know his cries fast and be able to respond soon by just looking at the clock and knowing what is next even before he starts to cry. You'll hear him grunting or "talking" and know if it's comfort, food or cleanliness he's needing.
Good Luck and trust your instincts.

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H.B.

answers from Tampa on

I would definately bond, cuddle and hold him as much as possible - day and night. Sure, it's tiring, but we all know that's how it is for a while. These precious hours together at night will be a warm memory you daydream about when he is a big boy or grown man. Enjoy them now. Babies need to know they are loved, they don't just inherently know that and will surely have trouble bonding and feeling secure if left alone or left to cry. They may eventually stop crying for you, but sadly that means they have given up and know you won't come for them. I wouldn't do that, especially since you are so blessed to finally have him home. I also would NOT give him cereal!!! He is way too young for solids and the old-fashioned tip of putting it in their bottle is so out of date!! Babies guts are not meant to handle that and shouldn't be forced to just because their natural sleep schedule isn't convenient for us! Let's face it, babies aren't ' convenient' but that's not why we chose to bring them into the world, right? Enjoy every second with yours.... Before long you will wish he was little and still wanting you to smuggle him! Best wishes.

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T.C.

answers from Tampa on

Hello E.. My husband and I also experienced premature babies. Our twins were born 16 weeks early (at 24 weeks gestation). Our little girl passed early on in the NICU, and our little boy came home with us after 3 months in the NICU. Every situation and baby is different, but I can tell you what worked for us. We kept our premature son on the same schedule the NICU used for quite some time. We also had him sleeping in his playpen in our bedroom until 6-months old. Even though he was in our room, he still had his own "bed". We put him down drowsy, sometimes completely asleep, and kept it dark and quiet in the room. He was a fabulous sleeper! I think it had something to do with all of the growing his body had to do to quickly catch up after being born so small.
Now, my second son (full term) is not a good sleeper. He also spent the first 6 months in our bedroom, but in his own bassinet. He would often be awake between 2-4 A.M. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Eventually he grew out of it and we were able to teach him to soothe himself back to sleep. This did not happen until at least 6 months old when he went to his own room.
I guess what I am trying to say is:
1.) Keeping the NICU schedule for your son may be comforting and a sense of calmness for him.
2.) Babies have different ways of sleeping. Some sleep great. Some keep you up all night. It will get better with time.
Congrats on a healthy preemie!
T.

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S.T.

answers from Knoxville on

Congratulations! I have twin boys and one of them was not a good sleeper at all for the first 8 months. He too would wake up @ 1:00 and not want to go back to sleep. For whatever reason, he would go to sleep in his aquarium cradle swing though and stay asleep for 4-5 hours. We were so worried this would become a habit but it was what he needed many nights for a few months and then he gradually started sleeping through the night. Whatever works!!

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S.A.

answers from Tampa on

Just respond to his needs. I always responded to my baby and she's fine. Try swaddling him.

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C.S.

answers from Lakeland on

First of all, congratulations on your son! It must have been really hard to have him away from you all that time.

In my opinion, you should just focus on bonding with him and enjoying him right now. It's way too early for "sleep training". I wouldn't even recommend that until after 6 months or so, and even then it's objectionable to many.

Your new little guy right now needs to learn trust and he won't learn that when he's left to cry, even if the only thing he's craving is comfort (at this age there is very little difference between wants and needs).

When he cries, go to him right away, feed and comfort him, snuggle him and all that good stuff. You are going to lose sleep-- we all go through it, but you will both be happier and healthier in the end.

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B.A.

answers from Tampa on

Normally, for the first 6 months of your baby's life your only concern is with bonding and giving them everything they need. You cannot put a newborn on a schdule. They will grow into one with time. It is physically impossible to spoil a newborn. They have not formed the neurological connections in their brains that make that possible. This has been well documented. In your case, I would add another 13 weeks to that 6 months. When a baby is born that premature they tend to develop at a slower rate. He has some catch up work to do right now. Just love him and hold him and give him what he needs. The opportunity to "train" him will present itself when the time is right.

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K.B.

answers from Tampa on

Too early to sleep train really - there is a great book - Helathy Sleep Habits Happy Child - it explains sleep patterns - right now if your son needs you - he needs you. Sleep training comes a little later - Plus since he was born earlier it may take a while to train - need to look at how old he is after 40 weeks have passed and use those numbers. If he is 2 months old - and he was born 13 weeks early - he is still at 35 weeks....

Congratulations on bringing your son home!! So happy for you!

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L.H.

answers from Tampa on

Hi E.,

It will be hard because your son is used to 24/7 attention. I would say maybe keeping him up longer during the day, giving him a later bedtime. Maybe adding a little infant cereal to his formula.

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M.H.

answers from Washington DC on

you do not keep him up later or give him any cereal! You can't even think of a schedule right now. He will take a long time adjusting to things especially since he was premature. Just like the other moms say, hug him and hold him if that is what he needs. In a few months, you can start to get more sleep. I know how hard it is, my baby girl will be 4 months next week, so I have just been there again. She is already sleeping periodically from 8-8, but she was not premature, big actually. I have not done anything but be there whenever she needed it. I rock her to sleep or have her go to sleep with a bottle and she has started this wonderful sleeping on her own. With both of my kids now, I never worried about putting them down drowsy and they both still learned to sooth themselves back to sleep with their thumbs. Last night I got up because she was moving all around and her eyes were even open (I have a video monitor). But 15 minutes later she was back to sleep and I am just hearing her now at 8:45am. My point in telling you this is simply to let you know that you don't HAVE to stress about how you put him to bed or if you go to him. You always go to him and he will sleep on his own when he is ready. It isn't easy, but being a mom isn't suppose to be! I agree, add 13 weeks to the 6 month mark and just know that you don't worry about anything until then! Congrats that he is home with you now!
Oh yeah, just smell and feel that amazing head as he sleeps on your chest. That doesn't last nearly long enough, promise!

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