The nightmare started my son turned 2 and discovered he could climb out of the crib. He used to ask to go to sleep; now you mention night night and the screaming begins. He would climb out as soon as I would turn my back. So we turned the crib into a toddler bed for safety. All last week I would sit in his room and the moment he put a foot on the floor I would put it right back up on the bed. We would fight for 2 or more hours each night until he exhausted himself and would pass out. After a week of this I gave in and now I lay down with him on the queen size spare bed until he falls sleep (with no crying) and when he wakes up in the middle of the night I lay back down with him again until he falls asleep. Any advice on how to get him to sooth himself to sleep without having to lay down with him?
Thank you all for you help. It has been getting easier. I bought a book, Parenting the Strong Willed Child. This has been making life around the house a bit easier. Evan still gives me a harder time than my fiance. But from what I hear moms always have a harder time. Thank you again!
Hi,
My daughter did the same thing when I put her in the toddler bed from the crib. i would sit outside her door until she cried herself to sleep. Then i would go in her room, pick her up off the floor and put her in bed. it took about a week of this every night, but she got the idea. it was heart wrenching to listen to her cry....but consistency works... :)
D. :)
Well, you gave in after a period of a week....won't accomplish any task with this determined young man if he knows that you give in so easily.(and he knows) Stick to your original plan, may take longer than a week and don't trade one bad habit with another bad habit. Start with a good evening routine, so he knows what to expect everynight...reading, cuddling and then bed time...no variations, no giving in. Be Strong for him.
My son started climbing out of his bed at 16 months. We too put him in a bed for safety reasons. It was fine for a couple of weeks, then he started getting up...a lot. After a week of several hours each night of putting him back to bed, I couldn't take it anymore. I was working full-time and not getting to bed until 10:30-11:00 at the earliest, sometimes 11:30-midnight. I had to get up at 5:30, so these late bedtimes were taking their toll on me. The last straw was having him wake up in the middle of the night, and not hearing him until he was in the living room playing. That scared me a little bit, so we ended up installing a gate on his bedroom door. He stopped fighting at bedtime and stayed in bed since he knew he couldn't go anywhere. When we transitioned my then almost 2 yr old to her bed several months ago we just automatically put the gate up and didn't have any of the problems we had with her brother. She does get up and play in her room at naptime, but I am ok with that since she puts herself back to bed after a little while and goes to sleep. If you have been laying down with him until he falls asleep, he is definitely going to protest when you stop, but it usually only takes a few nights to break the bad habit if you actually stick with it. The biggest thing to remember is that if you say you're not going to lay down with him, then don't do it especially after he has thrown a fit, or you are just teaching him you don't mean what you say and that if he cries long enough, you'll give in. So once you make the decision, stick to it or it will be a long battle for you. (Listening to my son cry was so difficult for me, that I made this mistake, and it was a whopper). We did eventually get past it, but it was horrible and he screamed for an hour. (I had to go outside so it wasn't so loud and my husband stayed inside to monitor since I wanted to rescue my little guy). Good luck, just be consistent and he will follow your lead. Also make sure you have a very predictable bedtime routine, that helps them feel comfortable if they know what comes next.
We went through this with our son at pretty much the same age. I was never in the camp of screaming it out and thought it wasn't fair. What wasn't fair was how I was giving in to a two year old! My grandmother told me that if I didn't nip this in the bud now...I would continue to struggle for the control in many situations...I am the parent and I needed to establish that from the beginning. Our answer was to let him cry it out in the room, only go in one time after five minutes to let him know that we were there and it was time for bed. My worry was that he would hurt himself somehow. So my husband installed a peekhole on his door which allowed me to view him without him seeing me. (This was cheaper than the camera set ups that you can buy) It took a few days of crying and throwing toys around...but he did get the point and it took less than a week. After a while we were able to leave his door open and if he didn't stay in bed we would close his door, which reminded him that it was time for bed because we said so. Most often he would play a little bit in his room, but because I was able to peek in I saw that he would take the toys into bed and stay in bed until he fell asleep. Leaving the door open again was his incentive to stay in bed. He is 6 years old now and just a great child, he has not suffered any trauma from the door being closed or developed any claustrophobia (which of course is what runs through your mind as a first time parent wondering what long term trauma you will cause because of your parenting tactics!) He is fine, we are fine and the bedtime routine was great after that! Hope this helps but of course you have to do what is right for you. TK
Hi, M.,
My resolution is quite different from your other posters. My 2 year old did the same thing, so I just put him in my bed at that time, because my husband never came to bed earlier than 4 or 5 in the morning. It was a great time to cuddle and we loved going to sleep together this way. I spent 30 minutes to an hour (this was my choice) singing him songs in bed in the dark. He loved it and so did I. He stayed in my bed until he was 3.5 (by then I had another baby in the bed, too!). One day, he just wanted to go back to his own bed and so we transitioned it fairly easily. It took about 3 days of some whining about it, but that was it. If he wakes up and wants to come to our bed, we still let him, but it is happening less and less. As much as people are afraid of setting a bad behavior, my belief is that kids are VERY flexible and no habit is really hard to break in kids. I also believe that my job is to give them the love and security that they need. I think my son is secure and independent as he is, because he knew I would be there for him at night time. He has great self-esteem and is a very independent child. I can't imagine forcing them to sleep alone when they clearly need your warmth and closeness. My advice (though I understand you may not go this route) is to just lie down with him either in his room or in yours. Whatever is easiest. Eventually, he will be able to sleep on his own again. 2 is a transitionary stage, so they may need more attention and love from you. My friend also has a 3 year old who needed his mom to lay down with him in his bed every night. So she did. Very recently, she also transitioned him to go to sleep on his own. It also took her only a couple of nights. now he is sleeping great. I think sometimes boys need that security around this age. Best of luck to you! They do grow out of this stage.
Hello! i completly understand what you are going thru.... I myself have a 3 year old that did the same thing to me. She now goes to bed on command. I had to end up buying her a toddler bed... a Dora one to be exact & the fact that she was sleeping on her favorite character helped A BUNCH! Try purchasing some new character bed sheets and pillow to encourage your son to sleep on his bed alone. Try for a week to be stearn on him going to bed on time & alone... all it takes is a week. The week will be harder on you than on him but once you are over that mile stone you will be so proud of you & him! Not to mention you will also have some grown up time for yourself and you fiance.
When we moved our son to a regular bed we put a baby gate across the door. We took everything out of his room that he could hurt himself on, or play with. We gave him some books to look at, and that was it. Then we just put him to bed and left him alone. The key is to ignore him. As long as he gets attention he will continue getting up.
After about 3 days our son was staying in bed, and not crying or calling to us. After he got used to it we slowly starting putting some toys back, but if he got up and played with them at bedtime we took away again. If he woke up during the night I would go in one time to put him back in bed. But I would not go back in again after that.
It will be a tough few days, but he will adjust pretty quickly.
Good luck!
Sounds like bed time has become a bit of a game from his perspective (the foot up down game, and the mom come and lay with me game). We had a very difficult time getting our son to sleep in his own bed once he figured out he could get up and walk to our room.
In the end, the simplest thing was best! My advice to you is this: Just lay down the rules. Tell him what you expect and then keep bedtime short. If he gets out of be ignore him. If he comes out into the room where you are, walk him back but don't talk to him (you might say "it's bed time" but even that could turn into a game).
Good luck, it sucks to have bad sleep!
T.
Do not give in. Get out of the room and close the door. I admire your putting him continually back in bed - that is great. But he got control the moment you gave in. Children learn what we teach them and you have just taught him that he gets his way by throwing a fit.
Be strong and be consistent. It is the only way.
God bless.
we weaned from cuddling to sleep in bed by sitting in a chair very close to bed and holding hands singing whatever, and then moving the chair farther and farther over time. i say just go with what works, it is never worth fighting for 2 hours. the important thing is to get him to sleep so you can relax too!
Give him a stuffed toy or little blankie to self soothe with.
