Bath Time by Sis's Boyfriend

Dear Gloria,
In my opinion, it is not appropriate for a non-relative and sometimes even relative males to bath female children 4 and up.

I agree that it sounds paranoid, but better safe than sorry. That should be a bonding time between niece and aunt.

Mlshuck23

MAYBE if he was her husband I MIGHT allow it once in a while but probably not even then. you just never know these days.

I was a victim at a very young age of just what you are suggesting. No one suspected it. It may not be happening, but it is inappropriate. I wouldn't even let a male other than my husband bathe one of my children. It took me many years to overcome. Stop it NOW!

Absolutely inappropriate!! Trust your instincts. You are the mother here!! Also, this was extremely insensitive of your sister. I would not trust them to babysit again (together). I would be absolutely honest about the reasons why. In addition, please talk candidly to your daughter about i************ t*******, boundaries, etc. I was sexually abused at her age by a male babysitter (who gave me a bath) and I so wish that someone had talked to me openly. It has taken years of therapy to work on this painful childhood trauma.

Chances are that nothing inappropriate is happening, but I wouldn't take the small risk. Why isn't your sister bathing her? Also, how did this come up? How did you feel at the moment you were told? Use your gut instincts!

My (young) brother in law sometimes babysits my daughter and I have zero reason to suspect anything--but I know him very well. I practically raised him myself! How well do you know this boyfriend?

I would just skip bathing altogether to not make it in issue between your sister either.

I actually didn't/don't let any babysitters bathe my kids. Maybe I'm weird, but they don't need nightly baths and the combination of factors - the mess of the bathtub, the danger of water for my younger son - I just ask them not to give the kids a bath at all.

Is there anything wrong going on? I don't know, but I can certainly see why you would be bothered by it, and I don't think you need to explain yourself to them. I assume your daughter hasn't reported anything strange?

It sounds like maybe you need to think about your trust level and your comfort with the situation. If something is wrong there, eliminating the bath alone doesn't fix the problem. (I assume the boyfriend lives there?) You have to wonder, what else is there that you wouldn't do but she's ok with doing? I run into that with any family babysitting - you can't demand as much, because they're family, so you really have to be able to trust them.

Not appropriate, at all!

I agree with every response that you have received.. and go with your instincts!!! if you dont want to make anybody feel bad about the situation then simply tell your sister not to worry about giving her baths that you will do it during the day while you are with her..
Good luck!!

So not appropriate!!!! If you are questioning it then go with your gut - just let your sister know that you only feel comfortable with her giving your daughter a bath -

K.

Hey Gloria-
Unfortunately there are predators out there and many end up being the ones closest. Talk with your child, always communicate and let her know it is safe to talk with you no matter what!
Ask her a few questions about her day, have a few laughs then ask her about the bath times.Tell her that baths will only be given by Mom and Dad. Really make sure that nothing has occurred already. It is very important for children to know that they can trust their parents and that they know what is Right and what is Wrong especially when it concerns their safety and health.
Everything may be fine , but you need to be smart and safe. Since you seem to have some discomfort with the situation just tell them that you will be giving your daughter baths, it is not anyone elses responsibilty and that bath time is time that you have to talk with your child and here about her day. There is nothing wrong with you adding that you don't feel comforitable with anyone else giving your child bath time.
People should understand a parents concerns and comfort levels.
Your the Mom, always do what is best for your child.

Dear Gloria,
It is not appropriate! You have a right to be cautious considering all the things that go on in the world today against children. You should speak to your sister about this and tell her you don't like it and would rather she gives the baths to your daughter. If it continues, you need to find another babysitter. When it comes to your kids it's better safe than sorry!

I completely agree with everyone, it is not appropriate. I know that my husband would not give any of my nieces, girls he has been an uncle to since they were born, a bath. Perhaps the boyfriend truly has the best of intentions, but it's just a little weird that he's giving a little girl he is not related to and barely knows a bath. I really hate to think the worst but you have to wonder about his motivation. It is not mean of you to think this way, either.

I would tell your sister that, because you are uncomfortable about the situation, from now on you'd prefer that she watch your daughter alone, or at the very least that you would prefer only she give a bath. Do not worry about stepping on toes or making anyone feel bad - you are her mother and you have a right to say what goes on regarding your daughter. Anything that makes you uncomfortable, rational or not, should be stopped.

put a stop to the bath time with sis boyfriend immediately.why can"t your sister assist with her neice baths? if your sister doesn't have the time, you bathe her before you go to work.Its better to be safe then sorry.

I think that this is just wrong. why would he want to give a 5yr old girl a bath? why would any grown man want to give a 5yr old girl a bath. The majority of cases of children who were molested at a young age, where molested by someone in their family or someone their family knew. You need to take your daughter out of that situation. That just doesnt sound right for a grown man to want to give a 5yr old girl a bath. I have a 5yr old daughter and there is no man in my family that would ever voluntarily or even if they were asked to, want to give my child a bath. It just doesnt make any sense. You should really think about not having your daughter around this man at all.

I really don't think it's apropiate at all because little girls should be shower by mom or family woman relatives only.You should really talk private with your sister and explain these. Honestly any woman should know better then to permit a man to shower a little girl and your sister should know better. best luck and be strong/honest/and pick your words wisely before you talk with your sister. And make sure your 5yo has great communication with you and try to explain to her also that its not write that she is shower by any man at all. good luck

I would no longer even feel comfortable with my daughter at my sister's house with the boyfriend there...do WHAATEVER you can/need to do to protect your daughter. The bath situation is absolutely inappropriate, and the fact that your sister allowed it makes her an unsafe person for your daughter at this point as well.

I you're uncomfortable with this, then SAY SO!!! She's your child and you need to go with your gut feelings.

Hi Gloria,
sorry, I don't think this is right.It's maybe not fair to men to always assume that they are child molesters, but unfortunatly,they are many of them outhere.
That boyfriend should feel funny about this himself,in a normal case scenario.So I would really take a closer look into this and there is nothing wrong with saying that you don't feel comfotable about this situation.

It is sad that the state of our world requires us to be so concerned about things like bath time but it does. There are a few questions I would ask if you are feeling this way and mothers have gut feelings about things so I would go with my gut!!
What was your sister doing while he is giving your daughter a bath? Does he offer to do it or is it something your sister asks of him? Then I would ask her that she give your daughter a bath alone from now on. Tell your sister you would like your daughter to start learning to be modest about her body because she is getting older and you don't feel it is right for men to see her in the bath anymore. If you are afraid of upseting your sister or putting her on the defensive about her boyfriend, make it about a parenting choice that can't offend him personally.
Then I agree that you should talk to your daughter about her body and touching.

Have you looked this boyfriend up on www.FamilyWatchDog.us? Couldn't hurt and better safe than sorry. It could all be nothing and he could just be in training to be a really great dad!

Good luck!
Liz

well if you are not comfortable with the boyfriend bathing your child(not sure i would be either) then I would sit down with them both and just tell them that,is there a reason you do not feel comfortable with it ? or just in general?Maybe you guys could just get to know each other better so you would feel more comfortable with him,but for now you would prefer to hae your sis do the bath,you could say something like that
H.

I don't know him. And I'm sure that your sister would not be with someone who she knowingly thought was a threat to children. But I have four children of my own. And would never feel comfortable with the situation that you described. Can you possibly give your daughter a bath before you take her over there for their babysitting services. I don't think that there is any dire reason that she would have to be naked in this boyfriend's presence. I may be overreacting but something just doesn't ring true here. Why can't your sister bathe her? I find it peculiar that he would even want to.

It is not appropriate at all. I would not want a male other then her father give my daughter a bath. You just never know these days. You have to protect your daughter.

Why isn't your sister giving her the bath? I wouldn't be comfortable with it either.I know even my brother would feel weird giving my girls a bath and he's family. So it is kinda strange. Do you work overnights? Could you or you husband give her a bath at a different time of the day like in the morning?

I asked my husband if he would mind bathing one of my neices and he said that would be weird! If you feel like it is not right - then stop it. This is your child and it is up to you how she is taken care of.
Good luck!

It is absolutely inappropriate. Period.

Gloria,

There may not be bad intentions, but why take the chance. There is no reason for any man, other than her father to be giving her a bath. Why is your sister not doing it? It seems a little strange to me. You can never be too careful where your children are concerned. Tell your sister that it makes you uncomfortable. I know it's a touchy subject, but would you rather save your daughter from a potentially bad situation or spare your sister's feelings. GOOD LUCK!

Why would he want to do it? That's my question.

I agree with the majority here, not appropriate.

Absolutely not!! This is very inappropriate. You can never be too careful and you're daughter is too old for any male except for Daddy to see her naked, in my opinion. I have heard of sooooo many women that were violated in some way by a man and I would be really careful about who she is around and what they are doing with her. Everyone I have heard that this has happened to was by someone their parent/s probably trusted....uncle, close family friend, neighbor, babysitter, BOYFRIEND.
Is your daughter uncomfortable with this??? If not, I would really have the talk with her about how private her body is and no one sees it except for you.

Sorry I'm so harsh about this, but I have 3 girls (5,4, and 9 months) and have seen the devastation this could have years later. Good luck to you,
S.

I know you have a lot of responses, and I didn't read any. I'll just respond directly to your words and outline that you said "you don't know if this situation is appropriate". Just look at the fact that you took time to write the post and question the activity. That says that in your heart, you know the answer. You are just looking for confirmation. I agree with your questioning. It doesn't feel right.

Completely inappropriate. Period. No doubt.

PLEASE PLEASE be sure to talk with your daughter about these baths to be sure nothing has gone on.

Also, these baths are sending a horrible message to her regarding 'safe' touching. Sister's boyfriend or not - at 5 years old the only one who should be bathing her is you, dad or herself while one of the two of you supervise.

Find another time to bathe her when you're there and she's safest!!!!!

If the situation makes you uncomfortable, then explain this to your sister. If they are both there, why isn't she in the room. He shouldn't be bathing her at all...male family members would find that weird I think to bathe a female relative! Its your child and you have every right to be protective. If she gets defensive, just tell her you are just concerned about your daughter. If she can't understand that, then there's a bigger issue and maybe neither should be babysitting. Its not worth the risk.

I'm so glad you took care of this! One thing I would like to encourage you to do is to talk with your daughter about the boyfriend. Ask her if she likes him, what things they do, just casual conversation. If he will be around her it's important to know her feelings. Also talk aout good touch/bad touch. Explain that her bathing suit covers her private area (except the tummy), and that know one should touch her there, unless it's a doctor with mommy there too. Don't make these conversations heavy, just casual - when the oportunity comes up.

I would stop the boyfriend from giving your daughter her bath. I wouldn't want my sisters boyfriend giving my son a bath and they have been together for 10 yrs. Infact the only people I would want to wash my child would be my self my husband or my sister and mom. How well do you know the boyfriend. Why dont you just give her a quick shower in the morning, and wash face hands and brush teeth at night. or have your husband do it. Good luck.

if you are uncomfortable dont allow it. how does your daughter feel about it? THere is a great book called my body is private written by Girrard (sp??) The author is from Barrington IL

If you don't feel comfortable tell them that you would rather them not give her a bath. Maybe instead give her a bath before they get there. I don't think you are being mean. As mom's we are to protect our children.
C.

Personally I wouldn't agree with that situation. For one because it is a little girl. Then, I guess it depends on how well you know him and how close you are, but still people you know does things also ( not saying he is this way ). But, this day and time you really need to be very cautious and careful with your children. You could just explain to her that you are not being mean in no sort of way but you are just uncomfortable with him bathing your baby girl.

hello gloria,
even tho u sisters boyfriend is just trying to be helpful. i would not have him in there with your daughter. maybe your sister and her boyfriend could do the bathtime together.i am not saying he is a bad person but i would be cautious.

If the boyfriend is new and you don't know him very well, I'd advise against it. Otherwise, I personally don't see a problem with it. My husband, my father and my brother in law have bathed our daughter just as myself, my mom, and my sister have given my son a bath.

It's not a blanket statement to say no male should be bathing a little 5 year old girl. There are male babysitters, who are fine and even grow up to be parents themselves, right? (I actually still babysit for a couple where the dad babysat but the mom never did!)
However. You did write this to ask a bunch of strangers that don't know you, nor your sister, nor the boyfriend. I would say this situation depends on other things like how well you know him, does he have like 3 sisters so it's no big deal? etc. I respect that you have to work late, and it's not like it's always easy to watch someone else's child, even your own niece. If this is the only way that your sister can have your daughter bathed for you so you can get her home and straight to bed, and you are not comfortable with it, then things will need to change.
I agree that at 5 years old it's time to teach her privacy, and she should be able to bathe herself with only minor supervision. Maybe start doing showers with her yourself? Showering can go quicker, and the two of you may be able to get a shower in at either morning or night. Hair washing is the only thing I can see that she really needs help with--and that can be done mostly clothed if done still at your sister's place.

Discuss it with them, definitely. Don't just go with what she says--you must have a reason for questioning the situation. Also a good time to chat with your daughter about it--but be careful of leading questions where you are giving her the answer as children her age are going to follow what you're asking and not be clear. Molestation does happen from the most unlikely sources, but it is also rare. Weigh the situation and perhaps seek some more professional help with how to best ask your daughter the right questions.

Mrs. Gloria - your SISTER'S BOYFRIEND bathing (YOUR 5 year OLD DAUGHTER.....). As a PARENT this is very unappropriate. Why would your sister's boyfriend want to bathe someone else's DAUGHTER-GIRL-FEMALE-MINOR CHILD? Why can't your sister bathe the baby or the father. Yet you have been married for 11 years, you did not not mention the father? AS a READER/MORTICIAN, I am certain you read about/and witness the numerous SEX CRIMES commited by "FAMILY FRIENDS" - "UNCLE_______"upon innocent 5 year old BABIES? NOT judging your "SISTER'S BOYFRIEND"

You don't sound mean. I won't allow any male (besides her father) to give our 4.5 year old daughter a bath. Most likely it is completely innocent, but YOU are the keeper of your daughter. Please do not allow your sister's boyfriend to give your daughter a bath. It's very risky. He may take offense, but you have every right to remove even the possibility of anything being inappropriate. Think of the opposite. You could have easily not allowed it and yet because you didn't, your daughter is forever scarred. While we don't want to live our lives out of fear, it is wise to be over-the-top when it comes to protecting our girls.

You have every right as a parent to stop HIM from giving her a bath and to top that off, your sister should know better not to allow HIM to bathe her. This is not appropriate behavior for you 5 year old to have to endure. This is not to say that he would do anything to her but to keep the enemy in his place - don't allow the opprotunity to arise and personally some things should not be done such as this. Your child is the most important and should be protected at all cost.

I think it is totally inappropriate. Boyfriends usually don't stick around forever & she is 5 years old. Unless it's her dad, a female should be bathing her. I would say something to your sister.

I agree with you, this situation would make me uncomfortable as well. I sure everything is fine, but maybe talk with your sister and see if maybe the two of them can give her a bath. I really beleive you can never be too careful. Has the boyfriend been part of your family for awhile?

Good luck to you, this is a tough one.

Gloria,

Your gutt instinct should be the first one telling you this is wrong. You wouldn't have asked if you thought it was okay, right? Immediately put an end to it, you don't want to regret it later.

E.

I would stop that practice as soon as possible! It may be innocent, but if not, then you've been able to prevent a crime. Why isn't your sister giving your daughter a bath?

Gloria,
He might be a gem of a guy, but I have to say that your post makes my stomach turn. This is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE! He simply MUST have alterior motives if he is willing to take the risk of someone knowing he is in the same room with a naked 5 year old girl. I can barely talk my husband into watching the kids for 20 minutes while I run to the store if they have playmates over that are female, and he's the most upstanding man I know. He would avoid the implication at all costs.

I know you received many replies that said "follow your gut" and "this doesn't sound right". I just wanted to reply very strongly and say THIS IS WRONG. Please STOP it immediately and have some very candid conversations with your sister and daughter to find out if she was harmed in any way.

I will pray that she wasn't.
T.

If you do not think it is right in your own gut, then it is not. Follow your mothering instincts! It does not matter what anyone else thinks.

Me and my husband both agree with the fact that if you feel uncomfortable with it say something, follow your instinct.on some points he thinks if you would be uncomfortable with bath time then he should not be caring for your daughter at all. How well do you know him? Does he have children of his own? I am overly wary because I was molested as a child in a bath time situation, By my mother's boyfriend's father who was like a grandpa to me. You will never forgive yourself for not doing everything you can to protect your child. Set some guidelines with him and your sister that would make you feel more comfortable, ask your daughter how she feel about uncle so and so giving her a bath. ask her if her does anthing different than you or your sister eg. what games do they play. talk to her about good touch bad touch. I would not call it mean. you are just doing everything to protect your child.

That would make me feel uncomfortable too. As women I think we try to appear nice, and we often don't want to sound offending, but I think it is still very important for us to to follow our guts no matter what! I would tell your sister matter-of-factly, " I do not like the idea of a man bathing my daughter. I am sure you understand." If she is a a good sister she will understand. Either she can bath your daughter then, or you could just have her put your daughter to bed with cleaning her hands and face. Then you can give her a bath in the morning. I think when it comes to keeping our children safe, it is best not to take any chances.

Inappropriate. Why would the boyfriend even want to give the 5 year old girl a bath unless he had inappropriate thoughts? And what is the sister doing during this time? Can your husband babysit while you are at work?

I would not like this at all. I think you should talk to your sister and make sure she is the one who gives your daughter her baths. A suggestion would be for you to make sure that you bathe her before you go to work. Good Luck

This would be a REDFLAG to me and I would be very uncomfortable with it. My advice wold be to step in now and say it is inappropriate.

Good Luck

Please listen to your gut feelings, they are generally right. It is in my opinion wrong just doesn't feel right to me at all. And your daughter is 5. That is old enough to start feeling uncomfortable, it's just unnecessary. Tell them that you will bathe your child. I would be very weary of him even being there.

You absolutely are not being mean, and who cares anyway. You are the only one who can stick up for your daughter. Please do so.

I am sorry, but it is inappropriate. Is your sister there? If not, I would not let that continue. He may be a great guy, but in any daycare, nursery at church, the men are not even allowed to change diapers, they have to get the woman to do it. I would ask your sister to be there during that time or take over. For me, having your sister take over bath time would be the choice.

There's no reason for it. Wether he's just being overly cautious or being a creep, she's 5 years old. She doesn't need anyone to give her a bath. She's perfectly capable of washing herself and there really doesn't need to have anyone in the room with her. I would just explain to the pair of them that your daughter is getting to that age and needs a little privacy when in the bathroom.

I would feel weird about that also. I would ask sis to do the bath only.

As soon as I read your situation I got nervous for you. That is one big red flag. I would think that your sister would give the bath considering she is the Aunt. It should be her resposibility not his. He's just the boyfriend. If I was in your situation I would put an end to that asap.

Yeah, that's just not OK. Even if it were her husband instead of a boyfriend, I would say no. You don't have to be apologetic about it, either, because it's a reasonable request. It should just be your policy, as in: you seem like a very lovely person, but I just don't allow men to bathe my daughter. Period. Either do it yourself in the morning (most preferred, I think) or ask your sister to do it instead if it must be done at night.

That is something that needs to stop.
I dont care how much we trust our relatives and friends things happen.She is a girl-after a certain age Daddy shouldnt give baths.If it was appropriate you would not have this feeling ,So go with your intution its always Right.
Be Safe Not Sorry
Bless you and yours

I don't like the idea of a boyfriend bathing a 5 year old. My own husband started to refuse to bath our daughter when she was around 4. A bath from your sister's boyfriend just raises red flags everywhere. If the boyfriend is just trying to help out, please let him know of the implications that could be brought up to this fact. It just isn't right.

C. R

I would kindly tell your sister that you do not like her boyfriend giving your 5 year old daughter baths. You shouldn't have to tell her why, just that you are not comfortable with it. Just tell her if they want to give her baths to either do it TOGETHER or for her to do it. She should understand, she IS your sister. Good luck with that. The only thing I can say to remember is that YOU ARE THE MOTHER and that you should have the say in anything to do with your child.

Hi Gloria,

This has to stop NOW! Just the fact of you questioning it means that your "mom radar" is up and you need to stop it. Maybe it is all innocent, but if you are uncomfortable then it needs to stop. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, you were put here to protect your child and that is your main concern. Good luck and always listen to that inner voice!

I feel a little creeped out and I don't even know you! I hope your sister is at least in the room during the bath. I hope he is just trying to help you out, but you never know. Honestly, my hubby won't even give his own girls a bath anymore (or help them wipe after poops) and they are only 3 & 4. He just doesn't feel comfortable. Just ask your sister to be the one to give baths or skip them all together, just to be on the safe side.

You can never be too careful where your children are concerned. Don't allow it. I am shocked at the number of women who have told me they were abused when they were young, and their own mother didn't have a clue. As adults they don't understand how their mother could have allowed it to happen. Your sister's boyfriend is probably wonderful and wouldn't do anything to harm her but why take the risk?

I think I would rather my daughter stay dirty than to have my sisters boyfriend give her a bath. If your sister loves you she will understand where you are coming from. I'm a mom myself of two girls...No way I would chance it.

your sure in a ruff spot (((HUGS)))

In my opinion, absolutely inappropriate. He is not related to your daughter. I wouldn't want my own brothers giving my five year old a bath.

At five she can bath herself with some assistance from you sister. Her boyfriend should not be in the bathroom with your daughter. As a matter of fact, he shouldn't be alone with her ever.

It is not being paranoid, it is not that you don't trust him or your sister....it is being smart and protective of your child.

Tell your sister and her boyfriend that you are old fashioned and that you do not want any man alone with your daughter other than her father...and even at five...my hubby doesn't do much with ours if she needs to be naked. It is just common sense.

I would ask your daughter to inform you if your sister's boyfriend sees her naked and tell her that it is not proper for anyone to see her naked other than you or your sister (add whichever woman or doctor you like to that list). I would even talk to her about her privates and how no should touch them unless you tell her it is okay...like a doctor.

This is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly. Most molestations occur within the family and involve a family member or a close friend of the family. Do not take this lightly.

Just explain that for appearances that you would prefer that he not be alone with your daughter. It just doesn't look right and it sends your daughter the wrong message that she can trust men to see her naked and so on.

Stand your ground. My mother was molested by an uncle. I do believe I was violated in some form by a close family friend when I was very young. I have a cousin who was molested by a cousin. Another close male member of my family was molested by a babysitter.

Just touching a child in a slightly sexual way can be damaging.

My question is...do you want any man touching your daughter's vagine to clean it??? She shouldn't get the idea in her head that it is okay for a grown man to touch her like that. If your daughter lost you and had to live with her father, then some things just can't be avoided...but that's her father. No man should be touching your daughter.

Anyone that tells you to calm down and not be so paranoid has never been molested or taken advantage of. And to wait to address something after you suspect something has happened it just plain neglect. When it comes to that, you don't wait until it has happened...you try to prevent it in the first place.

I wish you luck and you will be in my prayers. Don't worry about looking like a paranoid nut. Worry about your daughter and her psychological and physical well being first.

You have every right to feel uncomfortable.

Not in a million years. He shouldn't even be near her when she is going to the bathroom or changing clothes either. Put your foot down RIGHT NOW with your sister. This is exactly how "that" sort of thing starts, someone your child is close to. Let us know how your sister reacts. It's difficult for a woman in love to see anything but good in her man.

Good Morning Gloria,

With so much child molesting going on, you have to watch your baby.

Trust is not an option when it comes to a child. Especially if the person is persistant in giving the baby a bath. That is the first clue right there.

But, it is hard to tell who is sincere and who isnt. Let your lil sister give her a bath.

Good luck

Totally inappropriate. You would think he would feel it was weird that he was giving her a bath. At 5 your daughter is capable of giving herself a bath with minimal help. I know my son has been very big on having his privacy. I usually turn the shower on for him, give him the soap, and shampoo then he is good to go by himself.

i'm sure you are very grateful to your sister for helping you out, but in my opinion it is inappropriate for him to bathe her especially if your gut feeling is telling you "is this ok?". he could be a perfectly nice guy for helping out, and thats great, but i would just let them know that you appreciate everything they are doing for you, but that the bath makes you feel uncomfortable.

It's not, your sister should do it. It's not about sounding mean. It's your gut, and if it's making you feel uneasy, trust it.

It's very important that you express your feelings to your sister and her boyfriend. It's always best to talk with them then to hold it in and be upset. Your 5 year old will feel the tension and not understand why. At your daughters age now, she needs to be told of privacy and p****** p**** of her body and that no one should touch her inappropriately. Avoiding the situation whichs make you uncomfortable will only cause stress for everyone. I'm sure that her boyfriend is fine and does no harm, but let's not take the chance and talk with them about how you feel.

I have taught my kids at an early age to keep their bodies private and they have responded well. I believe I started that at about age 5. My son bathes in private and doesn't let me in and the same goes for my daughter.

Your daughter is 5, she will understand what you explain. This way, if anything is wrong she won't be afraid to tell you and she will know the difference of right and wrong.

I have two books I recommend to you. One for you to read with your daughter....
http://www.amazon.com/Private-Albert-Whitman-Prairie-Book...

And one to read and keep as reference at home and to share with other parents on what you have learned....
http://www.amazon.com/Keeping-Kids-Safe-Sexual-Prevention...

I think that every parent and educator should own these books

What is late? Is it mandatory that you work late? Can you go in earlier rather than stay late? How long has this been going on?
I think the fact that you sister told you this indicates that she also has some concerns but doesn't really know how to approach her boyfriend. She is counting on you to step in and do something. If your instincts tell you it isn't right, then it probably isn't. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, especially where your child is concerned. If necessary, make other arrangements or change YOUR schedule. She, at this point in your life, should be the priority.

Put a stop to it.

Also, I would recommend having a talk with your daughter about "p****** p****", good touches & bad touches, and how it is safe to tell you if anyone touches her in a way that makes her uncomfortable, even if they tell her to keep it a secret. If you need more resources on how to have this conversation, please call the YWCA at 1-866-293-2080.

Continue to follow your what your instinct is telling you about the inappropriateness of this situation.

Not appropriate! Even if nothing inappropriate is happening, at age 5 we are trying to teach our daughter's modesty. With the exception of a male doctor or daddy, no adult male should even be viewing a 5 year old girl who is undressed. Don't worry about offending them. They should realize how inappropriate this would seem to anyone.

My first impression is it's not a good idea for your sister's boyfriend to give your daughter a bath by himself. My daughter is the same age and I would not allow it, especially the fact that he is not a family member. Unfortunately, you cannot trust even the people who seem like the nicest people these days.