Bad Relationship, Leaving and Need Advise, Long

You've gotten plenty of advice as to who to call to assist you in getting out---I would start with the local women's shelter in Kalamath if I were you and go from there. I don't have much more to add. I just wanted to add in my support. You are doing the right thing by planning and asking for help. Oh, and I agree with the others--don't bother giving this person the $250 dollars!! Start planning right now and get out as soon as possible!! I was a little girl when my Mom had to do the same thing for us. It was difficult but the best decision she ever made. Hang in there and know that all us Momma's out here support you!!
J.

You need to go to a women's shelter so he can't get to you or accuse you of kidnapping. Make a few calls and do some research. You NEED a lawyer. I agree with "Mum4Ever" you need to seek some help, make a safe plan and get out. This guy sounds about two seconds from turning violent and is extremely manipulative. Journal everything. Record anything you can. But I would leave very soon. From what I know your safest bet as far as custody goes, having limited resources, is to take your kids straight to an abused women's shelter. They have the resources to protect and guide you and if he calls the police you are covered. So don't go stay with family - go to the shelter! And if he does hit you go straight to the shelter and report it immediately. Must protect those babies above all!! I also highly recommend that you seek the counsel of your pastor immediately so someone knows what is going on and can help you out.

Listen, I am a lawyer. I don't practice in your state though, so I can't give you legal advice. What I can do is share some common sense. Don't pay this guy $250 to fill out paper work for you. 1. It sounds like he is practicing law without a license, which is illegal. 2. Most states have legal forms you can access online or through the courthouse. You can fill them out yourself. It does not take any special skill.

I think everyone has given you sound advice for how to make a plan and protect yourself. I obviously advocate for hiring a lawyer because family law situations can turn complicated and messy fast. So, if you have any means to find a lawyer you might consider it.

You aren't married so what is the lawyer for? custody and parenting plan? If that's the case, you can get the forms from our county courthouse and file them yourself, that's what we did. file the papers exactly what you want, him every other weekend and every other holiday (make sure it says specifics like "christmas day 9am to 6pm, etc.") And things like mother even year for christmas day, father, odd year...that way if he tries to keep the son longer than you can call the cops because you will have the legal doc that says you should have him back at 6pm. You are doing the right thing and you don't need a lawyer. your ex will have an opportunity to respond. It spells it out very clearly so its easy for you to follow. Good luck.

Don't walk. Run away from this highly abusive relationship. Visit your local Legal Services to see if you can get some free legal help in gaining custody of your son. Take your sister's offer for temporary housing, or go to your local battered women's shelter. If you are not battered yet, you will be in time with this sort of relationshiop.

This relationship will only get worse, and marrying the guy or having more children with him is not the answer.

And, in the future, do NOT shack up with someone like this.

Make sure you know the laws of your state before leaving. I know you are not married, but you do have a child together. If you leave with the baby, he might make a claim of kidnapping or abduction. I know it sounds stupid, but the same thing happened to my SIL. She was in an emotionally, verbally and physically relationship, but because she didnt file claims with the local police department, it was all hear say. Her word against his... in the end, she ended up losing custody of her little girl. They were not married and when she left, he called 911 and said that his GF kidnapped their common child together. It was a mess! Just something else for you to think about. Good luck and best wishes for you!

You do not have a "bad" relationship - it is extremely abusive. Go to a safe place NOW.

He is dangerous. He is scary. Rarely is a person 100% monster, so he may have some positive qualities. NO POSITIVE QUALITIES can offset the negative behaviors you have described.

Leave right after he goes to work so he can't follow you... and won't know you're gone until you have 8 hours head start.

If he knows where your sister lives, do not go there. Find a women's shelter where he cannot find you or your children. He may not be violent now, but if you try to get away from his control, he may resort to violence. Save yourself and your children quickly... before it's too late.

You are not married. Research on the internet to see if he can claim that you have a "common law marriage" according to Oregon state law. You may not be required to allow him ANY custody, visitation, etc. You should be able to find whatever information you need on the internet whithout paying anyone any money.

A restraining order is enforced only if he violates it... which may be too late. If some guy "can draw up papers for 250.00" then you could "draw up papers" yourself. Use the $250 to get as far away from him as possible.

You and your children are not safe unless you disappear.

Ask your sister if she can give you bus money so that you and your children can travel to a city that has good family support... someplace where you have a relative or long lost friend or friend of a friend who will help you get to a shelter... as long as has no way to find out where you are.

Please save yourself... and your children... before you... or they... become statistics.

When someone is so insecure about their spouse cheating it's usually because theyre being shady on their part so they feel guilty and pick diggs to make the other person look bad I know first hand. Maybe he is cheatig and tryin to cover or get over his guilt is blaming you and accusing you of the things he could be doing!! Only you will know.. If he's done it before and you picked up on signs or something then you'll kno..

I'm sorry you are going thru this and good luck to you and your kids

HTH
I'm sure more mommas will have better advie on the legal situation

Get out now! A friend of mine was recently killed my her jealous boyfriend. He beat her up and she died 3 weeks later as a result of her injuries. Especially if you have kids, get out, you need to protect them. Go live with family or friends if you have to. I don't want to see another statistic out there!

start recording his rants and write down as much info as you can concerning him bullying you so that you will have it for court.

oh wow, i can somewhat relate to my past experiences with exs. It sucks, and is not a healthy happy relationship. If there aint trust, there aint nothing strong to hold. You will never be truly happy because you would always have something to worry about and always to fight about. You should consider a new beggining without men like that. is not good for you nor for your kids to grow up and seeing that jeolousy is normal..

what is your relationship with your family? You have to have a way of getting money into safe hands to help you when the time is right. Have an escape plan. Go over everything you have to do in your mind. Don't write anything down so he will be suspicious. Start taking things out of the house you know you'll need, and take somewhere safe. Don't file for divorce yet. Get yourself into a safe place and give him a chance to get used to you being gone. Do have an attorney though so he doesn't go after custody. He is dangerous as you already know. You might want to go to a womens' shelter. They filter everyone who is trying to find you. Don't give him any visitation if you can help it. Even though he may not have physically hurt you, he has violated you. He has verbally and emotionally abused you and your family. There are programs to help you, I know you can do it. Document everything from now on. Save money, leave! After you are gone, write a letter to him explaining why you had to leave. Put the ball in his court as far as letting him know where he stands. He should have no rights to the kids. No one should have to live like that. Listen to who have been there. They will give you great ideas. If possible, go to another state where it would be more difficult to find you. Good Luck