Baby Won't Sleep in Her Crib or ANYWHERE but Parents' Bed!

L.,

My first question is, is her mother concerned about getting her daughter to sleep in her own crib, or are you concerned about it. If it is you, I would just say that her parents need to make the decision. If it is her mother, then that's different.

She is definitely too young to cry it out. Even Ferber, the creator of the cry it out method, does not recommend it for babies under 4 months of age. Truth be told, she really is too young to be sleep trained. At this age, she needs to be with her parents, especially if she is breastfeeding. James McKenna, the director of Notre Dame's Mother-Infant Sleep Lab and one of the world's experts on mother-infant sleep, has a wonderful book called "Sleeping With Your Baby." You can get it on Amazon for about $10, and it is only about 90 pages long. He talks about the benefits of parents and babies sharing sleep, including better breastfeeding, increased mental and physical development for baby, improved sleep for parents, and reduced risk of SIDS. Sharing sleep does not have to mean baby in parents' bed, if that is not what your daughter and her husband want. We used a cosleeper - a little sidecar bassinet next to our bed - for the first 5 months for both of our girls. It was wonderful, especially as a nursing mother. We were able to easily transition them to their own room once they were ready, WITHOUT fighting or tears. Many parents also are successful with simply putting baby's crib in their room for the first few months. Baby has his own sleep space, but he still has the assurance of hearing his parents moving and breathing, and parents can quickly respond to their child's needs. Also, once baby is ready to move to his own room, you move the whole crib, so he still has a familiar sleeping space.

No matter what, your daughter needs to understand that her baby is NOT likely to sleep through the night a 2 months of age. This is not normal, nor is it desirable. Her baby needs to eat frequently, and moreso if she is a breastfed baby. Babies who sleep long and deep are more likely to suffer from SIDS, which is not necessarily always caused by choking. Many researchers believe that it is a sleep disorder in which baby falls so deeply asleep that they cannot rouse themselves and their body systems shut down. They believe that the frequent rousings of infants are a self-defense mechanism, and one that we should not try to bypass. "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley might help. Also, parents who are willing to use the cry it out method have liked "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Mark Weisbluth. Both are available on Amazon.com. You should know that both of these books recommend that parents wait until baby is AT LEAST 4 months old before beginning sleep training.

The truth is, at this point, your granddaughter needs to be close to her parents. If your daughter and her husband make their bed babysafe, bedsharing is an excellent arrangement that can help everyone get more sleep. Even if they don't want their daughter in their bed, they can still keep her close by in their room, and everyone will probably get more sleep. When I transitioned my daughters out of my bed, here was my routine...
1. She was in our bed all night long.
2. After nursing, I put her in her cosleeper for a few minutes. When she got fussy, I brought her back into bed.
3. After a while, she would fall asleep in her cosleeper, and sleep through from one feeding to the next.
4. We slowly increased how long baby was in the cosleeper, until she spent the whole night in it. Naps during the day were in her crib, to get her used to sleeping in it.
5. Once we were ready to transition to the crib, I laid her to sleep in the crib. At the first feeding, I got up and brought her back into bed with us.
6. Once I felt awake enough to take baby back to the crib after a feeding, I did. This was usually when they were down to only waking once a night, around 6 months of age or so.

It sounds like a long process, but it really wasn't. By the time our babies were about 3 months old, they slept the night in the cosleeper. By the time they were 5-6 months old, they were in their own beds most nights. And there were no painful crying sessions!

Best of luck,
S.

2 moms found this helpful

Have mommy try putting a shirt that she has worn that day in the crib so that her crib smells like mommy. Let baby sleep on mommys shirt. My cousin had great luck using this method. Hope this helps!!!

1 mom found this helpful

It makes perfect sense to me that this baby would want to sleep with it's parents, that's all it has ever known.
Lots of people co-sleep with their children and their children grow up just fine.
I'm sure you'll get lots of advise on how to break the baby of this habit, but if the parents don't mind it, I don't see any reason to change it.

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We use an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, which is like a three-sided crib that attaches to the side of our bed. It keeps everyone happy, especially me, since I value my sleep and feel like I'm going to die in the morning if I've been up and down all night. You could also use a crib as a side car against the bed, too.
I know lots of moms who have had good luck with the techniques in the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
Really, it's OK to keep you baby near you. Personally (and I know people disagree, so I'm not trying to pick a fight here) I don't feel comfortable with any sort of "cry-it-out" baby training method. I figure needs and wants are pretty much the same for babies, and the less calories and energy my baby uses wailing, the more he can use learning and growing. My oldest son didn't sleep by himself as a baby--he was in our room for the entire first year--and now he is a happy, healthy six-year-old and gets tucked into his own bed in his own room, no big deal. So it does end, and I'm glad for the snuggles we had when he was a baby, and glad he still sometimes comes in for a snuggle on weekend mornings when we sleep in.
Enjoy your grandbaby!

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They could try rolling up a piece of their clothing to put into the crib with her. That way she will still smell mommy and daddy even when they aren't there.

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I am a firm believer in co-sleeping. It is a great place to be when a child newly in her body has a loving mom and dad to share space with. It is very emotionally good for a baby to be next to parents even all night for several months. You can do your due diligence on this subject and learn more about co-sleeping.

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Sometimes having something that smelled like mom or dad in the bed helps. Have your daughter wear the same shirt for several nights in a row and put that in with the baby, or put the pillowcase from her pillow in there. She could also be reacting the the wide open space of a crib vs parents' bed, try cutting the crib in half with pillows or something like that and only put her in half of the bed. We also have tried the swing and bassinet because they are smaller. Good luck.
J.

Elevate the top of her crib bed. Most cribs have an adjusting levels on the frame of the bed. Just move the head of the bed part up 1 notch. This helps her airway to be open while she is sleeping. When I put a baby to sleep I usually put a lightweight receiving blanket (it is breathable) near their face so that when they are asleep, I take the blanket with them and lay then on the blanket that is already warm, smells like mommy (or whoever has them) and it helps. I did put them on their tummies, since they were elevated and I think that helps them feel secure, like being next to mommy and her arms around them. I even did this with twins and never had a problem with them choking or waking up or anything else. I hope this helps. Kay

My baby had a hard time sleeping in her crib too...it was recommended by another mom (with twins) to let her sleep in her swing...so we got a really nice papasan swing and she slept in that for about 2 months...then I started letting her fall asleep on top of the boppy pillow in my lap & when she would fall asleep I would VERY carefully set her & the boppy pillow in the crib...this work like a charm....background noise can also be helpful: nature sound machines etc.

Let the baby sleep in mom and dad's bed! The majority of parents on the Earth throughout the history of time have always let their babies sleep with them, with little to no ill effect. If the parents have been drinking or have used drugs then the baby is not safe in bed with them, but other than that it is really safe and natural.

Hi L.,
Congrats on the new baby! Our baby, now 10 months old, did exactly the same thing as far as boycotting all places to sleep except with us. This was OK, except that we wanted some time to get things done in the evenings. We handpicked ideas from "Happiest Baby on the block" with "No Cry sleep solution", and it has worked great. He now sleeps through the night in his own bed, and we never had to do the "cry it out" nightmare. What worked for us was to swaddle him and shush him to sleep in the rocker each night, following a very strict routine of bath, story, song at precisely 7:00pm. After rocking and shushing for about 10 minutes after he was asleep, we could then put him in the crib. This took a little while to accomplish, as he would seem asleep, and the second we laid him down, he was bolt upright and awake! He would wake up a couple of hours later, and we would either shush him back to sleep and rerock him/nurse him, or bring him to bed with us. This was fairly labor intensive, and went on until he was about 7 months old. Over this time, he began to fall asleep more easily, and stay asleep better and longer. It just took a complete change of mindset for us, that our evening plans were to help him to learn to fall asleep on his own in his own bed as atraumatically as possible. Some people told us to let him scream, and also that his sleep patterns would be "set in stone" by 6 months, and we didn't find either of these to fit his personality type. We did try to let him cry for 10 minutes once, and he got so panicky that he vomited everywhere, and it was very traumatic for all of us! Best wishes, I hope this helps, and please encourage your daughter to go with what she feels is best for him in her heart.

let her cry. at least for two hours

Hi L.,

I would get rid of the cushy blanket. I strictly limited bedding items for my daughter, because when they are that little the bedding items can cause suffocation. They are not able to roll easily and if they get themselves in a situation where they are smuthering, they are not able to get themselves out of it. If you want to get more information about this, it is called "Positional Suffocation"

To get her sleeping on her own, I would get a boppy pillow, they are kind of expensive, but worth every penny. Then wrap her up like a burrito and put her little butt into the center of the boppy pillow and rest her head on the back. This will keep her cuddled up tight and feel like she is still being held. The pillow is horse shoe shaped with an opening, so you might have to wrap a blanket around the boppy pillow to keep the pillow snug around her. In other words, keep the opening from opening too wide.
I used the boppy in a bassinet, so it was a snug fit to get the boppy into the bassinet, but I used the blanket when I slept her somewhere other than her bassinet.

The boppy pillow also works great for tummy time.

Best of Luck,
T.

I agree with the swaddling. If she is snuggled up and she is regularly put in her crib at naps and put her in it awake.
At two mos crying it out isn't a good idea not yet. Going in and consoling her or rocking her a bit sometimes will help.

Do not put anything cushiony in the crib either as that poses another hazard. Try the sleep positioners too that will hold the baby on her back and give her some security on either side. She is too young to cry it out, just keep trying to lay her down. Cosleeping continually isn't a good idea at all, it will create a bigger dependency not a stronger bond.
Maybe have her continue to try at naps and making sure she is awake. Maybe even moving the crib in her room with her and then in a few months move that out of the parents bedroom. It is a hard habit to break but the baby is still so young I am sure she will do fine. That is a blessing she is doing better.

Hi. I couldn't get my baby to sleep in her crib till she was nearly six months old. I think the crib felt too vast for her, which may be the case with your granddaughter, since she's happy sleeping in bed with her parents, where the space is more confined. Try swaddling her, even if she fights it. Swaddling has worked miracles with my baby. Now that she's older, I just wrap her legs and leave her arms free so she can suck on her hands and comfort herself. I use the swaddling blankets with Velcro, which stay in place better than plain receiving blankets when the baby kicks. Try using one of those wedge pillows that keeps babies on their back, and also makes the space in the crib seem smaller. Also, if she's got a choking disorder, she may be more comfortable sleeping slightly inclined. You could try putting her car seat in the crib so she gets used to the view from there, but letting her sleep in the seat so she's partially upright. Good luck.

I was going to suggest the shirt for mom's smell, too, but might add some white noise like a radio that's not tuned in, or a heartbeat bear so she has the sound associated with mom there with her. Put her down at the bottom of the crib so her feet touch the footboard. And swaddling always worked for my two as well. Good luck!

Another thing you may want to try is to warm up the sheet before putting the baby down. We use a "bed buddy" (a pillow with beans/rice in it). Just microwave it until warm - about 2 minutes for ours. Then lay it on the sheet for just a few minutes to get the sheet warm but not hot. Then remove right before laying the baby down so that the sheet stays warm.

My husband totally though that it wouldn't work, but our daughter wouldn't fuss at all and went right to sleep if I did this!

Put her in the crib awake to get used to it while doing laundry or hanging up clothes, etc. Turn on the mobile, sing songs, talk to her, etc. Rub her back if you are really trying to get her to go to sleep while laying in the crib. Does she take a bottle or pacifier? Rock to sleep in same place and always put in crib afterwards. If she wakes up try again. I would try all these things during nap time first, so she doesn't lose sleep during the night. Get a co-sleeper to put in middle of bed for night time for right now until she gets used to sleeping in crib for nap time. Babies need that Mommy time. Work on night time after she is older than 4 months.

When my son was born 4 months ago we swore we wouldn't let him sleep w/us, but being new parents, that's what he wanted and we didn't know how to get him or us to sleep otherwise. He slept w/us most of the time for the first month. We did have a pack-n-play w/bassinet that we kept right next to our bed. He didn't like to sleep in it, but somehow he got used to it and now he'll fall asleep great in it. We've since transitioned him to his crib, and he does great in that too...though he is still right next to our bed. Like everyone else said, swaddling really helped, and making sure it's warm really makes a difference too. But another thing I did was that while I was folding laundry or doing something in the room, I would put him in there while he was wide awake. I would talk to him and sing to him so he knew I was there, if he cried I would come right away so he could trust that he was ok. I think this really helped him get used to it and made it easier at night.

Good luck! I know it's tiring, but I think even if she's still co-sleeping, I don't think that's a super big deal either. (Just beware of baby sleeping next to Dad, men aren't as aware of their surroundings at night.)

Maybe she needs to hear mommy's heartbeat or breathing to sleep. They have "white noise" toys that mimic those sounds. We have one for our son and he responded well to that.

Have Mommy sleep with the sheet for two or more days then put it on the babies crib. That way mom's smell is on the crib sheet as well. Just worth a shot, it may be that she loves the smell of mom's bed!!! Good Luck

Well...I'm not probably the best person to ask, but I sleep my 2 month old on his side or tummy. I also have a littl vibrating baby soother that I have attached to his cradle. He likes the vibration, plus the humming sound it makes. Can your granddaughter take a binkie with her condition? I love pacifiers too.
My other baby spent a lot of time sleeping in a more upright position- in his chair or his swing. Sometimes we even left the swing swinging the whole time he was sleeping, just so we could get some sleep. Good luck. It's hard to figure stuff like this out. Babies are all so different!

Hi L.,

Congratulations on your new grandaughter! This may sound odd, but my son had the same problem. We didn't have him sleep with this, but rather, we would let him sleep in his swing (battery operated) and he loved it and was perfectly content. He did that for a couple of months (until he was about 4 mos.) and then went back into this crib and was just fine (we did tell the docs. this is what we were doing and they weren't the least bit concerned). He did fine once he was back in his crib and slept great.

Maye your daughter could try a co-sleeper. It attaches to the side of the bed so the baby has her own area, but she is right next to mama. She is getting a little big for one, so your daughter may have to shop around to find one that can fit her baby for the next few months.

Do they wrap her up like a burrito? We found that if we wrapped our babies up like burritos they would stay asleep and stay in their cribs. It might be that she is not getting the warmth that she got when she was sleeping with your daughter and so she knows that she's not there. Another thing is to have the smell of your daughter's bed in her crib. I don't know if she wears perfume or what type of deodorant or lotion she wears, but putting that smell in her crib will also help.

I agree with the previous poster. I just want to add that at 2 months, she's too young to cry it out. They just don't understand until they're at least 6 months old.

She is too young to let her cry for at least 2 hours as the other poster suggested!! Please do not do that--she will feel worthless and get so worked up she'll never calm to sleep. At four months you can start sleep training that involves letting her cry it out if you choose. I would make sure she is swaddled snuggly and has something warm that smells like mommy. Also, when you put her down, place your face on her or a hand on her tummy, so she feels like you are still there before leaving her.

When my daughters were infants, they each slept in a bassinet until they could roll over by themselves. After that, I used the crib for nap time, and continued with the bassinet in our room next to our bed. Gradually, I would put them in the crib between night-time feedings until they adjusted to it. I also kept a wind-up clock in the bed with them (just a small one that was well out of their reach). The ticking of the clock is supposed to remind them of mommy's heartbeat.

For our first son we used a bassinett next to our bed for the first few months. I was breastfeeding, so this was more for my benefit than his. We wrapped him tight in swaddling and also used a heating pad under him. I turned it on when I took him out to nurse and then turned it off when I put him back to bed. He slept so much better when he was not layed back down in a cold bed. We have used a heartbeat sound also and it has worked very well too.

FYI...there are tons of new and used Boppy's on Craigslist for next to nothing. Boppy's are great!!