Baby Shower for #2 Yes/no

Hi S.,

Here are my thoughts on baby showers *in general*. What I have to say is NOT a personal attack on your post, but more of a response to others' posts.

We have really gotten away from the original concept of what a "baby shower" is. The focus was originally on the *mother*, and providing her with things, especially the big ticket items, that she would use for ALL her children, and likely wear out.

There is the argument out there that every child deserves something "new". I guess to that I say, if that is one's philosophy, than I hope they have the pocketbook to back it up. I get absolutely no gratification out of being the person who takes an item out of its original packaging. My own son--so far an only child--has very little "new" things. Many were hand-me downs, the rest were things we acquired from garage sales, eBay, and Craigslist. I don't understand what some people have against "used" items. I was grateful for ANYTHING people gave me. I believe it is the parents' responsibility to provide for the child they are bringing into the world.

I'm not a fan of baby showers in general, even for first kids, because of the "gimme's" they have turned into. Someone offered to throw me a baby shower, and I declined, because I already had everything I needed, and then some.

I have gone to one baby shower for a "subsequent" child. The mother was remarried and her other two children were 16 and 18.

In my family, every infant IS celebrated and presented with gifts--it's called their baptism.

Back to your specific issue... I would be inclined to skip such a shower. If I was close to someone who was having a second child, especially of a different gender, I would be asking you what you needed and getting you a gift anyway, with or without a shower.

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I would say if someone wants to throw it YES. Every child is specail and should be celebrated. Now you could do it before your son arrives or you could do it a week or so after the baby arrives so everyone can see him.

Have whoever makes out the invites to say something to the fact that you have all the big items but items like diapers, boy clothes, anything that gets used up is apperciated but no gift is necessary. Hopefully you can find a more elegant way of putting that.

Enjoy your new child, who cares what others think. If they think it is tacky then they don't have to come BUT people who really love you and want to celebrate this new child will come if they can.

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I think every child should be celebrated.
Since you're having a boy this time, a shower can be helpful in building his wardrobe.
Since I am having my THIRD BOY, I have no need for clothes or blankets, let alone baby gear. Instead, my friend threw me a book party where guests who wanted to bring a gift brought their favorite baby/kid book. It was a lot of fun and my baby got a start on his own personal library.
Congratulations, and have fun!

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S., I think this would be a great time to have another baby shower! You are around your family and they missed out on your first one with your daughter. I have a daughter and son and I had a baby shower for both of them. They are just about 3 years apart. They are teens now and I take our pictures out and show them both. If you have a friend or family member that wants to have one for you let them. If there isnt anyone pass a hint or do one yourself. Its always nice getting little items you can have for keepsakes. When they are grown you can pass to them for they're children. They grow up fast!! Have fun with it!!!!

This is an issue that I feel strongly about but I am also against bridal showers for second weddings, you already had the opportunity, experience and gifts you don't get to do it again every time you get remarried.

I would not let anyone throw me a shower for my second child even though it was the opposite gender. I am completely against asking my family and friends to buy me gifts again. I also refuse to attend second or third baby showers for anyone. You get one shot, if you get rid of your stuff then suck it up and buy it yourself. If people want to give you something they can bring it when they visit you.

My friends who disagree with me are the same ones who got remarried and wanted to have a second bridal shower.

People usually bring a gift when they come see the baby anyways so I do NOT see the need for 2nd and 3rd showers.... Our family does not believe in them and I hate being invited to them.

If someone offers to throw you one, you could say okay. But throwing yourself one is not cool. People will resent that and think you're selfish. It's not really kosher to have a second. Yes, every child should be celebrated, but that's why people bring individual gifts when the baby's born. It's garage sale season, so get yourself the extras that you need! Don't rely on others to get them for you!

I say yes. just close family and friends, though. since you don't need much, it wouldn't be like asking for stuff, it'd just be to celebrate the coming of baby with family. go for it! congratulations on the new little boy!

S.,
After we had child #2, we had a "Welcome Home" baby shower. Basically, we had a party for people to come over and meet the new baby and instead of big gifts, we just asked that everyone bring a book, to help build both our children's library. And since our second was a girl and the first was a boy, we did ask for a few clothes, since we couldn't put boy clothes on a little girl.
Good luck with your decision.

J.

People always argue that every child is special...OF COURSE they are. Every child should be celebrated...OF COURSE it should. The shower, though, is generally not about the baby, but about the mom. I have never heard of a baby complaining about re-using his brother's car seat or baby sis complaining about the fact that she used her sister's onesies.

A second or third shower is redundant...it screams "gimme, gimme." I completely agree with the comments that if it is another gender, you got rid of everything, or it has been a while - to suck it up and get it yourself. The people who care about you will bring or send you something anyway.

I LOVE to give gifts to my friends and do so with every child...even the friends that have 4 and 5 children. I really, really balk at second, third, etc. children showers. "Obligatory Gift Parties" are NOT MY thing.

The book party is a FANTASTIC idea if you feel you are really shortchanging your child (though no one but you will know or care if your child did or didn't receive something from a friend or family member). If "someone" wants to throw you a get together like that - go for it.

I tend to think second showers are redundant and agree with some of what's already been said...

That said...I also recall, with both my boys, wanting not necessarily a "shower" but rather a chance to celebrate the baby with my family and friends. We used our baby's baptism, soon after birth, as a chance to do that. Those who felt so inclined brought baby gifts, some people brought small religious gifts (a Noah's Ark board book or so) and most people didn't bring anything. BUT...for us, it was a chance to get even some of the more far-flung family together to celebrate the new baby. I suggested to a friend who is not religious having a "coming out" party for her baby--not, obviously, the southern tradition of announcing your daughter's coming-of-age, but rather a chance to say to family and friends, "Hey, we've sort of got it together now; c'mon over and meet the newest member of our family!" If you phrase it right, it won't feel like an excuse to collect gifts, but will be a chance to celebrate the new baby.

Have a "sprinkle" and just ask for boys clothes and diapers maybe I don't think a full blown out shower is necessary.

No one gave me a shower for my second child. No one even gave me a gift or acknowledged him at all. What bothered me was that he was my miracle baby. I had lost a baby not long before and I just wanted to have the hugest celebration ever because his birth was SO meaningful to me. Oh well. I do hope that if I have a girl someday that people will help me out. I had a ton of girl stuff saved up but my husband made me give it away to his sister when she had a baby girl last year. So i will have nothing but LOTS of boy clothes for a winter baby (I am determined not to have a winter baby again either!). I even had to give away anything remotely gender neutral. I don't have a problem with it unless I end up needing that stuff and no one helps me. Then I would be annoyed with the people who I gave all that stuff to. LOL

I agree w/ those who have said no to a second shower and to have a "Welcome Baby" party instead when the baby is around 2 months old or so. That way people can come and meet your baby and most likely will bring a gift if they choose, and only if they choose. I feel that those who have showers for their second or third babies come across as greedy IMO. Our family has always only had one shower for the first baby and that's it. I've never been invited to a shower for a second or third baby in my whole life! I guess where we live it's pretty unheard of and I think many feel the same as I do.
Congrats on your little one and good luck!

I know I am late to this discussion but I wanted throw a different twist on this question. My friends and I have started using a different tradition called a Baby Blessingway. While the roots of this are in several different Native American tribes, it is something that has been developed and used over the years by many people. The premise of the Blessingway is that the act of giving birth is a transformation, and even if a woman has given birth before, it is still different each time. Not only is the baby birthed, but the mother is birthed also. If it is the first baby, then the mother is being created as the baby is birthed. If it is another child, the mother to a 2 children is created, etc. We view the process as a celebration of the mother, and do many things to honor mothers and birthing. We all sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and name our mothers as far back as we know, we pamper the mother to be with an herbal foot bath, hair brushing, a crown of flowers, etc. We also each bring something for her birth altar, which could be anything, like shells, flowers, candles, etc, and most women have this altar near them when giving birth. We each bring a special bead which are strung together on a string for mama to wear or hold, and we all get tied up with a string around the wrist, which then gets cut and we each wear it until we hear that the mother and baby have come through the birth process safely. Lastly, we also set up a food tree, so each person commits to bringing the new family a meal after the birth so they can be well nourished and have time to rest and bond. You can find more information on this gathering online and there are several great books written about this. Afterwards, we usually feast, with the men invited too, and if gifts are brought, they are opened then in baby shower style. I really love this tradition because it allows women to connect with each other and birthing as a natural process that has gone on since people began. It honors the process, and the woman who chooses to surrender in this way to give new life. It allows a forum to release any fears and gather strength from the community who loves you as you go through this transformation. It is such a powerful event.

My family only showers for the first child. I do know that my friend had a friend toss a shower when it was the opposite sex. You might want to consider a gathering to meet the baby once he's born.

Like others, I think that having another shower feels greedy and tacky.
I was asked if I would have another shower for my daughter (since the first one was a boy) and I was very blunt about how I felt about it. I also said that if people felt the need to give us a gift, I would not throw it at them, I would accept it and appreciate it. But my baby girl is growing up with lots of hand-me downs and you know what? No complaints from her! :)
A celebration does not need any gifts so I think the idea of having a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby is born is great. If people choose to bring you a gift, great. If not, that's cool too. What's important is that they acknowledge the birth of your child and that they wish you happiness and a healthy child.
Congratulations by the way!

I had a second shower for my second.... But they are 7 years apart and most of my things were borrowed out and never returned or were destroyed once received back. The only thing I really had was the crib, mattress, and a few clothes that my mom made that were too big (3t).

If I had 2 kids, one each of the opposite gender within a shorter time frame, I personally would have a 'welcome baby' party after the birth. It would be a way people could visit and celebrate the new little one. If they bring something for the baby or a dish for the family, it would be a nice bonus. :)

S., I think it can really go either way. If you have a good friend or family member who would really like to throw you a shower - go for it. Maybe just request that it be a "book shower" or specifically a "blue shower" for boy clothes. That way, people attending get the fun of the party and celebrating your new arrival, but they also don't feel like they are just doing a pre-emptive Target run for you. You could also suggest that any shower thrown for you is for just after the baby is born. That way family from out-of-town can use that opportunity to meet your new little one. Congratulations!

I just had baby #2 four weeks ago.
My family is throwing a "meet the baby" party in a few weeks. We'll be able to get together, everyone can hold him and see him (and I won't have to clean MY house! lol).
Originally we had planned on having a few close friends/family for a shower right after Christmas, but my grandmother passed away and everything went into turmoil. I was afraid it would be a sad occasion (we miss grandma) and I wanted it to be a celebration for the baby.
My children are only two and a half years apart.
I think it really depends on the family -- our family likes to get together and everyone will want to see the baby and buy presents anyways. If someone wants to throw you a shower, do it! People who don't like second showers don't have to show up. :)

I think if your family/friends offer to have a baby shower for you -- by all means be gracious and accept and be blessed! Where I'm from the showers are after baby is born so all can hold and meet the new little one -- usually 1 to 3 months after they are born. I have four children and go to a church where all babies are celebrated. Sister In laws/Friends from my church gave me a shower for each child -- it was wonderful to celebrate each baby! I did not expect a shower or request one, I don't feel I was greedy in any way by accepting their offers. The focus was on celebrating my children and not me. I have also hosted several showers -- the response is always -- when is so and so's shower -- I don't want to miss it! In a few weeks I am hosting a shower for a friend and her fifth precious child. It is such a wonderful feeling to give out of the heart and celebrate a life that God has given.

A woman is given a shower by her friends. It was originally meant to be a simple gathering at which the friends gave the mom to be a few things with which to start her new life. Once she has had a baby, she knows what to expect. She knows what she needs to care for any subsequent child(ren).

Your friends get to decide if they are giving a shower for you. As the (potential) guest of honor you sit back, wait and see.

I do not think a shower should be expected for each baby. Especially someone who has several children in only a few years. It is not realistic to expect others to pay for the things you need for your second child. You should be well beyond relying on others at this point.

Having a party to celebrate baby after it's birth is different. You will receive gifts from family and friends when coming to see your new arrival, but they should not be expected each time.

In our neighborhood, we host brunch showers for moms with second babies, and everyone brings a dish to share and a gift. It's a bit more casual, and we've done everything from separate gifts to combined gifts to a joint gift card. Why not celebrate a new baby? They are just as much of a blessing! And the fact that you have a new list of guests should not elicit a "What, another one?" response... Good luck!

Hi S.! I think that it's sad that so many people are stingy about giving gifts and a party to a newborn baby. Some of these responses are so harsh! It is about mom and baby. Moms work really hard and it's a good time to honor them as well as welcome a baby.
As far as ettiquette stands, a baby shower should be off the radar. A second bridal shower is NOT the same as a second (or more) baby shower.
I love a generous spirit! My friends and I threw a party for a 5th baby and 30 people came (from only anouncing in the newspaper) and they ALL brought gifts!
So, if you have someone offer to give a shower go ahead and enjoy! Let the stingy ones stay home!
Congratulations on your baby!

***Editited to Add.... This is so sad! How can all these people say that having another baby shower is greedy and tacky! What a horrible way to judge someone! I feel bad for the people who rudely get shot down when they offer to have a party for someone!