Attachment Parent: Nursing While pregnat/Night Weaning/Co-sleep Weaning

I don't have advice, but you sound like a very sensitive and caring mom. Trust your instincts and take it one day at a time, you'll create a situation that works for you and your child. I attend La Leche League meetings in the Long Beach area and find a lot of moms with breastfeeding experience to share. You might look for one in your neighborhood. It's a great group.

E.- You Rock!! I am perhaps not the best to answer nly because we're still co sleeping (she's 5), She has slept in her bed a few times and as they say "This too shall Pass" as far as night weaning I slept in a bra or covered up. my daughter was an avid nurser and self weaned at almost 4! I know many people who have nursed through pregnancy and even tandem nursed. On Mothering.com forums I've heard of triandem nursing- Can you imagine?LOL Anyways i started talking to Kira about sleeping all night and nursing in the morning. I said it every night from 15-30 mos and she got better gradually. If you are gentle and loving she will probably transition nicely to her toddler bed. It sounds like your baby is a delight and sleeps pretty well. I don't know what area you're in, but you sound like me. My original goal was to nurse for a year, and i never thought I'd make it 3 months. My daughter is a beautiful , extremely confident, sweet bright girl. However it goes for you it will be as it's meant to be, but you sound like a fantastic mommy. Keep it up- and DO talk to your daughter. They understand alot more than most adults i know!! Best- H.

I can TOTALLY relate with that! i nursed my oldest son (who is now 6) till he was 26 months old! he was co sleeping with us and i will tell you that it is harder to make them sleep in their own beds than it is to stop nursing. i tried everything to ween him at night and the only thing that worked for us was for me to explain it to him in plain English that he could not nurse anymore because it was hurting mommy. i was getting dried up and it was starting to hurt.

anyways, other suggestions people gave me that may or may not work for you is, having daddy go to sleep with her in your bed while you hang out in the front room. and then take her to her own bed, if she gets up in the middle of the night you just have to take her to her own bed and maybe give her a comfort toy or something. then eventually transition to you guys sitting with her in her own bed while she falls asleep. then eventually all she will need is you to tucker her in and a kiss goodnight. it will take a while but i think its worth it in the long run. i would say to just let her fall asleep on her own now, but it is so much different when they need that comfort of your body there. also sometimes (i know im not suppose to do this but it worked for us and my son doesnt have teeth problems) i would let him have a small bottle of milk for night time, because it really helped him transition.

i dont know if any of this was good advice or if it will work for you but its worth a shot, right?

ps, and on the co sleeping with older sibling and a newborn, what we did when my daughter was born was we had my son sleep in his toddler bed in our room and our newborn slept with us. you have to be super cautious because it is very dangerous to co sleep with a newborn, it is easy for a younger child to smother the baby without knowing it, even though the parents are usually more conscious of the extra body being there. i have woken up to my older kids having snuck into my bed while we were sleeping and were asleep cuddling with the baby a little too closely. so just something to be cautious of when the new baby comes and if you are still co sleeping.

i can totally relate. I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 16 months (and still happily breastfeeding especially at night) i was told by my doctor that I should wean her and so I considered his advice but didn't decide to do it right away becuase I new the real danger if any was causing contractions late in the pregancy, alot of women have breastfeed through pregancy and tandem nursed after. My advice is to ask the docotr if he feels their is any danger to you specifically more then any other women, alot of times docotrs say things just to cover their buts (i.e. telling you to stop nursing when taking medication although in most cases this is unnecessary, they say it becuase they don't know for themselfs and don't want to be sued for not warning you just in case) I highly recommend a book called The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers By Dr. Jack Newman you can get it for as little as $5 online.
So any how this is how my experience panned out. I found out I was preganant in aug and continued to nurse until i was about 6 months preganat. Where i had an ample supple before I was starting to dry up and I am not sure if that was from pregnancy or from weaning her during the day but it also started to hurt to nurse where with my first that had never happened before not even at the very beginning. Well toward the end of a couple week visit to my moms for christmas I noticed nothing was coming out any more and decided it was finally time when we got home she was done and then the miracle happened where she was still initiating the nursing up to that point all of a sudden she stopped it was like she knew it was time (she was 20 months). So I guess my point is that I don't have any real advice besides to tell you I have been there and that you should do what both of you are most comfortable with.

We also cosleep and so after the nursing was finished we went to work on transitioning her, what worked best for us was to take baby steps we would let her fall asleep with us and then we would move her to her toddler mattress in our room and then we helped her fall asleep on her toddler mattress in our room and then we did naps in her room until she was finally in her own room just before it was time for her sister to come! I was also so worried about how she would do overnight without me while I was at the hospital but she did great with her auntie. I really think all the prayers I said helped becuase it truly was a miracle so rely on the Lord and follow your heart!!! best wishes to you during this time!!!

I heard that at some point during your pregnancy your milk will turn "salty"...I think it is nature's way of weaning while being pregnant (your developing fetus needs the nutrients more so than a child already on solids).

I am sorry but I can't seem to recall which book I gathered that info from.

Cpongrads on your pregnancy! I would suggest a twin bed or crib mattress on the floor in your room to transition your daughter into sleeping in her own space. You're really going to need that when baby comes. We had success with this (twin bed) and sometimes one of us would be down on the floor with our son and eventually we moved it into his own room, on the floor so we never worried about him falling. As far as the nursing and weaning, you may need to be the lead on this and guide her in the direction you'd like to see it going. Letting things happen naturally always need a direction to go in. I weaned my son by 18 mos (I begun my period at 15 mos and nipples were excruciating during ovulation so started the process and he was weaned by 18mos and it felt very natural). I begun imagination play with stuffed animals and encouraged him to nurse them and taught him he could nurture others (a game we started) and I was in a lot of pain and put bandaids on my nipples and told him they were ouchies (which was true!). This had an impact on him. The night weaning...can your hubby get involved at soothing her at night?
good luck!

i was told to stop breastfeeding once i became pregnant with number 2. my first one was only 7 months at the time but the doctor told me that it was too hard on my body and i actually ended up getting very sick because i was still breastfeeding. you should consult your doctor and ask about breastfeeding and being pregnant.....

What a lucky little girl to have you as her mother! I nursed my oldest daughter until she was 2 1/2 years old. I was 6 months pregnant with my second when it ended. I found the best way to cut down on the night nursing (we shared a bed as well) was to wear a bra and to spoon. Your daughter is younger than mine was, so I'm not sure how she'll respond to it. It still offered all the comfort of Mommy, and eased her into sleeping longer at night. The only reason she stopped nursing was because my body stopped producing milk. When her little sister was born 3 months later, surprising my oldest never asked to nurse. A few months later, she asked for her own bed. It all happened naturally, with a little nudging from me. Good luck and congratulations.

It is great that you have given your daughter a great start with Breastfeeding and attachment parenting. It is a special bond that will last a lifetime. Now you have another life to think about, too. It will be very important for your little girl to get some independence in the coming months so that she is not resentful of the new baby. This idea is very personality dependent, and my first daughter was 3 when "her baby" sister was born, so it was easier for her to understand that I could not carry her everywhere during pregnancy, and various other sacrifices that she needed to make for the health and well being of mommy and sister. Try to find ways to help her become more independent in general (maybe wait until these 6 teeth come in, but do it soon after that) and fall asleep by herself, etc. You might think about weaning her completely, too. Your body is working hard to sustain your busy life and grow a new one, really, your 15 month old does NOT need your milk for any reason other than for comfort. Try reading and snuggling instead of nursing. This is something that you can continue even after #2 arrives while you nurse the baby. Good luck to you!

Wow, I can't believe she still nurses every three hours at 15 months. I nursed my son until he was around 2yrs, but not at night-tooth decay :( Easiest thing to start with, don't nurse her unless she is crying. I realized when my 2nd son was 4 months that I could soothe him in other ways & get him to go back to sleep.

Anyways I don't want to be negative because I know I'm not responsive to negative responders, so I'll just say get the book, "Good Night, Sleep Tight..." Try to make it a goal to get her in her own bed before the new baby comes. Speaking from personal experience it's really hard because you'll want the new baby in the bed with you for the night time nursings.

My sons are 18 months apart, and I was still BFing and co-sleeping when we conceived DS2, so I know what you're going through!

Our lactation consultant said there was no reason I couldn't keep nursing. She said the milk would taste a little different to the older child, but that was it. As it happens, DS1 weaned himself at 17 months, when I was 8 months pregnant. I was relieved, because nipple stimulation can bring on contractions, and also I didn't want to "tandem nurse" (a friend of mine did and LOVED it, but I just wasn't into the idea).

Anyway, we wanted DS1 to be in his own bed BEFORE the new baby came home, because we didn't want the whole family there AND we really didn't want DS1 to see a connection between new baby and exile. So we started getting him to sleep in his crib until he woke for his nightly BFing session. Then we'd bring him to bed for the rest of the night.

(Try this book: "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley -- it's got some good strategies for getting the baby (1) to sleep, and (2) to stop co-sleeping).

When I was about 6 months pregnant *I* couldn't sleep in the bed anymore (my hips got sore for both pregnancies, and so I slept in the reclining chair for the last months). I would come to bed when DS1 woke, bringing him with me. But he was really used to the crib by this point and was falling asleep there, which I think was important. We did this gradually.

His night-nurse session came later and later in the night, until it was actually early morning. And toward the end of my pregnancy, rather than bring him ME, I brought the prepared bottle. We still both went to bed. By the time DS2 was born, DS1 was used to his own bed and was weaned. And if he wanted to come into bed with us for the last hour or so of darkness, he was welcome. (And still is, lol.)

Good luck!

For the sake of you getting the sleep you need while pregnant I do recommend night-weaning. My daughter co-slept with us until about age 3, though we were slowly working on getting her to sleep in her own bed during that time. I night-weaned her around age 2 because she had started trying to nurse WAY too often and it interrupted my sleep too much. I think your baby is at a good age to night wean before it becomes difficult. I read the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Preschoolers and Toddlers" (there's a baby version too) and it gave some good advice for night weaning. Basically what I did was 1. Started out by letting her nurse for a couple of minutes. After a couple minutes, before she was done, I'd gently take her off, and then I'd roll over. I would encourage her to cuddle with my husband. 2. Eventually, I wouldn't even let her do it for a couple of minutes. She learned to just roll over herself and settle down on her own, and soon enough she stopped waking up so often. I think this is a great way to start the transition to the child's own bed. When you decide to do that, she'll be better able to soothe herself back to sleep.

Also, you may find that she stops nursing altogether as your pregnancy progresses. I have read that the taste of the milk can change and sometimes they don't want it anymore. I do NOT believe there is any harm for you to nurse while pregnant, and lots of moms tandem nurse (just make sure you read up on proper nutrition for you). I'm not sure I would like tandem nursing though; I think nursing is such a good time for bonding I'd want to devote all that time to the newborn. But do what feels right to you and both your children. Congratulations on such successful nursing so far and good luck with #2! BTW, my daughter is almost 4 now, and still nurses at bedtime. :) (No siblings though, at least not yet.)

Hi E.,

I have an almost one year old daughter, who was co-sleeping and nursing on demand.
She had been nursing twice a night night for a few minutes on one side and then going back sleep. But then at about 9 months she started teething and would nurse for a long time on each side. I wasn't able to go back to sleep. I was so tired.
So last week, I bit the bullet and put her in her room in her crib. The first night she cried for an hour and then fell asleep and then she cried for another hour from 2am - 3am. At that point I brought her back in bed. The next four nights, she cried a little and wouldn't go to sleep. She would sit in her crib and try not to fall asleep as though she was at a boring lecture. At about midnight or 1am, she would really cry and I would bring her in bed. On the sixth night, I put her in her crib, she cried for a bit and didn't wake up til 7am.
If she wakes up before 5am, I let her cry and she usually goes back to sleep in a few minutes. After 5am, I bring her in bed and nurse her.
I am a new person, since I have been able to sleep.

Go for it.

Hi Mama E.,

I am so proud of you for your parenting styles. My advice comes to you through me watching my best friend raise her 4 children. She is a La Leche League representative (i.e. professional breastfeeding consultant, if you call the number for Hawaii you'll get her) and she got through what your talking about without a hitch. First, could it be that your nipples will toughen up as they've had to with all the breastfeeding stages? As for the sleeping arrangement, my girlfriend puts 2 queen size beds side by side, one being lower. As they've had their children, usually only the youngest 2-3 were still sleeping with mommy and daddy at the same time (right now there's still 2, including a baby). The mom, dad and baby sleep on the taller bed and the other children on the lower bed. If an older child falls asleep on the taller bed, they get scooted to the lower on after they fall asleep. They're happy because they're still in the same room, and if they start to squirm you're still right there to comfort them (often times just a hand on the back or a foot on the leg will do it). They usually encourage the children to graduate to their own rooms at about 4 years of age. This seems like the most natural, gentle approach to the change that has to occur in your sleeping arrangement. One last little bit of advice, if you try to wean your "spirited" 15 month old from nighttime breastfeeding AND put her in another room at night, and she's not ready, she may get needy.

I just went through a similar situation, except my daughter does take a pacifier, so it might have been a little easier. I had the same issues when I first got pregnant, she was 9 months old, so I continued feeding her on demand, but by the time she was 13 months my milk supply was so low from being pregnant (I think around 4 months pregnant it really started to go down), she finally got tired of trying, and I think it tasted different and she lost interest all together (I was more committed to trying than she was because I really wanted to nurse until she was 2, but that didn't happen). So that may happen with you, I don't know, but what about having her snuggle in next to your husband? We started putting her to sleep with us and transfering her into her own bed. She was a good sleeper and I think not having me next to her helped her sleep longer, since she wasn't worried about nursing. Congrats on getting her to take naps in her toddler bed, that is now our biggest struggle (She is 19 months and my youngest daughter is 1 month), they don't exactly cooperate, it is tricky! We are all co-sleeping in a queen sized bed, because my husband is worried that the 19 month old might get jealous that the baby is sleeping with us, which is really funny to me because he was not all that excited about co-sleeping in the first place! Good luck, 2 kids are so much more work, but my girls are already bonded and it melts my heart.

Oh, something else I just remembered, my daughter started snuggling into my shirt and that became her comfort instead of nursing she holds on to the collar of my shirts. She still does this whenever she is tired and I even have a shirt tied to her toddler bed so when she does sleep in her bed she rolls over and can hold onto it. She even tries to get her baby sister to hold on to my (or her) shirt, it is so cute.

if you are giving her a bottle as alternate to reduction in nursing try the bottle with just wate for the night feedings. I did with my son and he would go back to sleep right away not wanting that and within a week stayed asleep all night. Btw night feedings are bad for pearly whites coming in.

Hi E.-

I think it's wonderful that you are enjoying your bonding with your baby so much.

I am actually not experienced at this but a friend of mine has continued to nurse her children even when pregnant with the next; I recently asked her how she got the older children out of the bed (to make room for the newborn) and she actually said that she continues to sleep with them. Right now she cosleeps with her 2 younger children (15 mos and 3 yrs) and the older one sleeps on a twin in the same room. She had to buy a king bed to make this doable.

I do agree that there will be lots of changes which may make it hard on your older child, so perhaps easing her into it or even continuing to co sleep with both of them?

In my experience the most helpful thing to cut down on night nursing has been to have the dad take over night parenting for a while (a week or two) and comfort baby in other ways.

Hope this helps!

Hello! I would be sure to check with your doctor - I have been told that nursing while pregnant is really hard on your body. I realize it is a comfort for you and your child, but now you have #2 fighting for your nutrients, while your body is trying to manufactor milk for #1 - be careful not to wear yourself down. Pregnancy alone takes a toll on you. I would highly recommend going to a bottle and formula to give your body a break and to be able to focus on supplying for one baby instead of two.

E.!! You are amazing! Good for you, and congrats on the new addition to your family.

My son and I, are co-sleepers and I BF until I got sick and had to switch to bottle feeding, breast milk thawed and formula mix until the frozen stuff ran out. He weaned himself from the bottle (Frozen BM/Formual mix) at 18 months, for nightfeedings only and then we stuck with bottle for another couple of months while he got used to associating milk and sippy cup as okay. I would suggest starting to pump, so you can continue to give your daughter BM (if that's you desire), as long as she requires the feedings...pumping gave me an abundance of frozen and allowed me to keep giving him BM, if even in a bottle. But, I would work on the weaning at night first before moving to completely off BF totally. I like the Bra suggestion...will remember that one!

With transitioning beds, for us, it's a work in progress. I'm not one who prescribes to creating timelines for children, and firmly believe that our kiddos are the best at knowing what needs to happen next. My son has picked out his bed and bedding, we've done up his room and painted stuff together and he knows it's his. But, I don't want it to be traumatic or for him to feel like he's not welcome in my bed anymore. So, we lay down in his bed and cuddle, read books and sometimes nap there. But, he always knows my door is open. Over the past few weeks, he's become a little more partial to the 'McQueen' Bed and that is awesome! But, I think the key with anything that relates to toddlers is you can't push it or they will push back. Your little one is still young, and you are early in your pregnancy, so if you work on it for the duration of your pregnancy you may be able to get it done over that time. Even if it's just setting up a mattress in your room, or something transitional like that and working on the toddler bed closer to age 2.

You are going through a lot of changes, and they are BIG ones. Don't worry too much about getting things done...it'll work out the way it's supposed if you ease your little one into weaning first and then focus on the moving of beds, she'll go with the flow. Make he a part of it, and give her ownership of what's happening. Talk to her and explain to her the changes, for example becoming a big sister. I loved when my Mom and Dad, made me a part of office visits and decorating the babies bassinet and so forth.

I hope some of that helped!