Asperger's and Feeling Defeated

His meds aren't working. If they were, you wouldn't have these issues. My daughter is ADD and Asperger's and my son is ADHD. He had to have his meds adjusted every time he grew. So take him to the psych and see if they can increase or try something new. Good luck.

((HUG)) I've no advice to offer. I just wanted to let you know that you're a good mom even when your child is having a rough time.

Has he had a sensory evaluation? He may be overwhelmed by input in a way that he can't explain. Social skills isn't going to fix that, because for example, if we have a migrane, or are overwhelmed, it's hard for us to deal with people. For him, with processing issues, it's that much harder.

Is he able to communicate in any way what's going on for him in his body, his feelings, in the classroom, etc.? Can he draw pictures about it?

He may need to be in a smaller class, with less distraction or disturbance. What is in his IEP about helping him with issues? What other resources do they have?

Please check out autismspectrumexplained.com. Also on facebook, Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance. Autistikids.com is a resource with a lot of links to autistic bloggers who share their experiences - you may find info that'll help you understand what's going on for him, and ways to explain it to the school.

Seriously - autistic people are a HUGE asset for parent because they've lived what your child is going through. You can do a search on blogs for specific things, and ask questions in the comments.

I'm sorry - this is so hard. I don't have advice.

I just wanted to say to Julie G. - I think that response is incredibly insensitive! As the mom to a twice exceptional kid (gifted with generalized anxiety disorder and executive functioning issues), I get that you're suggesting school is the problem and the parents are at fault for pushing their child to *gasp* go to school! I know you home school, and that's lovely for you, but the bottom line is eventually the child must learn to function outside of the home. Yes, six is still relatively young, but these aren't problems with doing higher math. These are problems with simply interacting with peers and respecting authority, something that most children start learning in the toddler years and which even homeschoolers need a modicum of control over by age six. Are you seriously suggesting the child be cloistered away from society in order to overcome these challenges?

No, this is not because the parents are forcing the child to do something developmentally inappropriate. This is because the child is experiencing internal problems most children do not.

Have you evaluated his diet? With some kids on the spectrum and other learning disabilities diet has an effect on behavior. Dairy - gluten - certain dyes - MSG can cause outbursts, fidgeting etc...

Does he have a 504 plan? That allows for him to be taught using the standard curriculum, but also for him to take breaks for example, do some work in a quiet place (like take a spelling test in a private room away from the other kids if necessary, so he can concentrate and focus), have a reduced work load (only do questions 1 through 5 instead of all 10 if it's obvious he understands the content) or any other accommodations so that he can successfully get through the day.

An IEP provides a different curriculum when a child is unable to grasp the regular curriculum. A 504 plan is for a child who can handle the work but needs accommodations like time for a snack or blood sugar checks for a diabetic child, time and procedures for a child with an anxiety disorder to handle a panic attack, larger font for a child with a vision impairment, no late-to-class penalty for a child who has a mobility issue, etc. If your son doesn't have one, it sounds like he needs one.

The parent gets to provide input to a 504 plan, so you need to evaluate your son, because you know him best. If noises get loud (crowds, a loud tv show, etc), does he get upset? What in the school day makes him run away or act out of control? At home, does he do better with shorter "to-do" lists, like - do you only give him one chore at a time, with a very brief description of what's expected? Does he need a healthy snack more often? Just think about what stresses him and what calms him.

And get his doctor's input (not a counselor, but a physician or psychiatrist). Have him or her write a very brief letter outlining the accommodations that your son needs. Keep good records and request a 504 plan.

So sorry you're going through this. Poor kiddo! I know firsthand how frustrating it can be dealing with a kiddo that you feel you can't help. I'm going to put my vote in for checking his meds. It doesn't sound like they're working. Something else to consider (I know that all meds and all kids are different), my son (adhd) actually really starts to suffer in his self esteem when he is medicated EVERY day. His ped said that it's fine for us not to give it to him on the weekends, so I try not to. I don't know if it's depression as a side effect, or just him feeling like he's a failure because he couldn't EVER have a day without it, but he would just get really down on himself, which started a downward spiral, so we don't do that anymore. He can be a challenge but we have gotten into a good routine of no meds on the weekend, even going to church and family functions without it.

I've been there, where you feel you're out of options. Something always comes up to try, and things WILL get better. Hang in there mama.

I think the 6-8 age range is particularly difficult in this scenario. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, so I just wanted to say that it will get better.

The only suggestion I can think of is that perhaps his medication needs to be a different dose, a different schedule, or a different type. When it comes to the attention and impulsivity part of the issue, it is usually clear when meds work and when they do not. If he didn't miss his medicine on the 9th, then it sounds like it isn't working for him.

I agree with the others about talking to his psychiatrist. It sounds like the meds aren't working anymore. Could be a quick fix, like bumping up the dosage, to get things back on track.

I do know, too, that meds aren't a cure-all. Adding therapy helps, but also doesn't make for a perfect world by any means. We still get the calls home from administrators and I understand the defeated feeling all too well. Our 12-year-old son decided this year to just refuse to do work in class or answer this teacher's questions -- hallmark ODD (our son also has ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression and selective eating disorder/ARFID). I'd ask about upping his Abilify for his ODD if his dad wasn't so much on a kick to reduce the number of meds overall. We are currently at the point where we've been told he will be sent home from junior high if he acts up again. (And we do have a 504 plan in place, but as you know, there's only so much protection offered by these type of agreements)

Unfortunately, I've learned that you can't parent away brain disorders. We've wasted far too many years blaming ourselves and taking classes, but sometimes there's no reason for what they're doing other than they have the disorders and those disorders are not under control at that moment.

The only other suggestion I have for you is to ask the therapists for advice. What would they tell the teacher to do if XYZ happens? We did that and got some good tips. Knock on wood, no calls home since then.

Get that 504 plan meeting scheduled and demand they have an in school plan to deal with this. They are the professionals and they should have an aid just for him if that's what it takes for him to be successful in school.

Don't give him his meds until he gets to school. That worked better for our guy.

Meet with the psychiatrist, that's who's doing the meds, right? So meet with the psychiatrist and get a different med. This one isn't working.

Go to the school and sit with him for the day. See what his day is like. You might spot the problem right off. You might also make a difference and not see what's happening either.

ETA - Patricia has an EXCELLENT suggestion to have him checked by an OT for sensory issues. You need an OT who has expertise in this area, and it would be even better if you had one who works with Aspies.

Original:
Perhaps you need more than an IEP. What about a 504 plan? Can you find an advocate who has experience with Aspie's who need help in the school? I think that you need someone who can help you deal with the school.

Your child has the right to an education. You need to find out how best to get that. Your child being sent home from school is not how to get it.

i'm so sorry, G.. how very frustrating. i wish i had some good useful advice to offer to you, but i'm stymied.

i totally get why the schools are struggling to accommodate this. all of us have been on one side or the other. i was one of the parents upset that my neuro-typical kids were constantly having their education interrupted by one or another of the kids who weren't able to settle into the (boring, restrictive) routine of traditional school.

probably all of 'em would be better off in a more naturalistic environment, but that's not going to happen in our lifetimes, is it?

i don't guess a waldorf type school is available for you to try?
khairete
S.

I guess I am wondering why the school would send him home? Disability doesn't equal "misbehaving." Is there an IEP in place that would protect him from being treated this way? The efforts made to help a child should be joint with the school and the parents - not just throw this in the parents' laps and expect them to fix it (nor should it be the reverse, of course). Having 2 special needs kiddos myself (one on the autism spectrum), if the school would have called me to pick up my kid because they couldn't "settle down" I wouldn't have - mostly because in my case, my kid(s) would have picked up on the easy out - get the school to call mom/dad.

If you don't have an IEP, please think about requesting one. While it is your job to do everything to help your child be successful in school (and it sounds like you are!), it is the school's responsibility as well. Things that were successful for us that we had in place were the "boost room," extra gym time, fidgets, and a place to work in a quiet room when they just couldn't settle down.

As far as the medications go, the one drug that helped our kid (made a HUGE difference) was Risperdal. I know that many docs consider it a "scary drug" but honestly it was the one drug that made the most difference in one of our kid's lives. He is also on Adderall XR and regular Adderall to help with focus, as well as Intuniv (also known as tenex or guanfacine).

It sounds like you have most of the therapy bases covered - we also did brushing therapy, joint compression therapy, music therapy, play therapy, and a life skills coach (which may be appropriate when he is older). Not sure if any of these would be a good fit for your son but worth checking into.

Good luck - I would say it gets better . . . it doesn't. However, it does get "different" and some days/weeks/months are easier to handle than others.

Poor kid. Maybe something is happening at school that's causing him distress? Might be worth shadowing his classroom for a day to see if there are any issues there.

Have you ever considered that the problem isn't your son, it's the environment you are trying to force him into?