Are You Friend's with Your Husband's Friends?

Updated on June 08, 2011
M.B. asks from Occoquan, VA
21 answers

After reading a few posts I was kinda shocked to hear that some women aren't friends with their husband's friends...

First of all, my husband and I are best friends. We like a lot of the same things, have similar opinions on things and like to do everything together just about. He's the first person I go to when I need a friend. We tell each other everything. We are very close open friends and we finish each others sentences or say the same thing at the same time all the time, react similiarly and we have a million inside jokes... (it is gross, I know-LOL)... and no, we aren't 16. we are 30... been married almost 10 years) ...and no, we don't gross-out our friends- they hardly ever see the affection and lovey-dovey-ness from us, we keep that private.

Anyways, we tend to be friends with each others friends single or not, male or female. If people are at our house, we are both hanging out with them and everyone seems cool about it... our friends are the same- even if we may have met them in different places and such, they become both of our friends.

So, is it more "average" to be friends with everybody and get to know everybody or the other way around? Just curious... Do you all have separate lives in the world of friendships?

Oh, just to clarify, we don't go EVERYWHERE together, just whenever we are both free and have a babysitter, we always go together

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i like most of my dh's friends and he likes most of mine, but they're not the 'same', ie he wouldn't be calling any of my buddies to hang out and i don't call his just to say hi, ya know?
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

M. B you are not alone. When I first met my husband we lived in different states. My best friend was a guy, his was a girl. Now she is my most valuable friend and my guy BFF is one of my husbands friends, they laugh and joke and make fun of me together (too much in common if you ask me). However, the dyanmics of the before relationships have changed but we are all still friends and happy with how things have worked out.

My husband is my best friend...he is the person I go to when I need someone. However there are a few friends that we don't "share" (for lack of a better word)...but that is because they are more of "work" friends and there hasn't been a chance to meet them or get to know them.

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

I am not friends with my husband's friends the way you are. I know them and if time permits we get together as a family but his friends are more for male bonding. He knows my friends, but mine are for girl talk, etc.

It would appear you and your husband all shared the same friends before marriage. If that's the case, then I could see how you all would be close.

1 mom found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I'm friendly with my husband's friends and he's friendly with mine. But I don't actively seek out friendships with my husband's friends. For instance, he has a friend named, John, who is divorced. I wouldn't call John up to talk or ask him if he wanted to go shopping or meet for breakfast like I do with my own friends, who are mainly female. But, I am friends with John on Face Book and we comment on each other's pictures and status regularly.

My husband is the same way.

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

We have our main core friends and he has friends at work that I meet from time to time.

I have friends he'll NEVER meet because they only come into town once a year for concerts and stay at hotels.

He's social with people he knows and shy around other people so I don't bother pushing him to meet EVERY person I know.

I have a really good friend that he's never met and we've been friends for 12 years. It's pretty odd and after 19 years of marriage I guess it works for us...

1 mom found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Some of them are "our" friends... some of them are his friends or my friends.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.B.

answers from Boston on

Yes, I am friends with my husband's friends, as he is with mine.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

other than his coworkers, we share the same friends :) we are not too young either. we are 34 and have been together since 1994.

G.T.

answers from Modesto on

I'm friends with all my hubbys friends and vice versa with the exception of friends that we only deal with at work, that's sort of a different category, but if they became "real" friends they would be friends to both of us.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

I'm more friends w/his friends' wives but I get along plenty w/his friends. I keep my conversations to bare minimum w/his friends though, b/c I don't believe in having more conversation w/a woman's husband than her, no matter how annoying she is.

My husband is courteous and friendly w/my own friends' husbands...I guess we get along w/everyone.

Now, if you are talking about being friends w/my husband's brothers and BILs, that's a whole 'nuther discussion which could be thrown in the "people my husband likes but I can't stand" category...

C.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

I'm so late on this but I read this and was so happy because what you are saying is exactly what I want with a SO. My ex and I were really close but he would tell his friends I hated them (I didn't at all) just so they wouldn't like me (I found out after I left him). What you described would be like the perfect situation, everyone is friends with everyone... awesome!

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L.M.

answers from New York on

I think it's great that you are friends with hubby's friends and hubby with yours. It makes everything so much easier.

I get along great with my hubby's best friend. We have a type of brother/sister relationship. However, I'm not friends with most of his other friends and I don't think they really care for me. That's fine, he can have some guy time.

Hubby didn't really care fo my BFF 20 years, but over the years they become good friends. They both look forward to their annual Christmas shopping day (without me).

A.G.

answers from Houston on

Yes, my husband and I went to the same high school and ran in the same crowd. We kept the same friends because we have been together since 1999 and dating since 1997. If i dont get along with a friend of his they usually get filtered out and vice versa, he and i havent always been the best couple(we are now), but we have always been good friends.

Thats why i found something posted awhile back strange. it was someone complaining that a friends husband was always around. Well they would hate hanging out with me.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

My husband doesn't have a large circle of friends, but I am friendly with those he does befriend. We're more like "family friends" with each others' friends and their families. Whether or not it's my friends or his friends, we are both friendly with the spouses and our kids all hang out together too. With our close friends, I have some of the guys' (and their wives') numbers and e-mail addresses on my cell and vice-versa. If I'm ever in a bind and need "guy help" (troubleshooting a car thing, usually) and my husband isn't around I will call one of his friends for help.

That said, I have a larger circle of more casual acquaintances than he does. I go out to dinner/drinks once a month with at least three different groups of friends and he doesn't know a lot of those women because we always meet at someone's (larger) house or at a restaurant - more like a networking or bookclub type of group. Usually if we want "girl time" we go out so that we don't have to deal with husbands or kids. But if I have my friends over for BBQ, then their husbands and kids come and we all hang out.

K.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

Yes I am friends with my husband's friends but I am a very outgoing so his friends are my friends. There are 4 friends that are his best friends and I make a point to not always be free to do things with them because I do want my husband to not feel like I have "taken over" all his friends. I say this because there is a group of friends that started out as his school friends, way before we met each other, and after graduating I am much closer to them then my husband is. I am on a kickball team with them, go hang out with them at a bar here and there, camping/canoeing trips 1-2 times a year, while my hubby only sees them 2-3 times a year.

My husband knows my friends but is not as outgoing as me so he would not call them friends. If we were hanging out here he would make himself "disappear" while we sat and chatted.

I really believe it all depends on ther personality type of the person. I will make friends any where, any time, easily while hubby has his little group and he is not really intrested in making more friends.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

yes we are all friends. Of course, there are people at both of our jobs, that we don't know, so that would be the only reason we aren't friends with each others friends. I think it is so nice to have it that way. When you want to have a date night out, etc, just call one of the couples up and everyone gets along. I like it that way. My husband and I will be married for 20 years, and together for 28 years this summer, and we still finish each others sentences!!!

K.L.

answers from Redding on

We have a few couples we met at church and are friends with. Most of the people from his work, I know, but not really "friends". He says "its not a social club"..lol.. but Id be happy to socialize with them if it happend. We do have some guys he works with and we are friends with them and their wives. Go to dinner with them once a week type friends. Then there are golf buddys,, and I get a kick out of them and some have wives and we meet after golf about once a month or so for dinner and the wives show up and we talk and visit. A couple of them I would consider friends, but the others I just know them and we are friendly. As for my friends, he knows some, others he has never met. He doesnt go to my sewing group or my bowling league because he is at work, so there are a lot of gals I would claim as friends who he has never met. Some yes, but not many. He is my best friend and he says I am his. Kinda nice after all these years.

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

I am friendly with my husband's friends, go out socially with them on occasion - but would not actually call them my friends.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

We have joint friends and separate friends.
I am friends with my Hubby's friends too.
As he is with mine.

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Yes, I'm friends with my husband's friends and he is friends with my friends! We have similar taste I guess. These are the people who come over and hang out with us. These are the people we take trips with or ski with or camp with. Our kids play together. We meet up at the park. We have get together to play games and eat dinner. We meet for Friday night music in the park. We all really enjoy each other. What a bummer it would be if we disliked each other's friends.

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

Before moving here, I had some one friend who I've been dear friends with since 1988! Another since 1989! And a couple others that I've met through my son's MDO, my Bible study, etc. My husband is casual friends with them if he meets them (the ones that I've had forever, or ones that come around for things other than mom-only coffee breaks in the mornings when he's at work or Bible study when he's...at work). Casual meaning he doesn't phone them or whatever, but we have a good time together. Same thing with him: I made a point to meet the wives or significant others of his friends and am friends with a few of his friends. We've had dinners together, a couple GREAT parties, or fight nights when someone hosts the UFC fight on pay per view, or obviously I invite them to parties we have. At a work function one time, I made great friends with his friend's wife, and we talk more than the men do, lol. (But we have a lot in common, they have a 4 year old as do I, we both have wicked wicked sense of humor, etc). It was normal for a good friend of mine to come over for dinner and play games with us all, and then the next time we might go do pedicures and lunch while my husband watched the kids, and I'll have his friends over for dinner or go swimming one day and he can go have a couple drinks after work and have guy talk (arguing politics mostly) another day. Also, we gravitated to couples in the neighborhood who we both got along with and would do neighborhood block parties, bbqs, group trick or treating, etc together. Fun stuff. It just makes sense to get along or at least make the EFFORT so everyone can have fun at the same time. Now that we have moved here, we're both kinda starting from scratch. He has friends from work that I meet at work functions or community events, and I have friends from Mops club, the neighborhood, and my sons' recreational activities that he meets at parties, sporting events, and get togethers. We're in the process of moving into our new home (been renting while we get this place "perfect"--painting, doing new flooring, shelf lining, moving in bit by bit)....we'll be finished by mid-June and I'm really looking forward to a pot luck party to bring his new friends and my new friends together.

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