Are We Cheap?

Updated on November 05, 2010
L.L. asks from Granby, CT
49 answers

The good old Birthday party question. I usually spend $15 dollars on a classmate birthday gift. $25 for close friends and $40 for children in the family like nieces and nephews. For my son's birthday last week he got big gifts from everyone. I don't think anything was under $25 and some classmate gifts were at least $40. I am floored. My husband has been telling me I'm too cheap for years, but I really thought I was right on target. Is this the norm? I know one of the most expensive gifts was from his very best friend so I can understand that but what are you moms sending with your kids to B-day parties?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

If I left it up to my husband all the kids would get power wheels and drum sets. Price is no object to him, he just loves to see kids smile. I on the other hand am the penny pincher, and we give to so many that I have to set a budget. We have only one child but my Christmas shopping list has 15 children on it and that's all god children, nieces, nephews, Best friend's kids.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Detroit on

I do pretty much the same as you :-)
I do pick up things throughout the year that would normally cost a lot more than I actually pay for it. So, when birthday's come around, I have a small "stash" of stuff to chose from that are great gifts, but at a great price... $10-15!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.K.

answers from Hartford on

Hi L.,
I spend $15-$20 on school friends (maybe $25 if they're really close) and $30 on family (my sisters/brother-in-laws and nieces/nephews included). I don't think it's cheap, in my opinion it's reasonable. I have 12 kids to buy for each year!!! I always find something cool and creative to fit into my budget and I've never heard any complaints!
E.:-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.S.

answers from Boston on

If you are cheap, then I'm a skinflint! We don't have a lot to spare, and my son gets invited to a lot of birthday parties, so I have set a $10 limit for gifts. I take him to the store, and let him pick whatever he wants for his friend, so long as it's under 10 bucks (it's a very reasonably priced store)

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Dallas on

wow- if you are cheap, I wonder what that makes me? I won't spend more than $5-$10 for classmates/friends birthday presents and our kids are limited to $20! and cousins/nieces/nephews get a card or a phone call! - my kids get the same(cards or phone calls) from their aunts and uncles too.
So, no- you are not cheap! I am- but I'm fine with that! :)
~C.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My budget is (like many others) about the same as yours.

A thing to keep in mind, however, is that some people are (like me) *notorious* for getting things on sale. I'll buy 10 boxes of $40 lego kits for $12 when they go on sale at xmas. Ditto when other types of presents go on clearance some $30 things go for as little $2.99. So what might LOOK like a $40 present might only have actually cost me $5-$15.

It actually blows me away what "full price" is for kid's things... since I typically refuse to pay full price, ever.

But here's my NUMBER ONE rule about kids presents: Never, ever, ever "out do" the parents.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.H.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with your budget. So I will tell you my secret; I find amazing sales and go wild. A few months ago there was a toy clearance with 75%-90% off a lot of 'popular' toys. I have a very large conversion van & filled every inch of it with bags of toys. Imagine, I spent $840 & got everything up to 90% off!!! We had 3 birthday parties for classmates last weekend. One of the toys was a $35 littlest pet shop that I paid $8 for. The other 2 boys got very expensive remote control cars that I paid next to nothing for. I am kind of friends with the mom of the boys & she knows about my 'finds' but we had a good laugh because her family asked her who her wealthy, generous friend was.

I shop like this twice a year with the intentions of giving the toys away for bdays, xmas presents, charity & to sell some stuff for a small profit.

I have 2 hidden closets that are completely filled with toys & my kids don't even know this stuff is in the house.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Wichita on

I spend 20 on family gifts, 10 or under if I can get away with it for friends.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Like you we try not to spend a lot on gifts, unless it is a special friend. Some years you end up being invited to every birthday party and it is impossible to spend a lot on every one. As long as you are confident that you are purchasing a gift that you know the child would like or one that you know your own child would love to receive then don't worry about it. We tend to stock up on after Christmas sales and hold on to them for occasions like this.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Not cheap at all. Everyone's budget is different. What are kids learning by adults going into debt to buy them things? I usually do your scale too and some years is better than others if I'm able to find good sales.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Joplin on

There is Nothing wrong with having a budget. I would rather send my child with a thoughtful gift than spend just for the sake of spending. I live life somewhat frugally, I do not think I am cheap...I really like being able to sleep at night knowing we live within our means and do not have credit card balances...I feel like I am a dying breed and teaching our kids to live in the now is becoming obsolete!

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

It depends on the child, I try to purchase the right gift for the right child.
If I can find something on sale, I am all over it, so it may look like I spent more, than I really did..

I never think about what others spend on our daughter etc.. Do what you are comfortable with you know your budget, so stick with it..

1 mom found this helpful

☼.S.

answers from San Diego on

That's about what we spend, too, although when I see a fantastic sale on an expensive item, I buy ahead and put it in my "gift" cabinet for an upcoming birthday, xmas gift, etc.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.G.

answers from Seattle on

We do pretty much what you do as well. I see no reason to spend a ton of money on a classmate of your child. I believe party attendance is what's most important and if you as the parent can afford a gift on top of that then great. There's no reason to worry about the amount of money spent as far as I'm concerned. :)

1 mom found this helpful

A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

I think you should do what you can do regarding money spending on presents. Just do it sincerely and from your heart. Every family has its own budget,, expenses or traditions, so don't worry. I was remembering that for one of my kid's b-day, time ago, one of his closest friends gave to him a little robot, it was the oldest and special toy of this boy, and my son was so happy and honored to receive this robot. he still has it and remember that special friend.

1 mom found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I always stayed in the $12-15 range. Now my son is older (12) and doesn't "do" many birthday parties at this age. The only ones he does now, are much closer friends (not parties where the whole class is invited and he might hardly know the kid), and for these we spend a little more. Not crazy more. Just a little. Like maybe $20-25 ... (iTunes cards anyone?) We don't do much for relatives' birthdays. There are many and they are hours and hours away... so they don't and neither do we.

How old are the kids you are asking about?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.K.

answers from New York on

Wow I ant to be friends with you! We spend $15 max. I guess I am super cheap...lol.

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from San Antonio on

I think your prices are right on. We need to teach our children it's not about how much someone spent on them it's the thought and love that went into the gift. I had a friend whose in-laws always compared how much the other spent on Christmas and always were trying to outdo the other. That is just wrong.

Stick to your guns on this one. There may be times when it warrants spending more, but for the most part, I think you're good.

C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

we are on a very tight budget so I try to keep it under $10-$15. If it's someone very close, then I'll go for $20

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Nope. I do just about the same price points, as you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Boston on

I think you do what you can afford. So right now we do about $10 gifts for everyone. If we were in a different financial place, I wouldn't object to spending $20-25 on friend's gifts. But I too am often floored on what people spend on our kids.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.D.

answers from Providence on

I just wanted to say I think you're right on target too. We have four kids and LOTS of birthdays. Like someone else mentioned, I jump on sales all through the year and keep a stash for my kids to choose from. This way my money stretches further and we avoid the mad dash to the store the day before the party. Amazon frequently has massive sales (think Christmas in July) and I always hit Target's toy clearance.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.B.

answers from Providence on

My daughter is only 3 and not yet in school, so we don't run into this quite yet, however, we (and some friends) tend to request NO gifts for our children. My neighbor always asks people to bring some cans for a food bank instead, which I think is a great idea. Other friends of mine have suggested a donation to a charity that has meaning for her kids/family in lieu of gifts. In reality, our kids don't "need" anything that we don't already provide for them, and like you all - I don't have a lot of extra to spend, especially on a growing number of acquaintances. I would like to think that for my daughter as she grows up that she will also learn that while gifts are nice to receive (and to give), they are not necessary to create a celebration.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Boston on

I dont do anything more than $20 for any gifts for anyone.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.B.

answers from Houston on

Your budget sounds almost identical to mine. I also usually decline classmate parties (my daughter is in preschool) unless my daughter talks about them constantly or has been in class with them for a few years (she was in Mom's Day Out at the same school for several years now). I simply can't afford the time or money it takes to go to that many birthday parties. We don't get a lot of family time and if I agreed to all of the party invitations we got, we would never spend any time together as a family. I think, like one Mom said, you do what you can and be grateful for what others do for your kids. A very nice thank you note goes a long way! :-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You are actually more generous than me.
My budget, is leaner.

I am also "floored" by what people spend... on classmate gifts. To me, anything from $25-40 is too much. Even for a close classmate.
That is what I would spend on my own child's gifts.

Your husband.... has a different idea on what is spent, for gifts.
Is the money you spend on gifting... "your" money or his? Or joint money?
Maybe if it were 'his' money and 'he' was doing the buying and gifting... he would think different. And be more budget conscious.

My kids' Grandma and Aunty... spend more on gifts for them than me or my Husband. We have tighter budgets than them. Our kids know no different. They don't go by "price point." They go, by what they like.
My daughter just had her 8th Birthday... her friends and Grandma/Aunty... ALL spent more on her gifts, than I did.
She did not notice. (I did, because I am the Mom). But so what.
My daughter was happy.... she wanted simple things, not anything expensive. I got her what she wished for. She loved it. That is the main thing. NOT the cost of some gift.
Price, does not equate to whether or not a gift is better than another.

all the best,
Susan

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Boston on

I do the same ranges as you, but I also tend to get a lot of things on sale. Transformers last year were on sale at Target or Toys R Us so I bought 10 of them that were normally $20 or more and spent maybe $10 each. I just got $39 Lego clock radios for $12. Sometimes I feel cheap because I know how little I spend but it's because I got something of quality and value for a good price. Just keep doing what you do and don't worry about everyone else. Easier said than done, I know, but your spending range is totally reasonable, even in the Northeast.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think you are on target. My kids and their friends are all still young enough to think the silliest/weirdest gifts are the best. And sometimes the definition of what is "sweet" for a 9 year old is not synonymous with "expensive".

I used to spend more but there seem to be so many birthdays, so many weddings, so many births and graduations and going aways, etc. That I stick with <$20 for kid parties. $30 for family/friend birthdays. $50 for Christmas and showers. <$75 for weddings. We might splurge but it has to be a very special occasion...A retirement, a 50th anniversary, etc.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm with you (although I'm a little cheaper) , classmates I buy a gift for around $10 (with 2 kids at school we have a lot of party invites) and money just does not stretch that far , I thought I was normal but on my sons birthday in the summer , one boy from his class showed up with a large Lego figure (easily $40 worth) , I was shocked that his mom purchased something this much , although we were very grateful I don't think it should be about the gift and how much was spent , it should be about enjoying the party with their friends.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.W.

answers from Seattle on

your budget sounds just like mine...it is the thought that counts and I don't understand why people overspend.
Good for you for keeping a budget.
:-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Washington DC on

If the child is very good friends with mine, I try to get a gift around $20-25. If just a classmate, I try for $10, but usually go over. The few times I have taken a good friend's child an expensive gift, say $35-65, they reacted in a way that makes me not do it again. "Wow, you spent too much!" I bought one boy a large Lego set that was 50% off at Target, another child a big Matchbox set that was on clearance for $20 at Sams. Still, they thought it was way more expensive and were a tad bit uncomfortable. Now I stick with gifts more like most moms choose.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.R.

answers from Fort Collins on

I think that's very reasonable! Those are exactly my ranges for those "tiers" of friendships. I don't think you are being cheap at all :)

K

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.O.

answers from Portland on

I think it is perfectly fine to set a budget for your gift-giving. I have an even lower budget than you, I usually pick a bouquet of flowers for birthday gifts, even for kids:) However, I do think that it is TACKY to notice or make a criticism of what the price tag is on others gift-giving, and even tackier to compare it to your own abilities.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Chicago on

Personally, I think you are right on target!!

Some of the classmate gifts may not have cost as much as you think. Some of my son's gifts were from Marshalls - if you don't have one of those, it's a discount store - mostly discontinued or overstock items. One kid gave him a remote control monster truck that we thought had to be at least 40, but we had to exchange it (broke 5 minutes out of the box), and it was actually only 20.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Wow -I guess it really depends on your community. We usually spend 10-20 bucks on birthday gifts. Like you said -if it's a special friend or my Goddaughter, I spend more. My sons get the same type of things from their buddies at their birthdays. We're all into giving story books as well. You don't say how old your son is, so I guess that could also matter. My sons are 2 and 4, so we're still in the Hot Wheels, Tonka, Superhero action figure and $10 Barbie (for girl birthdays) years! I guess it may get harder as the kids get older.

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I don't think you're cheap. That's more than I spend. I try to stay between 10 - 20 for friends and classmates. I doubt the kids care what you spend. I have found some really great deals and I'm proud of my shopping skills. I brag about how LITTLE I pay for things! So, I guess I'm cheap and darn proud of it!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Atlanta on

Well I'm sorry but we just can't afford to spend that much. My rule of thumb is $20.00 so call me cheap but I also have twin daughters as well and will usually try to find a little something from the BOTH of them instead of just from one. I know my kids don't like the whole "well this gift is for both of you" so I wouldn't expect any other kid to think it was okay for my girls to give them a gift from the BOTH of them. I might be totally crazy on that but its just the way I do things- the most I will ever spend is $30.00 plus it depends on how close they are to the kids as well. If its someone they casually know from school then I don't spend as much but if it is someone they tend to hang out with outside of school more often or whatever then I will fork over the extra dough.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.G.

answers from Dallas on

I spend between $10-13 on b-day gifts, so I know you think I am super cheap. However, we are on a tight budget and simply cannot afford to spend more. You, on the other hand, seem well off to me, since you spend so much money on b-day presents. Also, you live in Connecticut, which has a lot of wealthy areas. You obviously can afford it, so that's fine. Whatever people can afford is fine, so I wouldn't say there is a set price - it all depends on the household income.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.B.

answers from Boston on

I spend the same as you. But, I do wonder what the community culture is like. I know that your gift giving money is equal to what happens in my community, but there is an affluent community near ours and I wonder if they have higher price ranges. I've heard from friends that their "goodie bags" run $10 per child - which floored me!! So, it may depend on the community that you live it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I spend $15 on birthday presents for family and friends (neices, nephews, etc.). I think you can get a nice gift for that amount. We spend about $50 on each of our kids for their birthdays total.

I guess I'm cheap, but I think we do just fine on the fun factor.

J.

T.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

I usually spend 20 dollars, more or less, on classmate gifts.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

You sound right on track to me.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.M.

answers from Chicago on

Given the huge number of birthday parties kids go to these days, I think your budget is generous! One of my nieces went to 3 birthday parties in one week last spring!

My son just went to a classmate's birthday party (preschool) and he brought a 10-pack of Hot Wheels cars, which I got on sale at Target for $7. I thought it was on the inexpensive side, but believed it was a gift the birthday boy would enjoy, so I didn't try to buy more just to reach my original budget of $15.

You're fine!

A.G.

answers from Houston on

i spend about 20 to 30 dollars on bday gifts for aquaintances and friends kids

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.!.

answers from Columbus on

I am with you. My budget is just about the same. I also try my hardest to get the most bang for my buck. So I always check out clearance stuff first. Like this last week Target had a sale on Barbie so I was able to get my neice a $35 toy for only $20 which left me $20 to get an outfit or something else for her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from New York on

We spend a little bit more because we are not getting games/toys/clothes. We usually get a Savings Bond so, it costs $25.00 for a $50.00 bond. Most parents have been happy not to have to deal with the extra toys and in the future the kids will appreciate it too.

If we go the materialistic route, then yes, we go closer to the $15.00 mark.

~C.

M.M.

answers from Houston on

We spend less than $15-$10 on bday gifts and are on a tight budget, but the gifts are always well thought out for that child. If it's a really close family member, than we may spend a little more if we can afford it.

Updated

We spend less than $15-$10 on bday gifts and are on a tight budget, but the gifts are always well thought out for that child. If it's a really close family member, than we may spend a little more if we can afford it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Dayton on

Sounds right to me. We only spend $20 on nieces and nephews though. The older kids get money and the younger ones get a toy - usually one on sale that looks about $25 and really is about $15. Try to buy toys on clearance and have them in the house just to be ready. You'll spend less, but look like you are spending more.

K.I.

answers from Seattle on

I don't think you are being too cheap...our budget is $30 total, per friend...so that includes the card and wrapping paper or gift bag!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.A.

answers from Spartanburg on

Ummmmm, you are so not cheap....but I see you live in the CT vs me in SC...I lived in ME for a while and general cost of living in the northeast was higher. I plan to spend $5 apiece for my kid's cousins (there are 12! of them) this chirstmas, so $15 sounds generous to me! But actual $ amounts aside, if you and your child are okay with the gift, then I don't think it matters. I don't know the ages of the kids involved, but many times they don't know how much things cost, value is irrelevant to cost. The last party my oldest (4) went to she handmade a card and bookmark, and we bought silly bands. The bday girl was thrilled (as well as the parents). But I will freely admit to being cheap :)

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions