Are Color Toys Really a BIG Deal?

Just let your son know that as long as you love him , its okay to like any color he wants to. That parent was really a jerk. It's not like he commited a sin.

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LOL!!! I'm sorry but this question made me laugh...first of all, you're a much better person than I, I would have told the dad to kiss off and told the little girl that colors have nothing to do with how a person feels or behaves and being rude is much worse than riding a purple bike as a boy!!!

Now, having said that...does your son look like a girl?? Such as long hair??? I have a cousin who's mother never cut his hair until he was almost 5 years old and he looked like a beautiful little girl...all too often he was called a she..

Although it doesn't matter if your son has long hair, rides a purple bike or even plays with barbie dolls, kids will be kids and they can be mean. It does not mean anything is wrong with him, it sounds to me that he plays alot with mom, who happens to be a girl....my son is 5 and I remember when he was 2 and only had his two older sisters to play with....he walked out of the room wearing his diaper, a pink tutu and pink barbie heels....looked adorable and my husband exploded!!! It has not deformed him at all, now he only likes cars, trucks and trains...please don't read into other peoples remarks or comments. He'll become the tree climbing, car crashing, bouncing off the back of the couch little boy that you want him to be very soon...enjoy these "quiet" times as much as you can!!!

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Just going to add one more story:

For my son's 3rd birthday Grandma and Grandpa took him to Toy'R'Us to pick out a ride on vehicle. Of course he wanted the sparkly pink convertible because it was way cooler than the black and green jeeps they had for boys. (We ended up with a green tractor-type only because it was the only one with enough power to get through out back yard.)

He also routinely wants the glittery shoes that are designed for girls, again because boy stuff is boring.

On the other hand, our neighbor would not let his 3 year old son have a 'fish' themed party because it was 'too girly.' The boy had to have a 'shark' party instead.

Some people are really ignorant. You should continue to raise you son in an accepting way and teach him that not everyone feels they same way. This will come up about all kids of topics, from how much tv you let him watch, to the types of foods he eats. Every family has different values, and you should always encourage yours.

PS. My son's favorite color is purple and he likes to wear my headbands. I don't believe this has to do with anything other than him wanting to be like his mommy!

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It is sad that kids start that at a young age and even more sad that adults seem to push it. I have a 3 yr old that loves the color pink right now. I don't know if it is b/c we are having a girl and have gotten some pink stuff, if it is just a new color that he is new to so he is interested, or what. It does not bother me..dad a little bit. I tell him not to worry about it. Grant it, I am not used to seeing boys wear pink shirts, but if they wanted to then why shoudldn't they. And if my son wants to play with a doll then so be it. We will buy him a boy cabbage patch kid.

I think it is just something that moms with boys will have to deal with. I would just let my son know that it is okay to like something a girl plays with and vise versa. If my son wants a play kitchen then so be it. There are a lot of male chefs...people need to worry about more important things. :-)

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My son carries a disney princess backpack full of matchbox cars LOL It was my daughters backpack first and he claimed it to carry his cars in. Who am I to say he cant do that? He is surrounded by girls (my daughter and 2 nieces) so barbies and baby dolls is all he knows. It doesnt mean he will grow up confused about his gender or anything like that. He does play with boys at playgroup and my daughter plays cars with him a lot. Colors are colors and I see mens shirts that are pink and purple just the same are girls shirts and blue and green.

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I am glad I'm not the only one that is driven nuts by these insane people. When my son was close to your sons age my sister asked what she should get him for Christmas or birthday or some special occasion. At that time he was really into brooms, vaccuums, and other items that he could use to help clean house. I told my sister she could get him something along those lines. I was so bummed - she got him a college sports outfit! When I asked my mom why my sister did not get something closer to what I told her he liked - she said my sister thought the items I had mentioned were for girls! Argh! My son also likes pink. I am not stressed about it. I had a grandfather who liked pink. Encourage your son that it is okay to like what he likes and that people who think certain colors are boy colors and certain colors are girl are narrow minded! I am so sorry you experienced these idiots. Walking away was the best thing you could do. About the clothes - I have a boy and a girl and when they were little there was always someone asking if my son was a girl and if my daughter was a boy - it did not seem to matter what they had on. My daughter is younger than my son and sometimes she wears some of the clothes he has outgrown or sometimes if I see something I like in the boys department for my daughter I will buy it. I have even bought t-shirts I liked in the girls department for my son.

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My oldest son is an artist. He has always loved bright vibrant colors. Color is gender neutral and only a male chauvenist would tell your child that purple was a girl's color.

My now 20 yo son wanted one thing for Christmas the year he was 8. He wanted the American Girl doll, Molly. So we got it for him, with all her dresses and "stuff". He played with her and his Arielle Barbie doll for over a year.
He is now in the Navy and no one ever questions whether he is or was "man" enough.
If he liked the purple bike great. ALthough it was probably a girl's model. I don't think a 3 yo girl would really know that unless it is being preached at home, and from what you said about her father and his comments, well the apple isn't falling far from that tree.
Your son will be fine.

It was a non-issue in my house and still is. My son got a pink-roofed fisher price house on his third birthday because he was interested in doors, houses, and families.

Honestly, if my 8 yr old asked me for a barbie for his 9th birthday I would be very surprised, but would still get it.

He wears orange, green, purple, yellow, etc and seems to have no issue with it.

I made a point of not teaching my oldest son that nonsense, so he wasn't "in the know" when he started kindergarten. There, he learned that nonsense, and even decided I was not worth much because I was a girl, so he was a bit rude to me all that year (his K teacher was male, even, but obviously didn't do anything to contribute to that). After K he got over it and he stopped that behavior. But he still prefers blue, now, (for plates and cups and such) and the next son has picked up on it. All I can say is to teach your own children better, and that there will always be ignoramuses.

I totally agree with you, and feel sorry for the children of that man and woman in the store. I have no problem with my boys liking pink or purple and playing with 'girl' toys. My oldest son loved pink and purple - until he went to kindergarten. Then the socialization started. He doesn't mind purple as much now, though, because we have Harry Potter clue and the Harry token is purple. :-) I think you just have to try to keep being casual yet informative about this type of thing. It doesn't get better.

Your son is just 'himself' -- the person God made him to be, and the less you let things like this bother YOU, the less it will bother HIM. Some bikes have a straight bar from the seat to the handlebars (boys') and some have one that is slanted down toward the seat post (girls' -- or at least that's how it USED to be). Maybe the purple bike had the 'girls' style. Or you could've just said, 'This is the only bike we saw this size that didn't have the wheels tied up,' and laugh it off.

I agree that people are very judgmental (including me about some things, I'm afraid), but life goes on : ) At any age it's usually 'OK' for girls to play with and wear 'boys' things, yet it's always made people a little uncomfortable for boys to play with and wear 'girls' things. But, think about it, some men are the greatest tailors and chefs in the world (although sewing and cooking are generally thought of as 'women's work'). Your little boy is probably a rather 'pretty' child, and if his hair is a little long, it would be easy to mistake him for a girl. (This is better than having a girl that everyone thinks is a boy, though, don't you think?!)

Just keep a level head, learn to laugh off a lot of ignorance in the world, and raise an open-minded, happy child! Our example and how we handle things is way more effective than what we tell them ('do as I say, not as I do' is a poor substitute for a good example)!

God bless and happy parenting!

I am so with you on the color issue. I have a boy and a girl and I hate that gender is assumed based on pink or blue. The other day I put my little girl in a winter white dress that has little cherries and bows on it with brown pants underneath because it was cool. Inevitably someone saw the brown and asked how old my little boy was. I just smiled and said "She is 3 months". They didn't say anything else. I think the way we respond to the people who are "color insecure"...lol.. is the key. Your child will know from your confidence that he is free to be who he wants to be, wearing whatever colors and playing with whatever toys he chooses. I'm sure that you will have to let him know somewhere along the way that what other people think is 'their' opinion but it doesn't apply to everyone. It simply is that we live in a world where people have very strong opinions and believe that those who differ are just plain wrong. We will never be able to show them otherwise. You did the right thing with the little girl's father, although it would have a little fun to give him an earful on his lack of masculine security and so forth. Just always try and never make him feel like he made the wrong choices and I'm sure that he will develop his own sense of self and self confidence that will remain largely unshakable throughout his life. Go Mom!

My 13 year old likes to put things together and this summer it was old bikes. Guess what color his first project was? Bright metallic purple. With sparkles. He thinks its awesome. My ten year old boy loves flowers and helps me pick out a color pattern. Encourage your son to like whatever he likes and if someone gives him a hard time about it, teach him the word ignorance.

I think that gender-centric colors ARE a big deal if you haven't yet evolved. For the rest of us that have climbed out of the slime pool, we'll go on appreciating the beautiful color spectrum that is available to us.
These may be opportunities to teach your son about acceptance and taking the higher ground. Too bad these teaching opportunities have to come up.
Good luck!

No, its not a big deal. Colors are colors, petty is petty and this right here is why I say things like "nunya" to little nebby kids. "nunya what?" they ask, "nunya BUSINESS". When I was growing up, I knew better than to address ANY adult in that tone. Shame on that family for encouraging that kind of behavior in any little kid.

Wow, do I have some pictures that would make you feel so much better! My 3yr old son has donned many of his older sister's fuzzy high heeled shoes, pink tutu dresses, necklaces.....you name it! LOL My favorite picture is him dressed up in his dragon costume with pink fuzzy high heels on. =0) Unfortunately, there are still many people out there who would rather die than put their son in a pink polo or let him hold a doll. And that's sad. Just know that you're raising a very confident and happy boy and just let yourself feel sorry for that family you came across. =0)

Don't be bothered by it all. I have 2 boys that are now 6 and 3. My oldest always dressed up in high heels and dresses at his cousin's house and daycare and they played with dolls. Actually, when my 6 year old was younger, he and his boy cousin (same age) used to fight over pushing the stroller. My 3 year old's favorite toy is his kitchen and he's getting an easy bake oven for his birthday. And they both have pink shirts and any other color for that matter. When he gets to school, I'm sure he will start playing with the dolls, but I'm sure every other boy there will be doing it too. I remember picking up my youngest one day last year (and he is definitely "all boy") and all of the boys were walking around in high heels. They thought it was hysterical and didn't care what others thought. I'm sure there will be some older kids that will make comments, but as far as kids in his class, they won't think anything of it. We all just always laugh it off.

Hi S.,

Color doesn't matter at all. My husband wears his Pink Polo and no one ever says a thing to him. Of course he's 6 foot 7 and 280 pounds! It's really not his size. It's his masculinity. Don't sweat dumb people.....they're everywhere!

Regards,

M.

It's NOT a big deal and shame on that dad in the store for teaching his daughter that! I have a 3 yr old boy and 5 yr old girl.........they both play with each others toys and I encourage it! How will they ever know what they really like if they aren't allowed the freedom to choose. I could go on and on about the different toys they each play with, but the thing to get is, they are both well adjusted, happy, normal kids and playing with a purple bike isn't going to change that!!

Hi, I don't have any great advice but would say that you are on the right track. I am glad that there are other parents that want to be color neutral. I have a daughter whose favorite color is blue (and it has been for 2 years - she is 3) and I think if she were to be told it was a boy color it would crush her. She also likes other colors and we talk about how all colors are nice and she can like them all but not every one does. And if someone says something about a color like it is a boy or girl color I can tell her that not everyone, likes the same color and she can like what she wants - beside colors are not boys or girls and I can ususally find something or her daddy's or mine to contradict the comment. I do agree that girls often have it easier so we will see what happens with our son who is 6 months and is wearing his sisters hand-me down cloth diapers including the pink ones - despite any comments that we might get even from family. I want both my children to grow up knowing that colors are colors and just that and boy or girl you can like any color you want. There has been kind of a push to show job roles as gender neutral so that boys can feel good about going into nursing or girls could be an engineer or mechanic so why not carry that on through with colors. Good luck and know that not everyone supports the gender color ties.
S.

You just have to tell him every opportunity that you get that he doesn't want to be a follower and do what others tell him, he should be a leader and want others to follow him. Tell him that there are girl toys and boy toys but there are also toys for both and start naming them, ie balls, bikes, big wheels, Mr Potato Head, matchbox cars, etc I would want my son to have the red bike to avoid being made fun of b/c I would not want his ego or feelings hurt but as far as that man saying that in the store, I think after my initial shock I would have said something to him. I would have said, "excuse me??? What do you mean?" and tried to make him feel like an idiot. I would have said, "oh you mean, that red bike is for boys?" and when he said 'yes', I would have said, "well first of all if you didn't notice, that one is tied up and this one is for trying out..not to mention isn't your daughter on the RED scooter???" What a jerk!!! You are a good mom, ignore the ignorance of that man! Imagine that poor little girl and how she is having to grow up with him and his nasty comments and attitude! ugh

My son will be two in January.

It sounds like your son just picked out the available bike, not the purple bike. My son usually ends up picking pink and purple stuff out at the store because it is closer to him or all that's available. I don't think he's old enough to understand what colors go with what genders, so I can't imagine telling him not to play with something because of it's color.

What is funny is that your son was just riding around the store. Who cares what a child picks to play with briefly. I guess for my son I wouldn't actually buy the purple bike to take home because he doesn't seem to care whether something is red or purple. However, if he did make it clear that pink or purple were the only colors he wanted for a toy we were going to buy, I would buy what he wanted.

S.,

Honestly color doesn't matter much when they are little but as they get older you should make sure he is aware what is sterotypical of boy colors and girl colors. I say this because we didn't do it with my oldest son. We allowed him to play with whatever colors he wanted to. When we would color I noticed for some reason that he like purple a lot and would color everything purple. I let it go for a while but at around 4 years old I began to get nervous about why he was always choosing purple over the other colors so I asked him. He then told me that he chose purple because it was always in the same place in the crayon box and he didn't really like to change crayons. It wasn't that he loved purple, he just didn't want to think about what color he should use so he kept getting the purple crayon. After that I began pouring the crayons out on the table in a pile so he would choose more colors. I have 2 boys and I dress both of them in a variety of colors. My oldes son has a pink polo style shirt that he loves to wear and it looks good on him. My 18 month old has a teal colored outfit that he looks adorable in. Both of my boys have been mistaken for girls. My oldest has long, shaggy straight hair, big eyes, and bright red lips. My 18 month old has long curly hair, big eyes and bright red lips. I was told just last week that I needed to cut my 18 month olds hair because he looks like a girl, even though he was wearing camoflauge. I just can't get myself to cut his baby curls yet. I think that colors, hair length, and clothes have been stereotyped with gender bias. Most people assume that girls should have long hair, like pink or purple, and wear pink or purple clothes while boys should have short hair, like blue, red and green, and wear blue clothes. I must say that as far as clothes go, boys are limited to just pants, shorts, and shirts. I get tired of putting blue on my son and want to put him in bright, bold colors. I think it's all in how you feel about it personally. As they get older they will voice what they like and don't like, trust me. For now, I wouldn't worry about it.

How funny, just last night my boys were looking at Pottery Barn anywhere chairs to put on Christmas list for the grandparents. My oldest chose light green and youngest wanted PINK:)We had to compromise on red since grandparents would never buy him pink one. I do not really care, they wear pink polo shirts, ride pink sckooters(our God daughter's). MY husband has 4 dress shirts that are pink and 1 light purple. He says only confident man can wear pink:)It is not a big deal to me. I make custom clothes for my boys and do put boysh stuff on the shirts, some people still ask me if they are girls though....because of their long hair:)
http://nomoreboringclothes4boys.blogspot.com/

Good Morning.. Unfortunately, children are cruel and see as their parents do. What would make it a boy or girl bike would have been the where the bar was. Pink and purple are generally girlie colors. All other colors seem to be either/or. Blue is associated with boys, but is very neutral. It is awesome to teach him color doesnt matter and make your own choice, but.... for him to fit in and not have issues, until he is old enough to actually make the decision, you may be best to go with the "norm" and not make life any tougher than it needs to be. Good luck and God Bless.

I have to agree with the comment that it probably was a girls bike - not because of the color, but because of the bar and I would be surprised if there weren't some flowers or other decal.

I agree he can like what he likes, but the reality is that people will have certain perceptions and he will need to deal with those as well. As far as your comment about the fact that it won't matter in 10 years... It may not, but depending on what happens when he starts school he may look back and wonder why you "let him get a girls bike" or whatever the object is in question. I don't think its necessarily close minded of people to associate different colors with boys and girls, but just something that has been deeply ingrained in society. If I saw a little baby dressed in pink I would think it was a girl...

Does he need a haircut?

That is the craziest I have heard? I've never considered purple for girls or red just for boys. Even with my 10 year old he and his friends will wear a pink golf shirt (granted - I wouldn't want him to decorate his room in pink....) Anyway, I know there is a great book called Purplicious - although the characters are all girls. It is all about how she likes pink and the other girls make fun of her telling her that pink is out and she's a baby for liking it. I'm sure there may be other books as well.
As for dealing with people like that in the store - I think you did the right thing by walking away. Then explain to your son that everyone can like any color and how sad there are some people who will never experience the joy of loving every color. It doesn't have to be a lengthy discussion.

For some reason it is more socially acceptable for a girl to gravitate toward "boy" stuff (colors/clothes, etc.) than the other way around. It is just a harsh reality. In my house, though, my 6yo son can have what ever color stuff he wants.

I wouldn't lose sleep over it. First, developmentally, 5yo's are at a stage where they compartmentalize. (ex- if purple is a girl color, it cannot be a boy color/it's wrong to eat pancakes for dinner). (Parent's stupidity is another story!!) Secondly, in most cases, children gravitate toward gender-specific items even when we want to be open. (Just wait until HE reaches the 5yo stage!!)

I personally love it when boys play with dolls or in the kitchen...how else do we expect them to become good fathers and husbands???? And my husband's purple dress shirt is one of mine (and his) favorites!

I agree and support you. I don't think colors are a big deal. I have a 17-month daughter and am pregnant with a son. I plan to use her lady bugs bumper and use some of her newborn sleepers that are pink and purple. He'll only be sleeping in them at home.

I wouldn't go so far as to put him in dresses or any of the other items once he is out and about b/c of people like you met at the store.

Hang in there Mama- you are doing just fine. Just by posting this question you are above the fray. Besides, isn't purple a sign of royalty?

I have two 17 mo. girls. I have always heard," Oh, twins! How cute, a boy and a girl!" After being informed that they were both girls, they always seemed embarassed. (Both would be in "girly" colors with flowers and ribbons on their clothes, but most of Tori's hair fell out at about 3-4 months old and took forever to grow back) Some people just don't pay attention. They both have favorite toys. Victoria likes any kind of ball and Brennan loves anything electronic with buttons and noise. Our living room is full of Tonka trucks, dolls, books and balls.

Anyway, I teach art at three different K-8 schools in a very rural area. Everyone enjoys all colors. I have boys in kindergarden all the way to eigth grade that like pink and purple. (and some girls who dont) Occasionally, someone will say something about them picking pink and they tell them that 'real men wear pink'. I usually tell them that God made all the colors and He is a guy. God made colors for all people to enjoy. He even made animals and plants and people different colors to keep things interesting. Wouldn't it be a boring world if everything were all the same color?

Same goes for types of toys. My girls love Daddys remote control truck and like to sit on his lap and watch him play Mario on the DS.(yes, he is just a big kid too) I had my share of Barbi everything, but also loved to play with my brothers matchbox cars and tonka trucks! People like the ones you encountered probably teach their daughters that boys shouldn't cook or wash dishes or clothes either, because that is girls work, and boys mow yards and work on cars. We covered that before our wedding- I am not doing all the chores that have to be done every day while he does the once a week, seasonal stuff like mowing. He still mows, but I 'weed-eat' and one of us wash while the other dries. (I don't let him touch the laundry though! I love that domain)
Ignore the narrow minded, old-fashioned people and let your kids like what they want!

My son is 2 and his favorite color right now is pink. He just learned it so he loves it. On Halloween he was a little green monster and everyone called him a girl. I couldn't figure it out. I think when people confuse the kids gender it is more about how long the hair is. His hair was covered up on Halloween. And my sister's little boy is always getting called a girl even in camo and blue trucks, I think b/c he has shaggy curls.

I commend you for walking away, I'm not sure I would have been so mature about it. I am sure I probably would have asked politely and sarcastically "Well what about your red scooter?"

I don't know what I am going to do about this as he gets older, but I definitely agree with you. If he wants a doll or a pink crayon or a vacuum (we got him one for Christmas) then he can have it. The double standard is not fair, but I think this is a situation where how we handle it will be an opportunity to teach tolerance (or not).

Normally the difference in boys & girls bikes is not the color but the bar. Boys have the bar, girls don't, which the men in my family question the sanity of that one, LOL. But it may be he was on a girls bike that happened to be purple & the little girl only talked about the color. Her father may have been acknowledging that it was built as a girls' bike not that the color was the issue.

People generally associate colors with gender...purple, pink, light blue, pastel colors are girl colors and black, brown, red, gray & blue are boy colors. Doesn't mean that either gender has to abide by that unwritten rule but just the way people see you, because frankly what you wear stands out more than your personality or gender on first glance. If I see a child on a purple bicycle I'm going to think girl unless I notice it's a boys bike, know what I mean?

My sons played with dolls, Barbies and Beanie Babies. In fact when our now 22yo was in the hospital at 8 he wanted his Baby and his Cookie Monster. I never freaked out about it nor did I freak out when they wanted to put on my mom's square dance stuff, just a silly phase they went through.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Let him wear or like whatever color he chooses but I probably would have him ride a boys bike rather than a girls, but that's my opinion.

It's such a shame that the little girl you mentioned has been taught that certain colors are boy colors and certain colors are girl colors. I don't remember colors having "private" parts so how do we decide what gender they are? It also makes me wonder what else she has been taught about colors such as the color of people's skin. I guess the lesson for your child is that some people are closed minded and prejudice. A sad lesson to learn at such a young age.

Many people mistake my oldest son for a girl because he has long hair. People often say "Oh, she's so cute" and I always respond by saying "Thank you and he's a boy". They always reply "But he has long hair" (as if I wasn't aware that his hair is long or he's not allowed to wear it that way)or they say "He's too pretty to be a boy" (I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean). His hair isn't that long, it's not long enough to put in a ponytail but it is past his ears. He's 3 1/2 and I feel that when he gets older he won't be able to have long hair because of our society's rules so I'm letting him have long hair now.

The funny thing is, we never question if a girl has short hair or likes colors like blue or green but if a boy likes things that our society has labeled as "girlie" -people question his gender identity. We would never do that to girls. It's a sad double standard and just illustrates that we have not evolved all that much.

Kudos to you for discouraging these gender stereotypes and raising your child as a modern free thinker. We need more people like that.

Noope, I don't think that they are. Who cares....it's just a COLOR for pete's sake!!!

S.,
I have 3 boys - 9,7 and 3 they all have / do play with dolls and dress up and have carried their "purses" and put on make up - like "mommy" - okay the 3 year old still does. They have all at some point loved Cinderella and the rest of the Disney Princesses, Dora the Explorer and other such shows and characters. They have all ooohed and ahhhed over pretty decorations. Let me assure you they are perfectly fine, rough and tumble boys! They will drop the dolls and pick up toy light sabres and nerf gun blasters - or better yet - play the hero and "save" the dolls from the bad guys so you may see my kids running through the neighborhood with a nerf blaster gun in one hand and a doll tucked under the other arm. They haul t-sets and doll houses in their dump trucks. My 3 year old is back and forth between dressing as a princess and a foot ball player. As were my older two boys. The less of a big deal you make about it, the less the boys will "associate" girl vs boy. What you buy for them is your choice.

For goodness sake, kids are kids and they like everything - except spinach:)

Good Luck!
T.