Any Way to Make My Sons Better Friends?

They need to spend more time together. Why doesn't Nicholas go to grandma's too? They are both her grandsons and she needs to love them equally and spend equal quality time with both of them or none of them.

I would start a family game night. Card games or board games not video games. They have to both play with Mom and Dad and you can make it a pizza & soda or popcorn & soda night. They need to learn how to get along. If you make it a treat and fun no TV or music playing just good old fashioned fun and laughter, they will get to know one another as friends and brothers.

The 10 year old is a "Tween."
Tweens are from 9-12 years old. He is essentially a Pre-Teen.
Google Search "Tween Boy Development" and read it well. Many articles will come up.

Now, you hint at an issue with Grandma... and her having "joint" custody of Collin etc., and how Collin is always at Grandmas.
Well, is she unfit as a Grandma? Is she toxic and weird? Is she psychologically unfit? Is she bad mouthing you or Nicholas to Collin? Is she manipulating him?
Or does she basically, FAVOR Collin over Nicholas and you and everyone else????

Then, there are sibling problems between the boys. Well, you need to also realize, that Collin is now 10 years old. He is a Pre-teen. Big difference from a 7 year old. They have different interests at this age.
But yet a younger sibling still wants to tag-along with the older one. But the older one gets irked by it. Typical. There are Age differences now... which are more obvious because Collin is now 10 years old, and not a little boy.

My kids are 4 years apart, with the oldest being my daughter. She and her little brother are very close. BUT... she is also 9 and changing and at times... she just wants some privacy and her own time, without him. Yes, my son gets sad or does not understand, he is only 5 years old. But, we as parents, realize that my daughter is hitting that age phase... of being a Tween... and it will... affect her younger brother. Because, she will become more independent in terms of just age phases, (and she will do more things without him) etc.
But the thing is: my kids are really close. And, they know its not nice to abandon the other for selfish reasons.

Perhaps, talk with Collin. Don't scold or blame or anything. But you are his Mom. Grandma is not. You are the Mom.
You need to talk with Collin and make sure he knows, that you/Nicholas/and himself, are a TEAM. And you all care about each other. Not hurt each other's feelings.
I don't think Collin realizes, that him being off on his own all the time... is making Nicholas feel.... lonely.
That is why they fight.
When my daughter's older cousin was in town... she IGNORED her little brother. And my son told us, he was LONELY. AND he cried. We had to speak to our daughter... and she didn't realize. She was just thinking about her cousin.

Or is Grandma putting ideas in Collin's head? Since he is there so much? And he is getting... self centered?
You need to... make sure that Collin listens to YOU.... not Grandma all the time.
YOU are the Mom. His Mom.
And Nicholas is his little brother. He needs to watch out for him. And care.

I think the whole Grandma thing... is too much.

I'd blame puberty. I was a TROLL to my closest sister (2 years younger) starting at age 10. I was growing up, she wasn't. Imagine that in a marriage: where one parent grows up and gets responsible and the other is acting childless and single. The disparity is INFURIATING. Even for adults, much less for kids.

Where my sister and I got on were in NEW things OR non age dependent things. Swimming pools, yes. Movies, no. Camping, yes. Make believe, no. My mind was more advanced, so while I still watched movies and played pretend... TOTALLY different levels. In order to play cognitive stuff, I had to dumb down. Which was both boring AND made me mad at her.

Why? Because I lost my best friend.

It Took 10 Years before I could be friends with her again. My LITTLE brothers and sisters i had great relationships with, because I expected them to be little. My closest sister, though? When i 'lost' her, I hated her for it. Not fair, but I was a kid. Just think about how many adults hate their echusbands/exwives. Losing someone you've loved for years as a friend HURTS. And hurts over and over and over. Every time my sister wouldnt 'get it', or was too young for _______, or or or... I HATED her for not being able to be my friend anymore. It was a huge loss.

It wasn't bodies changing at puberty, it was MINDS changing (cognitive development), that was the hardest part.

Its called sibling rivalry. There is precious little that you can do to encourage their relationship. Spending a good amount of time together will help, but nothing is going to stop them from fighting until they reach the age of maturity. The best you can do at this point is encourage them to talk about their feelings with each other, and make sure they are using words, not fists, to take out their frustrations at each other. Making sure that they have opportunities to support, encourage, and help each other will also help with their bond. Probably not with the fighting though. Unfortunately, this is how things are pretty much going to be for the next 8 years give or take.

There is some literature available on sibling rivalry, although the ideas on how to deal with it are quite varied. No two books will tell you the same method. I would say they are still worth the read though, and you can attempt to implement some of the ideas with your boys and see if any of them help. Honestly, from my personal experience with my own brother, and my 5 sons, I really did not see much change. But every child is different, so what did not work in my house may work like a charm in yours, and vice versa. Best of luck to you and your boys. I truly hope you can all find some peace quickly.

Sibling rivalry is normal, especially as the old one approaches his tween and teen years while the younger one is 3 years behind and still "just a kid". Coupled w/ the extra time that Collin spends w/ grandma alone and thus leaving Nicholas with you alone. Sounds like they are both a bit jealous to me. Boundaries are needed in that regard. Many grandparents have trouble w/ boundaries especially if they were ever another parent figure for the grandchild/helped raise.

My suggestion to you is give them time with each of their friends separately (gives them time w/ others that same age), give them closer to equal alone time w/ grandma and you (or better yet most of the time spent w/ grandma should be together as brothers not only children), set clearer boundaries w/ grandma, AND help them have time together.

My sister & I were 5 years apart & fought until we were 18 & 23.
Some sibling rivalry is normal.
Age difference is a factor.

I would do a couple of things:
have both go to grandma's for a bit
try & do some fun things w/both of them:
rent a movie, have popcorn
go to pizza & play video games there
some night make hot cocoa & play a board game or put together a puzzle
take them to a park
go to mini golf together
go to the next fair that comes to town
go bowling
Hang in there....things will change. They will get better. They might get worse too sometimes but they will change.
Do some things together & try to have some fun.

I would say it's normal. I have 2 nieces that fight constantly! Just like how you love your sisters, they will love each other when they are older.

What about sending both boys over to spend time with grandma and not just Collin. Sounds like Nicholas may be a bit jealous....Sibling rilvalry is normal--not fun though. Hang in there!

IMHO there is interference in your family, for whatever reasons (good, bad or indifferent

Nurturing a little brother takes effort, unlike being the recipient of endless attention from Grandma. Neither child is at fault for it, either. It sounds like the product of a previously challenging situation.

My sons are 3 years apart in age, too, and some of it can just be developmental differences.

I would rally my family and spend more time together, and wean off Grandma a bit (of course still appreciating and loving her).

You can't force a closeness. The fact is that while they are 3 years apart, not a huge spacing, 10 is much older than 7. Even with siblings, a 10 year old is not going to be best friends with a seven year old. The 10 year old is more mature and the younger brother seems like a little kid to him. Let them have their space and don't force the issue. The sibling relationship can get closer together and drift further apart.

As sisters...sometimes we love each other and some times we don't. Right now, not so much. What can you do?

Your ten year old is fast approaching "the change" there's not a whole lot you can do, except buckle your seatbelt and do the best you can.