I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for me. My daughter is in first grade and is a young 6 yr old. (she turned six the end of August.) She is having alot of anxiety regarding test and even just basic classwork. She has always loved school and has not had any problems with behavior or bad grades.
She is so worried about doing bad on tests. She cries in class worrying that she will not finish quick enough. This morning she cried all the way to school and told me her heart was pounding in her chest. I feel so awful for her. First grade should be fun!
The teacher and I have been reassuring her that doing her best is all she needs do.
The strange thing is she is reading better than most in her class and is getting all A's. The only homework is reading. She is not at all a perfectionist in other things. What should I do?
I wanted to thank you all for the GREAT responses! You were all such a help. She is still having trouble but we have made some progress. Last week she actually was sooo worried she ended up vomiting at school right before her class was beginning. The good part of all of this is I think it got the teacher's attention. While her teacher was concerned, it showed us just how serious her worry had become. She is doing better this week and has been working one on one with a teacher outside of her class throughout the day and she has responded really well. She is much more calm and happy. The specialist teacher will be testing her outside of her class and help her prepare. She also has learned some very great breathing exercises to help calm her and take charge over her anxiety! Thank you all for the many great ideas but mostly the support. It is so awesome to have an outlet like this where I can express my worries as a mom!
There are some great kids yoga videos/cd's out there that talk about breathing...she can take the breathing exercises with her wherever she goes...
Can the teacher reinforce that she could have some extra time if she needed it?
Is there a way to take tests before or after school so she's not in a sense competing with other kids in the classroom?
Try using the EFT Shortcut for children you will find on my website:http://www.mindbodytherapy.com/eft_for_children.htm
Simply have her tap the places listed while she is anxious about learning, the tests, etc. Have her tap the sequence of places several times and then ask her how she feels.
M. E. Stafford Call me at ###-###-#### if you have any questions about this process.
Public schools have a program called SPI. You and/or your teacher fill out a form and your child can get a person outside the box to listen and provide input. It is a great place for parents too to get help. Both my children have used this program and we all have received great things/benefits. Not to many people know that the schools have psychologist too. It may be a great place to start. Hope this helps
M.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl. Your are right it should be fun. My daugter experienced the same thing in kindergarten. My daughter experience a little boy get sick in the cafeteraia sitting across from her. I had to put her in counseling for a couple of months. That really helped. We learned breathing techniques, etc. When she begins to feak out she know that she needs to relax and do her little breathing technique to calm her down. The counselor also recommended a book called "Your Anxious Child" by John S. Dacey.
I hope this helps.
You can call me and we can talk ###-###-####
I have gone through a similar time with my 6 year old daughter. Everything in 1st grade does become a little more difficult than in kindergarten (academically, socially, responsibility, etc). It's great that you and your daughter have your teacher's support.
Once I put the emphasis on the fun things in school, and stopped asking her about the work they had done that day (except of course for homework), and asked her more general questions like: What one new thing did you learn today that you didn't know before?- it has become almost a game (and it doesn't have to be academic).
Also, as I have emphasized the things she is both good at and proud of, and helped her learn to be more proficient in the things she needs some help on (jumping rope, skills in making friends with kids her own age)and also letting her express herself in art with painting, etc. right after school- I have seen a great deal of improvement on all fronts.
One other thing I discovered that my daughter was doing, was when she realized how much attention she would get when she was upset- it just became a vicious circle. So now when she complains,etc. about something, I acknowledge it in a low key way, and then ask her to tell me something she is happy about or thankful for or looking forward to (sometimes you have to start with the smallest things you can think of- but it expands).
Hope this helps some.
I was in pretty much the same situation a couple of years ago. My little boy (barely made the age cutoff) showed a bit of anxiety in kindergarten. I didn't want to hold him back though, so on to first grade he went. That poor little boy's anxiety and stress grew so that by the end of the year, he was way worse than he had been at the beginning of the year. We tried many things to make it better. I wish I would have put aside whatever social stigma I imagined there would be for him, and just let him repeat the grade. He is fine now, but it was an awful experience. Don't let my story scare you though! I am sure that you'll do what's best for your little girl.
WOW, well that is tough. I am a first grade teacher and I have several that get test anxiety and I just try to reassure them to do the best they can, I had one girl crying so much it made her sick in class. I don't know what state you live in, but I am in Arizona and the amount of testing that the state requires us to do is causing our children more and more anxiety, it's RIDICULOUS! Well I hope that she starts to feel more relaxed about it.
I agree that young children should not have to experience anxiety that creates physical symptoms as you described in your daughter. Obviously the verbal reassurances of you and the teacher aren't helping much. I know of an excellent SAFE herbal tonic specifically formulated to calm and balance emotional and physical tension. It neutralizes the bio-chemical by-products of stress, acts as a mild sedative and anti-depressant. Added benefits are that it relieves headaches, strengthens the heart, soothes ulcers and promotes sleep. I have used it personally on myself and my family for these issues - as well as successfully and safely on an infant as young as 7 months who was distressed from teething pain. It works to calm overactive children, and pets, too. I have given it to two dogs who have been bitten by rattlesnakes to calm them so that the venom would not be pumped so quickly through their systems while I applied another herbal sap to draw the poison out - they both survived with NO tissue damage or hair loss - or trip to the vet - actually being back to normal by the next day. It works to promote sleep without grogginess upon waking in adolescents and adults with "night-owl" tendencies that normally leave them tired the next day. I only recommend pure botanicals that have never been irradiated, are pesticide free and have not been raised on chemical fertilizer. If you want more information feel free to contact me.
Hi M.,
What a horrible thing for your 6-year old to be experiencing. I am a naturopathic physician that focuses in homeopathy. Your daughter is a great candidate for homeopathy, it works wonderfully with anxiety conditions. It is a safe, gentle & effective therapy that stimulates the body to heal itself.
If you are interested in learning more about what I can do to help your daughter, please check out my website & please call with any questions. I am happy to talk with you.
All the best,
L. Kwan, ND
Kwan Naturopathic
http://www.KwanNaturopathic.com
It's important to realize that she's having a "flight or fight" response to the stress she's perceiving. Her mind has decided that there's something inherently dangerous in the act of taking a test, and kicks in her autonomic nervous system to react as if her perceived danger is physically dangerous.
You can help her learn to calm herself down, using that awful feeling as a cue to relax. If she takes in a nice deep breath, breathing in calm and breathing out scary feelings, even giving those feelings a color, she can calm her system down. Then, to head it off next time, really talk to her and figure out what is setting it off. What is she saying to herself? If it's something like, "If I don't finish this test I'll be in trouble," teach her to counter that statement, and that she's the boss of her mind. She gets to choose what she says to herself. So in the example above, she'd say "I have all the time I need. My teacher is proud of me." Or something like that. Just teach her to say the positive opposite of whatever is setting her off.
I do a lot of hypnotherapy for anxiety with kids, and it consists of more of the stuff above, basically giving kids the tools to be the bosses of their own minds. She doesn't have to just go along on that scary ride. If you want to ask any questions, feel free to email me at ____@____.com and I'm happy to help. It's important to head anxiety off early, since it gets a hold of a kid and is much harder to get rid of later.
Good luck!
It is a big transition to go from Kindergarten to 1st grade. Talk to the teacher...maybe she can recommend things to do. Maybe she can have your daughter finish the test privately in the classroom during recess if she needs to. It will pass as she gets her self confidence back up.
Wow! This describes my 5 yo daughter exactly (she's in Kindergarten). It's a struggle, and both the teacher and I just teach her coping skills (breathing exercises, walking away from it for awhile, etc.). I don't have an "answer" for you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone, your daughter is not unusual, nor does she need therapy, but it's something we have to walk them through I guess. Best of luck, I think it gets better :)
Dear Meagan,
I've been seeing an epidemic of grade schoolers with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. Ever since the "No Child Left Behind Act" it has steadily increased.
I was a teacher before I was a counselor...my advice;
1) No more homework before 6th grade
2) Make 1st grade strictly about socialization, communication, role playing, ABCs, Basic Writing and Math, NO TESTS!!!!!!!
3) Do daily Self Esteem Building exercises in class...
...because a child cannot do well in school unless their self-esteem is strong.
Your daughter is experiencing "collapsing syndrome." It is very common now-a-days.
Feel free to call me.
Warmest Regards, J.
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PS~Call me if you want me to come to her school and teach the theachers Self Esteem Building exercises.
My son is the same way. All you can do is make her tests not a big deal to you. Kids don't always do what you say but they do, do what you do. My son son wouldn't even get out of the car if he happened to forget his homework or a library book and at first I would drive all the way back home to get it just to keep him happy but then things weren't getting better they were getting worse until finally one day I just said, "oh well, you forgot it, we'll just let the teacher know and you can bring it tomorrow." As he cried and screamed I just ignored it and took him out of the car and took him to class and let the teacher know in front of him that he had made a mistake and she said it was fine he could just bring it in tomorrow. He's gotten better and realizing that it's ok the make mistakes but I have to remember that, that is his personality and I can't change that about him, I can only accept him the way he is.
Hi M.,
As a former teacher I recommended a book to many parents that might give you some guidance on how to help your daughter. It is called "Raising Children Who Think for Themselves" by Elisa Medhus, M.D. It's a great book and she is very insightfull (even though she goes to the extreme a little). I found that many of my students became so obsessed with getting the good grades just to please me or their parents. At this age they are very vulnerable to external influence and guidance (always looking to us for direction and approval) instead of being guided by their own intuitions. Some how they think that our approval is the same as love. They think that if we don't approve of their behavior, then we must not love them. No wonder they become so anxious! As they grow older the will look to their peers for this approval...which brings on a whole lot more issues. This is not caused by anything we as parents (or teachers) did wrong but there are ways that we can help them. The biggest of which is unconditional love...which you probably do anyways. This seems like a no brainer, but when I read the book I was shocked to see how I fraised my words/actions effected how my students/children interpreted my love for them. We just have to watch what we say around our children, so they know that no matter if they suceed or fail, we will always love them. After reading the book I started putting stickers on all my students' tests and not just the ones with good grades.
This book gives us as parents a few tools that will help our children be guided by their own internal directions.
Is home schooling an option?
Hi M.,
My daughter went through a similar thing. She got herself so worked up that she always was in fear of vomiting. It carried on for the entire school year. It had gotten so bad we took her in for an upper GI as she constanly complained of stomache aches (only at school of course). I can't even tell you how many times I had to go pick her up from school or the days she missed. Unfortunatly there isn't going to be a quick fix. I believe you're just going to have to ride it out with her and give her lots of grace and compassion. I had my daughter read your request and asked her what I could tell you that would help. She just smiled and said... You wouldn't have been able to fix me Mom, It was just something that was in me! My daughter is now 14 and over those anxious emotions that would literally paralize her. The best thing I can tell you in hind sight, be patient! Ask her if having a picture of you (or pet or etc...) would comfort her durring the day. You could laminate it or put it on her folder or a tiny picture on her pencil. Emotionally six years old is so fragile and sweet. I can totally feel your pain :o(
BTW... we went through this in 4th grade.
Dear M.,
Many years ago, I had the same anxious personality as your daughter. Times may change, but people's (even children's) internal problems are as varied as ever. By the the time I was in third grade I had OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder), which no one recognized or did anything about. The thing that would have helped me and what you can do for your daughter is to speak comfortingly to her about what is the worst that could happen if she "failed" a test or anything else, and that you would still love her no matter what. She needs a lot of extra affection, and if she knows that would not change if she did not do well, she will be a lot more likely to be able to relax during scary times. A lot of my problem was that I thought everyone's approval of me was conditional--do NOT let your daughter feel that way EVER. Hope this helps.
K.
