Am I over Reacting? - Katy,TX

A.,
Without reading all the advice you have likely gotten I just wanted to tell you this. I send my two boys ages 3 and 5 to Montessori school and I have been so happy with their work. Some moms have told me that the teachers and owner (owner is on site and works with the kids as well) have worked to help potty train the kids who needed help. Have you looked into this option of Montessori school instead? I love their work and way of teaching. Good luck.

Okay...here's the thing...you can argue with them till you are blue in the face, the fact of the matter is it will continue to happen...and it will likely happen ANYWHERE you take her. The reason? They are not allowed to help your daughter wipe her butt. Once they pass into the potty training phase and they are in a class of potty trained children with no diapered kids, the teachers/providers are not allowed to even come into contact with the child's poop. If yur daughter were to have diarhea you would likely get a call to come and change her.

This is frustrating, annoying and in the case of what you are describing not that sanitary, but it is to protect all children from the spread of any diseases from fecal matter...

I am sorry...

Good Luck... ;-)

I don't think your overreacting because it has to do with her health. If they are skittish to go into the bathroom with her, then have them bring another person with them. When I taught school, that's what I would do. They can have another person as a witness.

I used to work in a daycare as well, and what I'm wondering is why aren't the teachers making sure she is wiping herself well like you would do at home? Especially after discussing it with them several times.

I understand that she may be in a non diaper room and so the teachers are not really able to change her as they would a toddler, but most daycares the bathrooms are not stalls. It is a room with dividers and small toilets. Or a private room with 1 toilet. So why can't the teacher pop their head in and check to see that everyone is doing what they are supposed to do? I know when we took the toddlers to the restroom we monitored the kids very closely for safety reasons and to make sure they aren't goofing around.

Since you've discussed this with them, and they obviously are not capable of finding a solution that will resolve this. (And now are talking about you behind your back) I would find another daycare.

You can meet with the teachers and director on this issue before she starts and maybe send some wet wipes with her for her to use herself when she goes to the rest room.

I also don't understand why the teachers are allowing her to stay in soiled clothes. Even if they are not allowed to change her, they can have her change and clean herself up.

I don't think you are over reacting, this is a clear case that they don't know what they are doing. You could file a complaint with the state on this because they are not supposed to allow a child to stay in soiled clothes.

I hope it works out and you find a place that is right for you and your daughter. I know we had to go through a few before we found the right one!

You should not have to risk your childs health and self-esteem when you drop her off at day care. I would consider moving her. To another school recommended by someone you know or a home day care. Home daycares give your child more 1 on 1, also use curriculum and they would assit your child in the restroom ervytime! My daughter is 2.5 and she goes to restroom alone but I wipe what she misses and in my daycare I wipe 5 year-old butt. A child should not be singled out nor should a parent for speaking up. I would consider making a complaint against the school if assistance in restroom isn't against policy.

I don't think you are over reacting. If you have only called and have not expressed your concern with the teacher and the owner in person. Then, I would suggest a "parent-teacher conference".

You work at a job and do the work asked of you (or you wouldn't keep your job). Your question to the teacher and/or day care owner is if they _will_ take the extra step necessary follow up when your child goes to the bathroom. They are supposed to put on plastic glove and grab a baby wipe or similar and assist, and if needed actually clean your child.

Now, ask if they are not doing what you asked because they don't want to or because they feel they can't. I don't know if you can threaten them with a call to the health authorities but they may acquiesce if you mention that what you are seeing is a disregard for the health of your child.

I would encourage you to get your child into a day care where your child can safely (and healthily (is that a word?)) get through this stage in her development. Maybe she can come back to this otherwise-excellent school after completing her potty training.

I'm afraid that what you are going to find out is that this day care (though excellent in teaching opportunities) has a "must be potty trained" policy for your child's age group. In that case, it seems to me that they are hoping to follow their policy while continuing to receive your tuition money!

Honey, it is worth half a day of sick leave from your job to get to the bottom of this. (no pun intended!)

Good luck!

I don't know anything about daycare b/c I stay home with my kids. But my daughter is 5 and still doesn't remember to wipe well every time she poops. She was at a public school for pre-k last year and would come home many days with brown stains on her panties b/c she wasn't wiping good enough. I just started reminding her often the correct way to wipe (front to back) and that when she poops, she needs to wipe one time, then get new toilet paper and wipe a 2nd time just to be sure. She seems to be getting the idea now.
My point is that if you WERE staying home with her, you wouldn't go to the bathroom with her and wipe her bottom every time, would you? You would teach her to do it on her own. It may take a little while longer for her to start doing it right since she is away from you during the day, but she has to learn eventually, right? Just don't make a big deal out of it to her. Chances are she doesn't like it any more than you do, she just doesn't understand why she gets poop in her panties or she's just in a hurry when she's using the bathroom. Just talk to her about the importance of wiping herself properly and make sure she knows she can take as long as she needs in the bathroom.

First of all, do not feel guilty about working outside of the
home. Imagine if all women stayed at home to take care of their children? Oh wait, our country already went through that back in the last century!

We do not know your life and as a Christian, I certainly would never judge another person for this.My mom had to work since she was 13 and I will tell you she is my hero and insperation, cause she taught us, smart, educated, independent women need to be in the work force so that we can make difference in this country.. She has inspired and helped so many other people to realize, women are a valuable part of the workforce. And she still was a an awesome mom, community activist and church member.

That being said, No you are not over reacting. The teachers should help teach your daughter how to wipe herself. Just as you are still helping her. It is inexcusable that they would allow her to walk around like that.

This is a good time for your daughter to ask for help each time she is about to have a bm. She should do her best and then if the teacher was not in the potty with her she should ask the teacher to please check her bottom and help her wipe,

A., I do NOT think you are over-reacting! It is not sanitary for your child to have enough poop left on her to cause red bumps & rash. i can understand brown stains in her underwear because mine are 5 going on 6 & sometimes they do not clean themselves very well, as we all know, we have days to where even as adults (depends on what we've eaten) that we must wipe several times over the normal several times, to get clean. Even if they have a "must be potty trained" policy, your child is potty trained, she just needs help getting cleaned up! Personally I would pull her out & find another daycare. I would ask around to other moms with children the same age. I would also tell the owner & the workers (teachers) of the daycare she is in that if it continues to happen you will have to pull her out & place her somewhere else. And I have a question, what does "your daughter wasn't feeling good yesterday" have to do with cleanliness?? that's a poor excuse of not doing your job. That's my opinion. The teachers may just be covering their own behind by laying the blame somewhere else. $190 is alot of money to be paying not to get the care she needs, great curriculum or not! You may need a private sitter until she can get to the age of cleaning herself good. Its hard for a small child to wipe front to back & get clean. Maybe you can take them the wipes & gloves & ask them if that will motivate them to clean your daughter. I don't want to send out a false alarm, but.....If they are giving you the cold shoulder, more than likely your child will not get the attention she might have once gotten in the class/playroom. Some people take it out on the children when they have issues with the parent.If they were helping her & truly felt like they help they would have no reason to give you a cold shoulder!! Again this is my opinion. & another thing, don't be hurt by the moms that say "why can't you work at home, I do" because they are a few of the fortunate ones. Not all moms have that opportunity! (no offense to you home working mom...it's great you can do that! but it's hard enough for a mom to leave her child all day to make a living without being made to feel she's not doing the best she can & working at home) If you home working mom's know how us that would like to work from home do so, please let me know! I don't work because I cannot afford childcare for three small children, I wouldn't come out ahead,(probably would go in the hole) but I would love to work from home & make money! what mom wouldn't?
A., Let is know the outcome, I'm really curious to know how it goes.

By your child not being cleaned this can cause infection and all sorts of other things. I had the same problem with a daycare in Rosenberg when my daughter was three. It's not that they weren't checking it was my daughter was not saying anything either. Teach your daughter to ask for help. This will be very valuble (sp?) later in life also. You can also send some baby wipes and gloves (for the teacher) to school with your daughter to help with this. If at that point you are still having problems pull your child out and find a smaller child care place that will take care and teach your child. It has been proven that an advanced child in preschool will be just as smart as everyone else not in preschool by second grade. Good Luck

it is not very helpful to say "why cant you stay home", some women cannot afford to stay home, even if they wanted to.
i am very lucky to be able to stay home with my children now, but i had to work until my son was 4, and it was tough - i had a friend look after my son for me, she also looked after one other boy - you may want to look into something like this, maybe a family member or a friend who needs a little extra money could look after your child, i looked into lots of daycare facilties when my son was young, but i decided a one on one, or one on two ration was best. many of them said "if he is potty trained there will be no toitleting help" i taught him how to use moist wipes, and they help a lot, maybe she could take a small plastic box of moist wipes to the bathroom with her.
also i wouldnt worry too much about "curriculums" right now, at four years old the curriculum should be "play"

I am so sorry your little one has to go through this everyday. Have you looked into a sitter in your home? I bet you can find someone well qualified to look after your little girl and keep your house clean for way less than you are paying for that daycare. It is ridiculous that they are charging you almost $800 and could care less about your child's health.
Good luck to you.

You are not overreacting to this, it's your daughter and who else is going to look after her like you? Ask your daughter as much as you can about her day. I've had my two boys in two different daycares since they were 1. It was hard because they weren't able to talk to me about their day, so all I knew was what the teachers would tell me. Since your daughter is almost 4, is she able to tell you how the teachers treat her (aside from the obvious wiping issue)?

There are teachers that teach and do their job and there are others that also get to LOVE your child, and that's a blessing. One of the daycares my boys were in was also the best in the area, yet there were a lot of little incidents and it was apparent that the owners were just in it for the business and not the children. They ran things smoothly, followed procedure, but there was not a lot of connection with the kids. The one they are in right now (my 3 yr old) has an awesome staff, beginning with the owner. They do the same as the other daycare, but offer people that really care about kids, which honestly, with the guilt of leaving my son in daycare all day, I really want him to receive that love. They are able tell me DETAILS about my son when I pick him up. He even tells me he loves to go to daycare.

Sometimes the best daycare is the one with the better staff (with curriculum of course).

Also, if they are not allowed to wipe your daughter, did they let you know about this policy?

Hope this is resolved. I know it can be PAINFUL as a mother to leave your child in someone else's hands and you know she may not be taken care of.

I had to read your request, then go to my source. My best friend. She has been working in daycares for years. You actually ARE NOT in the best daycare. According to my friend, this is a common, simple request. Small children, 3,4,5, are just learning about the routine of life. Asking the daycare provider to "check" and "make sure" your child is clean after a bowel movement is way more common than you think. They just dont want to do it. Perhaps they are understaffed?
Its bad enough that mothers have a hard time potty training these little people...its worse that child care providers hinder this process. Personally, I equate it to teaching children to wash their hands. If noone takes the time...whats the point?

Margaret :)