Aliens, Santa and "Fairies"

My 6 year old daughter pleaded with me to tell her if Santa was real. I had to tell her the truth, I had skated around the issue too many times. She has a very logical mind. I wanted her to believe because I loved believing as a kid. But I had to tell her the truth because she so wanted to know. She had asked many times. She ended up crying because I had lied to her all these years! I felt awful and had to justify why I did what I did. I just explained to her how I felt about it. she accepted it and now loves being "in the know" when others are talking about it. She promised me that she would keep it a secret to not spoil it for others. She asked about fairies and just knew the Easter bunny wasn't real. Too obvious for her. Fairies I told her, could exist and many believe in them, especially in Ireland. Aliens we talk about too and we believe they could be out there.

I've found with my own kids that there is usually a great story behind these kinds of questions. When my five year old twins ask me if aliens are real I might respond with something like, "I don't know for sure but if they are I bet they only have one eye and eat broccoli all day long. What do you think?". Their answers are always better then mine and I usually figure out what prompted the question to begin with. I don't think there is a certain age that kids should stop believing in Santa either. My 12 year old certainly doesn't believe anymore but it happened slowly. When he was about 10 he asked me about Santa and I just smiled and said when you stop believing he stops coming. This past Christmas I heard him repeating that to his younger siblings which I thought was very sweet. I agree that this is all part of the magic of childhood and the longer we can allow our kids to believe in magic the better!! Good luck and keep fostering the curiosity in your kids. That's what pushes them to keep learning.

I know that your question was asked at the beginning of the month, but I just came across it. I told my 8(almost 9year old at the time) about Santa. He had no idea, but my husband and I thought that he was old enough to really focus on the true meaning. He thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard and instantly thanked me for everything that he has ever recieved from Santa. Then around Easter my 7 yr old daughter said that she didn't believe in the Easter Bunny. So, we had the talk. She was sad at first. But in our family when you find out the first year you get to play one of Santa's elves and eat the cookies and milk. They love that they are part of the secret! They get to wake up and put the presents out at midnight and spend that magical time with us. In the end I tried to make sure they focused on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Well, I hope you have figured out what to do, just thought you would like the little elf idea. Good Luck!

C.,
I have 2 children myself ages 11 and 9. Both believe in Santa and the tooth fairy. Our family is into watching movies about outer space and interesting creatures like Star Wars, the Hobbit,and Harry Potter.
We are Christians as well. In fact my son was born on Christmas Day.
For Santa when they ask if he is real we say yes. I believe that anything that cares for my children and their health is real weather in body or spirit. I have them write a list of gifts they'd like to receive before Dec. first. Sometimes I tell them I had to help Santa with the gift because he only makes new toys. (when they both wanted a game cube).

The tooth fairy writes letters to my children to check up on their schooling and how they are treating each other. She also mentions dentist appointments and new things going on with their life. The most money any tooth has ever received was a $1. Otherwise its a .25 or .50.

I hope this helps.

Hi C.
Love the question. I let my 5 yo decide if she wanted to believe in santa. She asked me to tell her about him, and said she did want to believe. Then we talked about santa, christmas, holiday spirit.... I myself believe in fairies, and hope for aliens. I think I'd talk about how big space is. And if there isn't more intelligent life what a waist of space it is. We have a rule, I only allow nice things in the house. And that seems to take care of worries.
:) A. H

First of all, I'm a believer in "Anything is possible", especially since we don't know all there is to know about our expanding universe. So I've said, "That's highly possible" and "You know, if I ever see one I'll be sure to let you know". That goes for Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, Elves, and everything else "make believe", too.

When my kids REALLY need to know the truth about something (like Santa for instance) I go check out the internet (or other sources) and get ready to show them the facts, because I also believe in the Truth - or as close to it as you can get. As far as Santa goes, yes, he was a real person. And there's a great history lesson about St. Nick and all that he did and how his great deads turned into our traditional Santa Clause. His spirit of giving continues on and so it's not a bad thing to know the truth all the time. The spirit of Love and wonder goes on!

Fascinating view into the minds of children...

Magical thinking is quite ordinary (although your 7yo is close to outgrowing it)... but it is somewhat important that you don't 'take over' the fantasy, and make it more real than their current willingness or interest in playing along. This is a delicate subject, but generally when a child starts questioning it out loud, it's a good idea to tell the truth, or at least not outright lie. 'Yes, Santa is real,' is a lie... 'what do you think?' is avoiding the answer, finding out what they're thinking and possibly and opportunity for your child to join you on the fun side-- helping portray the myth for siblings.

Unless you can be assured that aliens do not, in fact, exist, and will not appear in your child's life in physical form, it's a good idea to do what you did: tell the truth. While there is no reason to believe aliens exist, there is also no logical or physical reason why they can't, or any proof that they don't... and the fact is the best scientific guess at present is 'dunno.' Or, possibly more accurately 'why not?'

I never had any qualms about 'playing along' with the fantasies like nymphs and fairies and aliens and being able to turn monsters into floppy bunnies, Santa, etc., I never outright said 'of course they're real, dear,' so I avoided something a friend accidentally walked into...

With her only child, she persuaded the girl that yes, Santa does exist, and went to elaborate means to 'prove' it, until the child was well past 10. Imagine being a 10yo and encountering a child 2 years older than you who still believed, really, that Santa was real. To say that she was humiliated when she found out they'd lied doesn't leave room to describe her cold, hard fury about the subject that lasted more than a decade. She refused to have anything at all to do with Christmas entirely, and as soon as she was old enough started travelling to foreign countries where it doesn't exist for the season. Last I heard, she was 24 and still refused to have anything to do with it.

This is certainly an extreme case, but a cautionary tale for anyone who thinks 'playing along' past the natural age of growing out of this (7ish for most normal children) would be a good idea...

In my house scary things arent real (ghosts scary aliens etc)

non scary can be real "I just havent seen one" - just like you

santa - easter bunny fairys - ALL REAL :)

they will know soon enough.

Hi C.,
I don't have much advice for you but I am excited to read all your responses because I am kind of in the same boat. My son asks me quite a bit about what is "real" and not real. My son watched E.T. at his grandparents house and he wasn't afraid at all. He loved it. I was kind of surprised because I remember watching it as a kid and being scared. He also asked if E.T. was real and I told him that I didn't think so but that I didn't know everything. I also want my kids to believe in Santa, ect. for as long as they can. It's such a fun time in childhood. I don't feel as though I am lying to them either. Good luck.
Chris