Advice on How to Talk to Nanny

You seem to have some of the issues I have with my daycare provider and my 2YO. I have been teaching my daughter how to wipe her face and hands with wipes and I keep boxes throughout the house to get her used to them. I might suggest one big toy box and multiple hampers as well so there are options. It is hard to find a loving daycare provider that gives that much attention--especially with food. Just think of it as "building up immunities." Also, maybe putting out a "decorative" bottle of cleaning spray on the counters like a toned down windex or organic spray that she can use often without harsh chemicals. It's all about compromise! :)

Seriously... I'd let everything but the cleaning hands, face, groin - go. SERIOUSLY. It's not her home, she didn't organize the house with labels - you did. She obviously has a different level of tidiness than you do.

As a Nanny... I would attempt to clean up after playing, I would cook very basic things and rinse out what I used and leave it in the sink and wipe down the counter tops but if I was expected to put everything back in a specific place or order - I'd have an issue with that.

When my charge would nap - that was my time to relax, recharge and have my 30 minutes - 2 hours of adult time. Parents need it, why would not your child's caregiver?

Unless you hired her as a Nanny/housekeeper/maid - you should not expect her to do most of what you mentioned in your post. Taking care of a child in their main part of their activity day is quite a job... cleaning is not a priority for most caregivers, nor for parents while their children are in their active mode.

You need to re-evaluate your expectations for the Nanny who treats your son very well.

You say she plays with your son ALL DAY. Do you want her to spend all that time with your son, or clean the house? I'd sacrifice a little cleanliness if she's really that attentive. I consider you lucky!

Your nanny is "fantastic and reliable and so sweet". She makes home made crackers and spinach dip for your son! She is kind and plays with your son all day long. She is his nanny and she does the most important thing superbly. She loves and cares for you son.

I'm guessing that her temperament, which makes her so wonderful with your son also makes her less clean and organized. Some personality traits just seem to go together so you have to take the bad with the good. Only you can decide if the extra work you do to clean up after her is worth having someone who is so wonderful with children.

You have a long list of standards that you would like to "enforce". But in my experience, you can make lists, set things up to help her remember, repeat, remind, and even offend her, but it's not going to be done consistently to your standard. Pick one or two things that actually affect your son's health, like "wash his hands before eating and after going outside" and check with her on it regularly. Make it the one thing she needs to remember,( in addition to all the other tasks she's doing to be a good nanny). Let the rest go and be grateful that this woman who you've hired is helpiing to raise your son to be a kind, sweet, well-adjusted young man.

Have her use disposable training pants with your son. It is not fair to expect her to scrub his poop out. If you want to do that, fine. She sounds like a great nanny. Forget about the cleaning and organizing of toys issues. Concentrate on the hand washing of your son's hands. That is super important. That's my two cents. Or if it really bothers you then find another nanny. But it sounds like you don't want to do that...good luck. we have a nanny we love who does tons with the kids and cleans and cooks for them. There are of course issues on things but that is mainly my pickiness and just differences...

That's a tough one... you have to decide how big a deal this is relative to having a safe and loving caregiver you trust. Soem of these I could deal with, some would have to change (hand washing, diapers). I would give her a chance to change and try a different approach. Maybe make a list of rules "for your son" and ask her to reinforce them. Items like, "wash hands before and after meals with soap" and "put diaper in pail and wash hands." For the last one, say, "he can put it in himself, but you need to be sure it is cleaned out first. Maybe if she sees it as a way to teach him, she will enforce it more.

As for the toys, I can't get my husband to put things in the right place nor my mother who is our babysitter. You might have to let that go :) And I have EVERYTHING labeled!!!

She sounds like my teenagers.lol How old is she? I think you may have to decide what is more important to you. How she interacts with your child or the cleanliness of your home. Where I dont blame you if you want another child to clean up after you will have one and she should be doing her job. Have you tried typing up her job description? Type up a job description and have her sign it. At a job if she was not doing what was expected she would be written up and eventually dismissed. Depends on how hard you want to be on her and how important those things are.

It sounds to me like your nanny is doing a great job, she just has different standards of cleaning. But if you really need your house to be cleaner then hire a maid or a maid service, it really should not be the nanny's job to clean house. If she is the onw making the messes then she should clean up after herself, but it sounds like she does, she just doesn't do a stellar job of it. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that she was probably not raised in the same germ-free culture that you were raised in and that she probably worries a lot less about germs and such. My parents had a Korean maid for a while and though she kept things looking tidy, they were nto alwasy sanitary, she would use the same washrag to clean the abthroom, kithchen, floor, etc. And she was mystified when my mom tried to explain why that was a problem! Anyway, there are a few siomple things that you can do to remedy some of your issues; here are my ideas:

1. Buy some disposable pull-ups for when the nanny will be caring for your son, you can save the cloth trainign pants for when you are home with him. This is kinder to the nanny and it will solve your problem with her not using the hamper for them.

2. Just learn to deal with doing the dishes yourself, she just has different standards of cleanliness and you are not likely to be able to change her mind. She is a nanny after all, not a maid. As for the counters, maybe you could buy her a container of Clorox wipes and tell her they are to use to wipe down the counters and they she can use as many as she needs and not re-use them at all.

3. Buy some hand sanitizer and put it in places where it is easy for the nanny to have access when she is caring for your son. Tell her to use it on his hands often and teach your son how fun it is to use it so he will ask for the hand sanitizer, buy a kind that is his favorite color or scented a smell that he likes.

4. You want her to organize all the toy? Seriously? That is asking a bit much. You can keep toys with lots of parts that you don't want scattered everywhere locked away and tell the nanny those toys are just for when you or your husband are home to play with your son. Make them special "Mommy (or Daddy) time" toys.

Remember that a little kindness goes a long way, she is doing you a great service by caring for your son and you are lucky to have someone who loves him and is kind to him looking after him. Even though she is not perfect she sounds like a keeper to me! Good luck.

When I was a nanny I cleaned the house after the dad got home. That way I had the whole day to do other stuff. I got paid extra for each load of laundry and each chore outside of caring for the kids.

Perhaps moving the hamper to the area she changes him would resolve that issue. Stuff gets washed with pooh here too. Soap works and if you don't think it works well enough on it's own then run the washer with hot water and bleach one time through. It works very well.

At 2 he is still a bit young to be responsible for washing his hands unless you have a stool set up so he can reach the faucet and sink area. I had one set up that way in the kids bathroom and the water temp was adjusted to a safe temp so they could not scald themselves. He is going to be old enough soon to be more independant so start teaching him now to wash his own hands.

As for the cleaning, I would just have her run water in the stuff and leave it in the sink. She has other things to do and if you are having to wash it over anyway then save some water and soap. Or have her rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. The family I worked for had their 2 year old helping with dishes. He got to put the silverware in the dishwasher and then when it was done he got to put it up. It teaches pre-math skills like sorting and recongnizing differences in shapes.

Tell her that you realy appreciate how wonderful she is with your son and all she does. Then I would politely remind her that you are trying to sell the house and need things to be cleaned up a bit better, as well as not putting his soiled clothes in the washer because you sort and pre-treat everything. I would not stess about the toys as much (at least they are picked up) but do ask that she insure pieces are put with the proper toy so they aren't lost (I have the same problem if/when my husband helps my daughter clean up).

I just have one question, on the few days you stay home with your child do you play with him all day, make homemade crackers, wipe the counters everytime you use them, put all his toys back exactly where he found them and follow him around with hand wipes. etc?

I say to pick your battles. Nobody is perfect. I would talk to her about a few of the things, but some of them she most likely change because she doesnt see what is wrong. The dirty dishes, she most likely doesnt even see the dirt, which is more obvious to you. It sounds like she just doesnt have a very detail oriented/organized mind. Can you make a checklist she can go through while your son is sleeping. For washing your hands son, give her wet wipes and ask that she wipe his hands before and after he eats. For his toys, take pictures of everything and where it goes. Put the picture on the shelf where it belongs. Or take a picture of a game and its pieces and tape it to the inside of the box lid. That would help her and your child when putting stuff away.
I would just start making a lot of lists and notes so she knows what you expect of her.

Make a check list and let her know that you really appreciate her care, but the details of your home must be adhered to. Let her know that she has two weeks to improve and keep things clean and tidy. That training pants thing in the washer should be perfect example. If she does not at the end of two weeks I would let her go.

Blessings...

just flat-out, you are the employer & her standards are not up to yours . If this situation were secretary or other employee, would you accept these conditions?

If the answer is "no", then it's time for a new nanny.

One more comment: there have been a lot of ?s posted about nannies lately. Most have been geared toward a lack of cleanliness, lack of complying with the family's standards. While you mention that you are addressing these issues as they are happening, your words are falling on "deaf ears".....IF you're picking the end of the day to "witch out" & find fault with her actions. As a daycare provider, I have found that most of the moms complain at the end of the day....& it's simply a way to blow off steam from their own day's work. Quite often, apologies are offered the next morning....which is "why" I simply ignore the comments!

If this is part of the issue, then might I recommend that you have a weekly meeting with her....& address all concerns at one time? Keep track of the discussed points & readdress them the following week.....letting her know that you are aware of her actions/improvements/etc. Be proactive & consistent....& you should see results!

What has worked really well for me when I want someone to do what I ask or enforce something is this. For my kids we had a problem with someone not washing hands or using innapropriate words around them-so I said, _________my husband and I are really working with Toby on washing his hands after meals and using the bathroom etc. and making sure he uses his sleve instead of his hands when he coughs/sneezes. Could you please help us implement this by modeling this yourself and of course reminding him to do it as well? It would really help us out. This way its not threatening and you are coming to them like you need their help etc. and it deflects the attention so they focus on the problem-solving vs getting offended. As far as the dishes go, just say our realtor told us what its going to take to get the house sold. We have to do xy z to make this work-could you try to really scrub extra good so that everything is sparkling so if we have someone over they are impressed? That would be wonderful-Also, label the hamper-the steps to washing out the diapers/underwear and tell her the story about finding poop in the washer from it not being properly washed. Ask her point blank if she has questions about how to clean them or if she would like you to go over it. Being kind about it is best and non-confrontational but this lets her know you mean business. Good luck!

Molly