Advice on Friend's Mom

Why do you think she has a pain killer addicition? Is she getting these pain killers illeagally? Or does she have a prescription? Does she have any legitimate reason at all to take these pills? I would investigate into the situation and then take what ever steps are necessary to keep your family safe.

S.
It sounds like only your 6 year old is being cared for by this woman? where is your 2 year old? in a daycare situation? I was thinking that maybe you could very nicely say that you are changing your mind now that school is starting soon, and you are moving your 6 yr old to wherever your 2 yr old is going?? Also....maybe you could say something to the effect that when school is out on break, you'd be needing someone full time for both of your girls...and this contributed to your decdiding to keep them together in the same daycare? possibly tell her tht you may be working more hours after school starts? and you don't want to depend on her all the time? I hope you realize, that if you do say anything at all indicating that your are worried or concerned about her possible addiction....she will most likely deny it, as someone else stated, that is what addicts do. Also, I'm sure she will sever all ties with your family, and your daughter will be hurt in that situation...I doubt she will let her child play with your daughter anymore. I'd "try" to keep it as nice as possible, without accusing or hurting feelings, but you need to get your daughter out of her care right away and make other arrangements. If something ever happened to your child, you'd never be able to live with yourself since your already suspect the problem. Good luck! I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this.

S.

If you truly suspect that the person caring for your daughter has an addiciton I suggest finding a new arrangement for your daughter immediately. I think allowing your daughter to continue her friendship with her friend while under YOUR supervision would be fine. Her friend may just need to know that there is another stable adult female in her life right now, especially if your suspicion is correct. I don't know if there is a good way of telling this person why she is no longer caring for your daughter. She will likely deny any problem and become angry and cut off all ties. Do you know anyone else who knows this person and feels the same way? If so, you may all be able to confront her and offer her help. It's a touchy situation, but your daughter's safety is definately of utmost importance. Good Luck to you.

why do you think she is an addict?

YOu also say she treats your kid like family and good to her.

Do you like the mom? the rest of family? are you friends?

find out more information yourself and not just by listening to rumours.

HI S., There is no easy way to handle this situation. If you are concerned then you need to find an alternative care taker for your daughter first. Then you should talk to the Mom. You could be the turning point for her if she is adicted. Be honest, be firm but gentle. Don't buy into any excuse she may give you. Just keep it quick and simple. Keep in mind that addiction is an illness not a weakness and she needs help not scorn. Good luck.

My sister-in-law has the same problem, and because of that, I no longer let my kids go over to her house alone. It also makes me concerned about her 2 kids. She has passed out a few times and then had to be hospitalized because pain killers can cause constipation. She hadn't pooped in over 3 weeks and had to have the doctor extract the feces from her. My brother said that there were 8 softball size masses that were removed. This is why she was passing out.
I would just be weary of this. Question your daughter about her behavior and if it changes, I would find an alternate option. You could simply tell her that a relative or whomever is caring for your younger child, has volunteered to help with your daughter. You'd rather go this option so that your girls have more time to bond as sisters.
Good luck. It sucks. Its such an easy thing to get addicted to. Its a shame that doctors don't regulate these pills better.

I just wanted to say please make sure that she has an addiction before you jump to conclusions. I have a disease that causes pain, my doctor had to give me pain medicine. I try to only take it once or twice a week. I know there is a fine line to becoming addicted. I do agree though that you need to put your daughters somewhere safe. Make sure that you are positive if you are going to accuse her.

I think you should really be sure that your assumptions are right before severing ties. Could you talk to one of her family members? The PP was right in saying that she could probably use a friend right now if she has a problem. But I would find other arrangements for you daughter ASAP.

I agree with a couple of the responses that say you need to find out (if you can) if she definitely has an addiction. She may have some sort of condition that she needs pain meds on a regular basis. Find out, even if you have to be blunt. It is your child's welfare at stake, but also a friendship that you don't want to tarnish needlessly. Good luck.

I don't know that you should sever the ties. Not yet anyway. She may need you now more than ever.......even if it's only by keeping an eye on her daughter. I would start by just sitting down with her and saying that you're worried about her. By honest with her that you're not comfortable with her being on painkillers while she has your child. Tell her you're worried about her child as well. That she needs her mommy and she should think of that. I've dealt with addiction before with someone close to me. Start with a loving touch, but realize that it may come down to tough love. Just try and remember that you have two little girls who are friends and are used to being together. Try and let them keep that friendship....even if it means having that little girl over to your house to play. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. :) And good luck.

I wouldn't sever ties. I would talk to the husband or the woman myself and your concerns and offer help.