Hello. Recently my 22 mo is starting to throw and hit; if she is being held, when she gets mad. Both my husband and I are not aggresive people and we do not demonstrate that type of behavior. What I have been doing is telling her " no hitting" and "no throwing" of course, but I am also in the same respect, trying to help her deal with these emotions. I am beginning to talk with her and tell her that tell het that is is ok to get mad, sad, or upset, that these are normal feelings. but it is not ok to throw something at someone or hit someone. Any other advice? I just bought a book called "Disciplining your preschooler and feeling good about it" I want to do this right and I do not wanat to raise a spolied child. She is a very happy healthy girl and we have had minimal problems until now and i just want to be constructive and not destructive. Terrible 2's seem to have come early!
Yes, so normal for her age, you seem to be right on track. Just remember, children that young don't quite get the concept of other people having those feelings.
I love Dr. Sears Discipline advice:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
here is the specific section on hitting:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063900.asp#T062400
Normal for her age. It may help to give her something to do when she is mad. In our house DS could stomp his feet (on the wood floor or carpet) or walk away for a minute. If it was nice enough to go outside, we could go outside and throw something. You just keep repeating - we do not hit, and then distract her and do something else. She is too young to think deeply about why we don't hit and all its implications. Throwing is often different than hitting. Many times they are throwing to see what happens - part of exploring the world. If I throw something at that glass, what will happen. It may help to give her things she can throw (maybe outside, or in the bathtub or something soft)
It is normal development. My 22mo old does it as well. Just keep doing what you are doing - holding firm telling her not to hit and then re-directing. I usually console mine by saying "I know, you're upset, it's going to be ok" and then distract with something else he can have or do. I know it's just his way of demonstrating his frustration and it has nothing to do with you being aggressive. Good luck!
Is there something you can give her to have a "safe" hitting/throwing item? My son has sensory issues (not saying you dd does) and one thing we did to help was to give him a body pillow that he could hit and throw to get those out in an ok way. Some times don't you just want to hit a wall or throw that darn plate? Why don't we when we want to? Impulse control as adults we have been taught this but kids are learning ... to help teach her this impluse control give her something she CAN hit/throw. For me parenting is not telling my child what he CAN NOT DO but what he can. I have messed up on this probably daily but really focus on (insert kid name her) needs to hit something so he CAN hit this pillow. Try this and see if it works, if you do try it I am interested to see if it worked for you; I am interested in these things.
Totally normal! Everything you're doing is great, but it's a bit too early. Most of that will be great in 6 months or 1 year. Right now, redirection is the key. Unless she's tired or hungry, she'll be over the negative emotion in a minute or two. Just get her involved in something else, and she'll be fine.
K.,
It is a short period of time - it doesn't last forever - it doesn't reflect on your husband or your values.
Don't focus on it. 'Gentle touches' and move on.
Don't dwell on it either. 'Gentle touches' and that's it.
The more you dwell or focus, the more attention you are giving the action, and the more she will repeat it.
move on to other things - distraction is the best policy, I've found. where my husband has chosen to 'dwell' or even 'discipline' these are actions my son still repeats to this day - and it is a button he likes to push when we are not giving him his 'enough' attention.
distract and move on. 'gentle touches' and move on. having a toy in your purse or pocket really helps. a finger puppet or handkerchief work really well.
good luck,
M.
PS: oh, and after a growth spurt, expect to do this a lot more. they forget everything when a growth spurt happens. it's like taking 2 steps forward and one step back.
You are doing much of the right stuff, and your first few responders give excellent advice. Toddlers change after much repetition and a hundred reminders, and she WILL eventually give up these behaviors, and move on to something else. (Oh, joy!)
The action of over-arm throwing (and, alas, hitting) are developmental and natural at your daughter's age – she's actually making certain body-brain neurological links, and will be doing a lot of these particular motions for the next few months. So she's developmentally programmed to do this "work."
But you can help redirect it, by, as you are already doing, giving her ways to think and talk about her feelings. That is a huge cognitive step forward. Also, empathizing strongly with her feelings while she's angry or frustrated will give her a chance to feel and process while also experiencing your support, and that gives you a chance to move her emotionally to a happier place. Here's how the brilliant Dr. Harvey Karp practices empathy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... .
And it's often possible to "surprise" littles out of a mood by helping her turn throwing into a giggly game. Give her back the thing she threw, or something softer and safer, and give her an appropriate "target" to throw at again. This might be a loop made with your arms, or a box on the floor, or some other suitable and handy target. And take some time to do LOTS of throwing games during the day so she'll get her developmental needs met.
What I did with my daughter is tell her that is not ok...and then showed her what she CAN do with her toys...."uh-oh, throwing toys is not okay, we build with the blocks, let's build a house".....I think that we sometimes get so caught up in the no's but don't realize that they don't instinctively know what they CAN do instead....you may want to say something like "I see that you're angry, when I am angry I ....(blah blah blah) but we can't throw the toys because it can hurt" and then redirect her to something else...another thing I've done with children that had a lot of anger (which she doesn't seem to have) is I would give them a special pillow to do with as they choose...but this is for children that have anger issues, it was better for them to hit a pillow than to hit another child....good luck!
Just because something is normal, doesn't mean that they shouldn't be told that that is inappropriate behavior. "We don't do that. What have I told you about that before?" Or, "Do not hit me. That hurts. If you are frustrated, use your words." If it happens again, then it is Time Out time. (There is a little routine to issuing time outs, how long, and what you do afterwards.)
