Advice: Freaking Out About Recent Infant Sleep Study

Don't freak out. My daughter (and now my son is) slept with me until she was close to two. She nursed too all night long and she is not obese, she could actually stand to put on a few pounds. When she was able to understand the concept I told her she couldn't nurse until it was light outside. I was terrified about fighting with her all night long, but it worked. She also slept in a bed by herself without problems when we made a big deal about making a room just for her, but again she was at least two before that happened. It isn't easy sleeping with them and nursing all the time but I didn't want to do the alternative. I think the bottom line is do what works for you and don't freak out.

1 mom found this helpful

H.,
Do what you feel is right. When my first daughter was about a year old, I tried to get her to sleep on her own b/c that's what all the books say. It was just awful. My 2nd slept with us until the 3rd came along, she was 2. and the 3rd didn't sleep alone till she stopped nursing at 26 months. And she nursed all through the night until then. She is so not over weight. It's just a study. I wouldn't worry about it. I have come to prove to myself that you really know what's best. Trust your instincts--they usually are right. Don't worry about what the books, studies, grandparents, etc. say. You are a mother and are perfectly capable to know what's best for your family. I was never one to be able to let mine baby "cry it out". I couldn't do it. Good luck. You just do what works for you!

1 mom found this helpful

Try putting you infant into their own bed and use a radio set it on a soothing station maybe that will help.
I did that when my children were little and it worked.
Also during the day keep your child busy and active so that they are actually tired when it is time to go to bed.

Remember: Studies are just an averaging of a large group. You (as a teacher) have an idea of how different each child can be. Some people don't need as much sleep as others. Others need way more.

You're her mother. You are more aware and alert of *HER* needs than anyone on the outside. If it's better for your family to start the transition when you're home for the summer, then that's ok.

You're doing a *great* job!!

ps... don't focus too hard on what studies say. You'll go *NUTS* trying to keep up with them all. Just watch your child; and parent according to their individual and unique needs.

I wouldn't be so concerned about the sleep study. I would be more concerned about you getting a good night sleep as well as your daughter. I know it is really hard to think of letting her cry. I had a very hard time when we decided to let our first son cry himself to sleep in his crib. But to my amazement it only took 3 nights and then he slept through the night. I think the sooner you do it the better because as they get older it gets harder. I would try over a weekend so that you don't have to get up for work the next day. You will be amazed at what a good night sleep you will get once she adjusts to sleeping in her room. You can do it! If you have someone to help you get through the first few nights of crying that is helpful. Hope this helps a little....

Hey H.,

First of all, you're doing a great job meeting your babies needs and following your intuition. It's hard not to get scared every time a new study comes out and the media does their job hyping it up to get us parents second guessing our parenting style.

I have 3 daughters and we have co-slept with each and still are with our 12 month old. None of them slept through the night until they were closer to two. They were all chunky babies and the 5 & 7 year old are lean string beans now.

Check out the sleep studies done by James McKenna - they really support the benefits of co-sleeping. Check out The Baby Book, by Dr. Sears (askdrsears.com). And a book called "Our babies our selves" by Meredith Small, a pediatric anthropologist who looked at parenting styles around the world. When you read that, you discover that the majority of the world parents very differently when it comes to co-sleeping and extended nursing. The trick is to find out what feels right for you and YOUR family and tune out the well meaning advice of others if it doesn't fit.

Take care, K.

Babies who nurse are at a much lower risk of experiencing childhood or adult obesity. There are a number of studies that show the longer a child nurses, the less at risk he/she is. I have a six year old and a two and a half year old. I co-slept with my six year old until he was three, and other until she was two. They sleep alone now - I promise - you are right, your sleep is the most important thing - nurse your baby, continue what you are doing - you are doing a great job!!

sleeping in bed with you has nothingto do with how long she sleeps. my daughter is 3 and she for the most part still sleps with us. she sleeps better with us actually. if you want her to sleep 12 hours get her to bed sooner. put her in bed at 8ish weither it be your bed or hers and lay with her til she falls asleep then go about your evening business til your bedtime. during the day she can have that 1-3 hour nap. not every child needs the same amount of hours of sleep either. is she cranky during the day and tired? if so she does need a nap but if she goes the whole day and doesnt seem tired then she may not be. and then realize that everyday is different. did you go to the park one day or run alot of errands... that day she may need a nap when on a regular day without extra activities she may not. some kids need the ame thing everyday regardlessothers dont. my kids have never done "nap time". being a sahm they get to make their own scheduals for the most part and are fine. they go to bed at night when they are tired and wake up when their bodies wake up. during the day they sometimes fall asleep doing whatever watching tv, playing, eating, mostly in the car but you name it that's where they gave up. but they get their sleep. you do wat's best for an easiest for you and your daughter. not what others have told you is best for most kids your daughters age. i hope you can find what that is. although many look at me like im crazy when i tell them my schedual or lack there-of it's what works for us and that's what matters.

Hi H.,
My daughter is one now and still nursing...and still wakes in the night. I think she gets her best nursings in the nighttime since she is less distracted by the active household! however...I do put her right back in the crib when she slows down and starts to nod off...and she jumps up and starts screaming...this was alarming at first. But after just a week of this ( I would pat the mattress and tell her to lay down and go night night etc) she now only cries 7-10 minutes and then soothes herself to sleep! she is now getting molars which throws a wrench into the whole sleeping through the night thing...so I know with seperation anxiety and teething the process will be slowed.
As for you moving her to the crib...the sooner the better. Before she can shout for you by NAME...and really tug at your heart strings. Try putting her for naps in the crib at first ok? go with your gut and make sure your husband and you are a UNITED front on moving her to her own crib! Things will work out and as far as the sleep study...well ALL children are different! not one of them is a "textbook" case!
take care,
T.

Hi,

Don't worry about all these studies that they do. Every child is different. As far as you getting some sleep just know the longer you wait to get a child out of something the harder it will be. I let my daughter cry it out at 4 months and it took her a week and a half and she finally fell asleep on her own consistently every night. My daughter is now 14 months and i put her in the bed at 7pm and she plays for about thirty minutes then she drifts off to sleep. Nothing wrong with co-sleeping just know the longer you wait to get a child out of something the harder it is especially around two. I am a mother to four kids. Two 4 year old twin boys, one 7 year old and a 14 month old. good luck

H.,

Don't freak out. I have 5 (one is a baby still) children and not one slept through the night (they were all in the bed as babies, yes they leave) until at least 18-20 months. All are healthy active and athletic children. Does your child nap, bcause the hours for sleep need not be consecutive.

My daughter recently went through the same thing and discovered sleeping without the baby in bed made for a much better sleep. You will feel more rested and have better sleep once you are not subconsciously thinking about your daughter in bed with you. She may even sleep through the night once she has her "own space". My daughter wold put my grandaughter into her crib and then lay on a cot right beside the crib until she went to sleep. It didn't take too long of doing this when both were sleeping throught he night. My granddaughter is now 2 and 1/2 and STILL gets up in the middle of the night sometimes and crawls into bed with Mommy and Daddy. You have to be the one to decide if you want a "family bed" and how long it will last. It is extremely difficult to break the children of this sleeping habit as they get older. Good luck with your decision.

Hi H.,
I know the study you are talking about and I don't think you should worry about it too much. I'm the mom of three boys, pregnant with my fourth and I also breastfed my babies for at least 14 months each. None of my boys slept through the night until after I stopped breastfeeding. My youngest slept in our bed the whole time. He's now two and a half and we have a toddler bed for him. I never believed in the "tough-love" cry it out method of teaching babies to sleep by themselves, so when we moved him to his own bed, we helped him fall asleep in his bed and if he wakes up, he can crawl out of his bed and climb into ours. I really think it has helped with his security and comfort. As far as the sleep study goes, they are referring to total amount of sleep, not the fact that your little one is hungry and waking up for a short time to nurse. My boys are all very thin (two are a little too thin in my opinion), so I think you should relax about the study and focus on enjoying cuddling with your baby while she is still little and wants that. All too soon, she will want her independence. By the way, I am a stay home mom, but I was a teacher in my pre-mommy life, so I know how tired you can be after a long day of "mommy-ing" a bunch of needy high school kids :) Hang in there and feel good about your decisions with your little girl - you're the mom, so you DO know BEST!!!

Don't worry about the study, I've known many kids (including my 9 year old son) who didn't sleep well & are not obese. The important thing as they grow up is teaching exercise & good nutrition. As far as sleeping in the bed, wait until summer when you have time. If you're stressed, your baby will be stressed & it will be harder than ever. Prior to our sons birth, we said our child "would never sleep in the bed with us", but ended up with him in our bed & it was a wonderful once in a lifetime experience. He's now sleeping great thru the night.

Calm down it's ok. Most babbies don't sleep well. I can not tell you 2 friends of mine that thier babies sleep well. It took us a while for our son to fall asleep on his own. I think if you have activity in a child instead of sitting around then they are moe likley going to be fit! Studies say that kids that watch TV more than a hour under the age 2 will have less vocab. Well I come from a family of 9 and we are all honor roll students and GT Go with the gut not studies!

Hi H. :-)
I have SO been in your shoes,... I teach elementary school. I have a 3 year old and 4 step children. I used to put my daugher in bed with me just so I could sleep,... then I set up a twin bed in her room,... that helped me transition into her sleeping in her crib,... I slowly forced myself to let her cry it out,... I found out that I was actully stopping her from self soothing,... she would cry, and I would jump up to respond, where after a few days, she would roll right back over and sleep,... Have you thought of putting her crib in your room? That way you can sleep and if she needs you you are right there? Now that my daughter is older, we have a comfy chair in our room that she can sleep on,... I have trundle bed under her twin bed that I will sleep in occasionally to help her and myself to sleep,...

I too worry about the lack of sleep, and obesity. I do the best that I can,... thats all that you can do,... relax,.... make the choices that fit your family and your lifestyle,... June is just around the corner,...

Hi H.! First, I think the most important thing here is that you are still nursing - Bravo! It is a fact that babies that are nursed generally continue to wake up longer than infants bottle fed. I would totally relax about that. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with your daughter sleeping with you. You may want to check out one of Dr. Sears books. I personally did not cosleep with my son but that was just me. He is now 19 months and I continued to wake with him for a very long time throughout the night. As long as he wanted to nurse and I was okay with it, then we were going to continue. I have read a great book by Elizabeth Pantley that I think you would enjoy "The non cry sleep solution". It offers all kinds of helpful tips and as the title indicates without crying. I think it is cruel to let a child cry it out when we are there to comfort and make them feel secure. Now do not get me wrong when we are talking toddlers - that is a different story, sometimes a little crying unfortuntely is necessary. Do not be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you are doing a great job and love your daughter very much. Do not pay so much attention to the studies - you know they come and go. Sleep is very important but you have to look at other factors (such as you nursing). She will soon get into a routine. Hope this helps.

It has been a long time since I had to deal with this problem, but a few lost hours of your sleep now will give your family many hours of peacefull sleep later. As with all lessons we teach our children, consistency (from both parents) is the key, and the earlier they learn our lessons the easier they are learned. I too, had a similar problem, my pediatrician suggested a set bedtime, know they will cry as they are not used to this new situation. Go in after 1 minute and comfort without picking them up (harder now that yours is older and will climb i'm sure), leave and return after 2 minutes and do the same, return after 5 min increasing times after each "comfort"...I even had to use an egg timer from the kitchen (do they still have those these days?).

It also helped to have a different person really change up the bed time, as I was the only caregiver for the first 11 months of my daughters life (husband on deployment with the navy), so my husband took over - read a story and put to bed. THis helped as she didn't not expect the same from him. It took two evenings and then it was over!

Good luck.

Hi H.,

I know that you are trying to do what is best for your daughter......by age 4-6 months infants do not need to be fed at night. If you do you train a child to want to eat, even though they physiologically do not need to. You are going to have to try some "tough love" nights......there are many techniques (I, personally, can't stand to hear my infant son cry either!), but it will likely involve at least 2-3 nights of everyone in the house's sleep schedule being disrupted. Have you spoken to your pediatrician yet? He/she might have some great suggestions.....I'm not a huge fan of Ferberizing.....that essentially lets your child "cry it out", which is hard as a parent.

The first step is likely getting your daughter out of your bed into a crib, at least. It sounds like you all need more sleep.

Good luck

C

Your baby is very lucky to co-sleep and get that time with you at night. You can night-wean and still co-sleep. I did with both of mine. I haven't read the study but I'm guessing it doesn't have to be 12 consecutive hours. Most babies are awake only briefly to nurse and quickly back to sleep so I doubt the night nursing is really causing her to get less sleep. If anything, she may get more sleep because you can get her to sleep more easily with nursing. And studies show that formula fed babies are more likely to be obese so you've already done a great avoiding that. Relax and enjoy her!

Whatever you do I would reconsider doint the "cry it out" method, Research shows that it causes abandonement issues , insecurities etc..
Whenever you see that whiny kid at the park that clings to his moms leg ask her if she did cry it out and you will see 9 out of 10 times they let their babies cry.

Do what works for you. If sleeping in your bed is what works than stick with that but try giving her water in a sippy cup instead of nursing. PHysically she doesnt need to eat at night at this point its s comfort thing and can you blame her.
Dont be so hard on yourself, you sound like a very loving and dedicated mother. Wait until summer when you are can get some more sleep yourself and can make the transition at your daughters pace.
Good luck to you.
P.

My son slept in the bed with me until he was 2. I finally said okay he needs to be sleeping in his own room and bed because I definitely didn't want him in my bed forever. What worked for me was fixing his room up and making it like it was really cool and that made him want to sleep in there. He loves any kind of sports so I that is his room's theme. Now on the other hand my son does not sleep through the night, he still wakes up asking for milk. Of course the doctor said he needs to cry it out and he will learn to sleep at night but of course as a mom you hate for to hear them cry and on top of that you don't want to hear it in the middle of night when you have to get up and get ready for work. So I would say yes wait until the summer when you can really concentrate on it.

If you're bad then I'm worse b/c my dd is 22 months, nursing and still co-sleeping. It works for our family.

Regardless, those studies typically mean TOTAL SLEEP not just nighttime sleep. I'm sure your dd naps during the day? Also, sleep is not the only thing that contributes to obesity. Don't let ONE study freak you out. There's one study that says everything we all do will make our kids turn out poorly. Follow your heart and your mind and allow yourself to parent the best way you know how.

YOU ARE DOING AN EXCELLENT JOB!!

I probably shouldn't be giving this advise to a teacher (LOL)...BUT, I don't give serious attention to a "study". I often find that there will be other studies that contradict the other. JUST as there is with co-sleep issue. I have choosen to follow the philosophy that co-sleeping is creating security for your baby. Other than sleep and food, I think that ranks pretty high up there. I have co-slept with both my kids on and off. When I was nursing them...and then again from 3-4(ish). They both really wanted to then, and then they grew out of. Although they still love snuggling and the nights when it is a "treat" to sleep in our bed. You also need to do what is good for you, like you said you need to be rested to work and be a mom. And if you do move her out, 2 more months isn't going to make a big difference.

This is my first time posting so not sure how to ad the little bit about me so will do here. I am a working/stay at hom mom to an almost 5 and 7 yr. old. Will be married for 12 years this May to the love of my life.

How often is your dtr waking up at night? Is she truly nursing or is she using you more for comfort? Just so you know, there are many MANY people who feel that letting a baby or small child "cry it out" is harmful to his or her emotional development. Stopping nursing through the night is not the same as stopping comforting and if you do decide to wean at night (and yes I would wait until summer when your less stressed) she will likely need more comfort not less. Also, when you do decide to move her to her room it will be far easier on both of you if you let your partner be the one that goes into her room to comfort her at night. She will smell you milk and never give up! I would suggest reading any of Dr. and Martha Sears' books. They are wonderful.

Please please please please do not let other people tell you that you should let your baby cry it out. This is not a tried and true method that works for every baby, and there is scientific evidence out there that says it may not be the right choice.
Go to www.drsears.com, I think it the website. If that doesn't work just google Dr. Sears and see what he has to say about Cry it Out.

You do what's best for your baby. You are the one who knows it, not anyone else. My babies have always taken a long time to learn to sleep on their own, but none are obese! Remember, statistics are just numbers, and they're only as good as the people who write them want them to be. There are many, many studies out there that tell us differently from that statistic, so go with your own instinct about your child.

Good luck!

Like others said...don't worry about any study. I try not to read any of those things. Personally, I'd wait until summer. I was a teacher before I had my second son and there's no way I could have dealt with a classroom of kids on no sleep. I wouldn't do the cry it out method though, but that's just me. I can't stand to hear a baby cry. We just moved our recently turned 1 year old about a month ago. When he cried, I'd go into his room, sit on the floor by his crib and rub his back to get him to calm down. After a few nights of that, I was able to just go in and put my hand on him, then just sit by his crib and then he stopped crying. It took about a week of doing this and now he sleeps all night in his crib. Good luck to you!

I think your idea is wonderful and makes the most sense for you and your daughter. Trust your mommy instinct H.!

If it's any consolation, it's my experience that the "crying out" only lasts for a couple of days. If you can just grit your teeth, you'll probably be glad you did. Good luck!

First of all, keep in mind how statistics work. 12 hours is an average. In the study, there were babies who slept 10 hours a day who were normal weight, and there were babies who slept 15 hours a day who were overweight. This does not mean that if your child sleeps 11 hours, that she will definitely be overweight.

Second of all, no one sleeps all the way through the night, even adults. You wake briefly between sleep cycles, but usually not enough to notice. Some children are deep sleepers and go right back to sleep without noticing, others need more soothing. All children are different.

Third of all, there is no requirement that you let your child cry it out. Many parents have neverl let their kids cry it out, and we don't have to sleep with our kids for the rest of their lives.

My suggestion is that if you want your daughter to start sleeping in her own bed, I would start it once school is out, since you are a teacher. That way you would have a lot more patience and the ability to work on this gradually over the summer. Help her learn to sleep in her own bed, when she gets up in the night, go help her go back to sleep.

that study was about not getting enough sleep and being inactive during the day (it talked about watching too much tv). as long as your daughter doesnt veg out in front of the tv all day i think she'll be fine. also..i totally understand where your coming from on the bed sharing and the crying it out but it gets better i promise. my son sleeps all the way thru the night now and hes only 6 months. it was the most difficult thing ever to just let him cry but i knew it was best for both of us and after only 2 nights he knew better not to wake up. it will definitely be easier to do this when she's sleeping in her own bed, and i'd get started on it right now..the longer you wait the harder it will be and it will take longer to. good luck and best wishes =)

Hello H.,

I experience the same. I breast fed until my Jordan was about 13 months and he still does not sleep all night and will be 2 on father's day. It's unfortunate, but ultimately I stopped breastfeeding and would wait until he falls to sleep, in our bed, and then lay him in the crib. Now, I have it where I lay him in his crib and he falls to sleep on his own. Trust me, sharing with his 4 year old didn't help, but eventually it worked itself out..

You're doing great! The time to move her to her own bed is when someone in the family is ready. I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's books: No cry sleep solution. She has one for babies and one for toddlers. You can make changes without crying it out. And do it on your own time line! Good luck. D.

Hi H.,

Breast fed babies are less likely to be obese than bottle fed babies because cow's milk has more fat that breast milk.

I suggest that you have program yourself to train your baby to sleep in her own crib as soon as possible. The habit of sleeping with you will be hard to break the longer you allow the baby to sleep with you.

Your training of the baby to sleep in her own bed is not only beneficial to the baby, it is also beneficial to you.

Don't worry about your sleep, you can always catch up on it later.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

It sounds like you are a great mom. Go with your instincts and what works for your family. Some kids need more sleep than others. Your child is not an average in a study. Also, as far as studies go breastfed babies have a significantly lower rate of obesity. I have 6 kids and am personally not a fan of the whole cry it out thing. Babiesand toddlers will eventually be quiet when you do that but that does not necessarily mean they are sleeping through the night it just means you are it is more likely you are just training them that mommy is unavailable at certain times. We sleep with our kids and move them to their own bed when they are ready and we have the time to help with the transition. That has varied widely in my family. We are moving my 4 yr. to her own bed right now but there is no crying involved and she is enjoying it. The others were younger when we transitioned them. It all has to do with that child, their needs and what is going on with the rest of the family. My favorite thing I have ever read about sleep comes from Dr. Sears. "Everyone should sleep where everyone gets the most sleep" Enjoy your daughter they are only little once you'll know when the time is right.

Why don't you try a side sleeper? That way she's in her own area and within arms reach of you. And gradually moving her further away, like in her crib in your room. With in sight may comfort both of you with the separation.

Shoot, my son is almost 2 and still doesnt sleep thru the night. AND he gets a bottle at bedtime and when he wakes at night. YES, I know I have trained him to wake for the bottle. But Ive tried the CIO method and it does NOT work for him. I do not know at which age I was supposed to Stop the night time feedings and bottle...I missed it apparently. No I did not have this issue w/ my other 2 children.
Anyway, NO do not wait! Do it now. Waiting will only make it worse. GL>

H.,
I see that you have already received tons of good, but varying advice. I am not going to repeat or even talk about the method, but rather how to implement.

I strongly recommend you read through all the responses then discuss the ones that appeal to you with your husband. He must be on board no matter what approach is taken in order to be successful in making changes. This is key!

I wouldn't worry too much about one study; however, its sounds like you are frustrated with the situation and not getting enough rest. This is a more important issue than any "study". Remember, breaking from what is now the norm and establishing a new routine with your little one takes some time. Start with what in your mind would be ideal, then develop a plan to get you there--one step at a time.

With all that said, we all - adults and children - eat more when we don't get enough rest. Our bodies get energy from sleep, and if its not getting enough, you will naturally want more food, trying to obtain that energy. Also, well rested babies and toddlers (and mommies, too) are much less cranky and irritable, making the entire family life more pleasant.

Personnally, I put my child to bed at 7 pm in her crib when she was an infant. She slept throught the night most of the time from 2 months old +. With my son, I followed basically the same process, and he did not sleep through the night until about 2 yrs old! Each child is different. That is why what is your goal must be decided first. you might have to try numerous approaches to find what works for your child.

With all that said, well done for breast feeding for 13 months! you may feel like you are not being a good mom if you stop. Not True!! you've done great, but afer breast feeding two children, I know how physically demanding it is. Your child is old enough for table food, so she will be getting good nutrition. Just never start the junk food and juice 24/7 habit. Make the changes you need to make for your family.

Just remember, getting into the good habits is hard at first, but makes your life (and marriage) so much better after you get over the hump!

Good luck, I know its tough. I too am a working mom, who would have loved to stay at home.

A.

My pediatrician told me that if you can consistently let her cry it out for a week straight then that should work. I have a 3 1/2 year old who still doesn't sleep through the night and we are just now getting him to sleep in his own bed, so I would say the sooner you do it the better!! Yes it will be hard but it will be worth it in the end!

I don't know and can't speak for other children but my son is 4 and still doesn't sleep through the night and is skinny as a stick and doesn't eat much at all.

I have a 16mth old and occassionally she is allowed in the bed with us. But the more you put her in her bed the more she will want to be in her own bed. I watch supernanny alot and her techniques do work. When you start putting her in the bed, let her cry for five minutes, go back in lay her down and don't talk, give her another 10 minutes if she is still crying go lay her back down and don't talk, and don't get frustrated they know when you are and they get more frustrated. Just keep it up and just keep adding on 5 minutes. Eventually she will go to sleep from exhuastion but she'll got to sleep. Very importat to stick to it now my daughter will go straight to her room and say night night. I would start now what are you waiting for. Your the boss not her. Even time out at her age will work it works for us M. M

Go for it... it took us 3 nights... so worth it!!! Ahhh... 8pm to 8am... peace and quiet!