8 Month Old Got Bit at Day Care Need Advise on How to Talk to Daycare Providor

As an in-home provider of 24 years, I can say your questions are valid. You just might not like or trust the answers.

I have had the unfortunate task of dealing with biters. Once I know I have a biter in our midst, I am on high alert. I will shadow that child and put them in a high chair when I have to do things like cook or go to the bathroom.

What you need to understand is that it happens VERY fast. I've seen it and it's come right out of the blue with ZERO provocation. But I've also missed it many times. If I haven't had anyone bite in a long time, I'm not expecting it. If the children are playing happily in the room I am in, I'm very likely to pick up a magazine or book and read a few lines here and there. This might not be what you want to hear. But in most cases, they don't need us to by hyper vigilint every second and most people can't put in a 10-12 hour day without a break in body and mind here or there, unless we have a child that's going through a biting, hitting, scratching or hitting phase. Then we have to be on alert at all times.

As for the crying, you would be so surprised. My initial reaction is heck yeah they cry. BUT, that's not always the case. Last week I had a boy bite one of my girls. He's done it a few times, but the bites were weeks apart and only made temporary red marks. They were also on a finger of a hand that was being shoved too near his face. So I haven't really considered him a biter or felt we were at risk for it. Anyway, he was just being his normal all boy self and leaning over on her during play time and he suddenly bit her on the shoulder. I was in the room, but busy picking up and messing with the babies. She told me he did it with this huge smile on her face. I assumed he barely put his teeth on her to be silly. I mean she was grinning from ear to ear. I found out the next morning that he left a good little bruise!

I've also had kids that don't react the same in all situations. One day they are in a terrific mood, fall and hit their head on something and get up with a smile on their face. Another day the same child is moody and barely stubs his toe and is crying loud and long and wanting a lot of sympathy right now.

One more story and this is on the other side of the coin.... I have a good friend and she made a BIG mistake. When her son was young he climbed in a crib and bit another child 8 times and this was a baby of I think about 6 months. Now her big mistake was 2 fold. One, she put her 2 year old in the same nap room with a baby knowing full well he was climbing out of his crib and had the propensity to bite. But the biggest mistake was that she thought the little girl was crying because she didn't want to nap and she was letting her cry. 8 bites HAD to be excruciating and it seems that she should have been able to hear the difference between being bored and mad that she's in a bed and being in that kind of pain.

Because of what happened in my girlfriends house and all I've seen over the years, I always check on kids frequently when they are napping.

The best thing to do is to ask if she can isolate the time of day it happened. Then ask her if she was cooking or cleaning during that time of day. Tell her that if she has to take her eyes off the kids, be out of the room, or be doing something where she can't really know EXACTLY what's happening, that you want your daughter either in a highchair near her or other safe place away from the kids, or that she wait to do these things until your daughter is napping, by herself, in a crib and away from the kids.

One more thing...she may have hoped you would think it was a scratch. Biting is a HOT, HOT, HOT button for parents. It is HARD to have to tell them a child was bit. Your parents reactions might be normal, but they are terribly unfair towards the provider without knowing the details of how she runs her place. You need to consider the length of service this provider has, her experience, is this her first experience with biting? I've seen as many as 2-3 years pass without a biting incident. Once a bite happens though, it's catching and can really spread fast through a group of toddlers. So even a young provider with 2-5 years of experience could be experiencing this for the first or the 20th time.

If someone is dealing with 5 children, things get busy, chaotic, and generally hairy sometimes - things get that way with 2! I can honestly say that I am SURE I missed a lot while I was kissing a boo boo or changing a diaper.Sometimes you are dealing with one issue and something else is going on and you miss it. Give the lady a break. I'm sure that she really had no idea what happened. It could be (since it was on her cheek) that one of the other little ones was kissing her and bit her instead.
You know... not all kids are mean and nasty.
It could be that she was sitting with one of the kids and someone got bumped or fell over into the teeth - I've had that scenario with my two more than once.
That said, if you are concerned, talk to the lady. Voice your concerns.
I know you want to know what happened, but you may never know. If this sort of thing keeps happening, pull her out and put her somewhere else. Just know that because a center is big with more staff, that does NOT mean the care is better. It's often far worse. The grass is not always greener.
Oh and since MIL and FIL want you to pull her out, are they willing to watch her?? It's always easy to say pull them out. It's not always easy to find another daycare provider.
YMMV
LBC

I know you don't want to hear this, but biting happens. It happens with kids that stay home, it happens with kids that are in daycare. If they're around other kids, at some point they'll get bit. It's a super, super common phase with kids to bite.

Even the best of daycare providers isn't going to be able to watch the kids with an eagle eye 100 percent of the time. How do the meals get made? How do kids needing help with the potty get help otherwise? Honestly, even if she was watching, there's little she could have done to stop it. I tell you from personal experience. I was sitting right next to our daughter during a playgroup when another girl came over and chomped on her arm. It happened in a split second, before I could do anything.

If you pull her out and put her in another daycare, you're likely to either encounter another biter, a spitter, a pusher, etc. because kids just do this. In time, it could be your child that does this. It's certainly awful to see your child have bite marks, but it's not an indicator of poor care at all.

Hang in there. And please know that the parents of the biter have most likely been informed and no doubt are mortified by it all.

Biting is age appropriate.. Babies do not see the difference from an arm and a teether. It is convenience and exploration.

If you had twins, I promise you they would bite each other every once in a while, even if you were there watching them. You could walk away for a moment to get the laundry, get a glass of water, even just turn your head whatever.. It happens. Babies are not vindictive. They are exploring everything.. They do this through all of their senses and that includes their mouths filled with teeth.

Just make the caregiver aware and try to not freak out. I would not pull her out for a bite..

I used to babysit in my home for a little boy. One day they were playing in the play room and my daughter bit him (more than once I was told) on the arm . He never cried. I didn't even know until the mom called me that night. I felt horrible. So, it can happen without the provider knowing.

With that being said, you should bring this to her attention when you drop her off again. Make it kown that you are upset and you expect that she will do everything in her power to make sure this doesn't happen again. If she has a "bitter" in her care, she should probably already be aware of it.

If you have never had a problem before, than I'm not sure if pulling her out is necessary. If it happens again, maybe you should!

It's not unusual for kids that age to bite, but it IS unusual that your daycare provider doesn't know what happened. Your little sweetie should NEVER be out of her sight. I will say no more!

Hi there. I am a day care provider in my home. I also have 6 kids every single day ranging from 13 months to 4 yrs old. A day can get very chaotic, but your provider should be able to pick up teeth marks. Even if she didn't witness the bite, she should have told you when, where and what was done after the biting accrued. She is probably scared to talk to you about the situation. Ashamed of what happened. If I were you I would tell her that you are not made about the biting, but you just want some information on the situation. Also maybe ask what she does with your baby while she is making lunch, going to the bathroom, attending to the other children when needed. That way you know what your child is doing at these time when your provider can't hold her, and maybe make suggestions to help in these situations. (i.e. walker, exisaucer, pack n play...etc). I hoped this helped a little.

L. Wells
FCC Provider
Mother of two

I think you handled it well. I can offer this, my child was bit in daycare when she was around a year....of course I was upset. Talked to the teacher about it and they were on it. She then confided in me that she didn't know who she feels worse for, the parent of the bitten child....or the parent of the biter. I never really thought of it like that. I did know the mom of the biter and it turns out that they had been working on breaking him of it for some time...but were pulling their hair out. It truly is "one of those things"....as long as eveyrone is aware of it and works on it.

Straightforwardly tell her your concerns - just like you did to us. Then see how she explains things and if that is satisfactory to you. If not pull her out immediately, you can't have her not being watched.

I would address it head on. I would call and ask for a sit down with her. In a non attacking manner I would simply explain that if it were her child she would want answers just the same as you do. I'd be very clear and honest. Me personally, I would lay it out just like this... I'd like to know what happened to my daughter's face? To me it is clear that it is a bite mark, and give her a chance to explain. I would also inform her that I am please with my daughters care to this point but am not comfortable with her being left unattended in the presence of 5 other children all whom are old than she. Play it by ear from there. The face that she couldn't tell you what happened is cause for concern in my book and I have a feeling your in law my be correct on this one. Hope it works out!