7 Year Old Son Has Poop Issues

W.,

I think that at 7 years old he is able to make the conscious decision whether or not to poop in the toilet. You might want to try with him what I did with my son while potty training him not too long ago (he's 4 1/2, we had some huge setbacks along the way).

When my son would poop in his pants, he had to clean it up in the bath tub. I'd make the coldest water possible come out of the tap, and told him to clean up the mess he made. He hated the cold water, so he didn't have to do it often. The other thing we did was set up a calendar. If he could go an entire day without and accident he got a sticker. After he got 10 stickers in a row he got a special treat of his choosing. With a few other techniques it worked like a charm and he was out of diapers in about 6 weeks.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

have you spoken with his teachers or pediatrician about evaluating him for ADD? my little sister is 9 years old and still occasionally pees her pants and its because she has ADD and gets too involved in an activity and forgets she has to go.

Has he been to a pediatrician about this issue. There can be physical reasons for "accidents." I think this should be the first step. One cause could be an immature digestive system. Another could be his diet. Children can have IBS. Or their system is just more sensitive to some foods than others.

I have IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, and I can tell you that there have been times, as an adult, that I can't make it to the bathroom in time. I could understand that he might not want to get up and run, thus drawing attention to himself.

My 8 yo granddaughter has had a few accidents for the same reason. The bathroom is too far away. She is instantly mortified and we do go to the bathroom and together clean up. I treat it as just one of those things. No big deal.

If there are no physical causes then I'd explore the possibility of emotional issues. Keep a diary of when this happens and what is going on at the time including what he's eaten. You may discover that he doesn't want to interrupt his play. If that's the case I would talk with him once about it in a positive way. If this is the case I'd have him clean up his own mess.

I'm surprised he's not embarrassed at school. Does he have developmental and/or social issues.
Is it possible he's not embarrassed because you are?

Could this be a will power situation or control issue with him. You suggested that it was possible he was toilet trained too early. IF so that could bring up those issues. He can be doing "pay back" without even knowing that is what he is doing.

I'd also want to know how the school handles this situation. Is there response a positive one that also gives him responsibility for managing his bowel movements? Having accidents results in attention. When we aren't getting the attention we need we often revert to negative behavior. The saying "negative attention is better than no attention at all" is true. Or he could be getting positive, helping attention both at school and at home, as he should be, but he may have come to rely on poop as a way of getting attention.

If attention seeking is the reason then be matter of fact about the accidents, having him clean up for himself. Not in cold water. That is punishment, not discipline. The goal is to help him learn how to manage his bowel movements in a way that he controls. The boy in cold water may manage them but it's from fear and being uncomfortable. This hides the "problem" which may come out in other misbehaving ways.

It's the next step that helps, if he's attention seeking, show him positive attention everyday. Stickers and treats may be good but they may not actually result in good parent child time together. And it only addresses the issue of poop. He needs to be praised several times during the day for the good things he does. Sometimes one has to really look to find these things. Hopefully your son isn't acting out in other ways.

It's also important to spend time just with him doing something he enjoys. Time when poop is not a part of the conversation. Focus on good behavior. When negative behavior shows up, redirect to positive behavior without trying to teach anything by talking about it.

When I adopted my daughter at age 7, she had many negative and highly emotional behaviours. Looking back I realize I spent more time working on the negative behaviors then praising her good behaviors. I talked alot about what she should and shouldn't do. As an adult she tells me she wishes I'd praised her more by telling her she'd done good and saying I'm proud of you, I'm glad you're in my family etc. General statements of praise are so important. They are working with my grandchildren.

I think part of my daughter's difficulty with self-esteem is the result of my trying to correct her behavior. Of course her self-esteem was already as low as it could probably get. And I did do many helpful things so that she is a successful adult. But I wish I'd been more proactive and praising of even the small successes. The two of us spent too much time being angry with ourselves and with each other.

I suggest that you are embarrassed because somewhere in you mind (perhaps not consciously) you feel that you are responsible for the way your child acts and what he does. For example: "If I could only find a way to stop this pooping I'll have shown that I'm a good parent and my son will be seen as a good kid."

I know that I felt this way with my daughter. I wanted her to wear nice clothes that were always clean because I thought that the way she dressed reflected on me. My grandkids can be dirty and wearing raggedy clothes and I don't pay any attention. I'm not responsible for the way they look. :):):):) It's their mother's responsibility. Unfortunately she now has the attitude that I had and wants her kids dressed in nice clean clothes and will have them change before leaving the apartment or will say to me, "Mom how could you let her leave the house looking like that!"

I reread your post. I'd stop with the reminders, etc. at home. Allow him to take responsibility. Pay as little attention to the poop and accidents as possible. If he needs to go out in public tell him that you don't want to be with the stink. Therefore he needs to clean up before he can go. That sort of thing. Focus more on how you feel about the stink than on trying to get him to stop with the poop. "Son, this room is too smelly for me. Please clean up or go to your room so I don't have to smell it."
This puts the focus on the poop and not on him. Be careful to not ever say anything critical of him as a person. Be sympathetic to his problem but don't blame it on him. You could ask him if he wants your help with solving this problem but if he says no or is unco-operative then back away. Very difficult to do, I know.

This can be so frusterating. I have a 5 year old foster child that I just had to take to the Encopresis Clinic. (Encopresis is "pooping" in pants) There are a number of reasons that this can occur but you might want to talk to a doctor about this. My little girl has problems with constipation. Over the last few months we have had to drastically change her diet and now we have to use medication to help her system return to "normal". It is a long process and I know more about stool than I ever really wanted to. Hahahaha. I hope this helps. God bless you.

Hi W. -

You really need to take your little guy in to the doctor. My son was about 7 when he started having issues with pooping and at 10 we are still trying to get it under control. Until he sees the doctor, you need to try really hard not to get angry at him. Have him sit on the toilet at scheduled times of the day with a book or sit with him and read. Good Luck and I hope you have an easier time that I. :)

Hi W.,
If you have not yet consulted w/ your pediatrician, I would do that for sure. You did not mention if you think his "poop issues" are constipation related, but if that is the case the Encopresis Treatment Center in Edmonds is wonderfully supportive. Check w/ your doctor first, though. After reading through some of the other responses here I feel compelled to encourage you to continue to be patient and understanding w/ your son. Treating him w/ any level of shame or punishment may only contribute to the problem, especially if there is a physical issue such as encopresis. Best of luck to you!

If he's 7, unless it's a medical problem or issue that cannot be helped, I would make him clean his own messes. You shouldn't have to wipe his behind for him. He's old enough to be responsible enough to accept his body's cues to use the restroom.

My daughter has a bowel disease, crohns, she is 9 & it's embarrassing for her to deal with still...At age 7, you really need to take him to a DR. If you are embarrassed, think about how he may feel. Put yourself in his shoes at school when he messed himself. You shouldn't worry about how it makes you look, what does that show your child...you care more about yourself than him, would be what I thought when I read your statement. Take him to a DR.
You're a single mom, do you have help taking care of the kids. If so, could there be a "problem" that needs attention that you don't know about? Maybe a psychiatric visit would help too, someone he could confide in. Also, is he being bullied at school by other kids or even a teacher? We went through both and I home school now. A teacher that won't let a child go to the bathroom when they need to isn't a good teacher at all.

I have this same issue with my 6 yr old daughter her "accidents" started when she was around 4. I ended up taking her to urologist at the recommendation of her Dr. *she also had traces of blood in her urine* It turns out that she has a condition called super bowel (?). She had trained herself to hold her bowel movements and her urine. Now she has little or no sensation in that area and the stool and urine build up until her muscles give. According to her Dr. the only time she can feel that she needs to go is when she has to go NOW. The traces of blood were from her bladder ripping because it was so full. We put her on a high fiber diet (15 grams per day) and lots of water and then scheduled bathroom breaks every 2 to 3 hours. We are now working on getting her little body regulated so that she can poop every night at the same time usually around 7ish. This has seemed to help her and now the only time she has accidents is when we start getting lax in the schedule.
Good luck, I know it's frustrating but hang in there…it will get better.

As far as "growing out of it", that should have already happened. I don't think when you potty trained is the issue either, my son potty trained at 18 months. I would consult his doctor.

My 5 yr old daughter was having this issue and the pediatrician said it was an actual medical condition where they loose the sensitivity needed to go poop. We tried everything rewards, charts, praise etc. The only thing that worked was to have her sit on the potty every two hours for a couple of weeks until her body re-regulated itself. The doctor also suggested a clean out, so her system would be starting from scratch. After a few accidents, the system worked and she is so much happier. Also, she would draw or read on the potty and take 20-30 so her system could relax and poop. I hope that helps.

Misery loves company!! Our 7 year-old daughter has had similar troubles this year. She either doesn't want to break away from whatever she is doing to get to the bathroom in time, or she goes too fast & doesn't clean herself up properly. We tried bribes, incentives, goals, EVERYTHING...but nothing seemed to stick. What finally worked was taking away something that meant a great deal to her (playtime with her friend next door the following day) & the promise that repeat offenses would bring harsher punishments. She still slips up once in a while, but at least that stopped the pattern in its tracks & made her much more aware of her responsibility in taking care of herself when we're not around. It's WAY better & now we're able to work through the individual incidents without having to resort to extreme measures.

I think that our daughter's started when my husband was traveling and working longer hours - and it was made worse when a family friend died of cancer. But once the bad habit was established, it was brutal getting her out of it.

We did take her to the doctor, upped the fiber in her diet, gave her Citrocell, etc..., but it became clear soon enough that her problems were more about the choices she was (or wasn't) making. Talking with her openly and honestly did eventually convince her to 'fess up that she COULD be making better decisions.

Hang in there, I know how frustrating it can be.

My son had those issues as well. What I found out was one of two things. If he was out doing something he was really involved in he didn't want to stop and the other was the bathroom situation where he was at. Example was he didn't want to use outhouses like at a camp ground even the ones with running water or any bathroom with a bug in it. At school he didn't want to use a bathroom that had another kid in it. I actually pulled him from the school system for the past couple of years and let him grow up a bit without the stress and pressure. He has not had any accidents since and now does make it to the bathroom on time however, sometimes he is a running. One of the things I do when he is in the house is I grab his hand and march him into the bathroom and tell him to stay there until he can be calm in the house. He hates that, but usually will take care of business. I am fixing to put him back into that type of system so I am hoping he will be okay. He is 12 now.
Part of my son's problem was his dad had been abusive and at school some of the older kids had been intimidating at the school when he had been in the bathroom. I don't know if your son visits his dad but that might be part of the stress factor. My now 16 year old daughter had issues of pooping and wetting when she would visit her dad. Those might be something to look at. I kept a record on a calender if she did pee or poop her pants and what dates she went to visit her dad and they seemed clustered around those dates.

Hope that helps.

Have him evaluated for encopresis.

You are right, he is just being lazy. He is 7 years old.. he should have it down by now. Maybe you being so patient is making it last longer. just a thought.

He may be ADD. Not a bad thing but he needs to have a poop schedule and a reminder. If he focuses so intensely on a project, his powerful focus might be his intellectual gift now, but especially in the future. Chris RN

W.,
Talk with your pediatrician. His body may not be telling his brain that he has to go poop. Our 7yr old has the same issues, although he hasn't pooped his pants at school. He is getting so much better. I stopped making huge issues about it and started making him feel okay that it has happened. He knows that when it happens he is to put the dirty underwear in the bath tub, clean himself up and change. I take care of the dirty ones because I don't want poop all over the bathroom. Our son has a condition where his brain doesn't register that he has to poop until his side hurts or he has to go right now. My body is the same way. As an adult I have control now, but as a child it can be difficult.
Give the doctor a call and figure out if it is a medical issue. Also I don't believe that early potty training is the reason.

Best of luck.