6 Week Old High-Need Baby

This is a very real thing. I have a six year old who was an extremely high need baby and is now very independant and confident and happy. I had a hard time adjusting to her needs versus what i expected from being a mom. It was a lot of work but a very wise mentor told me "this child will require you to be the best parent you can possibly be." Meet his needs now and it will be easier later. Nap with him so he will be able to nap on his own later. Hold him, wear him, and do what you can to anticipate his needs. The calmer you can keep him the calmer he will be. Try to keep him from crying too much. This is not spoiling anyone. Lucy doesn't get everything she wants now. She does not act entitled, but she does absolutely trust me. She knows i will make sure she has what she needs.
Over hungry, over tired, over stimulated. High need babies can handle one but not two. Do the best you can to create a calming environment.
You can do this. Even if you dont know it now. You are capable. This baby has been entrusted to you for a reason. Take it easy on him and you. Bless you and good luck! Read the fussy baby book by dr sears. Other drs have written on the sensitive child. Look it up!

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I highly recommend looking up the "4th trimester" It is talked about in the Happiest Baby on the Block. The first 3 months of life are a huge adjustment period and some babies need more of the comforts of the womb during this time than others. Comforts like being close to you, the rocking motion he got in utero (which he will get when you wear him), the shhhhhh sound, being swaddled when you do lay him down, etc. You will be wise to follow your baby's lead. He's telling you what he needs right now. He needs the closeness and the comforts of the womb.

I have a mayawrap that I love. My son was a preemie with some medical issues and he needed to be held a lot. The wrap helped free up my hands so I could actually get things done before my husband got home to help in the evening lol. And I could wear my son in a variety of ways which was really nice.

Please, please, please do not worry at this stage that you will "spoil" him or he wont' want to be put down later. It will come. But right now he is so very tiny and he's telling you what he needs. When he gets past this very early stage you can begin to develop routines so he will begin to learn what to expect at different times during the day. Babies have to be taught how to sleep. They don't automatically know how. It will come via a good routine. he'll learn what to expect and what is expected with your help.

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I must clarify a post here: there is a sling that is being recalled because it is TERRIBLE (I teach babywearing and have said for years it is dangerous). There ARE very safe baby wearing devices out there - I always recommend BabyHawk and Moby wrap.

High need babies do excellent with being worn and it frees your arms to do what you need to. Both the Moby and BabyHawk are great because he can fall asleep on you and you can easily take him out without moving him AT ALL if he is asleep. Brilliant for colicky babies and no, they won't grow up to be 5 year olds who need to be worn non stop (usually when they get "motorized" and crawling, they want to be down anyway.

If you are nursing your son may be fussy because he isn't drawing milk correctly from your breast (a latch-on issue not to be confused with production). Please contact me if you are nursing - I counsel many moms about breastfeeding and babywearing for free. I have had moms come to me thinking thier baby had colic and I saw them nurse while they were at my office and realized it was a breastfeeding issue, not colic.

Good luck! I couldn't function without my Moby and BabyHawks

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Does he have gas? this causes pain.
you can use infant gas drops.
My daughter had this problem.

Is he hungry? Are you breastfeeding? if so, I would make SURE you are producing enough milk, if not he will not be getting enough intake. This makes a baby hungry all the time and not happy.
If he is nursing, is he latching on properly? If not, then he is not getting enough intake either. And thus he will always be hungry.

I have had many friends, whose newborns/babies were like this. In all of these cases... the baby was not getting enough intake or latching on not properly, or the Mom was not producing enough milk. Once the problem was solved, by a Lactation Consultant.. the baby was much happier... because then the baby WAS getting enough intake and not starving.

And, feed on demand. Always. 24/7. Not according to a schedule. No matter if baby is fed by breast or Formula.

Also, if nursing, watch what you eat too.. .because it can cause gas in a baby.

Also, newborns need to be held... and this is how they bond and comfort. It is important for their development. They are also getting used to this world... and many things affects them. Also make sure he is napping. Newborns nap a lot.

All the best,
Susan

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I highly recommend a Ring Sling. These are NOT the same as the ones that were recalled earlier, and it is ALWAYS important to read the instructions and follow them exactly with any baby carrier. Check out thebabywearer.org for more information about wearing your baby (and the benefits that come with it) as well as recommendations on different products and where to buy them. You do have to sign up to see the forums, but they do not sell or trade your information or send you spam emails. It's a really great site, and I would be happy to answer any questions you have, too (you don't have to sign up, just send me a message ^_~). I love my Ring Sling, and I also use a Beco Butterfly Carrier that is just WONDERFUL. I'm not an avid (MUST CARRY BABY ALL THE TIME) attachment parent, but in my experience, even now, there are a lot of times when baby-wearing is easier and more convenient than lugging around a big car-seat or stroller.

On a personal note, I wore my son, and now, at 13 months, he is a very independent little boy. He still likes to be held - for about 3-5 minutes, before he's off and going again. Don't worry at this age that carrying him will spoil him. Go ahead and spoil him. In a couple of months, he'll be squirming to get out of your arms and you'll be thinking about those times when he used to cuddle into you...

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First things first, babies want and need to be held at six weeks. People who are able to just plop their kids in a bouncer or swing and walk away shouldn't exactly be proud that they're doing something great. Holding your son when he cries right now is teaching him that he can count on you.
Second, he may be in pain. We took our daughter to the chiropractor twice when she was a newborn; going through the birth canal, while natural, isn't exactly risk free. She needed two tiny and very gentle little adjustments. A lot of cases of "colic" can be easily remedied through chiropractic care. Our chiropractor not only works with children regularly, she's a mom who does her own kids' adjustments when necessary... just anybody wouldn't do.
And third, when your son is around 4-6 months will be the time to do sleep training (we did it at four months and a week because I chickened out the first time, haha). Dr. Sears has an excellent method, and now's a good time to start learning about options. You can find it in his books, I'm sure, but you can also do a search for sleep training on babycenter.com. They break it down pretty clearly and include videos of parents who tried the Sears method and the Ferber method. We went with Sears' way because it fit best with how we parent, but there are a lot of different ways. The common theme among parents who've done it is that you have to make a commitment and stick to it. It will be the best gift you'll give to your son AND yourself. He's just not neurologically ready yet.
I know that it can be tiring to always hold your son. I'm not suggesting that it's anything other than normal to want to have your hands and arms free. Why do you think we did the sleep training almost as soon as recommended? LOL. But check to make sure he's not in pain. As for the slings, I haven't done any research since the claims of babies suffocating have come out. I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice on those parts. Best wishes... and hang in there.

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My daughter was the same way. I liked the baby bjorn, everything else hurt my back. I agree with the other people that you can't spoil them before 6 months. Another thing that really, really helped my husband and I was the book the Happiest Baby on the Block. All his methods worked really well for my daughter, especially the loud shhing. We kinda got a formula down that worked really well for calming her down and getting her to sleep.

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I totally agree with Kate C. There is a huge recall on baby slings due to suffocation... it's terrible! My son loved being in the body harness by Infantino and we only paid $30 for it instead of $80-100 like some others. They work the same. It was great because he could be facing you for that intimate comfort or facing outwards to see the world differently. Remember that babies love the sound of your heartbeat, it's what he has known while in the womb. That might be your sons security blanket.
Unfortunately for you I didn't have a colic baby, but I do know that there are colic tablets. We used teething tablets for our son and it's the same concept. It's in a dissolvable pill form, but we weren't comfortable with that so we dissloved it in a spoon and gave it to our son that way, and then fed him afterwards to ensure it didn't come out of his mouth.
My son had to sleep on my chest for the first few months until he would take naps by himself in his crib. As long as you show your baby you will love and care for him no matter what, you will build a strong and powerful bond. And now that my son is almost walking, he doesn't want to be held unless it's time to sleep or he fell on his butt for the hundreth time. Time flies by and soon things will fall into place.

This is totally normal for a baby that has colic. They will cry for hours and it doesn't have to be at a specific time. If he wants to be held then hold him. Get a sling or some other sort of baby carrier, baby bjorn or ergo make good ones. Just use some common sense and be careful of the angle of his head. Most children cannot put themselves to sleep at this age. He is ONLY six weeks old. You cannot expect him to do all of this on his own. If he truly has colic there really is nothing you can do but try and comfort him as best you can. My daughter was born 7 weeks early and had colic until she reached 4 months of age adjusted from her due date. That means she was six months old before she stopped crying. I know you are tired but you have to put that aside and do whatever you can for your baby that's what being a mom is all about.

Your son is so young and wants and NEEDS his mommy's comfort. Wear your baby - get a sling!

VirtualBreastfeedingHelp.com

When our high-needs baby was that age, we used a Moby Wrap. The ring slings are good, too, and a little easier to put on. Moby holds them more securely and is a little easier for to to move around while carrying baby. People want to say that all baby-wearing is dangerous now, but it isn't. Some slings that were poorly designed were recalled, that's all.

Your baby will eventually be able to be laid down himself, but it may take a while. With a high-needs baby, you (especially) need to ignore and even reject the "mainstream" or "traditional" advice and just go with what is best for you and your child.

Also keep in mind 6 weeks is very young, he may "loosen up" a bit as he grows and gets older. Congratulations on your new arrival, and I wish you all the best!

Have you tried using a swaddle blanket. It can keep him from being disturbed by his own startle reflex. Most of all it can calm your baby. I make swaddling blankets. Check me out on Facebook or email me and I can send you pictures. ____@____.com

my daughter was the same way she was dianoised with acid reflux (gurd) and had to be put on baby zantac. it was horrible i felt so bad for her but she did get over it. we carried her all the time and did get the sling which was a life saver. by about 10 weeks she started to sleep on her own for short periods of time. do you swaddle? he may like that tight feelling. remember it is just a bump in the road that will soon pass good luck.

Baby slings have been in the news a lot lately because of some deaths associated with a few babies that suffocated - I'd recommend doing your research, asking your pediatrician their advice and then moving forward. Neither of my kids liked slings.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/03/09/national/main##...

Unfortunately, colic pretty much means they're going to be grumpy and unsettled almost all the time. My sister had a colicky baby, and she just needed to learn to hold her the right way.

Our daughter was "grumpy", though I wouldn't call it colicky. She was also gassy and needed to be held certain ways to relieve that pressure.

You can't spoil a child that young. They survive purely on instincts. If he needs to be held, I'd recommend holding him. They change so quickly, and those days will pass before you know it.

Good luck!

I second the Baby K'Tan carrier.. very comfortable and easy to toss into the diaper bag, plus it can be thrown into the washing machine. Happiest Baby on teh Block is another must read. I agree check with a lactation consultant if you are nursing, they are extremely helpful and comforting in the early weeks when you are sleep deprived, dealing with a fussy baby and unsure of what to do. Don't worry about a baby in the sling and not being able to fall asleep other places.. they love that close cozy feeling and are so comforted by it you will be glad you did it! I have carried my now 9 month old all over major theme parks in the K'Tan without any back pain! Plus he loves looking out at the world (now) but I can also turn him to face me and "tuck him in" so to speak when he gets tired and withing 5 minutes he is out cold! Good luck!

You've already got a lot of responses. Just wanted to put in my 2 cents.. My son was colicky at the first 4 months. I remember asking the doc. what I could do because "he wouldn't stop crying". She replied: "Have you tried to just put him down in his bed?" I immediately thought:"Of course I have". But afterwards I realized, well, not really. So I tried swaddling him and just putting him down 2 hours after he's been up (so if he wakes up at 7AM, feed and play with him, then put him down at 9AM). And guess what, it worked.

I tried baby sling at 5 weeks, and my son hated it --- was told that I needed to have got him in a sling when he was first born to get him used to it. Also, I recently read a lot of recalls and accidents involved in baby slings.. Lastly, I do agree with your concerns with baby sling; it might get him in a wrong habit for longer time.

No matter what, things will get better, as I'm sure everyone else has said. Just tell yourself, 2 more months and it will be so much easier.. Best of luck.

We had TWO like this. All day- most of the night. Yes- and I did it again! The first one lasted almost a whole year, the second five months. Just surrender to your little one and try to remember that it will pass. The exercise ball saved us- wrap him up, sit on that ball and bounce and sing (or cry). I did a lot of that- and believe me- it has nothing to do with their personality in the long run. Both of our boys are so happy now. I have to believe that they were very uncomfortable- they were diagnosed with silent reflux. Really- time is the only real cure. Do what you can to keep him comfortable and have some help in place on a regular basis so you can pass him off -even just for an hour to take a walk or get a pedicure, etc. Our pediatric gastroenterologist said that if it's reflux it peaks at 4 months- then rapidly will drop off. Colic- goes away sooner. I wish you the best of luck. If a sling works, I would use it. You are going to carry him anyway! Ours wouldn't go for it- they needed to be upright because of the reflux. Maybe borrow a Maya wrap for a week before buying to see if it helps.
Best wishes- I hope this helps,
S.

My son did the same thing. Next time you see the ped have them check his ears. My son had chronic ear issues that we missed until he was 9 months old. HORRIBLE!! Also try swaddling him tight. That would sometimes work for us.

Your son doesn't sound like a high-need baby, he just happens to be in the famous 4th trimester. Being held is one of a baby's basic needs. My son stopped wanting to sleep in his bassinet at 2 weeks old. He would cry every time we would put him down or go to sleep for 5 minutes and wake up crying. Eventually we found out he had reflux. In your son's case it might be too early to tell because at 6 weeks, the behavior your have described is normal but something to keep an eye on. My friends baby doesn't have any medical issues but when she was that young, she also needed holding and attention all the time. Whether it is reflux, colic, or just normal baby behavior, some things we found helfpul: I took naps sitting on a recliner chair and baby resting on me; once in a while, after rocking him to sleep I suceeded in transitioning him to bed. My son liked the moby wrap (I found it a little bit of a hassle to put on but it would actually settle him so it was worth it). And no, he didn't become dependent on it, just use a sling if it helps and eventually he will need it as much. Do keep an eye on him and check him continually if you go with a sling. Peanut shell and Moby are still considered safe baby carriers (I think the one being recalled is Infantino????) but no amount of manufacturer's assurance is a substitute for careful parent monitoring. Ah, one more thing: I did get a lot of reading done those first 3 months while holding my son for his naps. Memories of those times, watching him sleep in my arms have become cherished memories. Good luck to you.

Having two kids and one on the way I must say that I don't feel that a baby can get spoiled before 6 months. They need the reassurance. I am by no means a baby wearer or practice attachment parenting. But I am a mom who had to let her son sleep in a baby swing for the first few month of his life, or mommy daddy and sister would have never gotten any peace or sleep. Please be advised on the issues with baby slings. Be smart. Get the right size fit, (if it is a one size fits all it is not safe) I happen to love the pouch sling. You can get them at a few places, Hotslings is a common one but more expensive. Do your measurements before you buy. That goes for any sling and read the directions. Remember though that your baby has been use to being in constant motion for the last 9 month inside you; you need to gradually wean them off of this feeling. Our son made the transition from swing to crib very well.

Both of my babies were like that at that age(they did not have colic, but they did cry) so it is normal behavior. I got a baby carrier(like a baby bjorn) and would put my son in it and walk(sometimes in circles around the driveway) until he fell asleep and then let him sleep in it for however long it took. My daughter loved the swing so if she fell asleep in there, that is where she stayed. Holding a newborn will not hinder their ability to nap on their own in the future. Remember, that this too shall pass.

Also, check out 2 books, The Happiest Baby on the Block as well as Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. These two books really help!
GL!

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. My son was the same way and I thought that I'd never have another child because he was sooo demanding and it was emotionally draining. Anyway, I found the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weisbluth and it saved me. There is a section in it that focuses on dealing with colic. I can't recommend this enough. There is also another book called "Your Fussy Baby" written by the same author that I've heard wonderful things about. Good luck!

AT 6 weeks and having colic, its no wonder the baby wants to be held all the time! Hang in there! Have you tried a white noise c.d.? I've also heard the book "Happiest Baby on the Block" has alot of great tips for soothing a baby. My oldest had colic for about three months, and the only thing that used to calm him was driving. Not the best solution, but I did it lol. As frusturating as it is, he's too young to be spoiled by being held all the time, and hopefully when the colic subsides he'll be easier to "teach" to sleep on his own. At this point, doing what it takes to keep you both happy (and you sane) is what you should do! Good luck :)

I had to wear my 2nd daughter in her sling all the time - while washing dishes, teaching Sunday School, whatever. Sleeping in her own bed was one of the few times she was happy out of the sling. And don't worry, eventually he will grow out of this stage! :)

Totally normal. And no, you CAN'T spoil a baby by meeting it's needs. Right now, his NEEDS are comfort. Have you read happiest baby on the block? WONDERFUL book.

Also, for carriers (I have 5-kinda embarassing, but I love them), for the little ones something like a moby wrap is the best. Seriously wonderful. Get one, watch the videos on YouTube on how to put it on, and learn to use it. Once you learn to wrap, you will be in heaven! lol! Wrapping is THE BEST!

Good luck!!

my daughter was cried quite a bit as a newborn, and it was really difficult. i sympathize! if he has colic or anything even approaching it, there is a probiotic called Biogaia that is found on colichelp . com or one of those websites. a friend said it absolutely helped. colic is EXTREME pain, so all day colic is absolutely possible. is he breast fed or bottle fed? he may be reacting to something. did you have antibiotics during preg, or labor? if so, i may have wiped out his gut flora which can reeeeaally affect a baby's comfort level and lead to colic.

do you have the Miracle Blanket? this saved us with sleep.

some of the baby slings are being recalled due to suffocation. you might want to try a Moby or an Ergo. we had the sears one, and i can totally see why they are dangerous. i never felt totally happy carrying my daughter in it when she was so little.

hope this helps. please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Babies this young need to be held alot. I used a baby sling with my son and he never had trouble going down for naps when he got older. I used the hug a monkey sling which worked great and aren't as expensive as some of the other slings. If you don't have a swaddling blanket, I'd try one of those too. This is very comforting to infants since they were used to being in such a confining place. Good luck!

http://www.hugamonkey.com/baby-slings

6 weeks is the peak of fussiness for most babies. With my youngest, I wore her in a sling, and for about two weeks, I couldn't put her down - I couldn't even stop walking around some times. But she *did* settle down, and when she did, she was better rested because I'd put in those miles. She went on to be a great sleeper and a very calm, happy baby.

At six weeks, I wouldn't worry too much about bad habits. Just do whatever you can to help him rest, because the less sleep-deprived he is, the easier it is to get him into a stable sleep routine when he's ready (around 4 months).

Hi R.,

I'm sure you aren't getting a lot of rest - hang in there! Does the baby have pain when he eats? Can you pin his discomfort on anything that doesn't have to do with not being picked up? I don't blame you for being concerned that it may be something other than colic. Is reflux a possibility? Is he nursing or taking formula? If he's taking formula, perhaps trying a different kind might be helpful to see if it makes a difference. If you are nursing, you might try eliminating things one by one from your diet, like broccoli, etc - google nursing and baby's upset stomachs, or something similar.

If he really is suffering from colic all the time - ouch - then his little belly is tied up in knots and he can't self-soothe. If holding him works, that's what you need to do. Colic usually goes away after 3 months or so. After this is worked out, you can focus on getting him out of your arms. Try the baby sling. (Research it and make sure there's not a recall.) After a while, he'll get too heavy for it, but meanwhile, it will help.

If this doesn't get better, R., ask to see a pediatric gastroenterologist for a second opinion.

I forgot to mention this the first time - Babies R Us has "Colic tablets" - I gave a friend of mine some for her baby and she said they helped. Try that.

Good luck and all my best,
D.

Your baby does not sound high-need to me. He sounds like any other baby who wants a loving pair of arms, hopefully mommy's. Unless you have a bunch of other kids to take care of, I can't think of any reason why you would not want to hold your brand new baby all day long in a sling. Get him in bed with you and relax!

I totally sympathize with what you are going through. My first son was the same way....and still is at 3 yrs old (strong willed that is). My belief is that some kids are born strong willed and it is NOT an easy job to change them. (James Dobson has a great book about Strong Willed Children, btw) I ended up buying the sling and just learned how to cope as we went. There was a time when we did decide to just let him cry it out and learn to put himself back to sleep but this was at 17 months old and I was prego with #2. My advice, I would baby this little guy and give him the attention he is crying out for and wouldn't even try to force sleep schedules on him until around 4 months or older. Dr. Sears talks about the 4th trimester....you are still in it. Carry him close, allow him to feel secure in his sling and secure in this new environment. I believe that doing that with my son has made all of the difference. Yes, he is strong willed and will always be (thank God), but he is also independent and self assured and I believe that came from him feeling secure early on....he trusts in that security enough to feel ok about venturing out and exploring new things on his own.

I know it is rough right now, but this trying time will pass. Incidentally, my son was fussy also and we found that giving him a daily dose of probiotics calmed him down. If we ran out and didn't buy it right away, he would start getting fussy again within a few days and it would take another few days to get him calm again. In his case, I believe he had a yeast overgrowth in his gut which the probiotics helped keep in check. When the balance was off it made him uncomfortable and led to the crying.

As far as what type of sling to buy...I started out with the basic ring sling because of how adjustable it was. But, after baby number 2 came along I found that I liked the Baby K'Tan better. It is softer, more supportive and allows more versatility. You can check it out at www.babyktan.com

Hope this helped. Keep focused on the end goal. Parenthood isn't just about what is easy for now (even though it helps)....it is about loving this new little person and raising him up to be a stable, loving adult. This is your legacy. Don't worry about all those momma's who brag about how wonderful their baby sleeps, etc....just hug your little guy close and feel at peace KNOWING you are doing your best to provide just what he needs. ....this time really does pass quickly.

Blessings!
E.

I know everyone says not to, but it is one of the only ways I could put my daughter down at this age: put your son on his side with a receiving blanket rolled up behind him. She has never slept on her back (still to this day at 8 months if you put her down on her back she rolls to her side). During naps I even put her to sleep on her stomach when I could be there to watch to make sure there weren't going to be any issues with SIDS. Make sure he is swaddled tight so he feels super secure (why being held is so comfortable). Good luck!!

Honestly i don't think your baby is high needs..unless mine was too..but..when a baby is born they call the 1st 3 months after birth the 4th trimester b/c babies want to be held and on their mom ALL the time..i wore my son the first 3.5 months in a bjorn all day...he napped there too..w/out that thing i wouldn't have been able to even brush my teeth. Some people just have easy babies..but like u..i had one that wanted to be on me all the time.
so...
you will need a bjorn ..or something to wear baby with..i like the bjorn the best..
babies don't know how to fall asleep..that's the problem..also b/c its in their nature to survive..and they don't feel secure..so they learn to feel secure with u.
i used to make a big mountain behind me on my bed with comforters and pillows..and sleep upright and lay my son over my belly ..so i got sleep...he would wake and nurse and felt secure being on me.
other tricks..
i would nurse him on a firm pillow or the bassinet mattress..if u don't have a bassinet..get one..i LOVED that thing....i could nurse him on the firm pillow not a soft one..and then carry him on the pillow when he'd doze off and place him in the bassinet..now they have the kind that rock..
if i had another child that's what i would get.
ALSO...get "Colic Tablets" by Hylands...your babe could be gassy..it helps with gas too..
if your baby is formula fed..could be the formula you're giving him..try Good Start Supreme Comfort Proteins..introduce slowly.
the 1st 3.5 months was the toughest time ever..it does get easier..
you should join babyzone.com and find your son's bday group..and talk to other moms that are going thru the same things as u are..
good luck..
it will get easier....wear your baby..and get a bassinet if u don't have one..

xo

First 3 months of their lives are the "the toughest" ones. Just remember that he's a new human being that everything for him is new and needs your help to help him adjust to things. He's been in your stomach (24/7 with you) for the past 9 months, so it's a little hard for him to be on his own. My baby slept with us for the first month, when we moved him to the crib is a tough week,but he did it. Your baby's is still young, just ENJOY him, if you;re a first mom, don't worry about other things but to enjoy your little, as he gets older, he will be more concious and will understand things better. At 6 months, I was helping my baby how to go to sleep on his own, and now he's pretty good at it.
My main answer here is to spoil him as much as you can, because in a few months he's not gonna wanna be in your arms and you;re gonna miss him (just like I miss sleeping with my tiny baby, but Im glad he sleeps his own bed too).
Don't worry about it too much because it can affect your baby too
ENJOY him and Good Luck