4 Year Old Pre-school Behavior

I own a preschool with children from infancy to kindergarten. Although I think an experienced teacher is very in tuned to her class and can recognize issues with children very early on, I do believe her communicating this to you after only spending two hours with your child is very premature and unprofessional. Most of the reason children attend preschool is to learn how to interact with their peers, develop social skills, follow rules and directions, and then the obvious academic benefits. For a teacher to point out such negative comments after a first full day of school means to me that her expectations are already set wayyyyy to high and she is probably not a very, patient, or creative teacher. If your son has never been in school before it is to be expected that he is going to want to explore and get to know his new surroundings. At 4 your son should be able to sit for story time, however it is only the first day of school and he may need time to settle in. Do you notice your son having difficulty sitting and paying attention at home? Does he listen when you speak to him or ask something of him? Is he able to complete a simple task when you ask? These are things you can observe on your own, and try to work with him on as well. Children are not soldiers that sit still and move when we tell them to, and they do not all learn the same. If your child is being judged so early on and so critically by this teacher I would be hesitant to keep him in this program. If this teacher has targeted your child from the get go she can make his first experience at school a very tense and unhappy experience for him. She has already alarmed you and your husband, therefore creating anxiety for you which in my opinion will create anxiety for him. I personally ask my teachers to run any concerns by me before ever speaking to a parent. This will give me the opportunity to observe and see if we are both on the same page before ever alarming a parent unnecessarily. I am very taken back by this teacher and the fact that she is looking to have him removed just because he does not meet her expectations. I would talk to the director because it is possible that she knows nothing about what the teacher has told you, if she does and didn't handle this conversation herself I would also have a problem with that. Talking to parents with concerns should be done in a positive and reassuring way. This is only the beginning of the year and it could be a long year for both of you, I already have a bad vibe and I think you do as well. Your his mom and you know best. Good luck!!

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...kids, transition to a school/a classroom setting gradually. Certainly NOT in 1 day.... NOT at that age.

So gee, what the heck, does the Teacher do, to 'correct' him?

Next, bear in mind that there are 2 styles of preschool. Some are more rigid and structured and HIGHLY routine oriented. Others are not... and have routines but are not 'rigid.'
So, you therefore find a structure/school that is best for your child.
I know some Preschools that have NO leeway for kids that young... and they are more like super rigid super structured 'every hair in its place' kind of preschools. And they do not tolerate, kid like behavior. They only like 'robots.' But a kid, especially that young... does NOT learn that way... nor does it teach them in a positive manner...

Next, lecturing and rewards alone will not suddenly 'change' your son nor make him listen perfectly... it also has to do with the maturity of the child and the emotional maturity of the child.
This was also his first day.... so sure, no kid, would be totally used to it yet. MOST Teachers would know that.

I think, it is too soon to judge him.
Personally, that Teacher irks me.
I do not feel... that atmosphere is good for your son.
These are 4 year olds.... not 10 year olds.
The Teacher/school.... seems VERY rigid.

I think... do NOT suddenly look downcast at your son for this... it will make him think he is 'no good'... and that alone, may affect him negatively. Behaviorally.
Use your own wisdom... don't let this Teacher's criticism... make you then look at your son in a negative way. KNOW your son. Not just base it on 1 Teacher's remarks.
ie: my daughter used to be labeled as 'shy.' I told the Teacher, "I" do not see that as a deficit... because she IS a good student regardless and she is not timid. Two BIG differences.

All the best,
Susan

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My son used to act like this at Gymboree classes. After months of meetings and tests we discovered he has Sensory Processing Disorder. It kind of acts like misbehaving, but it is not. Don't blame this on immaturity or misbehaving.. get another opinion.

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I would say yes...I am a veteran early childhood teacher and mom. Some children are just not interested in storytime, some are new to a storytime and are not accustomed to sitting on their own. The teacher should try some tactics to help your son, before deciding to remove him from her room. If there is help in the class, perhaps an adult can sit beside him and encourage him to look at the story. The teacher can engage the kids by asking them questions along the way or having someone help turn pages for her. Is your child disrupting the class? Does the class do an active large motor activity before they settle for a story? Like go outdoors or dance to music? Then they are more likely to settle down for a story. Are the stories she reads too long? Young children have a limited attention span. Those are all things you should find out first. Talk to the director of the program and see what sort of solutions you can come up with.

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Pre K is for a child to learn how to be in a group setting and if he isn't very familiar with one then he isn't going to know how to behave in one!! You need to have a one on one with his teacher and find out what she is doing during the time she has him to get him to listen better!!! He is 4yrs old, you can't expect him to act like a trained puppy from day one!

S.

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This sounds like perfeclty normal behavior for a curious, active, 4 year old boy. Especially one who hasn't had previous school or daycare experience. Why would he want to sit down and listen when there are all of these wonderful new toys around him that he wants to explore. I think It takes a long time for some kids (especially boys) to get used to sitting and listening in a classroom setting. My boys were the same way when they were younger, but now they are much better. It just takes some getting used to.

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He behavior is totally normal for a four-year old who's in a new setting like preschool. Can you imagine what he must think of all the cool toys and books and his new surroundings in general?! It sounds like he would be just fine if his teacher will give him time to adjust and oh, maybe teach him the rules? She cannot expect him to learn them in such a short period of time.
I would observe a class first so you can form your own opinion of what's going on, then speak the the director about possible solutions. My guess is that if this teacher is experienced (read: good) and just gives your son a little time, he will be just fine.
Best of luck to you and your little guy!

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Too early to judge imo and I teach preschool. I would expect her or her aide to have him sit on her lap for a few circles, or right next to her, so that he learns the rules. If he is 4, he does need to learn this by next year when he goes to kindy, and that is the purpose of preschool. To learn to behave in circle, to make friends, and all that. It is her job as the teacher to make it happen. If I were you I would suggest that she have him sit on her lap or right next to her so he can learn this skill. Tell her you realize he is learning and you are so glad she is willing to take the time to teach him this skill. (butter her up in other words)

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If all of the other children are able to sit and listen and your son is the only one wandering around then maybe he is not ready to sit and listen yet and would benefit from a setting where that is not required as much and he can learn the skill. All he heard from the talk you guys had was he was going to Dave and Busters, not that he had to sit and listen. He told the teacher that and didn't say he had to sit and listen to be able to go. Maybe if you had shared this with the teacher she could have mentioned that to him saying: "You won't get to go to Dave and Busters if you don't sit down and listen". You also have to model the good behavior you want himn to show. Maybe you could have sat him down to read and reminded him just like you sit and listen to mommy that is what I want you to do at school. Many time we assume that the children know what we mean by good behavior. In his mind he was being good, he wasn't making a lot of noise he was just walking around quietly, not realizing that he should have been sitting down with the rest of the children. You also said that he was dismissive like he didn't have to do like he was asked. Does he do this at home or does he respond to what you say immediately? Sometimes we as parents train our children to do what they want because we don't make them get up and do what we ask when we ask, so they think that is how it should be everywhere. I am a teacher and I have seen many things over the years, and I have made some of those same mistakes with my own children. Model what you want him to do and remind him you want that same good behavior at school and at home. I hope this helps.

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It may or may not be too soon. It depends--is this a school with a long standing good reputation? How long has the teacher been there? Experienced Preschool teachers can spot problems and delays right off the bat. I don't think they are communicating with you very well, regardless of the situation. Sometimes, when you give someone else the credibility, they are more willing to work with you. If it were me, I'd approach the teacher with something like, "I know you know a LOT about kids and I really want my son in your class. What do you think we can do together to work with him?" It really does take a village, but you just need to be sure your villagers are qualified first! Good luck--I'm sure he'll do great in his own time!

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Wow! That does seem a little early to say something. In my opinion, one of the main reasons kids are in preschool is to learn how to sit quietly and listen to the teacher....basically, their practice for kindergarten.

Good luck with everything!

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Sigh... I agree with Diane S. completely.

The only thing I wanted to add from our own experience is to trust your gut about what you know of your own child. I, regrettably, let the "professionals" make me feel like my son had behavior issues and was a problem child in preschool. I should have just realized that it wasn't a good fit for him and found another school. Live and learn... He's in kindergarten now and doing fantastic.

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It sounds like your son is curious and wants to check out this new room and all the toys in it. Maybe the teacher would let him stay late so he can have a look at everything. It's a little troubling that she hasn't given him much of a chance and wants to move him out of the classroom after one week. You may also want to ask if you can sit in the room and observe the behavior. This way you might get a better feel for what's going on in his mind. Then I would ask the teacher what other solutions she has, letting him have a toy in his lap, changing circle time to be after play time, letting him ring a bell that tells everyone it's circle time to get him more engaged in the activity. If she's not open to working with you on this I think she is a big part of the problem. What 4 year old would want to listen to a story when there are all these new toys to discover!

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It is WAY too soon for the teacher to say he is not following the structure. Any of the preschool I have worked with would maybe make a quick comment, as the parent was picking up child, say "child's name" is still struggling but we are working on listening and following instructions, but hopefully in a few weeks it will be more routine. Of course at home try to keep the same "schedule": of when snacks, bathroom breaks, reading time, eating time and so on are done. Obviously do not need all the structure times that are in preschool but maybe the few major ones will help your son adjust/listen and so on because it is more familiar.

Your son needs more time, I have never heard a teacher say that a child needs to move to a different class until at least a week or two into the school season. Maybe some preschool are stricter but that is not how the kids learn at this age, of course if the child is be a complete distraction after a couple of weeks then maybe something different needs to be done.

It could just be that your son needs more time to get familiar with the structure, and my guess is in a few weeks he will "fit in" better and follow better. My daughter had troubles her first year in pre-k 3 because she is use to being the only child and we had less structure more free learning play at home so the structure and doing a specific thing she was not use to. After many weeks of us doing a few things at home that they do at certain times in preschool she became more comfortable in the preschool setting. She is in Pre-K 4 this year and has adjusted with-in days because she is use to it from last year.

Teachers are usually pretty good at reading kids, and if his behavior is immature, then maybe it would be a better environment for him to be in the three year old class. Has he ever been in a group setting before? Is he an only child just used to getting his own way and doing what he pleases?
Also, a four year old should definitely be able to follow directions such as "come join the group" . Whether or not he sits still in the circle can be forgiven. But he should have the respect for the teacher to do what he is asked to do.

Teachers are usually pretty good at reading kids, and if his behavior is immature, then maybe it would be a better environment for him to be in the three year old class. Has he ever been in a group setting before? Is he an only child just used to getting his own way and doing what he pleases?

Yeah, this isn't sitting so well with me either, But i also have the perspective of trying to teach the other 11 preschoolers while one had his own agenda that disrupted everyone elses. Threatening to move him to teh 3's really isn't the best solution. Does he act this way with you at home or when you go to a new store or restaurant?? Help the teacher to know your child. If he needs more time to explore the room, ask if you can bring him early and give him a chance to acclimate before everyone else comes. You know him best, does he have trouble being in groups, would sitting next to the teacher during story time help,or would he do better if he could watch from a chair a little separate from the group, where no one would accidentatlly touch him.???? Does he love Trains or Dinosaurs or Butterflies, is there something she can do to intice him, if you listen to the story we'll have time to play with the pirate ship later. Tell her how you dicipline him at home. Do you use time out, do you coax him, do you use natural consequences??? Is he visual, if he saw a sticker being put on his chart everytime she did what he asked, would that motivate him???

talk to your son, see what he likes about school, see who he wants to be freinds with, see what things he doesn't care for etc etc. His repeating Dave and Busters sounds a little like an anxiety thing to me, but you know him best does he always fixate on one thing??

Don't give up on this and don't be threatened. Speak with the director if you need to first and then bring in the teacher and brainstorm together how to make this work for your son. Don't be afraid to have him tested for add or something if that his what they recommend, either he has something and can be helped or he doesn't and you can cross that off the list. It's not that the teacher doesn't like you or your son, but she does have to manage the rest of the class and they have a right to learn too.

And yes to answer your question, you need to tell her that you are willing to work with her to figure this out, that you will make sure he is having a healthey breakfast and lots of sleep and is prepared and excited for school. But that you also expect her to give him at least until halloween to get used to the class and the group, before he is removed completely or to another class. demand a meeting and identify specifically what he is doing and offer her incite into how you would want her to handle him while handling the rest of the group.

This sounds like a bad teacher and possibly a bad school. You may want to consider switching schools. My opinion comes from experience. My son's first pre-school was a nightmare--lots of negative reports and a general militaristic environment--kids had to walk the halls with their hands behind their backs and no talking. After months of hand-wringing, we pulled him out of the program (as did other parents having a similar experiences) and all the kids went on to have awesome experiences in other schools. My son included.

I think that, while it might be a little too soon to be talking about changing his class, the teacher is doing the right thing by letting you know right off the bat that there is a problem. I'm not a teacher, but I do have a 2 year old and a 4 year old (the 4 year old is in preschool also) and if the other children in the class are following directions, then having your son wandering about the classroom disrupting everyone else is an issue. Is your son a young 4 year old? At this age, they should be able to follow instructions and I don't think the teacher is being unreasonable by expecting his cooperation (at least most of the time....no kid is perfect!). If your son has never been in a preschool class before, then you should definitely discuss this with the teacher so that she knows he will need some extra work in order to learn the way things go. At my daughter's school, preschool starts in the 3 year old class, so this is my daughter's second year at preschool and by now she knows the ropes and knows what is expected of her. If this isn't the case for your son, then you'll need to work extra hard with him at home to reinforce that he needs to join the class in sitting during the times when they are doing a class activity and that he will have time to play during their recess and break times. I guess I'll say that they haven't given him time to adjust, so yes, they should spend some more time working with you, but you also need to explain to your son that he should be obeying his teacher (and anyone else working at the school). If they do move him to the 3 year old class, would they be willing to move him back up again if his attention improves? It would be a shame for him to spend the whole year there. Definitely talk up the rewards and try to draw him out and have him explain why he is not listening and following instructions. I would think this would resolve itself within a couple of weeks once he understands how things work. Good luck. It's a frustrating situation for all involved, I imagine.

I agree with many of the posts that the teacher's assessment to move your son is very premature and it kind of raises a red flag to me about her as a teacher.

One one side, at age 4 he certainly should be able to sit through story time - my son's preschool starts them at age 2, and all of the kids are able to sit at storytime within a week or two of them starting. That's not to say they are like robots, as someone suggested about certain preschools below, but is a function of the teachers making the storytime magical and fun, something a two year wants to be a part of. And also making sure they have lots of appropriate chunks of time for active play, imaginative play, etc. etc, while learning at the same time. So I think the teacher is maybe lacking the motivation or desire to make circle time more engaging. Can you talk to the director about this? I think another opinion would be valuable. Also I'd work with your son at home to help him to become more interested in books and stories. And maybe his teacher would let you bring one of your son's favorite books from home to read at circle time.

One thing also that's helped my son at school on days when he was missing us a little bit (and by your son repeating the thing about dave and busters it almost sounds like he was counting down the minutes until you guys picked him up) is to keep a little toy from home in his pocket. I always made it clear that he had to keep it in his pocket since other friends didn't have a toy with them...but it gave him an immense amount of comfort. Every child is different, so it may be something else that ends up working for him, but you'll find it soon. Good luck. :)

Does your school district offer pre-school screening? You might want to take advantage of something along those lines just to satisfy your concerns and to make sure nothing more serious is going on. Was your son enrolled in a 3 year old program? What observations did the teachers make there? Sometimes I think teachers need to remember that this is pre-school and should allow some level of exploration, of course, as long as he's not disrupting the other children. Maybe the time there is too structured. What about something like a Montessori program? Hang in there, you know your child the best!

My son is also 4 and will be starting preschool tomorrow. Like all 4 year olds, I think your son could be doing this for attention. If this were to happen in our household, we would discuss it initially, but then we would not draw a lot of attention to it in teh future. I know that this is easier said than done, but if you don't even bring it up, then it might lose its umph for him. I think that the fact that the teacher brought it to your attention so quickly made your son realize right off the bat that he could get a rise out of everyone if he did it again (at least that is what I think my son would do!). I would discuss strategies with the teacher to help her understand discipline that works for you at home. Good luck! I am sure this is so difficult. I would not entertain ideas of moving him to another class for at least several weeks, and I would not mention it to your son either.

Was your son in preschool last year? By the time the kids are in a 4 year old class there are often more expectations put on them.

Is this preschool play based or is it an academic based preschool?

I think the teachers may want to move him if he is disruptive. However, I would talk to the preschool director and the teachers at the end of next week. Behavior and listening skills are things that yes he can and will still acquire. I would make sure that he has good role models and he is expected to tow the line with you as well.

My daughter has always been one of the most challenging kids in her class (she is currently in pre-k after 2 years of preschool thanks to just missing the kindergarten cut-off). Her teachers have never been anything other than supportive, creative and nurturing to her in the classroom. They were supportive to me as we dealt with her challenging behaviors at home. I'd try to switch classes if I was you.

Yes. That is my answer. It is definitely way to soon and I will guess (surprise me if I'm wrong) that it is a fairly young and inexperienced teacher who read a lot of books and expects a lot based on the books. I hope I am right. I am a mother, an educational assistant, was a sub for many years and worked in many different classrooms. Your child is young and just because he is doing these things does not mark him as a career criminal. Goodness gracious, he is still in what I classify as babyhood. Enjoy him, love him and while he might not be a good listener according to her terms, he sounds absolutely delightful and will be a lot of fun at Dave and Busters. And seriously, there is nothing wrong being moved into a class with three year olds. Obviously she cannot handle a creative and excited four year old who simply wants to know a little more about his environment. Is she the only teacher? Perhaps he can be switched to someone more loving and caring.

i agree with you that the teacher isnt giving your child a chance to adjust. I say remove me ASAP to a different school as this is just not the right fit for your family ( or anyone's family IMO..)

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i agree with you that the teacher isnt giving your child a chance to adjust. I say remove me ASAP to a different school as this is just not the right fit for your family ( or anyone's family IMO..)

Your son sounds like my child at 4 years old, but both of my children had ADD and ADHD. ADD or ADHD can't be determined until 5 years old though. It something to consider when he is old enough for school. The behavior gets worse when they are older.