3.5Yr Old Twin Boys, One Fully Potty Trained Mo Ago, the Other Refuses

3.5 is not old. Pattty that is awful advice. He's not ready. Not all 3 yr olds can reason with either. Mine isn 'tvready either ( be 4 in July) and I won 't push him. My niece was forced to try and pt when she wasn't ready- it made her wet and poop her pants until 6 :/ she was so scared and frustrated.

I would say to back off of him, and put a LOT of positive attention on his brother for using the potty...

So don't even make him come in the bathroom when his brother uses it. Just make sure that you make a BIG hullabaloo about it... Lots of cheering, a sticker, etc.

When he has an accident, have him clean it up, and remain very neutral about it. NO reaction at all.

The idea is that he will want the same attention that his brother is getting, especially if he isn't getting any more negative attention/training time attention when he isn't using the potty.

Hmm, you say that you've read a lot of posts, and a common theme when a child won't potty train is that it must be the parent. I disagree completely. I think that every child is different - even twins. And that no two kids learn at the same age. It is the child that determines when this happens, not the parent.

It seems pretty obvious to me that your non-trained son just isn't ready. And because he's been pushed, it's turned into a power struggle. The parent will never win this power struggle, because you can't force someone to use the potty.

So, my advice is to back way way off. Put him back in diapers. And ignore it, don't make him watch, don't make him sit on the potty. Keep giving his brother lots of praise for going. My guess is that once you take the pressure off, within a pretty short amount of time, he'll decide on his own that he's ready. In the meantime, don't even mention it to him. Wait for him to mention it to you.

There is plenty of time for him to get it before September. Honestly, I wouldn't think twice about it. My guess is one day he will tell you he is going to wear big boy pants and that will be it. Don't make him watch his brother or sit on the potty. He will do it in his own time which may very well be tomorrow.

I have twins along with 2 other children. I always rewarded potty training. When my kids were little they never got candy so getting m&ms was a big deal. 2 m&ms for pee and 5 for poop. They basically trained themselves once they figured out potty = m&ms.

At 3.5 I'd say to have them sit every hour. Don't make a big deal out of it. When they have an accident just have them clean up. Celebrate success by making it a big deal of "Ok great job! Here's your reward." No reward without success.

I wouldn't push it. Give your child some time. I know it's frustrating for you, but I always told myself he/she won't go to college in diapers.

The natural consequence for unpotty trained son will be this fall, when his potty trained twin gets to go to school and he doesn't. And your non-potty trained will wave good by from the car every morning as his twin brother, who he's seldom been separate from, will be venturing off into cool, fun new territory, and he is stuck at home in diapers.

Believe me. He will get it then. He'll be motivated to be included in preK. And you'll have him potty trained in a day or two.

He's old enough to reason, so you can start explaining to him now that he won't be going to the big kids classroom until he can go potty all the time in the toilet. And you will be very sorry for him, but that's ok, you'll be home with him while his brother goes.

Also, I often wonder how long the other tactics you listed actually lasted? When parent say they tried them, does that mean once? twice? one week? two weeks? Part of wearing underwear to bed to feel the wetness, is that it becomes the new norm. It's not just a trial thing to see if it motivates him, it has to become the new way. And hide the naptime diapers if he can go in and reach them. I would not be allowing my kids to go put on a diaper just for pooping in.

3 1/2 is old. Get rid of the diapers. Use a pull up at night but hide them. You say he goes and gets a diaper and puts it on. He is definitely old enough.
Maybe his brother can do something special, like a gym lass where you must be potty trained. I get the feeling if the other one was told he had to sit it out because he was not trained, that might be incentive enough. Worked like a charm for my grandson. He was told to come back when out of diapers. Came home, took his diaper off, put on underwear. Wala. Never an accident! After three days, I signed him up. Might be worth a try.

3.5 is still pretty young. He just may not be developmentally ready, meaning that his brain may not be getting the signal that his bladder is full. Don't torture a child by taking away the diapers. Put him back in, stop talking about it, and let him mature physically and mentally. I promise you he will not graduate high school in diapers!

My son was in this category - and with nighttime and nap time diapers for a very long time. After a visit to the pedi and a pedi urologist, we learned there are older kids including teens who just haven't developed in this area. The shame, the pressure, and the loss of privileges just mess them up because it's beyond their control. Mine actually needed medication, which we did from age 6 to age 12. It wasn't my preference, but there was nothing I could do about it. It's not "trainable"!

One of the problems with twins is that everyone expects them to be identical in every way. They aren't. Let them have their individuality.

Bottom line (pun intended) - what are you going to do about it? Nothing! You cannot control this!! If he was insisting on underwear and then wetting everything, I'd take the underwear away. Put him back in a diaper or a pull up, stop talking about it, get the other one to use the potty without saying or letting anyone else say to the other one "See your brother uses the potty like a big boy", and just let things evolve naturally. Offer opportunities to use the potty, make it clear that YOU are going before you leave the house, and make a habit of good bathroom hygiene.

My guess is, this will happen before September - but panicking about it now, in March, is just adding stress to everyone.

Ours is a singleton and our first. We had pressure to have him fully potty trained for pre-school, which he started in January at 3 years old. The pre-school will only go as far as to escort kids to the bathroom, and isolate them from the others until a parent or guardian comes to put fresh clothes on a soiled chiled.

He knew how to use the potty, and would do so, largely without balking if we prompted him to do so. He would withhold at daycare, and his grandparents and soon find himself with wet pants. We used stickers and m&ms, we used training pants, and pull ups, bare bottoms and having him clean up. had a 2 week x-mas holiday with him at the end of december before pre-school started, but as he was already going when with me, I don't think that the extra time together helped advance the cause.

The thing that seemed to take was to leave him in control. We told him, when he was in the mood to listen, that he was a big boy now, we knew he knew how to use the potty, and that mommy & daddy wouldn't be telling him to go anymore. If he wanted to, he could use the potty and we would reward him with m&ms. that some prayer and some nailbiting, and he was good to go.

He has been in the pre-school now for 2.5 months, without a single accident.

I don't know if you can glean anything helpful from our accounting, but this is how we got there with our child.

Best,
F. B.