3 Yr Old Wont Listen, 4 Month Twins Don't sleep...help

hello J. H. My name is J. I work 2 days a week as a stylist. I have 2 beautiful boys 4 and 2. and they tell me they do what they want. they are so fresh. dinner time stinks. they keep getting up from the table they eat what they want. but we are so tired of yelling. but we need to do something????? they're are world. but boy do they run a muck. i think we're all in the same boat. but it has to get better

Hi Jamie sounds like you need a break from all the hussle in the house. Take time out for yourself, if you get the chance to. I know that sounds hard to do with a 3 1/2 yr. old and twins in the house. Been there with my kids although I don't have twins, my two oldest ones are close together in age. If need be just have a night out ask someone that you know to watch the children for you for a couple of hours so you and your husband can spend some much needed alone time to discuss the issues at hand and see if he could come up with some suggestions on how to handle the 3 1/2 yr olds behavior. I do know from experience that if you involve a smaller child with things that need to be done like getting a diaper or even baby wipes for you when the twins need changing. At his age he doesn't understand why he can't have your full attention on him at all times. Reward him with lots of hugs and kisses, when he does something for you. And for the twins waking up in the middle of the night put a few spoonfuls of cereal in their bottle if need be this will help calm them down, also try playing some soft music for them, and yes all this will get better in time, but it won't happen over night.

Hi J. - I have a 7 yr. old boy and 4 yr. old girl. I have to say it unfortunately is still difficult. When you have a strong willed child (which I definitely do) it will always be challenging. They have difficulty following other people's rules - once they decide on something it's pretty impossible to change their minds. We have done all the things you have mentioned throughout the years. We've even sought out professional help. Luckily for us his behavior seems to be fine in school (1st grade now) - he seems to save his tantrums for us. He even was wonderful for the child psychologist who said he was a "normal" child. Meanwhile my husband and I are so stressed and feel like our home life is all about yelling and punishing. My daughter on the other hand is well behaved and seems to understand the house rules and follows them better than her older brother. I think it's a constant challenge for some parents no matter how good you are. Some people no matter how good they are as parents (read all the books - go to parenting classes, etc.) the bottom line is - some kids are just more strong willed and challenging than others. You are still a great parent. One thing we have found that works with our son is rewarding him for good behavior with what we call "choice time". He gets 15 minutes at night to do something of his choice with either my husband or I. He really looks forward to this and tries his best to earn it. Taking things away from him never seemed to really work. Plus (I'm an elementary school teacher - not currently working outside of the home) I never really felt the negative reenforcement worked. Understanding strong willed children helps too - it really keeps you from beating yourself up about why they behave the way they do. I'm not saying your son is strong willed but maybe there are some similarities with his behavior and that of a strong willed child. Good luck and stay strong!

Hiya in churchville! Do you and your hubby make time for yourselves. It is very important. I am the single mom of a 13 year old and still get stressed. that is normal but i am learning to make time for myself still. I recently lost the man of my life to cancer so i am starting life over myself. I am usually home during the day if you ever need a break or help!

Ann

I'm sure you've heard of the so-called "Terrible Twos" sometimes it occurs later or sooner (my 20 month-old says NO to everything!) All I can tell is to hang in there and try to re-direct the behavior by withholding rewards. Say for instance you tell him to put away his toys and he doesn't do so. Maybe if you say something like I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the park with the twins and I but since you didn't clean up yet, you can't go. This encourages him to learn that there is cause and effect to his behavior whether positive or negative. It's worth a shot at any rate. As to the twins not sleeping, have you tried mixing a teensy weensy bit of formula in with their breastmilk and if they aren't breastfed, then mix a bit of baby rice cereal in with their formula. When my 14 yr old was a baby, I mixed cereal in the breastmilk when I pumped and she started sleeping through the nite. Before that every 1.5 hours she was waking up to nurse. I had Macy's Shopping Bags under my eyes. I'm nursing the 20-month old but since I work during the day now, she gets num-nums only after I get home from work and pick her up from the babysitter. The marathon session during the nite we have adjusted to. Good luck!

i understand what you are going through,my husband and i have 6 kids,ranging from 15-3.
i don't work so i am home all the time,24-7,and it get stressed because i am the one that is has to deal with the daily everything,my husband works in bio-hazrd field and with heavy equip wich takes him away from the house due to no jobs in that field being closer to home.right now he is layed off,this is the most time he has ever spent with us in the past 6 yrs.my 2 lil ones adore every minute,im afarid they will be crushed when he returns to work.but anywho,my 2 lil ones have theyre own room and beds,but insist on camping out on our bedroom floor,we have no privacy nor any alone time :(,sometimes i feel like just renting a motel room just to be alone but i feel its a waste of money.then i hate to get on here or to a friend or whatnot because i feel that i am complaining when i chose to have my children,and i would never change nor go back.but just would like lil cooperation and peace a lil more often.i tend to find that when i read to my lil ones,or sing they respond.i found that when attending a church that has chidren based activities,they responded highly and acted much more calm and were much more pleasant to be around.although since i have moved out here i havent found a church yet to attend that i feel they or i would enjoy.well good luck and god bless

I've been there! My son was 2 1/2 when my twin girls were born and it's a bittersweet experience. We tried everything you listed with mixed results. Our best tactic was using a digital timer for just about everything - 3 minutes in your room for talking back (add one minute for each mouthoff on the way), 10 minutes until you must get out of the tub, 14 minutes until it's time to pick up to watch Sesame Street. You can' talk back to a timer! Now when the kitchen timer beeps for cookies coming out of the oven he wants to know what it is for! I also found that timeout in his own room was a great way to get him to learn to play by himself - I tried to make it more about finding his own way to relax than "sit and do nothing". He's almost 4 now and the girls are 16 months. It's not perfect, but it does get better. They finally started sleeping without waking at about 14 months (I was still nursing one at that point). Write down what you really love about this time and take lots of pictures. When the next hard stage arrives (pulling hair, taking off their own diapers) you'll wish you had some of these days back - hard to believe!! Good luck!! :)

Hi I know what you are going through my son just turned 4 in Jan and my daughter is 6 months... ok for your son we went through the samething at his age and what fixed that was stripping his entire room of anything fun or anything he liked.....including bedspread and pillows. My son likes Lightening McQueen so we had just had enough so we took ALL of his toys away the only thing in there was his bed and dresser. Took off his Lightening McQueen and replaced it with something non child like. I of course was crying but IT WAS WORTH IT. And we didnt give it back right away. It was at least a week then when he showed that he could listen consectively we allowed him to pick out 2 toys. And waited to see how that went. He is playing a power trick with you so espically now he has to be shown that he is not the king of the house. My husband works longer hrs than me so him getting more involved in this process made an impact. Now he has everything back and when he starts acting up we just remind him of taking everything away again. Now as for the twins same thing my daughter just started sleeping through the night...First thing you have to do is get OUT of that room for some reason they know you are in there I use to sleep on a twin bed in her room I don't anymore if I have to I sleep on the couch if it looks like along night, You have to let them sleep in the crib let them cry it out alittle. They are use to you in the bed and room. Once you do this it will be easier on all of you. I give her more food (jar) in the morning a bottle then after her morning nap a 1jar (plastic jar) of fruit then a small bottle about 1/2 to hr after. I only give her one nap now I use to give her a mornng and afternoon nap. Try to keep them up til 10 or 11am then around 5-5:30 feed them 1/2 and 1/2 jar of fruit and veg then a bottle around 7 I am not sure what time you put them down but I try to get as close to 8 as possible. That seems to be working. More food less napping. The first 2 nights will be hard getting them into this new routine they will be begging for a nap but it will be worth it in the end. The first night I did that my husband (does not do this much sleeping with her not like the first one) took her for the night AND he didnt get up once with her. The cleaning MAN it is hard the laundry never stops!!! I keep my house pretty clean I just focus on one room a day and pick up the little things all day this way it does not pile up. Have your 3 1/2 yr old have some responsibility my son has 3 things he automatically do now..... make bed, hang up coat, and trow away garbage of his own along with dirty dishes of his own. One last thing try a mobile with the stars that shine on the ceiling....she loves that. Good luck!! Let me know how it works out :)

W.