3 Year Old Resisting Potty Training

Summer is coming, so I say let him run around naked for a couple of weeks with just a t-shirt on. Have you taken him out for a special day to pick out his new underwear? I know it is tough with 4 kids but that might help. Also, in one of the child-rearing books I've read it is recommended (required really) that any accidents he makes he cleans up. Don't make a big deal about it, just have him take a paper towel and clean up or throw the diaper away and clean himself up. And if he's still not going, you could try (gulp) denying family activies with, I'm sorry but only people who are potty trained can go on the carousel (into the pool, watch a favorite show, eat ice cream, go biking with friends, eat happy meals at McDonald's). Just pick a few activies and be consistent and matter of fact about it. Don't make it a big deal. He will sooner or later choose to use the potty.

Good luck!!

Both of my boys were pretty uninterested in potty training. Then suddenly they each decided they wanted to. My advice is to wait until he does show an interest. Potty training can take up to two years, or it could take a week or two, it all depends on how willing you are to wait for their individ

I believe they will do it when they are ready and boy did I learn that lesson recently! My sixth child taught me that lesson! The first five children all potty trained well before age 3. This last one, although very smart, insisted he didn't want to grow up and that he would grow up when he was four. I made attempts with him before that, but no success. One week after his fourth birthday he said he was ready. I held him to it! I gave him lots of juice (favorite drink I rarely give him) and would reward him with a piece of candy, 1 for pee and 2 poop. He had a fear of the toilet for some reason and for day one would pee in the bath tub. After the 3rd time going pee, he said, "throw my diapers away!" At bed time he wouldn't wear a diaper. Day 2 I told him he needed to pee in the toilet. By afternoon, I had to bribe him with a frostee from Wendy's and just like that he did it. And the rest is history! I was very frustrated for a whole year because he wouldn't potty train. I don't even want to think about how much I spent in diapers for that year, but since the day he said no more diapers, he hasn't had any pee accidents and only 2 poop accidents at the beginning. He's very hard headed and will do things in his own time and that's just how it happened for potty training. Be patient. Some do it at 2 and others at 4! Good luck!

Start by telling him going on the potty is a huge step to being a big boy. Big boys get priviledges littler ones don't. Do not ask if he has to go, set him on the potty every two hours non stop for a few days. If he goes GREAT, if he doesn't then fine. What worked for my daughter was a call from Santa around Christmas time, he told her he would be proud to bring her big girl toys if she was going on the potty, boom, it was done.
Some kids take longer, boys especially but find what motivates him. If he wants to do something big boy like he has to start acting like a big boy.
Maybe a call from his favorite super hero (a friend from outside the home calling) then that may help too, I know it did for my daughter.
He is old enough to understand the concept, and if he is not doing anything when he is naked, now is the time to take him to pick out his own big boy underwear and really start the process.
Don't make it a bad thing, or stressful. I found I did pullups until it wasn't so stressful but all kids are different. My son really wanted to be an official "big boy" so that was his motivator, he wanted a transformer and I told him they were for big boys only, two weeks later he was all in underwear 100% during the day and got his transformer, two weeks after that 100% dry at night and out of pullups at night.
Find his motivator and run with it! :)

Block off 3-4 days where you are exclusively home, plan for it like you are planning a family vacation. The first day leave him naked and take him into the potty every hour to hour and half, he has to sit at least 5 minutes if he doesn't go right away, bring books, toys anything that will entertain him for a few minutes but that he can only play with in the bathroom, if he has an accident make it no big deal just let him know you hope next time it makes it in the potty and walk to the potty and point. Day 2 make half the day naked and the other half with underwear, and do the same steps as before, understand he will have accidents with the underwear it throws them off for some reason, if it is going good in the evening w/ the underwear on then make day 3 with underwear also, but ask him if he needs to potty instead of just walking him there, if he says no and has an accident have him help clean it up at this point and again let him know he has to get to the potty next time. By Day 4 short outings should be possible, when we go out I show them exactly where the bathroom is at and ask them before we get started if they need to go. So long as you are consistent with one method he will get the point, to many choices will lead to confusion. Good luck!!!!

We had a similar problem w/ my little guy. He showed some interest when he was about 2 and then after about a week of trying then, he absolutely REFUSED to use the potty. I was so frustrated. When I finally got him to talk about it, he told me it was because he wanted the same attention that his baby sister was getting (she was born when he was 26 mo old).
What finally worked for us was helping him see that being a big boy was a great thing. We gave him extra priveledges when he acted like a big boy. We started w/ things that were not related to going potty. For example, when he cleaned up his room w/out complaining, I praised him for being a big boy and we would read extra stories at nap time, I'd be sure to say things like, "Your little sister doesn't get stories at nap time, because she's a baby". Any little thing that I could find that he could do that his sister couldn't "babies can't eat pizza! Aren't you glad you're a big boy!" One of the things that really got him excited about the big boy thing was being able to "stay up" w/ us and watch a short movie. It was a special time that was just for him. He got to pick out something that was 1/2 hour or less and he really looked foward to his time w/ us. Within a couple of weeks, he decided he liked being a big boy and wanted to wear underwear. After we put the underwear on, it took him about 2 days of accidents to figure out WHEN he needed to go to the bathroom and then we were done!
Good luck! I know how hard it is.

I recommend the book Toilet training in less than a day by Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Foxx. It is an excellent potty training method and works fast. Your child does have to be willing, but the book addresses and give a checklist for readiness. Good luck L.!

We're in the middle of potty training my almost 3 yr old boy.

1-One time when he was peeing, I said, "Hey, you're making bubbles!" He loves bubbles. He likes going potty alot more now and calls it making bubbles.

2-We make a huge deal about pooping in the potty. The funnest part is at the end when you flush. We say "bye bye, poop-ie" in a deep voice as he flushes...which he also loves.

3-I give him his ScoobyDoo gummy vitamin after the first or second time he goes potty all by himself. Sometimes I give him candy after going potty, but not unless he remembers to ask.

He still has accidents on the floor sometimes, and I haven't been brave enough to try night time. But I told him that we're just practicing, and that when he turns 3 we'll potty train for real. I even let him wear diapers all day if he wants to...but he usually prefers being able to get his ScoobyDoo gummy vitamin.

What worked for my friend and for my sister is take your child to the store and let him buy one toy that he really wants. The toy he askes for everytime you shop. When you get home, put the toy on a shelf above the toliet with a timer. After he has used the toliet, he may play with the toy for 15 mins and only then and that long. Stick to you guns though. He may only play after he has peed or poo-ed in the toliet and only 15 mins. Good Luck!!!

I'm the mother of two boys. My experience is that boys will potty train when THEY'RE good and ready. What you do doesn't matter --- much. We did everything you did with our oldest. He turned 3 in April (2006) and was starting preschool in September. I told him he had to be potty trained if he wanted to go to preschool. He REALLY wanted to go to preschool. He waited until the week before preschool started to be potty trained during the day. Good luck.

Our little guy is almost three. He has been interested in potty training off and on for almost a year. This has been very frustrating for me. I think he is old enough and smart enough to do it and think this is mostly a control issue. So I took all diapers and all pull-up one night while he was sleeping. I told him that when little kids get to be "big Boys" the "diaper fairy" comes and takes all their diapers. So we just started dressing him. I tried to make sure he had jeans or something additionally to "catch" the mess. At first he didn't care and just used his pants, but then I started offering rewards---if you have a dry day you get whatever, so that worked. However, after that he had a couple accidents at home, but never at daycare. Anyway, now I tell him I'm taking away his favorite toy if he messes his pants. So far, we're doing good. It has only been a few days. But we have had less than three accidents/day so far. GOOD LUCK

Ok, there's always on ton of advice on how and when to potty train your little one -- especially from well meaning family members who ask "isn't he trained YET?"
I went through exactly what you are going through. He showed interest at 2.5 yrs and I got all excited (he's a 2nd and his sister was trained at 2.5). Then he lost interest, but I kept pushing. A year later it was nothing but a horrible power struggle. Finally, I said fine, you go back into diapers. I left it at that for at least a month. No pressure, no nagging, no comment at changing time. After a bit, I said "big boys wear underpants...and big boys get to ______" (anything he was wanting to do that was a big boy activity). I left it at that. Two months (I think) after he turned 4, he decided that he wanted to go potty. And guess what -- he was trained in under a week. It just had to be HIS idea. He's now 7 and the whole potty issue is well forgotten, especially by him.
So I would seriously suggest that you let him go back into diapers and take all pressure off for now. Its far better to let him take a bit longer, avoid the power struggle, and avoid any long-term hangups over the stress.

Try the 3-day potty method. I had a 2-1/2 old girl and I used that method and it really does work. I found this method on the internet. You have to totally dedicate those three days to not go anywhere and be consistent with him. Set your timer for about every 20 min (or whatever works for him) and when that timer goes off make it a game to run to the bathroom. Do not use any pullups or anything -- the diabers/pullups are completely gone, even at night. I was really happy with this method and it worked great for my daughter. Good luck.

L.,
I think most boys start off sitting on the potty then graduate to standing.. Also, I found that - like you said if they are naked they will be more inclined to use the potty because they don't like to have it run down there legs or in your sons case for it to get on the floor. Maybe try getting him some "big boy" underwear and letting him run around in those. Maybe even reward him with a new pair every time he uses the potty or something like that.
(I think its really cool your a healing touch practitioner - I find that really interesting!)
Good Luck,
S.

Go to easypottytraining.com...you will have to pay to purchase a downloadable book, but it is totally worth it. Pull ups are just a huge waste of money...to the kids they are just another type of diaper. You really need to take a whole week where you don't leave the house AT ALL. Sounds drastic, but believe me, it works. I actually spent 3 days where we didn't leave the bathroom until nap time. Very boring, but then when she needed to go, we were right there. I just brought books and toys and snacks in with us, and we played all morning.

Hi L.,
I have been working with toddler's for over twenty years now and I can tell you a thing or two about this first hand, I have been right behind many little tykes when they succeeded, and the first one would be: Do not force them, let it be their decision. Forcing them just makes the process alot longer. You take them to the store to pick out their own new underwear and then it only takes a couple of times having an accident before they get the hang of it. But their is 7 signs they need to meet before you even start. When they have an accident do not scold or show disappointment, just say uh oh, it was just an accident, you can try again next time. When they do succeed and get it in the potty, internalize their success for them. I know that you want to jump up and down and hoop and holler but contain it, they have little control over alot of things in their life, this needs to be their accomplishment and idea, so to internalize it, when they do it, you say to them (calmy) wow! how does that make you feel? You put your Poop and Pee in the potty, that is yours isn't it? Another thing I do is I have them sit on the potty backwards so that they feel more secure sitting and they see the BM and urine leave their body which is another internal cue for them. The reason why it is called Potty Training is because the parent is trained to ask if they have to go incesently, and that is a drain on their little self esteem, I know that none of us would want to be asked over and over again or lead in there every hour or so, it's humiliating for them, think about it from their perspective, so if you are reminding him/her or taking them in all the time you are training yourself and humiliating them. We do not give these intelligent little people the credit they deserve, their biggest wish it to please you as a parent so why wouldn't they do it on their own when they are ready, instead of being made to. I do not know if you are familiar with Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, but he has a book called,"Toilet training the Brazelton way" and in his book he has the seven signs to watch for readiness in your child that I mentioned and his philosophy is the one I adopted and I can promise you that it has worked for my children and for countless children in my care for years.
Best of luck in whatever you decide.
These are the beautiful years. (Poop and all)
J. P.

I just finished potty training my nearly 3 year old last week. Before that I had a few weeks of frustration where she would go on the toilet every single time, but she would never initiated it. So if I didn't take her to the potty constantly, she would have accidents (pee pee only, thank goodness). Then a friend recommended the book to me Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. It was wonderful! It was an easy read. I read it in one evening, bought the doll (it has your child practice everything they'll need to do when potty training with a doll that wets), and started her training the next day. She LOVED telling the doll what to do, giving the doll treats and high fives, and even telling the dolly no-no when she wet her pants. It definitely made the training more fun for her. And it helped her know what to do when she had to go because she had practiced telling the dolly to hurry hurry to the bathroom and helping the dolly pull down her pants. It only took a few hours for her to "get it" and do most parts of the toilet training, and a few days for her to be completely trained. Twice she has even gone all by herself (I've found her on the toilet w/o her even telling me!)

I will also warn you that this book does recommend teaching the child that having accidents is naughty and that it disappoints you. Some parents don't like doing anything negative associated with potty training--they want it to all be positive reinforcement. But I really think your tone of voice and body language can keep from making your child feel ashamed or bad. In the end, they really do need to understand that as a big boy peeing or pooping in their pants IS naughty and inappropriate. I held off on the negative parts of this book for a couple of days because I didn't want to discourage her, but she was still having accidents. Within one day of me finally explaining to her (calmly, but sternly--no yelling) that wetting her pants was naughty, she stopped having accidents. She's been accident free for about 4 days now and is even dry at night. Yay!

The book does require one really intensive day of training. They recommend you cancel all appointments, not answer the phone for a few hours, and get rid of other kids in the house if you can. Because you're going to give your son lots of liquids and have him practice going potty with you A LOT for those few hours. But it really works.

So I hope you will try this book. It's paperback and I got it from my library, but it's only $6.99 on Amazon. It's from the 1970's and some of the verbage is a bit old fashioned, but the principles are very sound. This book works!

hi here is just my 2 cents as to what i did first i would take 1 week when you try to be home as much as possible and attentive but when that week is over we have a go potty before we go time everyone has to go before we leave and if we go to the mall playground we stop at a store first and they cant play till they potty now i dont even ask and they both go first but he has to make the decision i learned with my second. good luck

Hi L.,
I had the same problem with my 3 1/2 yo son. I found if you start him off sitting on the toilet, its much easier. It took him about a week to FINALLY start peeing in the toilet without an accidents. It took another month before he started going #2. Now he LOVES standing to go pee. He still wears pull-ups at night so in case. But how I did it was make him sit on the toilet until he goes pee and then reward him for going. I know you said you tried that but don't give up. All children are different and some take longer than others. I'm hoping my 23 month old will be just as easy as my 3 1/2 was. I hope I helped in some way. Take Care!.........J.

I just went through this. My boy is almost 3.5 years old also. Biggest mistake is getting upset at failures. I had a VERY hard time with failures and I KNOW how bad you want them trained. I found when I was more positive about it, even when he did soil himself he would tell me, but the more upset I was then he would hide it. He liked being praised when he did a good job, it just takes time and that's the frustrating part.

hi L.
i have a five year old son and he would just wear underwear and hated to be wet or poopie, so i put him in underwear and it only took maybe a month, he was pretty easy, i would suggest your own advice and stay home for a while and put him in big boy pants and see how that goes, and remember it is summer time, well almost. good luck.

I waited to start my little girl until I had a solid week where we didn't need to go anywhere. I covered the whole house in towels so that if she had an accident I wouldn't have to clean the carpets. We set the timer for every 30 minutes. I would stick her feet in warm water every time she sat on the potty (or in your sons case, when he stands by the potty) and she drank all the juice I could get her to. I bought a couple of new movies as rewards for the first times she went, then we switched to stickers. She was trained on the peeing thing pretty fast. Pooping took another 18 months, so I was still plenty frustrated and have no advice for that part!