3 Year Old Picking up Behaviors

Of course SPD isn't contagious. That is not what the teacher meant.

Kids copy each other all the time. Kids know what behavior gets attention and what doesn't. The teacher probably sees your daughter act the same way as her friend. The teacher is just trying to alert you before your daughter starts exhibiting the behaviors all the time and cannot stop herself.

I hope that makes sense.

You simply say to your daughter that WE do not do that. If she models the behaviour in front of you then be quick to squelch it. When she gets to the age where she can understand that her friend is doing this all the time gradually let her in on her friend's condition.
Some people take longer to learn good manners,
Mary has a hard time understanding these things,
You want to help MAry by showing her how to behave generously,
etc and etc.
Do let her play with her friend, just watch the girls closely.

Wow.
I'm surprised a teacher would say something like that. I mean, what if you had a special needs child in your own family? What would she say about that?
All little kids pick up on things that other kids do when they are around them. Some of them are more annoying than others. My daughter really picked up on the saying "Duh!" thing and it drove me crazy. I hated it.
Her friends were allowed to say it and I thought it sounded terrible coming from a little kid every single time I said something. So, my daughter learned that just because her friends did or said something, it didn't mean she could do it or needed to.
Your daughter is 3. She likes her little friend. She's not going to learn anything bad from her friend, in fact, she doesn't even know that she's learning to love children that are different from her. Some kids use their left hand, some use their right hand. Some kids have trouble hearing or seeing. Some need a wheelchair.

I wouldn't cut out the play dates, but that's just me. I would encourage your daughter to continue to play with her friend. She won't continue to mimmick everything she sees in other children. They all go through this phase at one point or another. Besides...her friend will likely benefit greatly from being around your daughter too.

Unless your daughter is doing something so completely inappropriate or hazardous to her health, I don't know why the teacher would say anything like that to you.

I think she was out of line. She may have meant well, but if I was the mom of the special needs child, I'd be more than upset to know she said that.
It's okay to be around special needs kids, but only at school?
I don't think so.

I hope you get some great responses and don't stop letting the girls play together.

Best wishes.

Hugs to that little girl, and shame on her teacher!

As a mother of a child who has special needs, I am heartbroken to hear a teacher say this. The girl with SPD does these things because she cannot help it. Your daughter has the capacity to learn to do them or not. While your daughter may pick up on the behavior, she can learn from you that the behaviors are not appropriate. In other words, while she can pick up on them, she can also let them go.

My son has been in with typical kids for 2 years now. MANY parents would not let their kids have playdates with them. Our son has auditory processing disorder. Because his ability to comprehend spoken information is impaired, his responses to activities is often out of synch with what is going on. So he has been labeled weird, stupid, slow... he is none of these things, just a kid with a processing challenge. It breaks my heart how many times he's cried because they kids don't want to play with them.

I would turn this around and go back to the teacher and thank her for the advice, but research has shown that children with special needs do better when they play with typical peers. Your daughter's friend may actually learn typical behavior from your daughter. I say follow your intuition, it will always lead you in the right direction!

Hi L.
Go with your intuition lady and continue these playdates if both girls enjoy them.
You only have to guide your daughter and monitor her behaviours and show her right ways to behave.
I have a red flag towards the teacher,a little bit worried that she is promoting discrimination disguised in a nice way.
If playing with this little girl was having any negative affect on your daughter you would have seen it. Are you so blind that you wouldn't have seen it and a third party ,the teacher ,had to point it out to you!!!!-I don't think so-us Mamas on this site are an intelligent bunch LOL
I wonder what the Mommy of the little girl would think if she knew what the teacher was saying.She would have a great case against the teacher on the grounds of promoting discrimination.
Where does it stop-do we advise all mothers of "normal" children not to play with children with disabilities. A very bad road to be travelling!!
Best Wishes
B.

Hi L., you are right, your daughter can not pick up SPD ( I don't even know what that stands for) but children especially small children will copy and pick up bad behavior when they see there is no consiquences for it. If your daughter at 3 can understand you explaining to her that her friend behaves this way because she is sick and does understand that what she is doing wrong, and your daughter is not to copy her, then i would not break up this friendship. You don't want to hurt the little girls mom's feelings either. Here is one thing that the teacher did not mention, your daughter if well behaved may very well be a good influence for her friend. I know in my daycare I had 2 children with Autisiam (Spelled wrong) anyway one was more severe than the other, but I treated them all the same, I didn't treat them different from the other children, and as time went on they acted more like the other children, specially the one who was less severe than the other. I think in this case you have have to decide what is best for your daughter. J.

If the girls love playing together, then why stop the play dates? I think the teacher overstepped her "authority" to tell you what to do as a parent. She's making you second guess your intuition. She's in a very powerful position to influence a great many moms and dads, and now she has planted a seed of doubt into your mind regarding this friendship. That's insidious and wrong. Now you won't sit back and enjoy watching the pleasure of two little girls playing, you'll be watching for "behaviors" that others might disapprove of. By whose standards? The teacher's? I would offer that by the teacher's own behavior (the "polite" advice) that she may not be the best person to take advice from about what is acceptable.

Well - I think feel it out week to week.

Children will always experiment with behaviors they see in others. Whether she keeps them or not will depend on your response to them. If she is happy playing with this child, and you see her benefiting from the friendship, then trust your instincts. If they seem to need a break, take a break.

I have a similar situation with my daughter and a friend's son. We need to take breaks from time to time because the behaviors stress my daughter. But she still enjoys seeing him and they have fun together. She does soemtimes pick up on the screaming and hitting when we see them... but it only lasts a couple days. And that is my cue that we need a break.

I was told an interesting thing recently - and it makes so much sense to me. To develop full empathy as adults, kids need to experience all ends of the spectrum. They need to yell and be yelled at (by other kids, I mean). They need to grab and have things grabbed from them. That way they can see how it feels to be the "mean" kid and how it feels to be on the receiving end. So as long as you are aware of the impact of this kid, seeing these emotions and acting out some of the behaviors helps your child see how this other child is feeling. I would use it as an opportunity to discuss other's feelings and responses to these kind of behaviors as well as her own feelings. It could be a great learning experience for both of you.

Kids with SPD need some leway, but should be expected to act just like any other child their age. Kids that have this type of life challenge tend to be labelled 'special' by everyone and therefore have no concequences to their actions. What you end up with is a 30y 'child' with no manners or social skills.

I think you should continue to have your daughter play with her friend as you see fit. I think the teacher was out of line to suggest who you should/shouldn't let your daughter have contact with. Just because she doesn't know or want to have to handle 2 kids with kidd gloves. Perhaps you can talk to the little girls mom about helping her set more guidelines/corrections during play dates.

M.

So what? Kids change every day and in a year or so these "bad" habits won't be there.
However if your little one is being bullied or mistreated drop the friendship
ASAP.
Do what is safe.

As long as you are monitoring the behavior she "may" be mimicking, then you are good to have playdates. The other little girl needs positive playmates and playmates that have good behavior in which she can learn to from your daughter. Go with your intuition and just watch her when they are on playdates.