22 Weeks Dr. Visits Stressing Me!!!

I had a few appointments like this too. We had a healthy, robust little girl in May. I think they are overly cautious, which makes everything so tense.

Try and hang in there. remember the amazing baby growing, needing your strength! This time next year, you'll be madly in love, holding your bundle of joy in your arms!

4 moms found this helpful

I found out I am pregnant at about 10 weeks. We did an u/s to see how far along. At that appt, a doc cam e in a told me the nucal fold measurement was elevated and possible down syndrome. With a genetic issue as well, the chance of a baby I have having downs and this blood disorder and surviving or even living any kind fo life is very low. So I went for testing. The first time they could not do it so I had to reschedule. I was a mess for that week but tried not to focus on it. The results were the baby is not downs and is boy so high chance of having the blood disorder but we can handle that. BUT, since the nucal fold measurement was high, still a chance of heart defects. So I went for a fetal echo. I was told that everything looked great but they wanted to check again when the baby was bigger. Okay, no problem, everything is great. So then later I need a growth u/s because I don't gain in pregnancy--no appetite and food aversions. At that u/s, the doc comes in and tells me that the brain looks great BUT the measurement at the back is slightly larger and I should get an MRI to make sure nothing is wrong there. Seriously? Would not tell me what could be an issue so I would not worry. I freaked about it etc and my appt made had to be rescheduled and then I called my OB office and talked to a doc. The measurement was only slightly higher and could just be the baby's size. I tried the MRi and just could not go into that tunnel. Nope, did not happen. At this point I have less than a month left. My baby is moving like crazy, has a mind of his own (boy am I in trouble when he is born).
Oh, I did go for the 2nd fetal echo. At that appt I was told that there was a brightness in the left chamber and they wanted to make sure it was not there. What? They said everything was fine the first time. Well, now the doc came in and said everything looked great and usually any brightness seen does disappear. I don't know if I am glad they did not tell me about it the first time or pissed. I know I would have stressed about it.
Now I am waiting for my little guy to come and then they can check him. I expect him to be totally fine, willing it also. Any stress I feel will be felt by him and since there is nothing really I can do, I will continue to take things one day at a time.

3 moms found this helpful

I have not but I suggest you sit down with the doctors before the visit starts and say, "Look, the way you've presented the information so far is stressing me out. I realize you need to make sure I'm healthy and so is my kid, but I need less drama and more TLC."

2 moms found this helpful

I used to be the queen of stress, believe me, worrying and stressing does absolutely nothing good for you, and it certainly doesn't change any situation.

I'm sorry for the stress you're having. I believe the doctors are doing their job in telling you what you need to know and understand, they're not hiding anything from you which is good, I always want and expect that from my doctors. You shouldn't get upset by what they tell you, this is what they're seeing, it is what it is.

You may be in a high risk pregnancy, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything will be wrong with your baby. My sister and a good friend of mine were both in high risk pregnancies, my friend's child was expected to be born with Down's Syndrome, but he wasn't. Both delivered by c-section for their babies safety, and all went well, both boys are healthy 10 year olds. Tests can be wrong, all the signs of something may be there, the doctors need to alert you and take action, you saw that for yourself when nothing was wrong after they said your Folic Acid was high and the baby was at high risk for Spinal Bifida.

The information can't stress you out if you don't allow it to. YOU have to deal with it, you choose how to. And you are so right that the stress is affecting your baby, it can raise his blood pressure, etc., (as well as yours,) for his sake and yours you need to calm down.

Take a notebook with you to your visits and when news is presented ask exactly what the situation they're telling you about is called and write it down so you and your husband can research it online. Ask what this could mean to your baby and write it down. Ask what steps can be taken IF this is found to actually be happening to your baby and write them down. Use the information as a learning tool rather than allowing it to scare you and falling apart.

Is it possible to take someone with you to your visits, someone to encourage and reassure you, to be there for support? If not your husband, a relative or close friend? The reason being you will have many more appointments from here on out, you don't have the option to simply say you "can't take these kinds of visits anymore." It would help to have someone with you to buffer any news you receive.

In this day and age with all the medical breakthroughs out there trust your doctors to do what's best for your child. Their job is to deliver healthy babies, and in the process they need to keep you informed. Don't fear anything you hear, ask the questions you have.

God bless you and your baby, relax, get rest ~ {{hugs}}

2 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,
I am 48. My first son was born when I was 41, my second when I was 44. Both healthy, raring to go, gifted little mischief makers!!
With my first, after Gestational Diabetes and low heart beat, induced 36 hours of labor and 'urgent' C-section, I was delivered with a HEALTHY, beautiful, blonde! baby boy. My pregnancies were not what they could/should have been, and I really don't blame anybody - but Western medicine has really gotten so involved with the legal terror of the law suit.
YOU have to seek your own joy. Mantra - prayer - baby clothes - exercise - yoga class - find MOMS Club - find the positive people who will affirm you.
Find out what a false positive is - that term was dropped casually during one of my follow up visits, after 2 weeks of misery on my part - thinking my son might have a life threatening birth defect . . . .
I remeber weeping in my husbands arms, because at my first visit for my second pregnancy, the doctor was 'giving me my options' - amnio sentices (sp?), followed by termination, in case my second child had Down's syndrome - because these children could be so disruptive of family life - the birth of a Down's baby was sure to send his older brother off on a life of low self esteem, depression, drug use and crime. Pretty intense , joyless stuff to celebrate life, huh?
So - these people will not stop. They have to give you this information and your 'options'. So you, Mama, have to shield yourself and your child.
Have someone go with you and then have the doctor speak to them, and they can tell you later. Have the doctor write the news down and then give it to your husband to share with you later. Decide how much information is really power - how much do you really need, want to know. When you go to see the specialist, tell them you are stressing out. Prayer worked so well for me - and then a really good diet and exercise - because then I knew I was doing all I could on my end to give this baby the optimum.
A word of advice - start cleaning out your house now, and de-clutter your life, of the needless people and things that take up space and time - because when your child does arrive, you don't need any other stressors - mental, physical, emotional, to take up space and time that you will want to spend with the newest person in your life.

1 mom found this helpful

I went through some very similar experiences. It was terribly scary, but I stood firm on my faith to pull me through and be strong for my daughter. She turned 9 months old today and is the light of my life. I'm going to inbox my testimony to you. I hope you can glean some hope and strength from it. Keep talking to that baby and take some deep, cleansing breaths!

1 mom found this helpful

i think they play up the "danger' of over 35 pregnancies a bit. just relax, and eat good stuff!!
all you can do is keep calm, stay active, and feed that baby good stuff!!

speaking of staying active, that will also help with your stress. i recommend water aerobics!!!!! it takes a load off, literally! is is so nice to get that big heavy belly in the water.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh goodness. I don't know what it is but when a woman is over 35 the doctors do so many tests and scare the mom to be it just amazes me. I think that they are trying to "be cautious" and avoid any lawsuits. Yes there is a likelihood of birth defects in women over a certain age but honestly, would you change your decision if you did find out something was not right? The stress that you are under with the potential knowledge is, to me, is what could stress the baby out. Take a breathe and you know deep inside how your baby is doing. I was told that my last child was first a twin then not. I believe that she was a twin and that none of the doctors took that into consideration when other tests were done. I was told that she could have had downs syndrome because she had excess fluid in the uterus and then there was something else wrong. The excess fluid was in preparation for the second baby. Some of the markers were also due to this. So I say this to comfort you. You know how your baby is and you know how you are. Trust that and trust God. Let us know when this beautiful baby is born.

1 mom found this helpful

Have you always been a worrier?
If so your hormones are just freaking you out even more.

You know as a mom anything can happen at any moment and if we let it get to us, we would never want to leave the house.

I always want to know the truth. This way I can deal with it no matter what it is.

Maybe you need to have your husband or your mom or friend go with you to thee appointments, so he can be the second voice. They can hear and remember what exactly was said. Afterwards they can reassure you.

Also let the Doctors know you see to really be on edge right now, so when they are telling you things, you seem to focus and expect the worse, so you need to be reassured that you should not worry.

We are moms. We have to find a way to be strong. I have some coping skills. I take long breaths. I take notes. I call back with questions I think up after I have left the appt or meeting. I also try to remember, if there was something really wrong, they would immediately want to put me in the hospital or have someone come and join me for the bad news.

1 mom found this helpful

Drs have a way of stressing us out don't they! My last pregnancy was full of issues so with this one i see a high risk who seems to know what to say to freak me out! At my appointment yesterday he said "well things look ok now but things could go wrong at anytime like with your son" gee thanks! So now I get worried between visits! All I can say is try and take it easy, they only want what's best and they want to make sure everything is ok with you and baby :) GOOD LUCK

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't been in the situation myself but I have several friends who had issues like this before and/or after birth, premie babies etc and all the kids are doing completely fine now. It seems like if there is an issue with the heart, they can fix almost anything... And they're so careful nowadays that many things that went undetected years ago and never resulted in a problem get a lot of attention. This precare is good of course but also makes for a lot more stress. Try not to worry too much and know there is so much they can do nowadays IF there even is a real problem.

Yes I had it with my second one. We almost lost her at 5 weeks pregnant and from that moment forward I was stressed. We had a whole host of issues going on with her and every appt seemed to bring on a new issue. It got to the point where I would get so stressed my blood pressure would sky rocket every time I went into the office.

I had to take my blood pressure every couple of hours and it was always fine when I was not in the office, but as soon as I walked in there it would sky rocket. They were very worried, and I was so glad when I finally had her. She was a healthy baby for the most part. I think she has a dairy allergy but nothing to do with the pregnancy.

Of course everyone's situation is different, but my life was much less stressful when I started seeing a midwife - I never like seeing doctors though. My mom had my youngest sister in her early 40s. She ended up on bed-rest at the end of her pregnancy, but now my sister is in her first year of college and doing very well. Good luck, listen to your body, and trust that everything that is supposed to happen, will happen.

Didn't read any other responses but you should be enjoying your pregnancy. Go to an acupuncturist and start relaxing, all this stress is not good for you or the baby. I had acupuncture through my pregnancy and it was a blessing. It relaxed me.

It sounds to me like the doc is overusing tests... and as I remember its LOW topic acid that creates spinal bifida. But if that was found to not be a problem, don't worry about it. Its off the table. An irregular heartbeat isn't something they can do anything about in utero, so don't stress about that either. It just seems to me like good old doc is just using all these tests because they cost you money and earn him money. And none of it is making your pregnancy any easier or healthier. In fact, its making it worse. The first rule in medicine is DO NO HARM. Right?

Have you ever considered out of hospital birth? Midwifery care is so different from the "care" most doctors give. They don't take high risk ladies, and honestly the info you've been given doesn't sound like it makes you high risk.

Regardless, if you can change care providers, it sounds like you should. Stress does horrible things to pregnancy and REALLY bad things to birth. Don't let your doctor make you and your baby unhealthy.

*AV* makes a fabulous point in sitting down with the Dr. and letting him/her know.
I am only a mom of one, but aren't we instructed to take Folic Acid to avoid health issues like spina bifida? Am I getting something mixed up here?
All that being said, My OB has a mid-wife in his practice that does the monthly appointments as well and when I went in for one of my monthly checkups I managed to gain like 6 pounds. I know that is a lot, but I hadn't gained but a few pounds for the first 6 months so I wasn't too pressed about. Well, she attempted to belittle me in front of my husband, threatened to put me on bed rest over 6 stinking pounds (again, only at about 10 pounds gained over 6 months time!) and told me how much trauma I could be putting on my baby! My poor husband was there when I lit into this lady (not my usual style) but I had enough at that point. I told her she ruined my enjoyment of getting to hear the heartbeat, talking about what to expect in the next month, etc. Needless to say, I never saw her for my appointments again. One of the nurses actually said, "You aren't the first one she has done this too". I loved the Dr. but wished he would get rid of that Mid-wife or at least send her to customer service training.
The point is, you have to stand up for yourself and by calmly discussing this with the dr. is the best way. If you don't, it will cause more stress which the baby will experience. What does your husband/partner say when this is happening? Does he/she go with you? If not, maybe they can play the good cop/bad cop game if it came to that. Hang in there. I am sure you're doing well just make the effort and if you don't get the response you are hoping for, then maybe it is time to switch.

I think that a lot of screenings have false readings. I could tell you a few stories about botched lab tests... but I think that if you have a doctor that leans on the side of being overly careful you are at least in the hands of someone who will be thourogh though it can make you crazy.
My friends had an ultra sound, (they are jewish, irish) and they thought something was wrong with their baby due to long fingers... not sure if that is an Irish traite or what but they went crazy even after the birth waiting for tests... that little girl is one of the smartest seven year olds I have ever met!
Prayers going out to you for peace and a healthy baby!

I think also that you need a sit down with your regular doctor. What you've been told seems like a lot of speculation, and needs some explanation and evidence. It doesn't help you to stress, and if you're like me, the worst stress is not knowing.

I had my first baby at 41 and only saw mid-wives, not Doctors.

Please don't take things so hard!! I told my pediatrician I had TWO drinks and she made me get a special ultrasound of the fetal heart... waste of time!! Most pregnancies are uncomplicated, non medical emergencies for both the baby and the Mommy.

And it's LACK OF folic acid that causes spinal bifida.

YES!!!!

I had my last baby at 39. I think they want to check everything. Because of our "advanced maternal age".

So, 1st they thought she had anemia, and thenthey thought something was wrong w/ her heart. everything was 100% fine. and now she is 4, and zero problems. i know it is hard not to worry, but, please try. It isn't good for any of you to be stressed out.

I have not experienced this to the same degree, but did have to have a Level 2 ultrasound with my second baby due to some false positives with the screenings. I was a wreck. Everything turned out just fine. Sending positive and calming vibes your way. Hang in there!

Hi! I totally understand what you are going through - I had my first baby at 38 years old and the second last year when I was 40. WIth the first baby they thought they noticed something wrong with her kidneys. They were actually fine. With the second baby I declined a lot of tests b/c many of them have false positives AND false negatives. In other words, they can tell you your child has Downs or another genetic condition and the baby can come out perfectly fine. Likewise they can tell you your baby doesn't have those conditions and they actually do. I decided to give myself a mental holiday and just take care of myself. Both children luckily came out healthy. I have heard about the irregular heartbeat a few times from friends and it was always fine. Remember, you can decline most of the tests. I didn't have an amnio or CVS with either pregnancy - my numbers were good so I decided not to bother stressing myself with them.

It's so hard to find a balance between being vigilant and not driving yourself crazy. All the best to you!!!!