21 Month Old - Preschool/daycare Readiness

Gym daycare's really are not there to help you. They provide a place for them to play if they are not wet, dirty, or crying. What you need to do is find an in home caregiver that has room for part-time. Take her there and let this professional deal with it. You can't catch her forever. The running back to parents and checking in is very normal. But you have a couple of choices when a child is a little more clingy than usual. You can wait until she starts school and she might be better. My oldest was so bad when she was little. I never expected her to do well in school. But she was ready by then and did great.

If you want to do it sooner, you have to smile big, leave quick, and let them handle it.

A visit to the gym is going to be different than what will happen when you decide to find a great caregiver or preschool. That teacher is going to be your partner in helping your goodbye transition with your little girl. That teacher is a person she will have met before, because you'll visit together, and someone she will develop her own relationship with. She's going to have to learn to trust another person besides mama.

Venturing out and then touching base is what happens a lot at this age, so don't think this is anything to worry about.

I'm a preschool teacher who's also been a toddler teacher and I've worked with little ones for nearly 20 years. I try hard to work with each child when they encounter this grief at separation; some kids need to be held and have their feelings affirmed; some kids need a place to sit alone and to come to the group when they are ready. That said, in regard to readiness, this isn't something you can practice-- you just have to do it.

Often, too, I let anxious parents know that if their child is still crying a half-hour after the parent has left, I will call them. In my entire career, I've never had to call a parent for this reason.

And when you do find a care provider, ask them specifically for help in this. PM me if you are looking for articles on smoother separations and drop-off transitions.

Oh, and the book "The Kissing Hand" is a great one to start reading now. Make it part of all your goodbyes with your daughter-- even when you're just going out for groceries. She'll remember that when she gets a kiss on her hand, you WILL come back for her. Like the Hap Palmer song says "You Mommy Comes Back... she always comes back, she never would forget you!" She will learn this too, through her own experiences.

H.

Change your attitude from worry to excitement. It's a great thing to send your child to daycare or preschool -- it really enhances their life. Yes sometimes it's hard to separate, but you need to approach the transition with conficence that this IS a good thing.

It will help if you can:

1) visit several facilities until you find one that "feels" right for your daughter.
2) discuss your concerns with them -- a good place will have plenty of experience with how to make the transition easier for your daughter (and for you).
3) when you drop her off, don't linger -- even if she's crying -- smile, hug, kiss and gently hand her off to a caregiver who will hold her as you leave.

As others said, she will most likely stop crying soon after you leave her sight. The experience is different from gym daycare in many ways.

Make sure she knows that it is an exciting thing that she is going to start "school." Don't let her sense your ambivalence.

Good luck!

It is just her age.
They do that.
It is fine.

MANY kids, are observers at first, not just immediately getting in the midst of things at first. Both my kids were/are like that. Until they feel comfortable.

Also at this age, they do have separation-anxiety and begin to have "stranger" awareness....

How about when you leave her at HOME... then go out? That is one way, to help her transition to your being gone, for a bit, but then coming home. So she gets used to that. You leave for a bit, then come home.
Even if for 1 hour.

ALSO at this age, they do not "play" interactively. They do what is called "Parallel Play." Look it up online.

I do home daycare...and this is my advice. Keep trying. Are there are ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) programs near you? Alot of these have classes where the parents and children are all together for the bulk of the class and the idea is for the parents to leave (to separate) for a small portion of the class, then come back together. That might help. Keep going to social places...The Zoo, Children's Museum, Story time at the Library...encourage her to say Hello to other children at places..or even adults when she is safe with you (like the check out lady at the grocery store, or the greeter at Walmart, or someone who might hold a door for you, the waitress, etc).

Also remember...21 months old is alot different for many children than 3-4 years old is. There is a really really good chance this will pass enough of a degree to make her enjoy her Little social circles.

This is completely normal and there is really no good way to get her ready for this. Just make sure she has her special lovie or blankie and I found that having a picture book with pictures of mommy and daddy help.

Take her someplace with other kids where she can interact and you venture further and further away from her (be sure someone is watching her or that you can see her at all times). Always talk it up "all the fun she will have" and down play the "mommy leaving".

You are smart to think about this now. We started taking my son to an in-home babysitter who cares for several kids at one time. He cried maybe 2 times in the 2 years we have taken him. We would only take him 1 or 2 times a week and there were children and lots of nice toys to play with. It really helped make the transition to preschool much easier for my son. Sure, he is still clingy and cries (he is almost 3) in new or anxiety provoking situations but he gets over it very quickly. Also, it helps to tell her what is going to happen and what fun things you will do when you pick her up. My brother was like your daughter...he did grow out of it!

start taking her everywhere....this will help desensitize her to being "out & about". She'll start taking an active interest in her surroundings, will foster a sense of ease when with lots of other people of all different walks of life, & will broaden her horizons. Check your local library for a preschool story time, check with your school district for early childhd opportunities, & search for kid-friendly activities out in the big world! I know you mentioned play centers & parks, but really try to broaden your efforts.

Find some families you can share time with....find some neighbors you can trade babysitting with. Get her comfortable in many different settings....& the closer you are to age 3....hopefully the more adaptable she will become! You may also find that actually hitting & passing age 2 will make a difference. Having potty training aced will also ease the transition! (if she's not trained at this point)

& #1 rule for this transition: be happy, engaged, & upbeat about "doing" things & going places! She'll feed off of your mood....

staying with her is not going to lessen the separation anxiety- it will actually make it worse because now she knows that if she cries long enough you'll come back and stay with her. all kids have separation anxiety- it's all in how you deal with it. i am afraid that an inexperienced child care provider freaked out and called you, and started you down an unhelpful road. no matter what is in the past - the way to get over it, i hate to say it, is to bite the bullet, smile a huge smile, give one kiss and hug, tell her you love her, and RUN. don't look back and don't let her see you sweat. and DONT return until she's over it. if you do an actual preschool or daycare facility i promise the teachers will (SHOULD) have the good sense to not make a big deal of it, and get her interested in an activity to distract her. she will be FINE. all kids go through this. but just like anything else - if they cry and cry and mom comes running, they'll cry and cry and CRY next time. this is quite a can of worms that has been opened. sorry you have to deal with this. be the tough mama and know that this is what is best for her. she has to learn to be away from you for short periods.

When we first put our daughter in a daycare/preschool, I went ahead of time and asked for a copy of their routine or schedule for her age. They had one ready to give out. I made sure to feed her and put her down for a nap at those times for the three weeks before she started. This made her transition a lot easier.

Be sure to try to new places and people at times when she is usually happy and adjusted at home - in other words not right before a mealtime or during naptime. This age is tough for separation anxiety, though, so it's all normal. When my daughter went through a tough separation period, I started telling her way beforehand where we were going, who would be there, and what she would do. For instance, "you're going to school today! Mr. Brown will be there and your friends Allie and Alex will play with you. I bet you'll sing some songs and play with toys. You might even hear a story! Then you'll have lunch, take a nap, and when you wake up, Mommy will be back." I made sure to remind her over and over that "mommy will come back to get you."

I did a lot of reading on separation anxiety when she had little meltdowns when I'd drop her off. The preparation beforehand helped a lot.