20 Month Old Is Small for Her Age

My daugher is 29 months, and 22 lbs on a good day. She is tiny and wears 18 month clothes but she is super cute. Whenever people comment how small she is I say something like "she might be tiny but she's tough" or "she's all girl" or "but she's full of energy" . I've gotten over it since it happens VERY often because she has a much larger twin brother. People seem to ask because they think I had them 10 months apart. I always tell my daughter that she is a tiny little cutie. We've also discussed how papa is really tall and mommy it little 5'2" for her age. She's asked if she's going to be little like me and I tell her maybe. I tell her all the time how beautiful she is on both the outside and the inside so I don't think she's going to be self-concious. I do also make sure to include the words small or tiny in my compliments so she thinks its a good thing when others say it. People don't mean to be rude, they are just surprised. In an age of super huge and/or overweight kids, ours are the other side of the spectrum and people just expect you to say something different from 20 months. It does seem to get a little better when your little girl starts chattering like there is no tomorrow since they have a better idea of how old she is before they ask. (BY then they really think that you must have a tiny genious on your hands.)

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Having not read any of the responses, I am sorry if I am repeating. My daughter is rather small also, she finally made the charts when she was 4! She spent 2 years at 24-26lbs, now at almost 7, she has spent the last 2 years at 45-48lbs. We found out that she loves gymnastics, so I enrolled her and she actually made the tream that goes on for competetions! She has since decided that 6-8 hr of practice every week wouldn't give her time with her friends, so now she is the "fun" version where she isn't so pressured. My point is, find something that she likes to do, I know at this age it's hard. Abby started gymnastics at about 18 months and went full force with it until she was 6.
Have you shown her shows from TLC- It's a Big World (I think), Kenadie- they are about how small people cope with this. Your daughter may be too young, but you may find it interesting, and it could give you some ideas. Just a thought, I hope it helps.

Just tell people:

1. Yep, she's our "little" angel
2. She's small for her age now but she'll probably be in the WNBA when she's older....
3. How boring it would be if we were all the same....
4. Great things come in small packages!
5. We're all the way we're supposed to be.

At least they're PC :-)

I'm only 5ft 1/2 inch on a good day. My mom had me evaluated as a child, but when Mom is 5ft 2 and Dad is 5ft 4, you aren't going to get a tall kid. My daughter only grew an inch since her last visit and is 29 inches at 13.5 months. We will do like you are - keep an eye on it, but not worry unless she stops growing.

Teach your daughter to shrug it off. It is much easier to be a cute young woman than it is to be a short guy. My SIL got me a shirt that says "I'm not short, I'm fun sized!" As with so many things, the more of a non-issue you make it for her, the more of a non-issue she'll make it for herself.

Hi C.,

I am the mother of two girls who were extremely small for their ages when they were younger. My oldest was in the 5th percentile for both height and weight until she reached Kindergarten. We did everything including keeping a food log to see how much she was eating, giving her fat filled milk, snacking constantly etc. Nothing helped her to gain the weight. Our pediatrician told me not to worry, she was developing and was healthy. She probably just had a fast metabolism. Then she began to grow, slowly, and is now 14, in the 50th percentile for both weight and height. She is also very athletic. On to my second daughter. She was born a normal weight (8 lbs) and at her two month check up, the nurse practioner told me that I should skip a feeding a day because she was looking too fat!! Luckily, I had my older daughter's experience behind me and I ignored her advice. Again, she gained weight VERY slowly and sometimes not at all. However, we realized that she loved fruit!! She was eating fruit over cookies etc. With her, also, we kept a food log etc. She is 11 and weighs 55 lbs soaking wet. I, too, get the comments all the time. I have learned to just say, "yes, she is small and we love her that way. she is perfect." She also uses her size to her advantage as a competitive gymnast. In the gym, she is "normal" size. Our pediatrician had a great response once when my daughter was bullied in school for her size. He said that God makes everyone unique and that she is perfect because she is just the way God wants her to be. If you don't comment on her size, then she should be fine. She is small and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope that my experience has helped you. We have been dealing with the small comments for a long time. We just roll with it and don't let it get to us. good luck!!

I think what you do at home and what you tell her there will affect her self-perception more than others, and they're not saying anything false, or dangerous, so that's good. I'm thinking of not saying, "Wow, she's chunky" or anything like that. My son was big for his age and I heard it all the time, and he wondered why people always said he was big. I explained to him that what they mean is that he's bigger than they thought he would be, and that people come in all different sizes, shapes, and colors, and that's what's normal. We have a friend who is about 7 ft tall, and then I went to school with a girl who was about 4'5" when she stopped growing. How you treat this is probably how she'll treat it, so if you tell her it's something that doesn't really matter, then that's probably how she'll feel too.

Hi C.,
My oldest daughter just turned 21 and she has always been very petite, small and looks very young for her age- (she stills wears size 0 pants). People all her life would comment on how small she was and it would frustrate her sometimes but for the most part it was my reaction to those comments that she learned from. When someone would make a comment like "oh she's so small for her age" I would say something like "yea she's small but just right for her" or "small body - big mind". I also tell her that one day she'll appreciate it. Now that she's older she does get a little frustrated when people guess that her 15yr old sister looks like the one in her fourth year of college, but gets some satisfaction when the 15yr old gets upset over the same thing.

I really think it's your reaction to those comments that will reflect on how she will handle this throughout her life.

Good Luck!

K.

I think I would be inclined to say "yes aren't we lucky that she won't have a lifetime of worrying about being too fat." My niece tells people she is 5'12" as she didn't want to be 6'. People manage to be dissatisfied with whatever they are given. All you can do is hope your daughter won't worry as much as you do.

Your daughter is considered normal in most parts of the world. As long as she is healthy, and not over weight you have nothing to worry about.

I am in the same boat. My daughter was 19 lbs at 18 months and her doctors were starting to worry. One ped wanted to test for celiac disease, the other said wait-and-see, some kids have a growth spurt later. Sure enough, she gained 4 lbs in 6 months!! And this was after I gave up stressing about offering a high-calorie diet. But she is still small, under 10th percentile on the growth chart. When people comment about her being tiny, there's usually a cute comment with it. i.e. "She looks like a little baby doll!", so it doesn't bother me much. I often answer:
1) My husband and I were small as kids too.
(We are now 5'8" and 5'4", so still fairly small.)
2) She'll be the one being tossed in the air as a cheerleader!
I'm not concerned about my daughter being petite. I'm more concerned about my son - darn those societal norms!!
But they attend a very international school with lots of other (normal) small kids, so they aren't affected at all.

Same boat. 19lbs. and 19 months but 50% for height. I just comment how petite she is going to be just like my mother.

"Good things come in small packages!"

Don't worry about others. And you are the number one person to shape whether this is an issue for her. Be careful not to fret over your height/weight/size OR her's. Tell her how smart and pretty she is and tell her how strong and tough she is. She won't know she is small for quite a while, unless you tell her. When someone says, "She's tiny!" you say "And she's perfect!"

My completely non-professional understanding is that as long as she gradually grows and stays on her curve (0-25%ile, I guess) I would think she is fine. In our case my daughter fell from 90th to like 10th in 6 months, and they were worried about things like gluten intolerence. But she STOPPED growing (and is fine now). If you are concerned, don't ignore it. But don't worry her in the process.

Enjoy her!!

Hi C.! My daughter was 19 pounds at her 2 year old check up. She just turned 8 and weighs 48 pounds. All of her friends are much taller and heavier. Even her little sister (who will be 6 in November) is a pound heavier and only about a half inch shorter. Of course, I get all the same comments that you do, but it's been going on so long it doesn't bother me anymore. And you should see my little third grader at school - she's the size of the average kindergartner, or maybe 1st grader if she's lucky. But you know what, somehow it doesn't seem to bother her! I always tried not to ever let it show that it bothers me (it actually doesn't) so maybe that has helped. She has had several friends say "Why do you still have a booster seat?" and she just says "Hey, I'm a lot smaller than you guys!" I joke with her that she'll be in a booster until she's 12! Don't let your daughter know it bugs you, and hopefully it won't bug her. I actually just went through my girls' clothes and my older one took a shirt that my younger one said was too tight. She was thrilled b/c she liked the shirt! And look at it this way, it's better to be a cute little petite girl - much harder for a boy.

Oh, one thing that DOES bother my daughter. A lot of times her friends will pick her up at school, usually on the playground. She told me she really doesn't like it when people do this. I told her just to tell them to stop it, and that has seemed to work. She's pretty strong minded, and has no problem standing up for herself. Just work on those skills with your little one and she'll be fine :)

Hi C.!

We are on the opposite end of the spectrum...my little girl is 22 months and 35 lbs....off the chart the other way. The rest of us in our family are all thin and very healthy, and I am sure she is just hanging onto baby fat that she will shed as she grows. She is also very tall for her age, and like you said people have to comment all the time "what a big girl" "wow she eats well" and other things like that. They would never say that to a grown woman, I don't know why people think it's okay to say it to a child, you are so right for bringing your point up for discussion! I take it in stride and then explain to my kids later that not everyone has the best social etiquette or choice in words, and that it's never nice to comment on someones size...God made us all different, and different is good. I remind both my children that they are just perfectly made as God intended them to be. If people continue on about her size, I will say "yes, she is our healthy girl, she's just the right size" with a smile to reassure my baby girl that there is nothing wrong with her. They usually get the hint and stop or agree that yes she is healthy and then go about their business. You are not alone with that frustration.....I hope that helps!

If she is small, and may always be so, she will get her opinions on this from your attitude. I had a son born 12 weeks premature. He is hearty, healthy and strong now at 16 and even back then once he hit a year old, but always very tiny. At 16 he is still about 5'4 and 115lbs. We have always embraced the fact that he is small and let him know that it was what God had in his plan for him. When people commented on his size we would smile and say things like "good things come in small packages" or "small but mighty" or just "yes, he sure is!" with a smile and a ruffle of his hair because we were so proud of him. It's all in the way you look at it and she will look at it the same way. My son has complained a few times over the years, but mostly it is what it is for him and he knows that he often has to work twice as hard at his sports to excel and that sometimes his stature is a plus and sometimes a hindrance, but ultimately it's not been terrible for him because we let him know that he was great no matter what his size and that everyone is different.

One of my best friends from High School was petite at 5' 2". She was one of 7 kids and her Mom was about 4' 10". All of my friends Mom's kids were taller than her and her boys towered over her. She was the nicest, kindest, most powerful lady I knew. When she talked, all her kids would listen without question. People come in all sizes. My son is always the tallest in his class, and it's just as awkward for him when people keep pointing out how tall he is. (He'll be taller than me before he gets out of 5th grade and I'm 5' 5".) Just handle it with humor, grace and style. Everyone has something special about them and your size, no matter what it is, can be an asset if you are willing to see it that way.

Unfortunately, we cannot control what other people say - they can be insensitive, but probably mean nothing by it. I wouldn't care what they thought - but if you're concerned about your daughter being self-conscious, I wouldn't worry about it right now - she is too young to care...make it fun for her - it's all about perception. When someone says 'She's small,' just say something cute and brush it off like - "Tell them, that's why I'm so cute!" Little things like that rub off and then before you know it - she will start saying it! If she does get down about it when she is older, just explain to her that she will be thankful for it when she's older and other people are just jealous of her. Most kids these days are obese, so I would take it as a compliment!!

Was she breastfed? The charts are based upon formula fed babies. My nearly 43 month old boy is 28 lbs and also off the chart but my ped says he looks fine and healthy. He was 17 lbs from about 6 months til about 18 months and thus has only gained about 10 lbs in 2 years. To be honest I've never been worried about it

Beat them to the punch line. When they say how cute she is. Before they can ask how old. Say thank you and isn't she small?. She is going to have that little figure. And then tell your daughter how cute and wonderful she is.