2 Year Old Very Whiney, When Do I UseTime Out?

My two year old son is a big whinner! I try the "use your words" and "I can't understand you" stuff and it never works. I try a couple of times to communicate with him and if he doesn't stop, I tell him that when he wants to talk to me and tell me what he wants or play with something else, to let me know. Then, I ignore him and let him work it out on his own. I have found that when he gets into a frenzy, there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. He calms down on his own and then he talks to me. I agree with you that an official "time out" should be saved for him not listening, hitting etc... I don't think they should get punished for tantrums or whinning, they really can't control that. We need to have realistic expectations for what a two year old has the maturity to control. Ignoring her after a couple of communication efforts is fine, she doesn't need time out (in my opinion).

The fits will get worse even when she can tell you what she wants. My daughter is 4 and still throws fits when she doesn't get her way. That's what kids do. They push you as far as they can. There is nothing wrong with your husband putting her in time out right away. There is also nothing wrong with you calmly talking to her to try and calm her down or walking away. All of them can be affective depending on how upset she is. Just don't give in to her demands.

The fits will get worse as she gets older and you need to take control now otherwise you will be raising a bratty, unliked child....I know from experience. We got it under control with CONSISTENCY! Time outs are not a bad thing and after awhile, they start to process why they are there and what they did to be put in time out and eventually they will start to change their behaviors. Although we want to be great parents and give our kids everything, it does not benefit you or the child when you give in. They learn how to manipulate you, even as young as your daughter and everyone loses sight of who is the parent. Children need boundaries and rules, obviously tailored to their age. We are the people they look to to learn how to behave and if we allow them to act in ways that are not acceptable for our homes or society who will they learn them from? The key is to decide your method and how time out will be utilized and stick with the plan...do not waiver....it gives the kids mixed messages.

I am going to repost this under my user name. I accidently posted under someone else. oops

You are facing the terrible twos. Toddlers at this age are indeed unable to vocalize all of their needs. It is a proper time to begin teaching her that she can't get everything she wants or you will hate parenting. Focus on her needs only. If you spoil her now she will be running you the rest of her life. It is much easier to set ground rules now than to change them later believe me! It can be a joy if done properly. You have to become a team with your husband so she doesn't get confused. Don't let her control either of you; after all she came to live with you and has to learn to live by your rules. A child feels more secure if she/he has boundaries and knows what to expect. She will be less frustrated. Time outs have to be used and changed according to age.

Time outs are for when she doesn't mind you or does bad things. Get down to her level calmly and explain why she has to go to time-out. If she leaves before her time is up take her back and again on her level tell her that the time is not yet up. As my kids got older I re-started the timer for the entire time. Praise her when she does it right, but not over praise. Let her know that you are happy that she did as you said. Have you ever watched Super Nanny? It is an excellent example of how to train and raise your precious little ones. I wish I had been able to watch a program like it when my kids were little. It would have saved us time and frustration. I learned more about raising/training kids when I taught.

Get on the same page with your hubby and then follow thru. I think he may be a bit tougher like all fathers tend to be.
Another thing that we always did was remember back when we were that age and how we felt about things. You always want open communication with your kids and if you tell stories them about things that you went thru at that age they will feel that they can come to you with their problems and concerns when they get older. Kids love stories so start now telling them about you and all of your family. My fondest memories are the ones when I sat listening to my Grandma. I learned so much about life.

Two year olds are something else! My son didn't start speaking in more than 2-3 word sentences until he was 3 1/2. He had a LOT of moments where he was very frustrated. The thing is, you have to teach them that it doesn't matter how frustrated you are, you cannot behave badly because of it. Our rule at our house is if he's going to scream or whine or yell or do any behavior that is unacceptable he can go to his room and do that behavior. If he wants to come out, he has to quit yelling (or whatever behavior) The very first time I did this, I actually had to close the door to his room and hold it until he stopped yelling because he was really, really mad! Then when he started to calm down a bit, I opened the door and asked him if he was ready to be a good boy and stop yelling. He kicked at the door. So I put him back in his room and shut the door again. Oh boy did he get mad! We did that for about 30 minutes before he realized that he has to be good or stay in his room forever :) He still tests me sometimes just to see if I'll follow through and put him in his room. And he'll test me by trying to come out of his room while still yelling to see if I'll let him out. The key is being consistent. I believe your husband has a good thing going and it would probably benefit you to be the same way. This kind of behavior isn't just indicitive of the terrible twos, it bleeds over into the terrible threes. So figure out what discipline you are going to use through the "terrible ages" and stick to it. Best of luck! Jen

try this 'use your words' and 'lets not get mad' then help her pronouce her words. if she is throwing a fit and your husband wants to put her in time-out, fine. just don't argue about parenting infront of her. a happy medium between the both of you would be great. you both help her and if she still is whining then both of you agree to a time-out.

I understand what you mean about time out . That your husband put her on time , I really think that he should talk to her and see what is it that she wants . I used to do that to my three yr old son and at this time he takes it as a joke . When he is in time out he plays in the time out chair , What , I so now is talk to him . I know somtimes it gets frustrated as a parent .