2 Year Old Acting Out

I am a children's counselor and I specialize in working with children ages 2-5 and their parents. I work with a lot of young children in the child care setting with these issues. All little children are acting on a desire and need to feel powerful as they discover they are separate from their parents are discovering who they are in relationship to others... They often realize quickly a feeling of power when they bite, hit and kick and it quickly becomes an impulse driven habit. I use a program of "impulse interruption" by having the child shadowed and watched for the impulse and then interrupt the impulse and redirect with a more adapative behavior. I help children who are at the stage of nearly being dismissed from their child cares so if you would like some help, feel free to email me directly. I will be happy to work with his teachers and the staff at his day care to help them know how to nip this problem in the bud.... Good luck either way! - L.

Don't know how much my advice will help but...

Part of the behavior is due to age and "it's just a phase". Part of the behavior is due to the fact that you are expecting a second child and child 1 knows there's about to be some MAJOR change in the house. He senses the change and like most all small kids isn't sure how to handle it so, he acts out.

My now 3 year old did the same thing when my now 1 year old was born. She was "aggressive" to one little boy in particular. They both have dominant personailities (both want to be the leader) and had to learn to work things out for themselves (with guidance to ensure that if they did hit/bite that they were both set aside). I have to make sure that my older child gets as much mommy time as possible each day and give lots of reassurance that mommy loves her and always will. Reassurance that she is my special, beautiful, princess,etc (or whatever works for you).

I'm sure that your child's daycare teacher has tons of suggestions on how to help your child and that's probably what the meeting on Wednesday is about (think positive)!

Good Luck!

~A. C

Hello K.. I know exactly what you mean. Not only do I have a 2 year old son (and almost 4 year old daughter), I am a childcare provider as well. Maybe you should have your son "shadow" your provider when he misbehaves. I don't mean for hours but maybe start out 5 minutes (instead of the normal 2 minutes for time out) and increase if need be. I have a 2-year-old boy in my childcare that is going through the same thing. And he tends to pick on 1 child in particular and that child is older than him. I thinking in this situation he feels a little "overpowered" so to speak. The other kid is bigger and talks well, whereas the 2 year old doesn't talk really well. But shadowing has worked for me in this case. Good luck to you.

Hello K. i have a three year old and he is in a wonderful homedaycare also. At 2 my son was kicked out of a home daycare due to this same issue. He was more of a bitter than anything. I learned a lesson durning this time. It is up to your your child car provider to halp this issue. She is who is with your child all day and has the ability to teach him from right and wrong when you can not. I suggest you do not displine him for this hours later when you see him he wont understand. It is her responsibilty to control this anyway she can. You can talk to him and let him no its not a nice thing to do. When my son got kicked out for biting at a home daycare i figured out then the lady was not providing the right childcare for my child. It can become a big problem when children bite expecially to the parents of then other child. The lady my son is with now uses the method that you might want to discuss with your childcare provider which is spray there mouth with vineger. My daycare provider did this to my son twice and he never bit agian. I hope this helps you. Good luck!!!

Hi K.: My kids are older but I own a very successful daycare. We have children there who have done the same thing as your little boy. What I do is talk to the mother/dad about it and ask them if I can call them immediately after it happens and put their child on the phone. A little two year old wants more than anything to not dissapoint their parents. And if they know their parents are aware immediately, it will really "nip it in the bud". Also, the parent has a chance to talk to their child on the way home upon pick-up that day about what they expect. It has helped me from having to disenroll children that I knew could be helped and that I adored and didn't want to lose because of this problem. So please talk to your provider and asked to be called the moment it happens. Lots of luck. DW

Dear K.,

I would guess your son is going through two stages at the same time; the dreaded "terrible twos' and becoming a big brother. I have three girls ( 5, 3, 18 months). My youngest has the worst temper of all three. I spoke to my pediatrician and she recommended a book, "Parenting with Love and Logic." I think this would help in the long run. Short term I would explain to your son that if the teacher gives a "bad" report something will be taken away (a favorite toy or book) if the teacher gives a "good" report he will get something special (extra stories at night time, extra bubbles in the bath ((you don't want to go too crazy.))

Before your Wednesday meeting introduce this plan to your son's teacher (this way you are being pro-active) tell her your plan and if you are comfortable with her tell her to remind your son of the end of the day report. Also, ask if there is any way your son can be at different play centers while at school. (The less interaction the better.)

As for being a big brother he is very nerveous about being forgotten and if he can do the big brother job correctly. I found a story book called, "You All Are My Favorites." My daughters love this one and it will remind your son the he is the bestest big brother you ever met!

I hope this helps!

Hi K., You got great advice but let me tell you that biting is NOT just a phase that every child goes through and children even ur sons age don't bite out of a habit or b/c of their age. He obviously just doesn't know a different way to express his anger at other children. You should punish him when you find out that he has biten someone but only after you explain to him that you were told that he bit someone today and that his punishment will be so and so. And if and when he does this at home the punishment has to be done immediately.Also try to give the provider idea of punishments your ok with for ur son when he bites. Im not sure if u allow her to punish the kids like with TO or w/e but she is there right when it happens and might be more effective if she can punish the bad behavior.

Do you think that maybe your son is having some anxiety over the new baby...if you are then he may be and that could have something to do with his behavior. I used to work in childcare and sometimes its lack of supervsion as well. The child that he is targeting needs to be seperated from your son as much as possible...in my experience if you move the target the behavior will cease. I hope that maybe this helps.

I went through something similar with my now 5 year old son. He was 3, almost 4 at the time. He was in a church daycare from 9:30 to 1:30 twice a week and they told me he was hitting and kicking another child. In particular, it was one child. At one point they even suggested we put him in special ed. because they said he had a behavioral problem. He has a sister, two years younger and that did seem to be part of the problem. He was having jealousy issues. However, the even bigger problem was that this kid he was targeting was a problem also. It was as if my son was being disciplined for all the acts and this other kid was never disciplined. I even caught it on tape at the Christmas program they had. It's a long story. It sounds like your child is not being properly supervised, they aren't using a correct form of discipline when he acting out and they aren't getting him away from the child he is targeting. Either they need to do something or you just need to switch daycares. You can't properly discipline a 2 year old, hours after the event occurs. 2 year olds don't understand like maybe a 5 year old would. Maybe this will ease your mind, too - my husband and I didn't put my son in special ed. Instead we put him in a different church pre-k for his 4 to 5 year old year. He has done wonderfully at this school. His teachers are even recommending him for the gifted class in Kindergarten. It's like day and night compared to his old school. My son grew out of that "bad" behavior and also got much better teachers at his new school. Your kid isn't bad, he just needs the right daycare provider.

my son did the SAME thing. It is disconcerting!! At this age discipline needs to happen at the time of the offence or they don't connect the dots..........You mentioned not seeing him until 4 hrs after he has done this. Thankfully this is a phase that will pass. On Wednesday ask questions like what is happening when this happens? Is the other child getting in his face and he's using this as a way of gettinghis space back or is he just doing it out of the blue? that kind of stuff. My son, bit when someone took something out of his hand. Ask the provider to include him in the recovery process...when he bites he needs to help hold the cold cloth on the friend he bit and have her explain how he hurt his friends heart when he bit him......this was the thing that finally helped my son stop biting. Hope this helps!!