2 1/2Yr Old Behavior? Is It Normal

Updated on January 19, 2011
F.S. asks from Portland, OR
13 answers

thanks to those for replying to my question on where to take my daughter...just curious on what i did wrong... my daughter prefers being to herself at times, cant handle older kids running freely (or as she sees it as wildly). but prefers kids around her age and smaller. she doesnt like crowded rooms esp of kids? do i keep on taking her to these crowded places of kids running freely so she can overcome her fear? or do i respect this as who she is and avoid places like that. and also my daughter is not fond of swings and slides ? i dont get it because i loved those when i was young? i do take her to parks with swings and slides and bridges she just seems so scared...

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R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

I wouldn't keep taking her to these places if she doesn't like it. I think it will give her more anxiety than she needs to deal with. There is nothing wrong with keeping her home and playing there. Or let her go to the park when its not crowded.. off peak times. Don't make her play on anything she doesn't want to it will make her more afraid of it than doing good for her. I would look for small play groups to take her maybe. My 3yr old hates heights and anything fast or that spins. He is so happy running and playing in the sand. He is very leary about older kids also, even though he has 3 much older brothers. My 2yr on the other hand is the oppisite. She loves to go as high as she can on the swings, loves the high slides and the merry to round. Its all apart of who they are :)

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J.L.

answers from Rochester on

Every child is different, while she may not like those things now I am sure it will changes as she gets older. Remember she is only 2 1/2, let he be a baby for awhile longer, they grow up so fast.

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A.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

Yes, that is so normal! She is just starting to figure things out as her own little person. She is probably really smart and is realizing how much bigger things are and how small she is. Imagine how scary it would be to realize that at 2! If you are calm and patient, respect her fears and don't make a big issue of them I'm sure they will pass. 2 year olds can be so weird and funny. She'll probably be loving the swing and more kids by next year and if not, find stuff that she likes. I worried about all the weird stages my kids went through
(and still do) but they've all passed in a matter of months. Good luck!

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I would respect her preferences and go to places where the kid density is lower. Can she just run around at your park even if she doesn't like to swing or slide. DS just turned 5 and only decided he liked to swing this fall.

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C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

2 1/2 is very young. i would give her some time. its an age that a lot of fears come up. be patient with her, avoid it if it's too much for her. go by her cues but don't feed her fears. reassure her. but mostly, be patient, this is just a phase, most likely. my son went through it from age 2 or so, till around three. some things, at four years old, he is still getting comfortable with. loud noises, like trains, loud music. spiders freak him out, or did this summer when they were out. he gets braver all the time though! :)

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Keep in mind that you probably remember liking swings and slides when you were 5 years old and up - it's a different story when you are 2. I think one of the biggest things I see on his site are moms not realizing what is normal and typical for 1 or 2 and expecting their children to behave like a much older kid.

At 2 years old, my daughter didn't really like slides either unless they were the same height as her, and she would only swing sometimes for a second before wanting to stop. Your DD might just be feeling overwhelmed. I would respect her feelings and keep trying periodically to see as time goes on and she gets older if she might start feeling more confident. My DD is 3 now and has no issues scaling up large slides and going down (usually - once in a while she gets to the top and changes her mind but not as often any more). There is a big difference between 2 and 3, and over time hopefully you will start to see her really grow and blossom, although some of it could be her personality and maybe she just will always prefer quieter areas and kids that are less rambunctious - and that's okay!

A friend of a friend has a son who is 3 and was like that last year - we would all do playdates at the park and he wanted nothing to do with the other kids, the equipment, etc. She ended up enrolling him in preschool this past fall and now she sees a huge difference in how much he has opened up and is more willing to try things and join in the fun.

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J.N.

answers from Seattle on

Hi F.,
I would say at only 2 1/2 she is acting very normal. Give her another 6 months to a year and she will want to play on the swings & slides and may feel more comfortable around older kids/larger groups. I can only imagine as a small person of that age how intimidating it must be to have all these big 'people' running around. :)

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L.G.

answers from Eugene on

We are not all social types. That is a fact. If she has an artistic temperment she needs time alone to explore her creativity.
She will be changing from time to time. If she makes one friend that should be sufficient to see that her social skills are developing.
Give her playdough, start her on music lessons.
When her body is bigger she won't mind being around other children so much.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Give her lots and lots of time. Your daughter sounds like my son. Even last summer, when he was newly three, he'd see the folks from playgroup and just climb me like a monkey to get away from them! We'd go to visit fountains, and he'd be happy to hang back and observe, but wanted *nothing* to do with the kids OR the water... it was just too busy for him. This near-aversion started when he was about your daughter's age. Guess what? He's creeping toward four and he's becoming much more comfortable with being in groups of active children. He'll still sort of find a corner to play in and he does a lot of observing, but the fear seems significantly lessened.

Swings, and slides, too, may make children feel out of control because they *are* moving in ways the child can't control. My son would be the only kid on the toddler swings, upset. Had no interest in slides. He'll now go on reasonable (not too high, not enclosed) slides, do more climbing, and is starting to come around to swinging, but still not too fast nor too high.

Have confidence that your little girl will blossom all in her own time. We *do* worry, don't we?:) I've worked with kids for nearly 20 years and understand, logically, that there's a HUGE spectrum of development in these areas--- and yet I did still wonder about my son a bit, even though I knew nothing was truly wrong with him. They just come to these things in their own time, and I think forcing it, on my end, would have made him take a lot longer to trust that he could do it. He just wasn't ready until he was!

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L.A.

answers from Seattle on

Totally normal! As far as slides and swings totally normal it took several years before my daughter liked them.

Crowded places are still an issue for my daughter and she's five, we went to a new park which was over run with kids, she wanted to go home, she'd much prefer a location without as many kids. Each kid is different, my daughter loves parks that no one is there, other kids need others. Heck even a playdate with 6-8 kids is too much, she'd rather play one on one.

You did nothing wrong, go with your gut. We'd never go to certian parks after school hours because there are too many big kids, you figure out good times to go. don't push swinging.

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A.M.

answers from Eugene on

I think I may have had a post titled the same thing with almost the same content when my daughter was that age. First off, you did nothing wrong! I truly believe we come into this world who we are, though the nurture and environment aspect definitely helps shape us too...and when you have a sensitive child, as I do too, it is about recognizing or at least trying to be sympathetic to how they experience the world, which is still very new and overwhelming. At 4 1/2, my daughter is very outgoing and social, has finally overcome her fear of slides, is now used to large groups of kids and enjoys being a part of it, but is still very cautious, sensitive, and not a fearless child--she is often afraid of dogs, balloons, loud noises, getting her face wet in the pool, etc....I was never like this as a kid and I am the opposite still, but I think that our kids are here to teach us as much as we are here to teach them! So having a child who is very sensitve and fearful teaches me everyday how to be patient, tolerant, loving and nurturing to her needs, and to gently encourage her to do things she is hesitant about, but not push her if she isn't ready. From what I have learned with everything from going down slides to potty training with my daughter is that it doesn't matter what I do, she wont actually do it until she is ready herself. And so far, much of her fears and trepidations have been overcome with time, but only when she has been ready. Your baby is 2 1/2, and though she may seem like such a big girl, she really is a baby! Just because she came from you, you can't compare how tyou experienced the world as a child to how she does, so just give it all time, and chances are she will outgrow her fears, and celebrate the positive aspects of being a sensitive and receptive person...enjoy!!

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M.L.

answers from Seattle on

Just my thought, but if she doesn't like certain places, then don't take her often. I don't want to be dragged places that I don't like and am guessing moms adults don't either. Why make a kid? Take her places she likes most of the time. Ask her every couple weeks or so if she wants to try a more crowded place (with an activity that she loves) and wait until she's ready. My oldest hated slides for a long time. One day, it just clicked with her and she loves them now.

And yes, your daughter is normal! :)

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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

completely normal....some kids get overwhelmed when there are other children, crowded, noisy, busy....my daughter was like that for a long time, but she has outgrown it for the most part. But typically my daughter likes to play one on one or maybe with 2 or 3 other kids. If the group is too big, she will just go play by herself. We were just at a birthday party this weekend and there were about 15 kids and literally my daughter was off in a completely different direction for the whole time. I ask her to join in, but respect that she chooses not too.
Regarding swings and slides, we all love that stuff as a kid and your daughter will eventually to, but I think that love comes at an older age. Swings and slides can be big and scary for little ones. You might try and find a toddler playground with smaller equpiment. They are not easy to find, but seem to be popping up more and more. They are perfect for 2-4 year old.
One thing that really helped my daughter was doing a parent-child class at the Little Gym. It gave her exposure to kids in an active yet safe environment. Her confidence level went way up and her fear of groups of kids subsided.
I think it is good to avoid places that cause her stress/fear until she exhibits a desire to go. You can always go by those place, watch from afar and ask her if she would like to go and check it out?

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