14 Y/o and "Date"

If it's a mutual friend, Your son could ask his friend if he would mind if they went to the dance together as friends. If your son is honest with him, her ex may not overract like he would if he found out on his own.

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I would suggest your son stear clear of both the girl and the older teenager. What were her parents thinking allowing a 13/14 year old to be dating period, much less an older teen with mental problems.

I see no positive outcome if your son approached a "suicidal/depressed" 17 year old to asked how he felt about his ex-girlfriend going to the dance. If they are all friends, they won't be for long. These are the kind of situations that end up in the headlines.

Young teens 13-16 should be going out in groups, not getting envolved in what they "think" are serious relationships. Hope your son enjoys the homecoming dance and game and has a great time in high school.

Blessings.....

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I totally understand your concern. I agree with the previous person. Since your son is friends with this guy, he should talk to him about it and see how he feels about it.

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Why don't you ask your son? If the son is friends with the boy, he should probably know if it's okay to take the girl to homecoming as a "friend."

I don't think having suicide depressive disorder means they're violent, so you're probably taking your worries too far. If your son is friends with this kid, maybe he should not take her out of respect for his feelings.

Anyway, if she hasn't answered your son yet, she might be wanting to say no...

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Mom,
Personally, I would not allow my son to take a girl as a "friend" to a dance or date one who dated a friend of his so soon after their break-up with or without the disorder he has. This is not a very cool thing to do, I'm sure there are plenty of other girls he could have asked and waited 6 mo to a yr before doing anything with this particular "friend" out of respect for his friend.. Ask your son how he would feel if the situation were reversed and it was the girl that he jst broke up with? It sounds like it is too late though since you worded it that he "asked" and is waiting for an answer from her. The only way out this I think would be for him to call her and tell her that he "is sorry for asking her but his strict parents say he is too young to go to a dance since there is the no-date rule at his house until he is 15-16.". Blame it on Mom and Dad this time only but in the future he needs to give more thought to who he invites and avoid friend's ex's. Hope this helps.

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I so agree about hearing these type of situations on the news. I would sit down with my son and advise him on how his decision would look by someone looking in. I would let him know that's extremely nice of him to want to her to the dance, however if your also friends with her ex-boyfriend that could jeopardize your friendship. I would center the conversation more about his friendship. Ask him if he were able to date how would he feel if a friend of his took out his ex- girlfriend even if they were just friends. If all fails and he doesn't see your point of view. Suggest she meet him at the dance. I would not take them together.

I think you have extremely valid concerns here. Did you son invite this girl before talking to you? Even so, I don't believe I would be comfortable with the potential danger your son is placing himself (and the girl) in. Let this other boy have some time to accept the break-up; this is just too soon, especially with the challenge he carries. If you decide to let your son go, I urge you to have your son arrange for he, this girl, and several other friends all go together. It gives the "safety in numbers" idea a chance.

I would use this as a good opportunity to teach your son about how to be a good friend. He may be taking this girl as "just a friend" however, the unstable mutual friend may not see it that way. I do not think a teenager with suicide depressive disorder would hurt your son, but he may hurt himself. I would tell your son that he should not take this girl to the dance as a friend or anything more simply out of respect for his friend. Good luck!

If your son is going to a school function and the girl is his age, then I would say let them go, but also tell them that should a problem arise to let an adult at the event know. Let them know that you'll be there for them and not to criticize.

As a mother of three young men, I've been there a few times. If the girl is of good mind, then you shouldn't have a problem. Although I've not personally dealt with this exact situation, I have watched my sons appropriately handle worrisome situations just fine. If you're worried about him getting emotionally hurt, it could happen, and that's part of growing up. Physically hurt does bring cause for concern, but as I said - as long as they know they have a safe zone with you, I'll bet the whole event will pass with no real issues.

It's hard to not want to be protective especially in this day and age, but we only tend to create more problems when we don't allow our sons and daughters to show maturity or to face situations and deal with them head on.

Your concerns are warranted, but remember that the reason she broke up with him may have more to do with giving him a chance to get the help he needs and not because he harmed her. I've seen too many young ladies try to hard to "fix" the guys in their lives....Too many times they've found that the more they try to "fix" the guy the harder things get. Hopefully in this case, she just needed to move on to someone a little less stressed.

If you're really concerned - but also a school supporter then go to homecoming as a parent chaparone. You might be surprised and you can be there for them both without actually hovering....

Hope this helps and Good Luck.
J.

Just some more thoughts. First, I do think you can go to a dance just as friends. Although, usually done in groups, it's not necessary. Second, if your son has a crush on this girl, he may be saying it's just as friends, but he really likes her more than that, and this is a way to get a date early. He may be in denial about it, not only to you, but to himself, too. Watch how he acts around her. Third, he definitely needs to ask the other boy if it would be ok. The other boy will probably say no, and your son needs to know he needs to respect his friend's wishes. Fourth, if you aren't wanting to be a chaperone yourself, maybe see if another parent you trust would be willing to do it and keep an eye on him for you. Good luck!

Homecoming is not "as friends". Not unless it's a group of kids going all together (especially with unequal numbers of each gender). You pair off. You dance close. That's just what happens. Now, nothing necessarily wrong with that if you're allowing him to date at that age. But you set the rule that he couldn't date until 16.

You need to figure out what constitutes a date to you and whether a school chaperoned dance qualifies in your mind. There may be other factors. Is he going with a lot of people, or just with her? Who's paying? What are they doing before and after?

Also, What's your impression of the girl? Do you think she a "good girl"? Do you know and respect her parents? Be honest with yourself and listen to your instincts. Do you think she's a good or bad influence on your son? Fourteen year olds who date 17 year olds tend to have more trouble saying "no" than girls dating boys their own ages. She may be more...experienced than your son is. Do you think that may be the case, and are you comfortable with that?

She's also "on the rebound". If it means more than "just friends" to your son, he'll probably get hurt. Then again, most high school relationships don't last long anyway. So, it may not make much difference.

If you don't want him going out with this girl, you have a handy argument already. He's not 16 yet. You don't have to tell him how you feel about the girl and start a huge argument where he feels like he has to defend her. Just stick to the rule. Of course, then you have to stick to it even if he wants to go out with a nice girl sometime later. But it's not a bad rule.

Another handy rule for the future: Don't let him date anyone with more than a year's difference in age from him. It'll help keep him out of trouble, though, of course, no guarantees.

To me, going to the football game, the mall, the movies, bowling, all that can be "as friends", depending on how it's done. But a dance is more one-on-one. I'm not sure if it's really possible to go to a dance "as friends". Not really.

Just do what feels right to you.

Since the boy in question is a friend of your son why not have your son ask him if it is okay to take the girl "just as a friend" to home coming?

I personally think it is in poor taste to want to date someone your friend has dated. I just don't think that is being a good friend. This would be a good oportunity for you to teach your son about being a true friend. Even if your sons friend said it was ok, he may not really be telling the truth. I just don't think it's a good idea to date someone a friend already has, unless it is years down the road, but even then... a bit iffy.

I do not have a teenager and I especially don't have a teenager in this day of age. So I can completely understand if you pay no attention to my response. However, this is how I look at it. This type of situation will come up throughout his life, time again and again (maybe not w/depression, but maybe something different). I think it's important to teach your son how to handle the situation face on and not shy away from it. Maybe you could suggest a meeting with the girl's parents to see what their thoughts are on the situation. If the situation gets uncomfortable for your son, he will need your support in learning how to deal with it. He should know that he needs to come to you immediately if he ever feels things "aren't right" (beyond the normal teenager disagreements). However, it is not possible for you to shield your son from the different types of people in the world; it's just not logical. Just try to be openminded and nonjudgemental when talking with your son and guide him to finding the answer on his own. I think he will appreciate the openness you two will (or already do, which it sounds like) have. I hope everything turns out well for your son! Please keep us posted!