14 Mnth Old Still Wakes up at Night!!!

You might not like this answer, but I understand...been there, done that! This is what we had to do with our son (who is now 7 and still wakes up at night, only now he can sneak into our bed, but I don't have to stay up with him!). Something is waking him up and he wants you to comfort him so you do, which is fine if you want to be up every night for a looooong time, and now he expects and demands it. This is a bit tough to do at first, but does work when all else fails.
1) Make sure he goes to bed on a full stomach even if it means giving him a bedtime snack. Then you know, there's no reason for him to be hungry during the night. It's most likely just a comfort thing for him; eventually though as he gets older it will be a control thing. Little ones don't have much they can control, but things like this are easy for them to realize they can.
2) When he wakes up in the middle of the night. Go in, soothe him without picking him up, tuck him back in, turn on music or whatever he likes and leave. Wait 20 minutes. If still crying, go back in and do the same thing. Continue this until one of you falls asleep (usually him). It's not fun and it's tiring and stressful.
3) Try to extend the time in between going in to tuck him in until eventually, you just don't. He will cry and scream himself to sleep, but it won't hurt him (or you, although you'll feel like the worst mother in the world -- which you're not!) and eventually he will give in and go to sleep out of sheer exhaustion.
I know some moms don't agree with this method, but it works. I know because after having a toddler that was demanding me throughout the night leaving me sleepless and a wreck during the day (which is no good for you, him or anyone that you come into contact with), I reached my wits end after trying EVERYTHING else -- and after about 1 week of my husband and I cowering in the corner almost in tears ourselves, it worked. He would still wake up sometimes, but he would go BACK to sleep without me having to stay up or without demanding to be fed. It was hard and I felt bad for that one week, but in the end it was best for both of us. Good luck!

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He's hungry- check what you feed him and when. No sugar ever, ever, and protien extra in the evening, this is what worked for us,
regards, k

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Not judging, not critisizing, not wagging my finger at you-- just trying to get the facts straight... You gave him water, juice, rocked him, etc but then each of those times eventually gave in a gave him the bottle of milk, right? So you accidently taught him that all he needs to do is be persistant and keep crying and whether it takes 2 seconds, 2 minutes, or 2 hours, you will eventually give in and he'll get the bottle of milk every time! Assuming his one year visit was normal and he is otherwise healthy, there is ZERO reason a child his age should need a bottle even once during the night much less several times. It's not healthy for ANYONE in your family to have interupted sleep, plus I gotta believe that pumping him full of those calories in the middle of the night can't lead to healthy eating habits. There are people who do cosleeping and nurse their child on demand throughout the night who may think what you're doing is fine-- and good for them that what they are doing works for their family-- but this is obviously not working for you and you WANT to break this habit or you wouldn't be posting here. I agree with the poster who said to go in and check on him, do NOT pick him up, do NOT hand him anything at all (except maybe a stuffed animal or blankie), tell him it's time for sleep and that you love him-- and I say I'll be right back-- and then just leave, even if he is crying. Don't stay away very long and go back in and do the same thing. Do this over and over again with increasingly longer times that you stay away. This is NOT "cry it out", which I think is cruel. I think of "cry-it-out" as just allowing the child to cry until he/she falls asleep. They lay there wondering where you are and why you are ignoring them. This method I'm talking about let's them know you will be back, that you have not abandoned them.

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Some of these responses make me ache for those children! Why do so many think of babies as manipulative? My girl just turned one and just stopped the same thing you are talking about. She stopped on her own for the most part. The couple of ocassion she did wake, I spent 1.5 hours rocking her back to sleep because she wanted the bottle, but since she hadn't had one in two weeks, I was comfortable doing this. When she was waking every night for 2 months, she would gulp it down and go right back to sleep, so I see no reason not to give it to her. Do people really think they wake up and think "ha! I bet I can get her in here to do whatever I want!" Amazing.

My good friend is a psychologist specializing in juvenile/low income families. She says the first two years of life are crucial and you can't do anything later on to make up for it. There is a very strong pattern between children who were nurtured with strong PHYSICAL contact and how they grow up to be independant and stable. Those babies that don't get that have a high likelyhood of acting out in their youth. I firmly believe he will stop when he can. It seems like a long time, but they do things when they can. They do not need to be "trained" or "disiplined" that is just an excuse for not wanting to put the time into them that they need.

If you do stop the bottle, just keep in mind you might be in for a couple nights of long rocking and failed attempts at getting him back to sleep. After those long nights, all will be fine. Please don't make him cry, there are years of disipline ahead of him!

M.,
The only reason your son is still doing this is because he knows that you'll give in and get him what he wants. (As a high school teacher, I see kids at 16 years old that always have had their parents give in to their demands and IT'S A NIGHTMARE -- they think all adults should cater to them.) Having said that, and with other experiences... I'm a firm believer that the adult sets the rules, not the child in our household. I never want to burden another adult with my children. This thought governs some of my parenting.
I had this issue with both of my children. You must stay strong. I started by offering the water (at that point, my DD was 9 months old and I was weaning her from her nightly BF session.) She didn't want water, but I didn't want to get up anymore. All I offered was water. Sometimes I would have my husband go in instead... you may need to try that for a while too if you are prone to "giving in" and your husband is stronger in that respect. (Or if you are a team, this allows you to be in the "training" together. Eventually my DD decided that waking up in the middle of the night wasn't worth it and she STOPPED WAKING UP! It is very hard. You need to resolve yourself that this could take up to a week, but the uninterrupted sleep will be so worth it for everyone once established.
Do the modified cry it out... go in, pat the back, tell him good night, leave... repeat after 3 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins, 15, mins... etc... Don't pick up your son, don't offer anything, reinforce that it's bedtime and time to go back to sleep.
One of the best things you can do for your son is to teach him to self soothe and sleep well. It's something that will benefit the rest of the family, too!
PS... milk in the crib is terrible for your son's teeth! That should be reason enough to stop this habit.

T.
Mom to Katelyn, almost 4
and Matthew, almost 2

I take it your not nursing. Babies at this age like to still nurse and sleep with momma. It's natural. The closer they are to you, the less everyone wakes up. I don't suggest milk or juice to put them back to sleep though...too much sugar and bad for their teeth. Is he truly hungry or does he just want to be held by momma? If it's hunger than try tanking him up before bed. My older kids still have a snack before bed. He may be teething or coming down with an illness which can account for waking. I find kids don't know where there body's end and begin in the dark. When they wake up without anyone there, they are scared. This is why a babe sleeping with parents is always reaching out with a foot or hand to make sure the parent is there. It gives them security. They are such an extension of you. Consider your baby's needs first. They are hard wired to wake up at night to get their needs met. Their sleep cycles are not the same as adults. Read more about it from Dr. Sears "Nighttime Parenting" and the "Fussy Baby Book".

Hi M., I'm sorry to tell you something you probably don't want to hear but here it goes. He cries until he gets his milk. That means he is conditioned to cry and you respond by giving him what he is crying for. At 14 months, he should not, (1) be getting up during the night, and (2) be getting a bottle of milk during the night. He is not waking up because he is thirsty because if that was truly the case, he wouldn't get up as often as you have stated. He must be re-conditioned, by your loving example, to sleep through the night. He should also be getting a sippy cup of water, no juice, no milk, just plain old water. I realize that hearing our children cry for any reason is enough to pull at our heart strings and during the night, I know first hand how frustrating it is. This is what I'd do. When he goes down for the night tonight and he wakes up crying, you go to him. He rub his back and tell him it's night time and time to go back to sleep. IF he indicates that he wants something (like the bottle, with milk in it) offer him water, in a sippy cup, if you have already begun introducing one. By now, he should be off the bottle and using a sippy cup. If he refuses, you tell him that you don't have milk but he can have water instead. You must then leave him to settle down in his bed. Lingering any longer than necessary is only conditioning him to make more of a fuss. You leave the room and go back to bed. If he continues to cry after say, 5 minutes, and when I say "cry," I mean, if he's whining, you need to ignore him. We must only respond to real cries, not whiny, whimpers. He needs to be conditioned to do as he is told, and that means going to sleep without getting a bottle of milk. If you give him the bottle out of frustration, you have lost a battle with a child who knows that he can cry, whimper, or whine for so long before you give in. Stand firm on this and in no time, you and your baby will be sleeping well again. Good luck.

It sounds like he is hungry. I don't think he is manipulating you...he isn't of mental capacity and doesn't have the logic to devise a plan when he goes to bed each night to wake himself up and cry just to upset his mother....it just doesn't work that way (although it's easy for adults who do have that thinking capacity to think thatg babies could be thinking that way too!).

I don't know how the whole formula/milk/pediasure, etc works with a 14 month old, but I would decide which one works best for you for overnights (I would imagine that the most filling, most protien would work best) and offer that before bed and if he wakes at night. My son is 18 months and still wakes at least 2x to nurse and it is entirely normal.

If your little one isn't getting up to play etc and just wants the milk and goes back to sleep, then he is hungry. Give him what he needs and avoid the battles all night of trying to change what is naturally happening. Maybe he needs something more filling at night? Maybe he wasn't ready to be weaned from formula? Does he need something else? Otherwise I would say he is VERY normal....both of my kids woke several times a night in their first 24 months. I know it's a pain, but it will all be a thing of the past soon....Hang in there :-)

Hi M.,
Well let me say I feel your pain!!
My 16 month old daughter does the same thing.
She won't go to bed without her milk with her in the crib and she wakes up usually once a night wanting it refilled.
The Doctor said she does not not need to eat! After 6 months old a child does not need to eayt in the middle of the night, it's just a comfort thing. But the milk in thje crib or at night is bad because it will rot their teeth. We both need to take the bottle away completely and let them cry it out for a few days or a week. My dr. Said they may cry for up to 4 hours!! I'm going to start tomorrow night, God help us both.

My son did this to me when he was the same age and did not sleep through the night until I took away the bottle. You may have to be drastic and just cut the bottle out all together. I know it sounds harsh but you need your sleep and he does not need those night feedings. Its hard to be a good mommy when we are tired. A may take a few nights to adjust but better a few nights than a few more months of this.

Please M., get up with your son no matter what time of night, no matter what he needs (milk or just to be held). Tragedy can strike any of us at any time. I lost my first son because God needed another angel in heaven. I had started trying to break him of waking up in the middle of the night (following advise of "others"). Now 33 years later I still feel guilty for not taking advantage of holding him any time he wanted it. I learned the hard way: "spoiling" doesn't come from too much love and attention, "spoiling" the child comes from lack of discipline, lack of simple household rules, lack of consistancy. I now have a 17 year old son who I have NEVER been too busy or too tired for. He has graduated high school (Honor Role student since kindergarten), is a 1st Degree Blackbelt in Taekwondo, & is the very rare "good teenager" that anyone would be proud to be the parent of. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Love "everyone" dear to you, spend as much time as possible with them without complaining about being too busy or too tired. They could be gone forever at any second of any day.
C. L.

I have taught parenting for almost 30 years. There is one answer. STOP responding. That is it. Go to his closed door and tell him to lay down and go to sleep. Eventually he will. Hw will try everything in desperation to get you to come in including vomiting. He will stop in 1-2 nights. Toddlers learn very quickly when you put your foot down. In fact he needs to come off the bottle period, so just get rid of all of them at once. Before bedtime set up a routine that he can rely on to help regulate him. Pour epsom salts in his bath, wrap him up tight, give a deep massage, rock him, let him crawl on the floor or jump for a few mintues and then play soothing classical music on repeat and have it set up to play into his left ear therfore stimulating the right hemisphere of the brain. This is done after books and teeth brushing of course. Then he gets in bed, cover him with a couple of heavy blankets and say goodnight. When he wakes, just go to the door and tell him to go back to sleep. He is gonna scream but he will adjust. Works every time for thousands of parents I have dealt with.

HI,
It sounds like he just gets hungry. more milk before bed could be the answer.
A grandma

Sorry you are going through this, we had the SAME issue and I researched online and found Pick Nick´s Brain (www.picknicksbrain.com)...an online sleep coach, and she trained us to do the modified Cry It Out method with him step by step, and since then, my son has been sleeping through the night, from 7:30-8 pm until about 6:30 am....It took a few days, actually more like a week, but her one on one advice, really helped us get through it...

GOOD LUCK! ;o)

Principessa

I agree with the cry it out people. I find it hard to believe he's starving that many times at night. Make sure he has a full belly, put him to bed and leave. Give him 5 minutes and go back in. Firmly say "nite nite, no cry" and lay him down. Next time wait 10 minutes and do it again. Then 20 minutes and so forth. My daughter never cried for more than 10 minutes. Once they realize you mean business, they'll stop.

Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West - the best sleep book ever. I used it with both my girls and they have been great sleepers from early on. It's a great book because you don't have to read the whole thing - just the first chapter to get the "jist" of it, then the appropriate chapter for your child's age or problem. The "Sleep Lady Shuffle" is the technique and it may involve a little crying but you are IN the room with your baby - you don't leave them when they are crying - I liked that about this technique. I adapted it slightly to my comfort level which is easily accomplished and it worked wonders, really. I took maybe 2 weeks and my kids sleep great! Hope this helps. Good luck.
Oh, by the way - loose the nighttime feeding now. I know it's hard, but you just have to do it.

Hi M.,
Is he getting enough food during the day? Does he get enough milk during the day. I would possibly check out how much food he needs to eat during the day and how much milk. Also make sure he gets 2-3 healthy snacks a day. My son is also 14 months and he has been sleeping through the night since maybe about 4-5 months. My sons sleeps from 8:30 p.m. to 8:00 a.m. Not sure if my schedule will help you or not, but I will just let you know just in case you are interested.
8:00 a.m.- 4 ounces of milk/4 tablespoons of iron fortified cereal with a tablespoon of applesauce. I give him some cheerios to munch on also. Once in a while I will give him pieces of fruit.
10:30 a.m. snack with/2 ounce juice with 2 ounce water (may not finish all, put back in fridge)
11:30-4 ounces of milk
12:00 lunch/usually left overs or Graduates
12:30 1 book rocking in chair/put on music/put in crib He will sleep about 2-3 hours
If he sleeps 2 hours he will get a snack at 2:30-snack with/2 ounce juice with 2 ounce water
4:00-4:30-4 ounces of milk
5:30 dinner with left over water/juice from earlier or just water
7:00-4 ounces of milk
8:00-bath/pj/brush teeth/3 books while in rocking chair/turn music on/hugs, kisses, and singing 8:20-8:30 in crib night night.
Wake up at 8:00 a.m.
Hope this helps you some.

I agree with the second response to your request. I recommend that you slowly introduce the "cry it out" method if you want to sleep at night:) I have much experince with children in a variety of settings as well as two boys of my own. MANY of us go through this VERY SAME ISSUE. NEVER once have I heard of ANY child having any emotional or physical problems due to letting them learn to comfort themselves at night. Actually, I believe that it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to let that happen! Mothers that don't are the ones that DO have problems with their children in the future. Just keep reminding yourself that "this too shall pass" and it WILL:) I PROMISE you that! God promises us all that actually! SO feel confident that your making the best decision for your child by allowing him to "not rely" on you for comfort when you both should be getting much needed rest:) You ARE still there for him...he will be sleeping in a week...maybe only 3 days if you just stay focused on the result. Best wishes!!!

My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 16 months old. She was the same as your son, she wanted her bottle of milk. We used to give it to her, she would suck the whole thing down so fast, then go right back to bed. She was hungry, and since she is really slim, there was no way we weren't going to give it to her. Anyway, we went on a cruise when she was 16 months old, and ever since then she's slept through the night (weird huh?!?)

I would just give him time, if he drinks the milk and goes right back to sleep he is probably hungry. Now if he doesn't and wants to play or something then there is probably something else going on. I know it is hard but hang in there and things will change. They are changing every week and as he matures and eats more during the day, he probably won't be as hungry during the night.

Good luck!

My son went through the same thing. He's almost 4 and still wakes up during the night occassionally and wants a drink of milk. (He's been on 1%, with us, for a while now)

I must say - I don't see a problem with it. I think if you make too much out of him waking in the night, it might cause insecurity issues. Kids wake in the middle of the night and all we can do is take them back to bed, soothe them back to sleep, and continually tell them how much we love them. It's something they will stop doing in time, on their own. If your child was asking for candy in the middle of the night that would be a different story but it's milk. It might be a craving his body gives him (I get them - I can go weeks without wanting any milk, no cereal, nothing and then all of sudden I'm craving it and could drink a whole gallon myself in the course of a week) or it might be something he finds soothing. Either way, I wouldn't worry. Figure it's another phase of him growing up and sooner or later it will pass just like the others have.

Dear M.,

My son woke up every night at 2am for a bottle from about 9 months until 17 months. He got formula for months 9-12 and then Similac Advance after he was 12 months. He was also super skinny, always around the 10th percentile in weight. Everyone told me to quit giving him a bottle after 12 months saying that he was manipulating.

In my opinion, he was a baby that was hungry. I decided as his mama to go ahead and give him the bottle, he would drink it and go straight back to sleep for another 4-5 hours. To make it easier on myself, I left a bottle with the formula measured into it in the bathroom closest to his bedroom and would put the water in when he cried (like a clock, always at 2am). I would hold him while he had his bottle and then put him straight in the crib when done and he went back to sleep on his own. Suddenly at 17 months he stopped. The first night, when the alarm went off in the morning, I ran in to check if he was breathing. He was fine!

Do whatever you think is right as the mama, regardless of what you hear here or what your pediatrician says. You know your baby better than anyone.

Best wishes, C.