We have an 11 month old boy who will start to cry if we horse play around, such as tickling each other, wrestling, or even if I pick up my wife and carry her around. It seems he thinks we are hurting each other. He does it when my wife and I play around, or if we horseplay with my older daughter, who is 10. It seems harmless, but I was curious to know of if anyone else notices this with their young ones? He has never been in a violent situation, nor ever heard us arguing. As a matter of fact, my wife and I don't even argue, we just don't talk when we are "fighting." He did at a four months have an intussusception which required an air enema, but that's the only thing out of the ordinary that happened to him (it was quite traumatic for us, and can only imagine how it was for him.)
Thanks for the great responses! I figured it was just a stage and we do stop and reassure him when he reacts this way. I didn't say we never argue, we discuss things that we disagree on, but we do it in normal tones. When we get to the point of what most people would call a fight, where their voices become elevated, we just stop talking. It is just our nature, not our choice. Not sure that is good or not, but anyway, that is not part of this discussion. Thanks again!
If it's upsetting to him because he doesn't understand it, then don't do it in front of him. It's also possible that he thinks he is being left out of something, that the attention is not on him. He does not need to have witnessed any kind of violence to get this reaction, he cannot understand what he is seeing.
I think he just doesn't understand the difference between playing rough and hurting. My best guess is that he is frightened. I think he will grow out of it but you might want to do less horseplay around him for now so that he feels safe and secure.
There is something about it that upsets him. He either doesn't understand it (which he probably doesn't) and/or there is some aspect of the horseplay that "grates" on him. My daughter didn't like being tossed in the air. It was petrifying to her.. you know, the normal toss your baby up just out of your hands and catch them smiling and laughing all the while... ?... she would scream and grip you with a death grip. She HATED it. We immediately stopped attempting to play with her that way, and had to warn other family members not to also. My brother's son was terribly upset by the sound of his dad's LAUGHTER! If he just chuckled, things were fine. But if he got really tickled about something and gut laughed, his little boy would just tense up and burst into tears that took 5 minutes or more to calm down.
Each little one has their own little things... your son evidently doesn't like some aspect of your horseplay.. so I say tone it down or don't do it at all in his presence. When he matures a little more (say in another few months) you may give it another shot and see how he does then.
He's 11 months old.
I would REALLY go by HIS cues.... for what is or is not, what he is comfortable with.
Go with your baby's.... disposition.
Also, babies and children, do not play interactively... they do what is called "Parallel Play."
Even if it is only you and your wife doing it... a baby does not understand social nuances or what 'joking' is.
Their emotions and cognition... is not even fully developed yet. Not even a 2 year old has fully developed emotions, yet.
Your baby... per his disposition/personality... is probably just displaying his own impressions of things, at his young baby age. As he grows up... he may very well have.... other talents/dispositions/feelings... that will be a great asset. Each child, being different.
He is so young... and I just think that the 'horse-play' with its accompanying noise/facial expressions/gestures and movements... just scares him. To an undeveloped baby... or person.... this IS what horse-play looks like.
Also, 'joking' around... really varies, even among adults and per cultures.
He is fine.
He is probably just sensitive to 'vibes'... and some babies/kids, just do not like.... strong/loud/fast movements.
all the best,
Susan
Both of my sons went through this phase. What we did is we stopped what we are doing, looked at our son, smiled, and said something like, "Mommy and Daddy are playing". Then we continued, but more gently, and after a while, both sons got used to it.
Some of my kids did this when my husband would do the same thing. He eventually started tickling and wrestling them. Then they thought it was hilarious :)
My one year old does this when my hubby and 3 yo son horse play. Even when my 30lbs son tries crawling on my 200lb husbands back my daughter thinks my husband is being hurt and cries! I think it's just a stage they go thru. They normally stop and laugh and reassure her that no one is hurt. I think it's normal but don't really know why
my 16 month old do the same , I think she started around 6 or 7 months old, we have a 7 year old and my husband is always playing with her and when the little one hears the loud noise or the laughs she just to scream and cry very frightened, but I always reassure her they're just playing and show her : you see ? they're laughing, everything is fine and since a few months ago she's start to join them on the horseplay screaming and laughing too (like crazy) sometime when husband try to play with me she start screaming again, she doesn't like it on mom.,I suppose...
Our son was the same way. We would just hug each other and tell him we are just being silly with each other and then we would give our son a big hug too. I think this is pretty normal especially when parents don't fight, because we don't fight w/ each other either.
My 8 month DD will do the same thing. lol. She will start shrieking then progress into a full-on crying fit. I figure she's just scared. Usually, we stop whatever we were doing to freak her out, go to her and comfort her, then resume what we were doing WITH her (if possible.) So if my SO and I are wrestling around, we will take her and start rolling her on the floor and make 'rough play' sounds. She isn't scared when we play with her... I figure it's because she knows that she isn't in pain, so why should she be scared? lol. She is starting to get that Daddy isn't REALLY hurting Mommy (or vice versa. lol), but once in a while she still flips out. Especially if the dogs get caught up in the excitement and start barking. :P
my little one started doing that when he was real young (pry only 4mnths or so) and at 17mnth still does...though a little less. i can not tickle my husband without our son bursting into tears. he thinks i'm hurting daddy. he has even pried hhimself between us and held on to his daddy as if to protect him.
I have to say that is pretty impressive that you and your wife NEVER argue!!! I need to get some marriage counseling from you
