10 Month Old Not Self Feeding

I'm very interested in the input you get from other moms. I hope it's common. I didn't even think about this yet, but my 10 month old is not self-feeding either. I've only just recently starting putting tiny bites of food in front of him to pick up and eat. He just sort of plays with the food, but does not put it in his mouth. The doctor told me at his nine month appt. to do this and to let him actually play with the food and make a mess, basically...mainly to get him used to how food feels, etc.

10 months is still pretty young. Just keep trying to offer him foods, but realize that especially since he was a little early, he might be a year old or so before he is able to pick up tiny things and hold them. Does he like to chew on teething toys? If so, Babies R Us has those mesh things with handles on them, where you can put a piece of fruit or veggie inside. He can kind of gnaw on the mesh part and get the taste of the fruit or whatever you put in there, without danger of choking on it. It might motivate him to try feeding himself. But if not, don't worry. Nobody ever went to Kindergarten unable to feed themselves Cheerios! =)

PS: Your post made me smile, because when my older daughter was that age she insisted on feeding herself and it was a disaster! You can't imagine the mess. None of it made it into her mouth and she was crying because she was so hungry, but absolutely wouldn't let me feed her! Then I was crying because I was convinced she'd starve to death before she figured out how to get the food into her mouth! What a pair we were. I was so happy when my younger daughter just sat there and waited for me to feed her when she was a baby! (For the record, they are now 4 and 7 and feed themselves just fine...)

My son is 14 months and is behind in this area as well. He is getting Occupational Therapy services (he is delayed in a lot of areas) and one of his goals is to self feed. Lately we have been putting whipped cream, pudding and other goodies on his high chair and he JUST started putting his hands in his mouth. During this play time I do not put a spoon on his chair. My goal is to get him to associate the food texture and putting it to his mouth. To remind him I will also put some on my fingers and put it in his mouth (not all the way because he has a lot of teeth). He is starting to associate the food in the mouth. He does not have his grasp yet to pick up the foods, but when I am feeding him, he will now put his hand in his bowl of food and then put it in his mouth. I think soon he will be able to feed himself (hoping). Hope this helps and good luck.

M.,

Just keep offering and keep trying- I have found that with my little one- as long as the opportunity is there- eventually she will just start doing what ever the skill is. With the holding of the bottle- when you are feeding start helping him hold then slowly let go. Also, try with the finger foods at a time when he is hungry but not fussing because he is too hungry.
Also, does he sit at the table when you are eating? At that age he may try to copy what ever mommy is doing.
Good luck.

M.

Hi M.,

My daughter is going to be 11 months this week and she's JUST STARTING to feed herself. I didn't force her. I let her play with and explore the food with her hands. Then one day she just put the Cherio in her mouth. She had a big ole' smile on her face when she accomplished it. It was the most amazing thing to see her eyes light up like that. Just keep encouraging your son to explore and keep putting things in his hands and ALWAYS MAKE THINGS FUN!! That's my advince :)

PS...I agree with you about breast vs bottle feeding. To each their own. I was breast fed and my husband was bottle. We're both a very loving happy couple.

My daughter LOVED solids (we started them at 7 months) but didn't really self-feed at all until she was closer to a year. I wouldn't worry about it. I know that it's a big movement (along with extended breastfeeding, it seems) to have kids self-feed, but it didn't work for us at all. She wanted to eat, but also wanted me to feed her.

As others have said, he's still quite young. My son also seemed slow to get started. I just used to offer him the opportunity every time I fed him to play with a spoon and to pick up food. Now he is quite good and sometimes feeds me, too (nearly 19 months). I think they just take time to develop all sorts of different skills, depending on what seems important or interesting to them. My little boy still isn't the least bit interested in dressing and undressing himself. I'm pretty sure by the time he goes to school he'll have figured it out!

E.

I think that is perfectly normal. If you put him in the high chair w cereal or puffs on the tray while you do dishes or something where you are not right w him will he eat those himself? If he doesn't even do that you might ask your dr but my son wouldn't feed himself his bottle either. I think it was simply "mommy is holding me, I get to relax while she feeds me". We weaned him at 1 year and he still wasn't holding his own bottle. He is now 4 and perfectly healthy. I think you have nothing to worry about. Good luck. :)

I introduced finger foods to my daughter at 9 months. I started with cheerios. Our pediatrician says this is a time of exploration and having fun. It's ok if your son is not self feeding yet. Keep putting it in front of him, make it fun, and he will soon get it. If you decide to start with cheerios, there's a book that you can use. Here's a link to it:

http://www.amazon.com/Cheerios-Animal-Play-Book/dp/068983...

My 4.5 YEAR old still doesn't hold his own bottle...of course, we haven't given him once since he was about 18 MONTHS old, but I bet if we could convince him to use one, he'd still look at us like "well...?"

My husband and I used to laugh and say that he was actually VERY smart..."why if I start to hold that thing, they're going to expect me to ALWAYS hold that thing, no way." For some reason he wouldn't feed himself oatmeal either. Other stuff, absolutely, but he just wanted me to feed him his breakfast. It wasn't for lack of trying...he's my oldest, I'm sure I made mistakes.

And yet...I loved holding my children while they had their bottle...it was a nice bonding time...a quiet time when you can just spend a few moments looking at them and cooing over them. It's a special time. (My kids are adopted, so breast feeding wasn't an option for me...and I think you need to do what is right for your family and your body on that one...in a perfect world we all have things we would do differently...do you live in a perfect world? I don't! :-)

As far as feeding solids goes...in a few months you'll find yourself thinking "I wish he'd just let me feed him"...because you don't feel like cleaning up another mess...because you're in a hurry...because you want to be sure some of the food lands in his tummy...

With #2, she wanted to feed herself and I just had to give her the spoon and walk away. Not too far, of course, but far enough not to be right there...because the mess, which I found very endearing with #1, was another mess to clean with #2. LOL...on the other hand...at 19 months, she's gotten pretty darned good at feeding herself and there's not much mess most days. And I also knew the benefits of her feeding herself early would outweigh the mess in the long run.

One thing I find helpful is to give them a spoon to hold when you feed them...they start to wonder "what it is that I'm supposed to do with this thing?"...

He'll figure it out. I never met a 5 year old who didn't feed himself. Every kid has their "thing" that is unique to them...no other kid eats like/dresses like/bathes like...something like my kid! They all do things in THEIR time. The hard part is to let go of our expectation of when WE think they should do it.

I'm guessing you're an awesome mom...

P.

AFTER READING YOUR "SO WHAT HAPPENED"

M., the purpose of my suggesting you change the topic was simply to avoid the bombardment of unwanted answers you would and might still receive regarding “breast feeding vs bottle feeding, but most certainly not to make you or any new or experienced mother feel insecure.

My advice to those who feel insecure about answers you don’t like or agree with……move on to the next posting. The purpose of this site is for the advice and input of many points of view.

When one makes a comment such as "please don't", it sends the message...so very few "do" respond. Thus, you might miss out on some good advice you were looking for when you wrote in.

Blessings.....

Dear M.,

If you want ONLY to hear about solid food intake and don't want to hear about "breast vs. bottle", you might consider changing your topic to "Food and Eating" instead of “Formula, etc.”

Also, when you tell us mamas out here that you don’t want to hear this or that, it sends the message that you only want to hear what you want to hear; so you may be likely to have less constructive responses.

Keep putting the Cherrios, soft fruits and veggies on the tray and he will eventually start picking it up. He's still very young and just may not be ready.

Blessings......

Greetings M.: You are very wise to be up front with what advice you don't need.
I have 5 children and several grandchildren. Some of them have been very picky eaters, some we have just wanted to keep them little longer and done it all for them. What I have to promise you is that your child won't starve himself. Just keep offering simple foods from your own plate start with steamed peas (please not the canned ones) as they are easy to pick up and eat. He may not want "baby food" but the things he sees you eat. Only one of my own children would eat baby jar food. I figure that you already have a plastic floor covering because it can get messy. Squishy finger food like squash, potatoes or even oatmeal and cooked carrots - if you choose rice get the oriental sticky rice as it is easier for a child to eat. We have even done cantalope and watermelon and yes apple sauce, for the children and it has worked out good for us.
Good Luck and I am sure that your little one will eat plenty as soon as he is ready. I wish you luck in your adventure of parenthood and know that you will do a great job. Nana G

He could just be a little Prince - used to you doing everything for him. ;) My son was born at 35 weeks and he did seem to hit milestones about 4-6 weeks after the baby books said he should - makes sense. Try giving him a bit of food and then eating something in front of him so that he sees you feeding yourself and may think - Mom's busy - maybe I should try this myself...
self- feeding takes a lot of skills happening simultaneously - he has to pick up the food, bring it to his mouth, open his mouth, get the food INSIDE and then somehow keep it in long enough to eat meanwhile breathe and look cute!

I wouldn't worry. My son won't hold a bottle either, but now that he's going to be 12 months in a few days he's decided he will pick-up tiny bits of food and put them in his mouth. I was worried too but, everyday he seems more interested and eats a little more.

You have to be ready to look the other way while he plays with the food and throws most of it on the floor. He's just learning and will get used to it.

As for the bottle, my son likes the "mommy" time it gives us and I'm not in such a hurry to give that up. However, I do give him a sippy after each time I try to get him to feed his self. I use the ones with the soft tip. And well, after about a month or so he's great with the sippy and is eating better.

I hope this helps.

Dear M.,
It may simply be that your son is in the habit of you holding his bottle for him and feeding him. They're not things he's ever had to do. The following is from babycenter.com

9 to 12 months
With little effort, your baby can pick up objects now. And his preference for his left or right hand is emerging, though you won't be able to determine true left- or right-handedness until he's 2 or 3 years old. He's also perfecting his pincer grasp, which lets him pick up small objects between his thumb and forefinger. With his increased coordination, he'll soon be able to use a spoon and fork fairly well at mealtime, though he may prefer to hold the utensil in one hand while using his fingers to actually eat.

It goes on to say that premature babies do often hit milestones a little later.

I would put him in his high chair with some cheerios on the tray while you're in the kitchen or folding laundry. Every now and then, pick up a cheerio and eat one. If you have something in your hands, say, "Can mommy have one?" and see if he'll pick one up to give it to you.
My kids "feeding" me was a fun way for them to work on that coordination. Also, buy him a set of plastic baby utensils. Just let him play with them and grasp them. You can put some small soft pieces of something like honeydew on his tray or in a plastic bowl and just let him have at it. I would also let him have a sippy cup. We put ice cubes in them and the rattling made them seem pretty fascinating. Again, it's just an exercise in grasping techniques and when they learn there's a pay-off and can drink from it, they're happy little campers.
Don't worry about the mess. Babies are washable!
I bought cloth backed vinyl tablecloths at the dollar store and put one under the high chair so anything that went off the high chair tray didn't actually hit the hardwood floors or carpet. They can easily be sponged off and even tossed in the washer. They're only a dollar so tossing one out after it's paid for itself is no big deal. I always had a supply on hand.

I did daycare and had a boy who was 30 days older than my daughter. He didn't hold his bottle, didn't talk, didn't feed himself, didn't crawl or try to stand up....His parents worked crazy hours and his godfather lived in the home with them to help out. They did absolutely everything for him so he didn't feel the need to do anything. I was afraid there was something wrong with him, but their routine was their routine. They carried him everywhere, they let him just point at the refrigerator until they took everything out and figured out what he wanted. I taught him how to walk (his mom didn't believe me until she caught him walking in his own room at home), I potty trained him, but his mom was still bringing him in diapers every morning at 4 years old. And she would lay him down like a baby and put a diaper on him every day before they left. It only clicked when she realized none of the diapers she sent weren't being used at my house...because he didn't need them.
I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. Of course not! But, it really is okay for our children to figure things out for themselves once in a while. If your son drinks from a bottle, he can master grasping it and tipping it up for himself. He can master grabbing a handfull of mashed potatoes and sucking it off his fingers.
Like I said...don't worry about the mess.
Try letting him "feed" you. Have some fun with it.

Best of wishes!