10 Mo Fighting Sleep!

I have two boys, a 3.5 year old and a 15 month old. Neither of them were good sleepers when they were babies. I used the same routine for both of them - "rock-a-bye" time in the rocking chair with a bottle, snuggling with a book and then into the crib, usually sound asleep. Sometimes it worked and they were asleep in 10 minutes with no problem. Other times I spent an hour trying.

Some babies sleep perfectly at birth. If yours doesn't, that doesn't make you a bad parent. Some parents let their babies cry themselves to sleep every time. That's fine for them but I could never do that (with the exception of the one time I bent to the advice of others which led to puke all over the baby, the crib and an additional 30 minutes of cleanup and trying to get the little bugger to sleep.) So deciding not to let your baby cry herself to sleep also does not make you a bad parent.

Teething was bad for my kids and I kept a supply of baby anbesol at all times, along with some tylenol when it was really bad. Think about how much it must hurt to have a tooth break through your gum and now imagine how upsetting it must be not to understand why your mouth hurts so bad. Is it any wonder that a baby may not want to lay down alone with a painful mouth so they cry and want you to hold them instead.

My only advice is to hang in there. Accept that you are doing the best you can and realize that this shall pass. The teeth will all come in. Your baby will start to walk around and run and be so exhausted at night that she'll sleep. Sleeping is natural. Humans have to sleep. What makes it difficult with a baby is there is so much pressure to do everything right when you, as the parent, are so tired and exhausted yourself and you aren't sure if you are doing things right.

One last thing, your daughter is going to grow up so fast and reach an age where she isn't going to want to snuggle with you at night before she goes to sleep. Enjoy every moment you can with your baby, even if that means the dishes don't get done or the clothes don't get folded that night.

I have been having a similar experience with my ten month at bedtime. He is down to one nap most days which seems to help. A bedtime snack an hour or so before bedtime seems to help as well. Try reading or playing music for your daughter. This seems to help us when all else fails.

A.,

I have some information on this that I have added to my website. Please go to www.lhdoula-service.com I have it listed on the Helpful information page. Or you can E-mail me directly at ____@____.com and I would be happy to e-mail it directly to you. I can't seem to attach it to this post. If you have any other questions Please feel free to let me know. I would be happy to help.

Blessings To you
S. Blevons - CD (DONA), CLD (CAPPA)
Fond Du Lac Co. WI.
www.lhdoula-service.com.



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The beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, "We grew a child in here," and breasts that say, "We nourished life." My hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, "We create amazing things."
-Sarah, from I am Beautiful: A Celebration of Women in Their Own Words
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Each child is different so to say at such-and-such age she has to be doing this-or-that is difficult. But it does sound like she is ready for just one nap a day. It may be that she is having a harder time teething than most. I know when my son lays down if his teeth hurt (course he is a teenager with braces but he never had an issue with teething), he says they hurt worse.

Try putting your daughter down for only one (2-3 hours) nap a day with a 10-12 hour night. That does work for most children at one year of age (give or take a month or 2). Give it a week. See how things go. If she responds at first but then doesn't maybe try a little pain relief for the teething just before she goes down for nap/bedtime.

To hold a child close to your heart, is the most comforting feeling in the world!

It is so refreshing to hear so many moms parenting with their "heart". I also had terrible sleepers. They preferred rocking, nursing, sleeping with me, etc... (who wouldn't???!)
Be assured that they will eventually do bedtime on their own! And, you WILL miss it when it is gone. I have a 15 year old daughter that I would love to reverse the clocks on! I often have regrets about how i tried to follow others' advice on feeding/sleeping, etc... instead of doing what felt right to me and my heart! My second and third benefitted from that mistake! Do what works best for your family. There is no "right" and there is no special formula for sleep. Every baby and every family is different. You won't ever look back and say I wish I wouldn't have rocked/snuggled/nursed, etc... so much. You are a great mom- no reason to lose any confidence. In fact you are building confidence in your child that they can depend on you when they need you... for whatever reason. Good luck! ~~W.

I'm going through the exact same thing with my 10 month old. She used to be a perfect sleeper, but lately we're dealing with teething, preparing for the new baby (due in December) and big brother starting school. She's started skipping her morning and early afternoon naps, and just going down for her late afternoon one. On top of this, she's been staying up later, sometimes two hours or more past bedtime.

I've learned to deal with the "Mommy, I'm mad at you for making me sleep" cry, but her "Why are you doing this to me?" cry breaks my heart and I go to her every time. My husband and I have different results depending on which of us goes to her. With him, she fusses more when he lays her down (she's a daddy's girl and wants him constantly) but with me, all I have to do is rock her for 5 minutes next to her crib and lay her down. She still cries at me, but I tell her I'll come check on her in 10 minutes, and if she's still awake, we'll cuddle some more. I know she can't understand me, but it makes me feel better to tell her. :)

I go back in ten minute intervals. At first we had to do it 3+ times before she settled down. The next week we cut it down to two, and she'd calm herself down after the second time. For the last week though, I've only had to go in once, if at all. We're still off-and-on though. Some nights are easy (like tonight) some nights we're not in bed till 11pm. :/ (normal bedtime is 7:30ish)

I don't know how much longer this is going to keep up, and I know it's frustrating not to know what's going on for our little ones. But like the other moms said, these moments won't last. Don't lose heart. :) I think our little ones will just figure it out on their own, we just have to be patient. :) Good luck! If you find something that works, let me know!

Hi A.,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I have a 6 month old that went through a similar thing and it was because I do daycare out of my home and it was over stimulating for him and he just didn't know how to relax. We started adding a bath to his night time routine and that really seemed to help. I am not a fan of crying it out either, it breaks my heart so I responded the same as you did. Now that we added the bath just before the last feeding and make the feeding as uneventful as possible by going into a quiet dimly lit room and don't talk to the child. Allow her just to take in the quiet and enjoy the feeding as she drifts off. If she likes to have a story read or a song do it in as soft and calming of a voice as possible. The less stimulation she has during this time the easy it will be. Johnson & Johnson makes a bedtime bath that you could also try. Good luck and I hope this helps!!

S. S

Hi A. -

I feel your pain! We had huge sleep issues and even went to our pediatrician for help. I have a 3 1/2 & almost 2 year old. Have you tried adjusting the time you are putting her down to sleep? Usually infants have a small window of time that is ideal for going to bed and if you miss it, it can be a nightmare. We currently put our boys down between 6:30 and 7:00 each night and it works like a charm. You may want to start at 6:00 and work your way up to 7:00 and see if that works. We eventually had to do some crying out (but I sat in the rocking chair in their rooms, or rubbed their backs - but never picking them up - and it worked in about 2 days). Good luck!

T.

A.,

I couldn't agree with Patina (advice already posted) more. I also can totally relate to your situation.

My son was never a good sleeper, and didn't sleep through the night until 15 months. He always went to bed really easy though, right up until about 10 months. Then it became a struggle to get him to go to sleep at bedtime and at naps. I do believe that it was a combination of teething and developmental changes that made that period difficult.

All I can say is we struggled through it, and it didn't last. Some things that worked for us were - nursing, in fact he nursed to sleep whenever I could get it to work until we weaned at 15 months. Singing, and rocking, and telling stories with the lights off also helped. I would sometimes just sit by his crib and continue to lay him back down when he stood up and tell him it was time to sleep. Sometimes this took over an hour, but if rocking/nursing wasn't working - this was an option other than letting him cry. We tried the crying it out once (when I was getting frustrated with night wakings) and he cried for over an hour and was literally falling asleep standing up and would wake when he started to fall... it was horrible and we only tried it for nap once and he threw up everywhere - and that was the end of that.

Now he goes down for naps and to bed easily most of the time, and we have a good routine of teeth brushing, reading and rocking, singing a song and laying him in bed. Something else that he likes is his blanket and a blue blanker/bear snuggle. I introduced these around 5 or 6 months and he is very attached to them now, and they seem to help with the transition to bedtime.

Hope some of these ideas help. Sorry I don't have a step by step plan that worked for us, but some things worked some nights and not others for a few months until all his teeth were in (molars were bad - around 12-13 months) and he started walking at 13/14 months.

Good luck!
J. - SAHM to Charlie - 18 months.

My son is 3 yrs now and has gone in and out of phases where he sleeps well or resists sleep. We have never let him "cry it out" but have used various things usually improvised for each phase. We did find that having a routine of some sort helped, especially one that included reading and singing. The funny thing was that each time we hit that phase, there would be one song or one book that seemed to "do the trick" and relax him enough to fall asleep. Also, we found that making sure he gets a good amount of physical exercise - we started taking Kindermusik classes that helped with that - or getting outside to play or walk in the stroller helped, too. It helped me to remember that EVERYTHING is a phase and this too shall pass. Just do your best and hang in there!

A few ladies at Mammasource steered me toward the book "Good night sleep tight." It's for all ages. 7 days later, my 13 mos old is going to sleep on her own and sleeping through the nights. It's a great book and let's you adjust accordingly to your philosophy's as long as you follow the basic principles. Good luck.